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Quin last won the day on May 2 2014

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  1. Sliding into the conversation fashionably late... 1) I have known a few people become wealthy on accident. Most people go broke employing the same methodology. 2) Deciding to become wealthy is something most new-money people do at some point; but English implies the inverse is true (even though reverse logic is faulty / doesn't work)... And it's not true in reverse. Poor people are not poor because they didn't decide to become wealthy. 3) Wealth is relative. Even in the states... 50k is upper middle class in some parts of the country, and below the poverty line / qualifies for food stamps in others. Meanwhile you take that 50k overseas and it translates to 5 million in some countries and 10k in others. Money is only valued by what you can buy with it. 50 million can be a lot. If it's not Vietnamese Dong (about 2k)i or Columbian Pesos (26k). 4) I don't understand why some people feel they have the right to direct how others spend their money. Whether your net worth is 200 million,or -40k in debt... It seems like there is a subsection of the population who feels they have the "right" to direct how other people manage their money. Heaven forbid your girlfriends buy you a manicure if you're broke, or your neighbor lends you his BMW to run errands out of the kindness of his heart if you're too poor to fix your car. And don't you dare buy anything that costs more that 1/1,000,000th of your savings if you're wealthy. Because if you do either, the vultures will descend upon you screaming judgement and how obscene and terrible you are for not doing things the way they want you to do them. Justify yourself to me! Let me decide if your reasons are "good enough". I shall sit in judgement over you. Pfui. The automatic assumption of incompetence -in either direction- is not only disrespectful, it's rude, unkind, and unchristian. Its not envy, it's pride. How about instead of deciding how wrong someone is for having more or less than we do, we try having some compassion for them, if not some actual respect & love thy neighbor-ness? Especially, since it's none of our business in the first place?
  2. Um. No. It couldn't. I fought in that war. And then I was private contracting hiking in meds to NGOs. Unless you mean to simply nuke everything south of our border, because that's what it would take. There are hundreds of cartels, private armies, rebel groups, and gangs that span the length and breadth of all of Latin America. And that's not counting hundreds of "official" armies, police, political organizations, etc. Even "worse" the terrain ranges from desert to jungle to mountains. Each of which is a logistical nightmare for invading forces, much less all three together. HOWEVER, Even assuming the premise that we could somehow get rid of every bad guy currently in power (which is impossible), it wouldn't be a year. It would be a week before things were up and running again. And, just again with the premise, do know that a HUGE number of armed people you're fighting/talking about our military "taking out" are children. In fact, I learned how to use/fieldstrip an AK47 from an elementary kid. I'm not okay with killing 1 eight year old. Much less thousands of them. But 8yos work and fight with the cartels. Heck. Our own VA can't even handle the number of soldiers with PTSD from our current wars. But we're supposed to go in and kill kids and old people and pregnant women? And come out unscathed? Committing genocide so that our immigration issues are sorted is something I doubt Heavenly Father would approve of. Most of the people in Latin America are good people. Even most of the people involved with cartels, rebel groups, smugglers, police, etc. are good people. They're simply desperate.
  3. Ummmmm ....We already tried that. Exhibit A ) The Taliban. Exactly as you said, is what we did. We created them. Armed them. Trained them. Hasn't worked out so hot. Exhibit B ) Most of the Latin American countries we have people fleeing from with desperate poverty being the least of their problems (genocide and worse being rather higher up on the list. Worse, because with genocide, at least you know if you're a target group). It was called "Regime Change".
  4. I know a lot that have when the abuse was secondary. A byproduct of - PTSD - Bipolar Disorder - Substance abuse - etc. When the primary issue was treated, and treated well, then the abuse was also able to be treated. HOWEVER (big, fat, however... I don't have bold/italic/etc or I'd bold this sucker) Even when the abuse is secondary (and not that persons felt god given right to treat other people that way), the person has to - want to change - work incrediably hard - not be "changing" as part of the 'cycle of abuse' (the "I'm sorry / honeymoon" phase). I am not a 'success' story. Not only did my ex-husband try to kill me 3 times (and the last time was nearly a different kind of success), but my 11 yo tried to take his own life after the courts ranted partial custody and he'd been abusing our son for a year. Serious attempt, discovered by a fluke/ act of god. (And the courts STILL have him allowed half custody). Outer darkness , even Catholic hell & fire and brimstone, beig preferable in my son's mind to another day with my ex. I know a lot of people in PTSD land who are in several month to a couple years long separations, while the person wih PTSD learns to control their temper/ outbursts/ grades back their reactions to normal events. I know a lot of people working to get stabilized on meds. I know a lot of people in substance abuse programs taking similar time & space. Because they love their families and want them safe. And many many more such people who are together now, having already weathered the most difficult parts. This is not the case in most abusive marriages. In most, "success" is getting out alive, and getting your kids out alive, and praying to HF you're not raising another generation of abusers and battered spouses (what we're raised with, we seek out as adults). Because the only constant is that things are going to get worse. My prayers are with you.
  5. I am SPITTING mad right now. "A great lesson in civics"?!?!?! If that had been my son and his troop, I would probably be excommunicated, and the lesson in civics would be a felony murder trial. I hope someone is staying with that boy's parents, right now. First rule of firearms handling; never point your weapon at anything you do not intend to shoot.
  6. I agree with all who say it depends on the individual. For myself, I've decided to cut it to about 1", and get extensions to about waist level. Best of both worlds! Costs more than my car, but no one plans on being old and poor, so I'm shooting for old & able to afford extensions Q
  7. As an addendum... Because I COULD sell everything I own, and make probably 20-50k... I don't accept church funds/help. It drives my bishop insane. But my family considers ownership to be stewardship, unless you bought it yourself. If I were to actually garage sale (auction) "family" stuff, 99% of it would be gone before it went to auction by family tradition (if I offered it to anyone who wanted the care of it). So Od only get about $500 in total, if that. But because in theory I could accept the consequences (I'd be disowned by most of my family) and not offer it first to my family ... I won't accept church help. I'm probably going to lose my house. But I bought that myself. I will lose my house before I sell things I have stewardship over. I won't lose my son. I'll sell things for medicine, but not for comfort, or pride.
  8. - Yep. Not usually lightly, but I have in the past, so I have to consider that I would do so in the future. Why or why not? - it's a series of ratios between - sentiment : monetary value. I tend to keep things that are cheap and sentimental long after I sell things that are expensive and of no sentiment. - portability : monetary value. Size enters into it in a huge way. Small things like jewelry, letters, etc. I'll hold onto long after I sell furniture. Regardless of value. I'm also constitutionally incapable of disposing of photographs. Even my own (pushing 100k), much less from a century ago when photos were once or twice in a lifetime. I've uploaded over 1000 photos into Ancestry dot com. Front and back, since (can you tell) my family tends to blather on... Not just names of who is in it, but details of other kinds, as well. - beauty : ugliness. I'm sorry. But if I personally find it ugly, draining, or depressing (and unable to be reupholstered or similar)... It's gone. - General Usefulness : General Decoration. I both own and use my great grandfather's hammer & metal measuring tape from WWI. As well as a 200 year old toy box (whose lid will smash fingers, and I'm not altering that), and a whole bunch of other things. Especially prepowertool tools. They're practically indestructible, easy to mend, and wicked accurate. They also tend to be pretty. But even if uglier than sin, if they're useful, I hang onto them. I've had people horrified that I'm actually using museum quality pieces in my everyday endeavors. Man. They were made to be used every day. They are only museum quality because they ARE used (and therefore maintained). I'll also keep things that are of no use to me whatsoever, purely because they are decorative. While that goes into beauty:ugly, like many of these which have multiple checks... it's a different ratio. - money : family. I have a tendency to offer (free) any item I own before I sell it. This is actually a family rule, but I periodically break it. Hence the "tendendency". If I need $200 for my son's medicine I'll offer if people want to buy XYZ before I sell it, but I need the money. One way or another. Half of my family is quite wealthy, so they get furious with me over this... Because they honestly cannot understand a world in which I've already had the utilities off for several months, much less not being able to afford necessary medicine. They see my asking for even token payment on an item as an insult of the worst kind (even worse than letting something go outside of the family). I understand where they are coming from, but I've also got a kid who needs to breathe. If they'd like to buy his medicine and have the item gratis, they're welcome, but this kind of polite fiction is not allowed. A few (especially of the older members ) completely understand this, and will slip me cash, with the tacit understanding that I neither sell the object nor give it away. I'll do that. I won't sell it and therefore have 400 instead of 200. The only pieces that don't fall under this umbrella are items that have been offered and turned down. Once everyone has a chance to say "That's special to me! Mine!" and doesn't... It can be sold at will by the possessor, no hard feelings. Ah. Family politics. Does your answer change depending from whom you received the item? Yep. Absolutely. It completely changes my ratios. ______ The ones I didn't answer individually are answered in there somewhere. The only one that enters into my "keep/discard" you didn't mention... Is imagination. If I can imagine a thing might be useful, wanted, beautiful to someone, etc... Even if I don't find them to be, and no one else wants them, I generally still keep them. My grandfather kept all the old cameras. For over 50 years. No one in my family in 3 generations -including him- had an interest in photography. Until me. So I got a box of ancient to modern cameras (including a Leica worth more than my car!). Because he had the imagination to think that someone, some day, might love them. So I try to pass that forward. Hence a whole lotta cartography equipment, not to mention all kinds of odds and ends that I personally find quite worthless. But the huge eyes and gasped breath makes 20 years (to date) of storing what I consider junk to turn them into treasures.
  9. I know. One of the things I miss about living in the Middle East is the abaya / burka. I don't understand why western women think it's this terrible thing. It's about respecting your body, not being ashamed of it. Ahem. I actually DO like wearing an abaya (which is required by law in the KSA)... Becuase I get to become invisable in public (and I can wear a bikini under it if I so choose... Women do wear an exceptionally wide variants of clothes underneath). Bt if you're serious about your Q spiritDragon... All you have to do is - look for a culture which requires a higher level of modesty than ours. to understand why people feel our own modesty level is repressive. - blame "The Society for Rational Dress" (late 1800s), which claimed (correctly) that corsets and other exceptionally restrictive clothing made for women was physically damaging... Which kicked off the rational,dress movement in western society. - a smidge of blame goes to WWI... Which created both fabric shortages, and jobs for women (factory workers in the US, Ambulamce drivers in the UK, resistance fighters in the EU)... And an entire generation of PTSD that fell into the roaring 20s.
  10. Okay... So you've got a problem with Pride. Actually, let me backtrack a moment. You DO see that believing that you're too "bad" for God to forgive, despite not even doing anything that would put your membership into question, much less require the long slow process back from excommunication, is a sin of Pride? Yes? God can forgive killers, abusers, adulterers, thieves, liars, and the whole rest of mankind... But you, yourself? Nope. Unforgivable. Sweetheart. You're special, and Heavenly Father loves you... without you having to put yourself on an unreachable pedestal (up or down). HF trusts us to make mistakes. To learn from them, or repeat them, as we will. You have kids, yes? Have you decided to never trust your toddler ever again -in their entire long lives- because they said "I can do it myself!" And failed? Or did you smile at them, know there was no way on earth they could do it themselves, and let them try? Most likely you've let them try dozens, even hundreds of times. And a few times here or there, you've stepped in and stopped them, and more times than you can count help them without them knowing it or taught the same lesson over. I can guarantee that you will trust your 25yo to use a cup, or cross the street, or put their pants on right side out even if your toddler isn't ready to do those things, yet. Even if they insisted and promised they could do those things as toddlers and failed miserably, or threw an unholy fit about not being allowed to. Even if every other toddler but yours could do those things perfectly (and they can't). You will still love them, and trust them, and cherish them. Not because they didn't make mistakes. But because they are the children you love with your whole heart.
  11. It gets easier at 2 years... The last of our fleeting sanity usually trudges home and decides to stick around until the next time we baby up, and it runs off again. It gets easier at preschool... After searching and searching and schmoozing and waiting lists and staying up all night tearful, with a grin plastered on our faces the next morning, savings tears for the car so they won't know how monumentally freaked out we are. It gets easier at Kindergarten... After you repeat the preschool freak out the night before & the panic attack in the car after they've gone. But it's not as bad as the first one. It gets easier. There are 10,000 "firsts", and they all combine to make the next first, just a little bit easier. Skinned knees, hurt feelings, I hate you mommy, first ER trip, first grounding, first lost in the store, first dates, first heartbreak, first didn't make the team, first kisses. 10,000 steps to independence. Until, you're laughing and sending them off to sleepovers, and camps, and band trips to Irelamd or Disneyland, or language trips to Japan or Spain. A junior year summer internship abroad. Tossing them the keys to the car. ALL of these before mission calls. And that's only of he goes young. He may leave for college or enlist in the military, and go on mission at 22. Or 25. Baby steps, mama. Baby steps.
  12. While most people are going to feel attractions to people throughout their lifetimes, even if it's just to recognize the beauty in those around them, there's a pretty consistent danger for bi-folk in thinking that they're "missing something". Because they are. Everyone is. No matter who we marry, there will be someone else who is different or "better" (more to our liking) in certain areas than our spouse. Physically (nicer legs, shorter, taller, stronger, more delicate, etc.), mentally (smarter, wittier, dry humor, kinder, sweeter, sassier, whatever), emotionally, spiritually, morally, occupationlly... Whatever the area... We will run into people on a regular basis who have something that our spouse doesn't. And a handful of times in most of our lives? We'll run into someone we "could" have fallen in love with/married. And most people, regardless of sexual orientation, still have the ability to appreciate an attractive man/woman. The special problem with bisexual folk is that half the world has something our spouse will never have....AND the ability to appreciate beauty is still there, along with most people... So it's VERY easy to conflate that into "I made a mistake". Instead of seeing it the same durn way as we do when we look at our all thumbs husband and appreciate Sally's brother's handiness. Yeah. He's handy. So what? My beaux may put a hammer through a window trying to fix the carpet, but I didn't marry him for his construction skills! And Julie the neighbor down the way may have the best pair of legs I've ever seen, but I didn't marry Elaine for her legs! We're ALL "missing something" in our spouses. It's the "forsaking all others" part. Being bisexual just means that there's an extra billion people in the dating pool to forsake. And a few extra traits added to the list of "I didn't marry ______ for their _______. I married them for ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRST (everything wonderful about them as individuals). OF COIRSE your husband is upset & hurt when you tell him you're attracted to other women. How would you feel if he came to you telling you he was attracted to other women? That it's a struggle? That they have things you don't? That's all true, but we don't hurt our spouses by telling them that. We may tease, or have rules allowing wandering eyes, or even be very open about various matters... But "We need to talk. I'm _______." Is a terrifying conversation in any marriage. Especially when it's ANYWHERE in the sphere of "I don't want you. I want someone else."
  13. Aside from whether or not he was actually UA... I'm thrilled we're finally starting to do exchanges like were SOP in every other war in history. I'm sure there are reasons why we don't want to adhere to the Geneva Convention.... But conversely, I'm glad to see that there may actually be a reason to keep our people alive, instead of shredding or beheading them, or selling them to one of the terrorist groups offering bounties on US soldiers. We've got a military JAG officer (or civilian equiv) in here, don't we? What's the current bounty on selling a service member? Last I looked it was 2 million. Q
  14. Do you know I was declared UA (what AWOL is in the first 3 days) TWICE in one month? Once, my orders got messed up, so I had (paper) orders sending me from point A to point B. Point B knew I was coming, Point A didn't know I was leaving. Took WEEKS to sort out. The other time, I was snagged for a field assignment (verbal orders). Came home to being thrown in the brig. Wheeeeeeee. Thanks a lot, guys. Bite me. That was sorted in hours. There have been other times, but that month was über annoying. Point is.... Being declared UA happens ALL THE TIME. I don't know anyone (including my pentagon working GodFather) who hasn't been declared UA at least once. ESP when you're at a "post" shift... Because if you leave for ANY reason, for ANY period of time (including a bomb going off, and if you don't get down 20 feet to your left, you're pink mist & pudding)... - you've just disobeyed a direct order (all post positions are direct orders) - you are UA from your post If your CO really has it out for you, you can get sent up for living. Seen that happen more than once. Which is just gross. HOWEVER, these situations usually get sorted out fairly quickly. You present your paper orders, or track down the SOB you gave you the verbal orders. Of course, if you've been captured by the enemy, that's not going to happen. I can JUST SEE... Dude gets captured. Dude gets sent to Leavenworth for being UA/ AWOL. Face. Palm. Q