Sadsister

I feel for you. My husband snores LOUDLY. He likely has sleep apnea now (he was borderline years ago), but he is not wanting to wear the mask (I cannot blame him). Anyway, ear plugs are my best friend. If you do that, get the Hearos Xtreme off Amazon. If that does not appeal to/work for you, then do separate bedrooms. Just make sure you get cuddle time (such as on a weekend morning ) to make up for it. Sleep is very important. You are not rejecting him over his medical condition....just making adjustments.

I would also suggest reading "The Five Love Languages." This is an awesome book that helps one understand how others see love. :)

I am not going to share (too sacred), but I have absolutely no doubt that I will see my pets in heaven. I doubt Heavebly Father made them for life on earth only. I definitely look forward to being reunited with them. Big creek, that is not strange at all. I already asked Heavenly Father to let me have a horse from my college, since he had no technical owner. We were very close. :)

First, congrats! No, the circumstances are not ideal....but, a baby is still a blessing. I am so glad to hear you are excited for this baby. Being concerned for how he will be raised shows that you will be a good father. :) Do not worry about letting the bishop down. He is there to help you. My niece recently had a baby out of wedlock. I was there for the blessing. Her old ward welcomed her with open arms and was extremely excited to see her. I did not hear a single judgmental word. I think most people understand that is between you and The Lord. Please do not be afraid to go back to church and talk to the bishop. That will be the most important thing you can do for the baby and for yourself....besides getting married soon. :) Keep praying and asking for answers. Do some research. You will find and receive answers. I wish you the best!

Thanks. I had no idea. That is what my brother said....maybe he did not know, either....or, he never looked until now.

ACM, thank you for your very kind words. I truly appreciate them. I am doing a poor job of explaining myself, I fear. I do feel that willingness to accept full punishment/consequences has a lot to do with repentance, but I see I am in the minority. It is not just a matter of wanting him to be punished, though I understand how it seems that way. I really am worried about this. I know it is not my job, but he is still my little brother, and I was hoping to help. I see I may be wrong about the connection, but I will not know, for sure, until I cross the veil. :) Either way, I have decided to stop worrying about it, since I see now I am in the minority and doubt I could change his mind.

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Thanks for that perspective. I had no idea the defendant is involved so little.

Thanks for the perspectives. I look forward to more. My worry is that if one continues to bargain down one's sentence, he/she is lessening his or her actual crime or ability to pay restitution.

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I would get it now, so you will have your favorite stuff highlighted in it. :)

Never, ever give up on the church and the Savior. Do all you can do, and He will not withhold blessings from you...whether they are in this life or the next. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your marriage....no reason to start dating anytime soon. But, please do not pull away from the church or Heavenly Father.

Go ahead and talk to him. It, hopefully, will not be as bad as you think. I know a lot of times, the worry about what will happen is worse than what actually happened. I am glad your overall anxiety issues are better. :)

Please do go to the bishop. My screenname comes from my brother not getting enough help (I am not sure if he ever saw a bishop) for those exact sins, and they led to worse things. There are wonderful programs out there to help you now. You will feel so much better, I am sure.

You sound like a wonderfully awesome person to me. Anyone who can help people and love it so much is an awesome person. I have no advice....I just wanted to be sure you knew that. :)

I like the list, cheese and all. I think a good reminder of these things is never a bad thing.

Hugs! The suicide of a friend us very hard to get through. I was best friends with a guy whose best friend committed suicide. It causes a domino affect. ;( Please do look for help, via LDS Family Services, a bishop, or something. I think LDS Family Services can be free? I know there are free hotlines you can call for help, at least temporarily. I am glad you are reaching out. Keep reaching out! John 14:27

Thank you both. It turns out my parents will not let him move back (it came up) b/c they understand my concern for my daughter and do not want to lose me as a caregiver. It sounds like he plans on staying in his (now) home state, too. Thanks for the perspectives/thoughts!

My parents have this one with 3 cats. It has been great! Amazon.com: Eureka Comfort Clean Oh! Upright Vacuum, Bagless, 4235AZ: Home & Kitchen

Thank you, everyone, for your kind words, advice, pointing things out, perspectives, etc. I really do appreciate evertythung said. I will try to answer questions without too many details: Niece was under the age of 8. :( Bishop/church knows...bishop was called in when he confessed. I actually am not in his same ward now...I just assume that will change when he gets out. I have found out repeat rates are lower than I previously though, but still....this isn't something I want to take a chance on. My daughter is worth way more. She is old enough to have a say and have an idea of what happened, and she has also made it clear she does not want to stay here if he moves. I want her to know I will protect her. I agree I would have to let people know if he moved here. Gossip is one thing, but this is for safety. We have a LOT of kids in our ward....maybe even more than normal. I know I would want to know. I also know other parents have a right to know. My brother is not the type you would expect to be a sex offender. I have already had to contact one person he dated a few years back (I cannot find the other) that had girl(s). It is embarrassing, but I cannot stand by and take that chance. I am glad, though, that the plain gossip may not be as bad as I thought. I hope he is in jail a while. I pray it is long enough he gets the help he says he wants and obviously needs. I so want to believe he will truly relent and forsake the sin, but I am finding out there has been more in his last than we previously knew about. Maybe he will...but... My understanding is that this means automatic excommunication. I know he expects it. I also know his wife will divorce him, and I told her I fully support her in that. I think she has already started the steps. I can already see it splitting the family apart. My mom cannot seem to understand he did it, even though he has told her he is guilty. I fear it will only get worse. Thankfully, I am married to an awesome husband who is very supportive of me. Not everyone knows yet (we are not a close family), but it is still extremely early. My parents will not be able to hide it forever. He and I have decided to not tell his family yet. I am not sure if they will hear, but I wonder if it would be better if they hear it from me (they do not know my brother well at all). Again, thank everyone for their wisdoms, sympathy, kind words, etc.

You did the right thing. I am glad you had the courage to do it.

He is currently in jail, but has not gone to trial yet. I am absolutely horrified and devastated. He admits he was wrong, wants to change, etc. However, I am very worried. When he gets out, I assume he will likely move in with my parents, as getting a job will be difficult. I live in the same ward as my parents and cannot take a chance on putting my daughter in danger....which means I will likely move. I understand I need to forgive him. I will. But, I also know I have the right to protect my daughter. (I could not just avoid my parents' house, for various reasons....I would have to move to another area.) So, questions for anyone to answer: 1) I know, in general, recidivism rates for sexual abusers are very high. I know, personally, of one guy who abused his kids, was excommunicated, rebaptized....and did it again with a child 10 years later. Are the recidivism rates of LDS offenders still pretty high? 2) Does it tend to get around in a ward when a sex offender moves in? I assume so, as parents want to protect their kids. I know he will not be allowed to hold callings in primary and youth. 3) I imagine he would have a hard time remarrying? He will end up divorced (it was with his very young stepdaughter). I ask b/c if he moves in with my parents, he would have to be their caretaker. He would be more likely to stay with them if his chances of remarrying are low. I imagine they are very low, for good reason. 4) I assume it is true that jobs are hard to get for sex offenders? He lives in Utah. 5) Has anyone gone through a family member being incarcerated for this? I will not defend him. I am working on the anger...it is mostly sadness now. I know there is the atonement, and I truly hope he will change his life. I have no problem helping my parents stay in contact with him. However, right now, I am so upset and so sad for his throwing away the beautiful family he worked for. I know my niece is in for a tough life, as I have seen what a similar situation did to another niece. Please be gentle with me, as I am coming for help/advice.