behindTheCurtain

So much good advice! Luckily I just got paid so I'll look into buying that book. The only part that scares me is approaching her with this again. Doing it delicately is a must, but easier said than done. I'll ask her doctor about the effects from her medication. As for the therapy, I know the church offers counselling but do they go as far as sex therapy? Meaning would my bishop refer me to somebody, or would this be a search I should do on my own?

"Becoming One", "Sacred Intimacy" (I think it was called that, anyway). There was one other one that I can't remember any more. We're currently reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage"

So far I love what I've seen on this site. So much support and great advice. I hope to be on both ends, both willing to get advice and help those when I can. Now on to some background and question... My wife and I have been together for 4 years and have two children. We actually had a rather quick dating period and are engagement lasted 5 months. No issues with anything before hand in terms of "slipping up". We are both active members. She has some depression and is on a light medication (her father as well). So... Lets get on with the meat of the issue... Once engaged, I knew talks of family, children, and sex were going to come up. Being 6 years older than her (don't judge...) I had somewhat of a better understanding of what sex was/is in an LDS marriage. Her, being from a very sheltered childhood, knew very little. I talked to a sister of mine whom I trusted and pointed me in the direction of Christian literature (both LDS and nonLDS) concerning intimacy in marriage. We read this both separately and together, both giving it proper respect. She was so... naive (for lack of a better word). I say this because she knew what sex was (in it's base form) and that it was ok for married couples to do it, but knew little else (ex: She didn't know of basic functions). I made sure we took baby steps in understanding this. In fact, we were not intimate in our marriage until 4 months after our wedding day. Ever since, our intimacy behind closed doors can be averaged out to less than once a month. (so much for the marbles-in-the-can analogy). I approach her intimately about once a week, but the truth of the matter is that it only happens when she wants to (pretty rare when she is ever aroused) or tolerates it. I make sure I'm home on time from work, help out with the kids, take care of our place, clean, randomly bring flowers home, etc... all those things that a good husband should do (not usually to be noticed for intimacy, but I genuinely want to make sure she's happy). I love her. We have a connection that I've never had with anyone before and I know she is the one I need to be with. Those of you understand that intimacy offers a level of connection that is unrivalled, when done the correct way. We've had this, but only on such rare occasion. We've had discussions on how we both felt and even tried to make goals. (being intimate, in some way, once a week). That only lasted a month. and that was a year ago. It's hurting me emotionally and I get tired of bringing it up, for fear of her starting a depression-filled crying outburst and a week+ filled with awkwardness. I once mentioned counselling (I think her approach, or lack thereof, to intimacy, is linked to her childhood and her parent's inability to teach her or even mention intimacy), but that opened up a can of worms and she REALLY doesn't want to talk about this with anyone, except me (and that's hard enough as it is). I am not here to complain or rant about my marriage. Rather, I am looking for some advice on ways to handle this situation. I want to go to counselling, but I'm also open to any other advice.

I myself was 25 and my wife was 19. I can't tell you how many times I made fun of guys marrying girls right out of high school. I would always tease them about how they apparently couldn't find a girl their age, etc... Little did I know what the Lord had in store for me. I actually had just came out of a tough relationship when she walked (more like burst) into my life. Call it cradle-robbing, call it whatever you want. One thing that is hard to shake is the social stigma attached onto YSA and "marrying" age. I believe that as long as one is actively working on both being a good spouse as well as finding one, then there shouldn't be any worries. Now please start teasing away, I know I deserve it with as much I dished out over the years.

Just saying hello. Was looking for a safe forum for LDS members to talk openly with about everything from callings to marriage to utah culture.