aligirl12

In regards to my mission, I have come to terms with it. I loved my mission and consider myself an honorable return missionary. I served as best as I could. There have been so many wonderful blessings that have come from it! Secondly, there really is a lot more to the story. But it's so much to explain. Let's just say that I have been through a lot of trials in my life, especially in the last few years, that have been rather painful and exquisitely challenging. I have been diagnosed with depression, though I prefer not to take medicine for it. When I came seeking advice about the garments this morning, it was kind of an act of desperation. I feel very conflicted about wearing them. I feel better not wearing them, but feel incredibly judged for doing so. It all comes down to what I really want in life. Am I willing to sacrifice the temple blessings and my endowment because I very much dislike the temple garment? That is the question that constantly eats at me, that overwhelms me and makes me feel like I was totally unprepared for that commitment.

So I honestly need some non-judgmental advice. I am 20 years old. I am part of the younger sister missionary generation. I was on my mission for 5 months and returned home on medical release. I can say that I have a strong testimony of the church and a love for my heavenly father and my savior. But, there is one thing that keeps holding me back. I don't think I was ready to be endowed. I have been endowed for nearly a year now and have never truly come to terms with wearing the temple garment. I wore it consistently on my mission but after a while of being home I could not stand wearing them anymore. I went three months without wearing them, then decided to talk to my bishop to try wearing them again. Since then I have been wearing them on and off. It's kind of hard to explain. I literally just cannot stand wearing them. They feel like a burden. When I take them off I feel like I just got out of a controlling relationship; I feel free. Every sister that I talk to about the garments has little to no problem wearing them. I feel horrible that I struggle so much with them. I just cannot imagine having to wear these things my entire life. Also, I feel like it is nearly impossible to feel attractive in them, which is really hard for someone my age. For a long time I called them granny panties. Need some help!