I have been married for nearly 17 years. I adore my husband. He is not perfect, but he has so many good qualities. When things are good, I am happy. It is the inbetween parts that are destroying our marriage...and truthfully me. My husband has had on/off problems with pornography. This was the biggest cause of strife in our marriage until we had been married for 4 years. My husband had an emotional affair with a co-worker. I discovered it and it stopped before things got physical. We moved out of the area and things were great (excluding occasional pornography problems) for the next several years. My husband had a full-on affair with another co-worker (which he fully admitted to). I wanted to work on us, but he wouldn't come home. He refused to meet with me and the Bishop. So after a few weeks, I packed our house up and moved closer to family for support. 2 months later, he woke up and realized what a huge mistake he had made. Truthfully, I was mad. I had already filed for divorce. I felt like he was out playing and "honeymooning" with someone new. I was looking forward to a happy ending of my own someday. However, I prayed and fasted and counseled with my bishop. I couldn't deny the Holy Ghost witnessing to me that I needed to try and fix our marriage. We did it though! Our marriage was really good for another several years.. Then it happened again. This time, my husband hasn't admitted to anything. He calls me "crazy" and tells me she is just a friend. On our cell-phone bill, he talked more to this woman than he did to me. Phone calls ranged from 5-15/day. Plenty of text messages too. I noticed on his smartphone all his apps, he was following her on every app he had. (None of his other coworkers showed up except for on FB). He lied about dumb things..and once again destroyed all trust in our marriage. I was upset and he promised I was the most important thing in his life and he would have no further contact with her. He lied...he did...phone calls decreased, but continued. I found out, he got mad and told me then if I am going to be controlling, he wants a divorce. After several days of brooding and sleeping on the sofa, he apologized and said he would really cut her out of his life this time. So, he deleted all his apps and blocked her phone number. I checked the phone bill and he told the truth...no contact. Something still didn't feel right and I found some very flirty comments online back and forth to each other. It made me sick. The love of my life was saying things I would love to hear from him to another woman. Because these were online, he feels he has honored his promise to break all contact with her... I feel so betrayed again. I feel like the biggest idiot ever! When you add up these incidents that occured over the span of my marriage, it leaves me feeling hopeless. My husband has been sleeping on the couch for a week. He tells me he loves me and I am the only one he wants. On one hand I believe in the atonement, and there is room for everyone to repent and put their life back together, but on the other hand, I feel as if he is making a mockery of our temple marriage. When he says 'I love you", I don't believe him anymore. I know I love him with all my heart, and I could never do anything so heartless and cruel to him. He is trying to save our marriage (which is what I was always the one to do up until this point). I don't know if it is worth saving anymore. I feel so empty and lost. How much does Heavenly Father expect one heart to take? I believe in marriage for eternity...never giving up on each other. But at what point do you stand up for yourself and your badly damaged heart? When is divorce appropriate?
