I have to first admit that I chose to make a post on this site as I'm not sure where else to go at this point. In some way, it's also probably easier to discuss my concern here where I don't have to be concerned about bias answers. Like many people, I grew up in the church but fell away for a number of years after returning from a mission. Even though I'm "active" now, I often feel that the only reason I attend is for the sake of my family. I have also received some amazing blessings in my life which I cannot deny though, for some reason, I have quit reading my scriptures, saying prayers, and generally doing much of anything with the church anymore. The truth is that I want to believe/hope but I have made so many mistakes that I may have convinced myself that there simply isn't a way back anymore. I've not done anything that could hinder my membership and have even spoken to my bishop a few times. In each case, I suppose I never felt that God truly forgave me for what I've done in the past and so I would soon slip back into my old sins again. Somehow, by making these mistakes again, I felt it would justify why I don't feel like God is concerned about me anymore. There were times in my life where I know God stepped in to help/answer prayers and so amazing were these cases that I feel that due to my mistakes, God will never be able to trust me again. When you come to this point in life, it's easy to just sit back and say, "what's the point of even trying?" I would really like to become the person I once was but I'm so ashamed that I've failed and know longer believe that there is a road back. As such, I just now go through the motions. Again, I'm not sure why I'm posting this here but I suppose that writing about all this helps.
