There is always a way back my friend, but it typically involves moving forward. Sounds a bit like a contradiction in terms, but allow me to explain. In your initial post you wrote that you "...would really like to become the person (you once were)...", and I can understand that, I truly can. In my own spiritual walk I have found myself apparently far away from the person I once was. Yet when I stop and take a long, hard look at that person I see someone in desperate need of change...I see a person who was still young in his faith, a person living his faith exteriorly yet yearning for that interior communication and light I so desperately needed. I see the person who prayed long and hard for the conviction that seemed to elude me, for the type of relationship I just knew I could have with God but for whatever reason did not seem to be there. My prayers those many years ago have been in the process of being answered over the course of the past few years. I can look back at the painful memories of almost walking away from God, of having so much doubt and indecision it seemed almost painful...yet of still practicing my faith, albeit on the outside. That is not the type of person God has called us to be. He knows exactly what you need, well in advance of when you will need it. He knew you would experience doubt and indecision (as he knew I would as well) and, in my case at least, allowed me to wander through arid deserts...much as he allowed Moses and his people to wander for forty years. My point is this: the fact that you are posting to this forum is a sign. And not just a sign but a blessing. It is a step in the direction Our Lord has always intended for you to go. It is a movement; perhaps partial at first, perhaps even one that you will back-track on, move forward again, back again and then forward...but rest assured, if you place your trust in Him and keep your eyes on your heavenly reward He will not fail you. He cannot. Regarding the "mechanics" of your faith such as reading scripture, praying, etc; I call them mechanics because they are things that one can learn. To be sure there is a noble, spiritual, God-centered aspect to this but the actions themselves are still mechanical, meaning simply that they are actions one can come to appreciate more by simply doing them day in and day out. Allow yourself the blessed simplicity of 'offering', as it were, this dryness you may be feeling, perhaps a lack of a sense of "otherness" or "mystery". It's okay to feel this way. Keep on practicing these "mechanics" and stay true to this practice, allowing God to work and move in you through what remains: simple love and trust. I have experienced this myself, and on more than one occasion. I hope that my own experiences might prove beneficial to you during this time of need. Feel free to reach out to me to discuss personally if you like, I'm happy to help. Blessings.