askandanswer

Members
  • Posts

    4086
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    11

Reputation Activity

  1. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from SilentOne in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    I've only read the first two pages of this post so what I say here might have already been said.
    I think that everytime someone makes a better choice they should be congratulated, not condemned, even if making a better choice means overturning a previous choice that might have simply been just good.This is how we grow. I also can't help thinking of all the Latter-Day Saints who were once formally committed Catholics, Episcopalians, etc. 
  2. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from Sunday21 in Which Ink? (or: This place is too serious right now.)   
    If we could do the spraying in the general direction of Zil, zis sounds like a great idea. Perhaps I could commission you to commence immediate construction of this pencil sprayer? And maybe we could modify it so that raw material would be fountain pens instead of pencils?
  3. Like
    askandanswer reacted to Vort in Reading the Book of Mormon with Vee   
    All you people declaring yourselves to be game should be careful. Hunting season is coming.
  4. Like
    askandanswer reacted to zil in Looking for a BOM Study Buddy   
    Institute may be intended for the college-aged, but I find it invaluable decades later, and in addition to using the electronic institute manuals, I keep my paper copies (whereas other paper manuals have long been junked).
    And this:
    And this problem....
    ...is easily solved by being the next one to post.
    Regarding the idea of studying with another newbie...  I think this can be useful, but it sounds a lot like two students without a teacher.  I would not limit yourself to only new-ish members.  As you find a question in your reading, post it, you'll get a wide variety of responses here, from a wide pool of experiences.
    My first thought, truthfully, was that your husband is the best person to study with - your perspective will teach him a great deal as he learns to think about the gospel from the perspective of a new convert.  His experience will help you to learn.  The joined experience will bring you closer to each other and to God.
  5. Like
    askandanswer reacted to Just_A_Guy in Am I overreacting?   
    There are more sock puppets in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your Site Rules.
  6. Like
    askandanswer reacted to yjacket in Am I overreacting?   
    I think to be or not to be the mother-that is the question. Is it nobler in the mind to suffer the sling and arrows of duplicitous or to take arms against it? And by opposing it, end it.
    Hmm Deep Thoughts . . .
  7. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from Just_A_Guy in Am I overreacting?   
    Looks to me like this topic was a case of much ado about nothing. Or maybe even a tale told by (a possibly unwise person) full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. 
  8. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from yjacket in Am I overreacting?   
    Looks to me like this topic was a case of much ado about nothing. Or maybe even a tale told by (a possibly unwise person) full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. 
  9. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from yjacket in Am I overreacting?   
    I’m not trying to make any particular point here on one side or the other and I’ve only read the first three pages of this discussion. I’m just mentioning a few scriptures that it might be interesting to think about.

    On the side of the YW leaders we have

    7 Son of man, I have made thee a watchman unto the house of Israel: therefore hear the word at my mouth, and give them warning from me.

    18  When I say unto the wicked, Thou shalt surely die; and thou givest him not warning, nor speakest to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life; the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand.

    19  Yet if thou warn the wicked, and he turn not from his wickedness, nor from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul.

    20  Again, When a righteous man doth turn from his righteousness, and commit iniquity, and I lay a stumblingblock before him, he shall die: because thou hast not given him warning, he shall die in his sin, and his righteousness which he hath done shall not be remembered; but his blood will I require at thine hand.

    21  Nevertheless if thou warn the righteous man, that the righteous sin not, and he doth not sin, he shall surely live, because he is warned; also thou hast delivered thy soul.


     
    and

     
    What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.

     
    And

     
    88  And if thy brother or sister offend thee, thou shalt take him or her between him or her and thee alone; and if he or she confess thou shalt be reconciled.
    89  And if he or she confess not thou shalt deliver him or her up unto the church, not to the members, but to the elders.  And it shall be done in a meeting, and that not before the world.

    90  And if thy brother or sister offend many, he or she shall be chastened before many.

    91  And if any one offend openly, he or she shall be rebuked openly, that he or she may be ashamed.  And if he or she confess not, he or she shall be delivered up unto the law of God.

    92  If any shall offend in secret, he or she shall be rebuked in secret, that he or she may have opportunity to confess in secret to him or her whom he or she has offended, and to God, that the church may not speak reproachfully of him or her.

    93  And thus shall ye conduct in all things.


     

     
    And on the side of the parents we have
     

     
    And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents.
    26  For this shall be a law unto the inhabitants of Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized.

    27  And their children shall be baptized for the remission of their sins when eight years old, and receive the laying on of the hands.

    28  And they (the parents) shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.


     
     
    40  But I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth. (The commandment is to the parents)


     
    Of course these verses are not definitive in preferring one course of action over another, nor are they completely analogous but I think they might be worth thinking about when trying to decide the rightness or wrongness of what happened.

  10. Like
    askandanswer reacted to Vort in Am I overreacting?   
    @Lilyflowers88, what you read were people's authentic reaction to (what they believed to be) your mother's view of the story. Your deception actually got you exactly what you wanted: Real, honest reactions, not the scolding of a child, but adult concerns and adult views of how best to help a beloved daughter get through a difficult situation.
    In general, such deceptions are a very bad idea, and I advise you to determine never to "sock-puppet" yourself online any more. However, you can view this as a positive experience, not just because you learned a lesson about not pretending to be someone else, but because you got read adult insights into what you did. This is how people actually think when they don't know you're a teenage girl. You got the raw truth. That's valuable. Take it to heart.
  11. Like
    askandanswer reacted to my two cents in Am I overreacting?   
    @Lilyflowers88 - In case you hadn't heard this:  "We are disciples and our messages should be authentic. A person or product that is not authentic is false, fake, and fraudulent. Our messages should be truthful, honest, and accurate.  We should not exaggerate, embellish, or pretend to be someone or something we are not. Our content should be trustworthy and constructive. And anonymity on the Internet is not a license to be inauthentic." - Elder David A. Bednar
  12. Like
    askandanswer reacted to zil in Am I overreacting?   
    Type the @ sign.  Type a few characters at the start of their login name.  A list will pop up, use the mouse to click a name in the list.  @yjacket - or use the down-arrow to select a name from the list, and then hit enter to insert it in your post.  If it worked, the name will be white text in a blue box while still in the text editor.
  13. Like
    askandanswer reacted to zil in Am I overreacting?   
    First, I will point out that it's pretty hard to imagine a scenario where the YWP handled things in the right way.  But "mistake" is not the same as "deceptive end-run around the parents".  So, here's a variation...
    Once upon a time, somehow (how would be interesting to know), the YWP learn about the video in question.  Did they see it?  Did they hear about it?  If they only heard about it, what did they hear?  (Perhaps their reaction is to an exaggerated version of the video.)  This lingers in the background.
    The YWP set up an appointment (or more than one) to visit some less-active sisters.  Perhaps the daughter knew this at one point but forgot, perhaps they forgot to tell her, perhaps it was last minute (might be relevant to know this).  YWP show up to pick up daughter for these visits.  Everyone heads out to the car.  In the driveway, YWP gets a text cancelling the (first) appointment.  She decides to take the opportunity to voice her concerns to the daughter (she may or may not have pre-planned such a discussion eventually, but doing it now is a spontaneous decision).  She may or may not have mentioned that the first appointment was cancelled (didn't want to lose the opportunity to talk to the daughter alone, so she said nothing; or mentioned it, but that fact was lost in the later emotions, whatever).
    So, we can't just sit in the driveway to have this conversation, so we drive over to a nearby park (I see no indication in the OP that this was a strange place far away).  YWP expresses concerns (and perhaps has an erroneous understanding of the video so her concerns are over the top), daughter gets defensive (possibly reacting to falsehoods in the YWP's understanding of the video; also alone in a car in a somewhat isolated location with two adults who appear to her to have planned it this way (thus, daughter believes they lied)- who could blame her for getting defensive and emotional), things escalate out of control, and any remaining plans for the evening are cancelled.
    To the daughter, it looks like they lied to get her alone, and so that's what she tells her mom.  To the daughter, this was unexpected and painful, and these amplify and reflect in her telling of events.  She doesn't need to lie about anything to make this look awful.  And yet her version of events isn't accurate.
    Meanwhile, rather than having lied up front, the YWP made a stupid, spur-of-the-moment choice about how and where and with whom to have this discussion.
    - 30 -
    That does not seem at all out of reach to me.
    Lest anyone think I'm making excuses for anyone, all I'm saying is that gathering more information before letting loose on the YWP would be wise.  And if the leaders planned from the start to lie to get the daughter away from mom for this conversation, that was so, so, very, very wrong.
  14. Like
    askandanswer reacted to The Folk Prophet in Am I overreacting?   
    Alternatively (per your second paragraph), one could approach this as a teaching moment by simply turning the other cheek -- forgiving the (probably well-meaning) leader, and helping one's daughter to do the same.
  15. Like
    askandanswer reacted to Vort in Am I overreacting?   
    @Lilyflowers88, there are two issues at play here.
    ISSUE #1: How the YW leaders handled this situation
    They handled it very poorly. The YW leaders, in seeking not to embarrass your daughter, blindsided her instead. Worse yet, they actually circumvented your authority. I expect they had only the best of intentions, so I'm not ready to condemn them for their foolish actions. But there is no doubt what they did was inappropriate. Your daughter's recounting of the "confrontation" was almost harrowing, but reading between the lines, I sense that they were really trying to allow her to save face in front of you while still trying to impress upon her just how unwise her actions were. Their thanks for her efforts to "reactivate" her friend while simultaneously telling her not to see the friend any more for a while suggests that they really did have good intentions, and were trying to look out for her welfare. Still, their actions were hamfisted and inappropriate.
    What do you do about it? I would start by talking with the leaders directly. Be as kind as you can muster, but let them know that doing an end-around on you was wrong. If they have a problem with your daughter's actions outside of Church, they should consult with you. And yes, I do think you should let the bishop know, though not in some offical register-a-complaint way. Just a "By the way, Bishop, this unpleasant thing happened that I think you should know about."
    ISSUE #2: What your daughter actually did
    From your description, it sounds to me like there was nothing immoral about your daughter's actions per se. But I agree with the gist of what the YW leaders said: It was unwise and inappropriate. When you have videos of girls in showers or bathtubs, that implies nudity. Wearing swim suits may cover the nudity, but not the implication. Consider: Why did they do a video in a BATHTUB? And why in SWIMSUITS? Why not in Levi's and parkas? Obviously, it was a big joke about a "bathtub video" that didn't show any actual nudity.
    Seriously, is it a normal thing in 21st-century America for young women to sit together in a bathtub in their swimsuits while they chat and listen to music? A hot tub, maybe. But a bathtub? I don't know, but that sounds plenty weird to me. If my teenage daughter were in the habit of sitting with a friend in a bathtub, I would tell her I thought it was inappropriate and a bad idea. If she were making videos of said bathtub adventures, that increases the weirdness quotient tenfold. No way would I ever allow her to publish such things to social media. yjacket is pretty much spot on in this area. However poorly the YW leaders handled this, not only was their heart (probably) in the right place, but what they were attempting to accomplish (poorly and outside of how they should have approached it) was probably what should happen. Your daughter needs guidance. She needs to be told that some things are not wise. She needs boundaries. You, her mother, should set those. This is where the YW leaders messed up; they should have gone to you, and YOU should have had that talk with your daughter, not them.
  16. Like
    askandanswer reacted to anatess2 in Am I overreacting?   
    THIS IS SERIOUS STUFF.  This is usurping your authority as a parent, breaking the trust of your teen-ager, and doing possibly irreparable harm to your daughter's spirit and her trust in Church authority.  THIS IS A CHURCH LEADERSHIP ISSUE AND NEEDS TO BE RESOLVED WITH THE BISHOP.  This is one of those things that would give you reason to raise your hand NAY on ward conference.
    That said, you, as a parent have a lot of work to do to reinforce gospel teachings - especially compassion and forgiveness and service and love - not only for your daughter's friends but also for your daughter's leaders who have made a serious mistake.
     
  17. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from ALostSoul in The Church in Europe   
    I think your best bet would be England, of which Joseph Smith said something along the lines of the blood of Ephraim flows rich in that land. If you have access to a church almanac, you can read a brief history of the church in every country in the world, along with its population, the number of members, the percentage of the population who are members of the church and the number of stakes and wards, 
  18. Like
    askandanswer reacted to mordorbund in Doctrine and Covenants 121: 41-42   
    These things give power to his priesthood. President Packer taught:
    If you want to see what that looks like, look at the respect certain people get long after they have been released from their calling and see how well it aligns with the blessing shared in this scripture for living these principles.
    I have heard the respect some former missionaries have for their old mission president. I have seen goofball children fall in line for a Primary teacher they love. I have met a number of people who have these "dominions" flowing to them without compulsion. And it's not charisma (not in the modern usage, perhaps in some technical meaning of charisma). These are spirit-filled individuals (https://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?strongs=G5486) with God's grace empowering them.
  19. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from Just_A_Guy in Opinion: Congrats to the Trib on their Pulitzer Prize   
    I wonder if many other people noticed what could be a spelling error in this article, or perhaps it was accurately reported, but the person who said it may have been mistaken. The article says 
    "People have said he's perpetrating rape culture," Yim said. "People have called for him to be removed from office and sanctioned for his conduct."
    Vocabulary.com says
    Be careful not to confuse perpetuate with perpetrate. Although they differ in spelling by only one letter, they differ greatly in meaning. If you perpetuate something, you help it last. Perpetrate, on the other hand, means to commit a criminal act. Needless to say, you wouldn't want to perpetuate the acts of perpetrators!
    https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/perpetuate
     
     
     
  20. Like
    askandanswer reacted to Backroads in Senate Votes to Require Women to Register for the Draft   
    I am not fully opposed to equality in the draft, but at the same time we're not to the genderless role type of society that would make this work with few hiccups. 
  21. Like
    askandanswer reacted to mirkwood in We live among monsters.   
  22. Like
    askandanswer reacted to Vort in I don't want to think about it - a new Prophet   
    To show my support for this initiative, I plan to wear pants to Church next Sunday. I urge everyone to join me.
  23. Like
    askandanswer reacted to Just_A_Guy in "Other" Covenants possible?   
    That's the essence of Grant von Harrison's Drawing on the Powers of Heaven, which was considered the fifth book of the canon in my mission.  I think it's possible to take it overboard--in my mission it was presumed that of course God would honor whatever boneheaded, self-aggrandizing, numbers-based "covenant" a person sought to bind Him into; and the notion that it's your own darned fault if other people don't agree to be baptized led to a number of emotional breakdowns.  Eventually, IIRC, Elder Holland gave a talk alluding to the process outlined in that book and warning against its misuse; and by the end of my mission the book no longer had the same clout.
    But conceptually, I recall von Harrison making a decent case that proposing a covenant to God is at least possible.
  24. Like
    askandanswer reacted to The Folk Prophet in "Other" Covenants possible?   
    Agency dictates that you can try.
  25. Like
    askandanswer reacted to CV75 in "Other" Covenants possible?   
    What is the exact wording? I think (as noted in the quote below), we can do this individually, and when done, would typically be a private agreement with the Lord. I often think the weekly sacrament is in a way another covenant, the oath and covenant of the priesthood is one, and of course the Book of Mormon is Another Testament. I also think that whenever we advance in understanding the temple covenants while doing proxy work, we are in a sense making a new covenant, and certainly in behalf of the dead.