askandanswer

Sister Reeves, in her October General Conference address last year addressed exactly the way you are feeling right now, Here is part of what she said, I strong recommend you read her whole talk here,
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/the-great-plan-of-redemption?lang=eng
I’m aware of a man who was involved in moral transgressions several years ago. For some time, this man felt too ashamed and too worried to approach his wife and his priesthood leaders. He wanted to fully repent but actually expressed that he was willing to give up his own eternal salvation rather than put his spouse and children through the sorrow, shame, or other consequences that might be caused by his confession.
When we have sinned, Satan often tries to convince us that the unselfish thing to do is to protect others from the devastation of the knowledge of our sins, including avoiding confessing to our bishop, who can bless our lives through his priesthood keys as a common judge in Israel. The truth, however, is that the unselfish and Christlike thing to do is to confess and repent. This is Heavenly Father’s great plan of redemption.
Finally, this dear man confessed to his faithful wife and his Church leaders, expressing deep remorse. Though it was the most difficult thing he had ever done, feelings of relief, peace, gratitude, love for our Savior, and a knowledge that the Lord was lifting his heavy burden and carrying him caused joy beyond expression, regardless of the outcome and his future.
He had been certain that his wife and children would be devastated—and they were; and that there would be disciplinary action and a release from his calling—and there was. He was certain that his wife would be brokenhearted, hurt, and angry—and she was. And he was convinced that she would leave, taking the children with her—but she didn’t.
Sometimes serious transgression leads to divorce, and depending on circumstances, that might be necessary. But to this man’s amazement, his wife embraced him and dedicated herself to helping him in any way that she could. Over time, she was able to fully forgive him. She had felt the healing power of the Savior’s Atonement for her. Years later, this couple and their three children are strong and faithful. The husband and wife serve in the temple and have a wonderful, loving marriage. The depth of this man’s testimony and his love and gratitude for the Savior are so evident in his life.
 

Is this what we're talking about when we're talking about Anvil?
 

Did anyone else go or was it just you and Lady Gator?

Where are those toasted biscuits! Send them my way!

Re. Offence
Doctrine and Covenants 88 - 93
88  And if thy brother or sister offend thee, thou shalt take him or her between him or her and thee alone; and if he or she confess thou shalt be reconciled.
89  And if he or she confess not thou shalt deliver him or her up unto the church, not to the members, but to the elders.  And it shall be done in a meeting, and that not before the world.
90  And if thy brother or sister offend many, he or she shall be chastened before many.
91  And if any one offend openly, he or she shall be rebuked openly, that he or she may be ashamed.  And if he or she confess not, he or she shall be delivered up unto the law of God.
92  If any shall offend in secret, he or she shall be rebuked in secret, that he or she may have opportunity to confess in secret to him or her whom he or she has offended, and to God, that the church may not speak reproachfully of him or her.
93  And thus shall ye conduct in all things.
re. ejecting people from meetings:
Doctrine and Covenants 46: 2 - 6
2  But notwithstanding those things which are written, it always has been given to the elders of my church from the beginning, and ever shall be, to conduct all meetings as they are directed and guided by the Holy Spirit.
3  Nevertheless ye are commanded never to cast any one out from your public meetings, which are held before the world.
4  Ye are also commanded not to cast any one who belongeth to the church out of your sacrament meetings; nevertheless, if any have trespassed, let him not partake until he makes reconciliation.
5  And again I say unto you, ye shall not cast any out of your sacrament meetings who are earnestly seeking the kingdom—I speak this concerning those who are not of the church.
6  And again I say unto you, concerning your confirmation meetings, that if there be any that are not of the church, that are earnestly seeking after the kingdom, ye shall not cast them out.
 

Re. Offence
Doctrine and Covenants 88 - 93
88  And if thy brother or sister offend thee, thou shalt take him or her between him or her and thee alone; and if he or she confess thou shalt be reconciled.
89  And if he or she confess not thou shalt deliver him or her up unto the church, not to the members, but to the elders.  And it shall be done in a meeting, and that not before the world.
90  And if thy brother or sister offend many, he or she shall be chastened before many.
91  And if any one offend openly, he or she shall be rebuked openly, that he or she may be ashamed.  And if he or she confess not, he or she shall be delivered up unto the law of God.
92  If any shall offend in secret, he or she shall be rebuked in secret, that he or she may have opportunity to confess in secret to him or her whom he or she has offended, and to God, that the church may not speak reproachfully of him or her.
93  And thus shall ye conduct in all things.
re. ejecting people from meetings:
Doctrine and Covenants 46: 2 - 6
2  But notwithstanding those things which are written, it always has been given to the elders of my church from the beginning, and ever shall be, to conduct all meetings as they are directed and guided by the Holy Spirit.
3  Nevertheless ye are commanded never to cast any one out from your public meetings, which are held before the world.
4  Ye are also commanded not to cast any one who belongeth to the church out of your sacrament meetings; nevertheless, if any have trespassed, let him not partake until he makes reconciliation.
5  And again I say unto you, ye shall not cast any out of your sacrament meetings who are earnestly seeking the kingdom—I speak this concerning those who are not of the church.
6  And again I say unto you, concerning your confirmation meetings, that if there be any that are not of the church, that are earnestly seeking after the kingdom, ye shall not cast them out.
 

Okay...okay...I admit it. I spread negativity about LDS all the time. 
"Hey, PC, what do you think about those LDS folks."
"Well, they can be really nice. However, don't ever ask them for a cup of coffee. They look at your funny, and when you tell them that yes, you really want some, they bring you this stuff called Postum.
So, maybe that's not unforgiveable.  But...yuck, yikes, and ugh!   

This is the best I can come up with. I thought the story had been referred to in a more recent General Conference but the only reference I hae been able to find is the April 1910 Conference Report. However, I strongly believe the story has been re-told many times in more recent times, by authoritative sources. Here is the story, found at http://www.oocities.org/wallygray25/tithing.htm. I think it is directly relevant to your query.
President George Albert Smith: (Following a stake conference he was accompanied home by a friend, and this conversation ensued:)
"'You know, I have heard many things in this conference, but there is only one thing that I do not understand the way you do.'
"I said, 'What is that?'
"'Well,' he said, ' it is about paying tithing.'
(The man then went on to explain how he did it.)
"'If I make ten thousand dollars in a year, I put a thousand dollars in the bank for tithing. I know why it is there. Then when the bishop comes and wants me to make a contribution for the chapel or give him a check for a missionary who is   going away, if I think he needs the money, I give him a check. If a family in the ward is in distress and needs coal or food or clothing or anything else, I write out a check. If I find a boy or a girl who is having difficulty getting through school in the East, I send a check. Little by little I exhaust the thousand dollars, and every dollar of it had gone where I know it has done good. Now, what do you think of that?'
President Grant: "I think you are a very generous man with someone else's property." (And he nearly tipped the car over.)
President Grant continued: "You have not paid any tithing. you have told me what you have done with the Lord's money but you have not told me that you have given anyone a penny of your own. He is the best partner you have in the world. He gives you everything you have, even the air you breathe. He has said you should take one-tenth of what comes to you and give it to the Church as directed by the Lord. You haven't done that; you have taken your best partner's money, and given it away."
(The man repented and latest started paying tithing the correct way." (Conference Report, April 1910, p. 6.)

I assume you are Male from how you phrased your statement?
It's a tough question to answer.  Without knowing what opportunities you've had in life, it is impossible to actually tell how certain things may apply to you.  Did you ever have the chance to be sealed in the temple and turn it down?  Did you choose work and education over dating worthy members?  Did you have the opportunity to go on a mission and decide not to?  There's a whole cachet of possibilities and questions and without knowing the answer to those, it is impossible to say something relating to your situation.  The general answer is NOT one that I think you'd be happy for (though it is probably applicable to at least 90% of the situations out there).
Instead, I'll relate a story that can show hope for those who may not have opportunities in this life.
This story is about a person named Alvin.  Alvin was NOT born into the church.  He was never baptized.  He never received the Holy Ghost.  He never had a chance to go to the Temple.  By all accounts, he did not get to do any of the ordinances that we are instructed to do.
Imagine Joseph Smith's surprise when he found that his brother Alvin was in the Celestial Kingdom despite all of that.  For those who are unable to obtain ordinances and promises in this life, there is this hope.  As he stated about his brother Alvin.
Doctrine and Covenants 137: 3-9
Thus we see the Lord looks upon men's hearts.  Alvin, even though he did not have the opportunity in this life, if he HAD gotten that opportunity to receive these ordinances would have received them with all his heart.  Hence we see the Lord is just for all men, regardless of the circumstances they face in this life.
Hopefully you can see the parallel here.
 

I have a sure fireway to get hugs from the divine, pray to have an opportunity to help someone else and when the prompting comes, do it. These are the people, God loves.

Yes, but that was in Canada

Judging by its continued committment to the Scouts program, I'm guessing the church has nothing against tieing knots and other things.

Someone at the bottom of a staircase has just as much opportunity to reach the top of that staircase as the people already at the top did, assuming the person at the bottom climbs to the top.  It really is that simple.  The people in between aren't in anyone's way - there's room for all; the staircase isn't going anywhere, it isn't changing, so just keep climbing and eventually you'll reach the top.  The only way not to reach the top is to stop climbing.  So don't stop climbing.

Very true. Going to the example you gave a bit further back, let's examine two possible reactions:
BISHOP: You are showing a total tithing last year of $1,500, which suggests $15,000 of increase. But Brother Smith, you bought a new BMW two months ago, you added a new wing to your house earlier this year, and you took your entire family to Hawaii for three weeks in October. The people I know with $15,000 of increase per year are living on food stamps and struggle to have enough money to afford a telephone or rent a video twice a year. Can you help me understand the apparent discrepancy?
REACTION #1: My finances are private. You are not the tax auditor. I told you I'm a full tithe payer. Now give me my temple recommend and mind your own freaking business.
REACTION #2: Of course, Bishop. As you know, I am on permanent disability, which gives me a very small income. Combined with about $3000 in profits from my investments, that accounts for the totality of my income, which is what I tithed. My father has a lot of money, and he owns "my" house. He's the one who added on the wing -- for my benefit, yes. He also bought me the new car to replace the one I totaled in September, and he took us all to Hawaii. I guess I just picked my father well.
Which of these two reactions strikes you as the most charitable? Which is the most useful? The most likely to promote understanding? Even if you believe (which I don't) that the man has no obligation to explain himself to his bishop when asked, isn't that the way people who want to build Zion would deal with their leaders?
I don't know all the answers. I believe that "trust but verify" is politico-speak for "don't trust". But I cannot find anything amiss when a bishop inquires about an obviously non-standard arrangement of things. That's his duty. And it is our duty to help him in that, to sustain him, including to explain ourselves when asked. That's my belief, anyway.

Patriarchal priesthood is a higher manifestation of the Melchizedek Priesthood from one viewpoint.  Someone who has the Patriarchal Priesthood is basically a part of the Patriarchal order.


https://www.lds.org/ensign/1993/02/what-every-elder-should-know-and-every-sister-as-well-a-primer-on-principles-of-priesthood-government?lang=eng

This is the best I can come up with. I thought the story had been referred to in a more recent General Conference but the only reference I hae been able to find is the April 1910 Conference Report. However, I strongly believe the story has been re-told many times in more recent times, by authoritative sources. Here is the story, found at http://www.oocities.org/wallygray25/tithing.htm. I think it is directly relevant to your query.
President George Albert Smith: (Following a stake conference he was accompanied home by a friend, and this conversation ensued:)
"'You know, I have heard many things in this conference, but there is only one thing that I do not understand the way you do.'
"I said, 'What is that?'
"'Well,' he said, ' it is about paying tithing.'
(The man then went on to explain how he did it.)
"'If I make ten thousand dollars in a year, I put a thousand dollars in the bank for tithing. I know why it is there. Then when the bishop comes and wants me to make a contribution for the chapel or give him a check for a missionary who is   going away, if I think he needs the money, I give him a check. If a family in the ward is in distress and needs coal or food or clothing or anything else, I write out a check. If I find a boy or a girl who is having difficulty getting through school in the East, I send a check. Little by little I exhaust the thousand dollars, and every dollar of it had gone where I know it has done good. Now, what do you think of that?'
President Grant: "I think you are a very generous man with someone else's property." (And he nearly tipped the car over.)
President Grant continued: "You have not paid any tithing. you have told me what you have done with the Lord's money but you have not told me that you have given anyone a penny of your own. He is the best partner you have in the world. He gives you everything you have, even the air you breathe. He has said you should take one-tenth of what comes to you and give it to the Church as directed by the Lord. You haven't done that; you have taken your best partner's money, and given it away."
(The man repented and latest started paying tithing the correct way." (Conference Report, April 1910, p. 6.)

This is the best I can come up with. I thought the story had been referred to in a more recent General Conference but the only reference I hae been able to find is the April 1910 Conference Report. However, I strongly believe the story has been re-told many times in more recent times, by authoritative sources. Here is the story, found at http://www.oocities.org/wallygray25/tithing.htm. I think it is directly relevant to your query.
President George Albert Smith: (Following a stake conference he was accompanied home by a friend, and this conversation ensued:)
"'You know, I have heard many things in this conference, but there is only one thing that I do not understand the way you do.'
"I said, 'What is that?'
"'Well,' he said, ' it is about paying tithing.'
(The man then went on to explain how he did it.)
"'If I make ten thousand dollars in a year, I put a thousand dollars in the bank for tithing. I know why it is there. Then when the bishop comes and wants me to make a contribution for the chapel or give him a check for a missionary who is   going away, if I think he needs the money, I give him a check. If a family in the ward is in distress and needs coal or food or clothing or anything else, I write out a check. If I find a boy or a girl who is having difficulty getting through school in the East, I send a check. Little by little I exhaust the thousand dollars, and every dollar of it had gone where I know it has done good. Now, what do you think of that?'
President Grant: "I think you are a very generous man with someone else's property." (And he nearly tipped the car over.)
President Grant continued: "You have not paid any tithing. you have told me what you have done with the Lord's money but you have not told me that you have given anyone a penny of your own. He is the best partner you have in the world. He gives you everything you have, even the air you breathe. He has said you should take one-tenth of what comes to you and give it to the Church as directed by the Lord. You haven't done that; you have taken your best partner's money, and given it away."
(The man repented and latest started paying tithing the correct way." (Conference Report, April 1910, p. 6.)

Even a half experienced charity worker can tell you that prevevtion is better than cure. You can help to prevent my homelessness by contributing to my mortgage. Then I'll invite you to dinner so that you can see the effect your money is having.

There's a whole group of cakes somewhere nearby? 

Sounds like zil's not working hard enough if you have to pay someone for the upgrades 

You're looking in the wrong place for an answer. I suggest you go to the General Conference section of lds.org and do a search using the word tithing. If you look long enough you will come to a told in General Conference many years ago where one of the apostles relates an incident, and his response, to almost exactly the same kind of situation that you are proposing. The prophetic response was different from your proposal.
 

God is indeed Spirit. Our scriptures indicate such as well. But that is not the same thing as being a spirit. Man is also Spirit. 
Furthermore, Joseph Smith taught in the Lectures on Faith the following about the attributes of God:
Before we came to the earth, each of us was (and is) Spirit. We came to the earth and took upon ourselves tabernacles of clay, made of the dust of the earth. Or at least Adam was and so we all are. Likewise, Jehovah condescended to take upon Himself flesh becoming a "Son," though returning to heaven a "Father," still Spirit, but also clothed in glory and power, having overcome all enemies, including death, thus possessing all perfection and fullness. We, however, do not possess such glory or power or fullness. There are also those not yet born into the world who are spirits, but also Spirit. Context matters in these things, but as mentioned in the above post, spirit has various meanings, for example:
 

I once printed it onto a bar of soap. That Cake was a lye.

What's to keep you from seeing Church funds help people?  What's to keep you from participating yourself?  
Is it the fact that it goes into a collective big pipe and then a bunch of little pipes bother you?  Would you rather just buy something (relatively) small yourself and go "look I did this!".  If it's the big pool that bothered you, does it likewise bother you to see >$60,000 of your income tax alone go into a trillion dollar extremely corrupt and messy pot known as the US government?  
So you're complaining about how the church is too fat and doesn't spend money helping people, and then complain that is does not splurge unnecessary funds on... decorations?  
Tithing money =/= your money.
Malachi 3:8 shows Him doing just that...
How many times in this sentence did you mentions the poor any needy?  How many times did you reference YOU or "YOUR" stuff?  What is the real focus of your post here?  Not judging, just asking questions.

natess.