askandanswer

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  1. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from Latter Days Guy in Compromise - for askandanswer   
    The question that led to Tess's response was a request for Tess to elaborate on her understanding of the difference between compromise and bending as Tess stated in one of her posts on the thread about attending a gay marriage that one should not have to bend to show love. I think her response in this thread provides an answer to that question which might be suitable for only a fairly narrow range of circumstances where bending, or compromising might be desirable. In the example of the burnt toast, the husband compromises his principle of honesty in order to relieve any concern his wife might have about the fact that she has burnt the toast and I can see in that example how the same effect  - relieving any concern - could be achieved without the husband compromising his principle of honesty, and I can see how that approach might work. However, as I said, this illustrates only quite a small sub-set of circumstances in which it might not be necessary to compromise and I believe that bending by both partners is an important component of a successful marriage. For example:
     
    My wife and I have significantly different beliefs about the relative importance of form and function. I believe that the function of my car is entirely unaffected by how dirty it is or how much rubbish there is in the back seat but she strongly dislikes travelling in a dirty car. We compromise so the car gets washed more often than is needed to maintain satisfactory performance, and less often than she would like.
     
    My philosophy of gardening is, with few exceptions, that if something is green and growing, you leave it alone and let it do its thing. My wife's approach is that everything must be in neat, straight, orderly rows and that small well trimmed bushes are greatly preferable to large disorderly trees. So we accommodate each other. In the garden, there are my areas and her areas. We haven't bent but we have learned to accept difference and respect each other's view.
     
    We have different approaches to parenting. I much prefer free range parenting where I set few, but firm standards, and then give the kids considerable autonomy. She likes to know where they are, who they are with, what they are doing, and when and how they will get home, and any changes to any of the above. The kids prefer to minimise the amount of information they are willing to give us. We have all reached a compromise whereby the amount of information we want and get from the kids depends on a bunch of variables such as the time and importance of the activity, who else will be there, and whether its a school, social or church activity.Its sometimes more information than I think we need, less information than my wife would like, and more information than what the kids want to give.
     
    I think when a partner sees that we are willing to, or actually do, give up/compromise/bend/modify a belief, value, principle or standard, for their sake, that they are likely to appreciate and value that, and maybe even see it as one of the many ways in which we can show love for them, and depending on which principle is being give up, and what it is replaced by, this can be a good thing. Naturally, care should be taken when trying to find the right balance between maintaining one's principles and showing love for one's spouse as there are many situations where holding too closely to one can result in losing the other. 
    Ideally, if we have married the right person, the principles or values that we give up or modify are replaced by higher principles that our spouse is already living.  
     
    When reflecting on the example of the burnt toast, I have come to the slightly alarming realisation that my own, somewhat churlish response would be to eat all of the toast without comment, good or bad, but to probably not give any appreciation for it, even though my wife has gone out of her way to do something nice for me. That is something that I will need to change.
     
    Thank you Tess for taking the time to prepare a well considered reply to my query.
  2. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from PolarVortex in Attending a Gay Wedding   
    I think the only reliable conclusion that can be made about a person attending a gay wedding is that they are attending a gay wedding. I don’t think their attendance is sufficient evidence to draw a conclusion that they are supporting, condoning or endorsing the event. It’s possible that that’s the reason why they are there but there are a hundred other possibilities as well. Unless the attendee has directly told us why they are there, we shouldn’t try to make any guesses as to their views on gay marriage simply because of their attendance at a gay wedding. I would hope that people would form their opinions, or make their judgements, on more substantial evidence than that. 
  3. Like
    askandanswer reacted to estradling75 in Attending a Gay Wedding   
    Lets run this analogy...  
     
    Lets say your child lies dying in the hospital due to an attempt at suicide.  Would you consider showing up at their bedside a a sign of support for their actions and choices that lead to their suicide?  Or would you be there because in spite of all their poor choices because when it comes right down to it this is a time you need to be there.  Both for yourself and for them?
  4. Like
    askandanswer reacted to pkstpaul in Attending a Gay Wedding   
    If would be disheartening if the Church DID make a statement on this. We are taught principles to live by not what side of the bed to get out of each day.
  5. Like
    askandanswer reacted to NightSG in Attending a Gay Wedding   
    We don't?
     
    Anybody know a good cosmetic surgeon?
  6. Like
    askandanswer reacted to NeuroTypical in To Latter Days Guy   
    Groupug.
     

  7. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from mordorbund in Left Socks and Right Socks   
    Both left and right socks have a hole - its generally at the top of the sock and it's how you get your foot into the sock.
     
    if its too much of a problem, maybe just remove the feet, then no more socks are needed.
  8. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from Backroads in Early riser   
    Its easy when you work from your laptop even if it is al l l  l l  the way out in the kitchen
  9. Like
    askandanswer reacted to Honor in LDS.net Annual General Conference get-together   
    This would be a little more realistic of Pam in that dress...

  10. Like
    askandanswer reacted to Honor in LDS.net Annual General Conference get-together   
    I resent the assumption that I look THAT much like a dude!
     
    I'd at LEAST shave for the occasion!
  11. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from Blackmarch in A-Z things u do NOT want under your bed   
    So Vort wouldn’t want his father-in-law, lava or ninjas under his bed, funky town doesn’t like dirty diapers, assassins, snakes, foul filth or ferrets, Bini wouldn’t want the undead, Angel Marvel is opposed to vampires and kinky people, Jimmi wouldn’t plutonium under his bed, mirkwood doesn’t want rotten bodies or demons, and for some strange reason, paleride is opposed to possums and hobbits.
     
    Come on, what is it with you people? I've never encountered such blatant discrimination! Learn a little tolerance and acceptance and be open to new friends and experiences. Y’all should try to follow Isaiah’s teachings 
     
    The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together;
  12. Like
    askandanswer reacted to MrShorty in Thoughts on inequality   
    As speculations go, it is interesting
     
    My first thought is that this sounds similar to some of the ideas that were proffered as explanations for the priesthood ban. In its recent essay, the Church officially disavows this kind of thinking as an explanation for that specific piece of our history. So, as intriguing as the idea might be, I don't know if we as a Church really believe that our station in this life is some kind of "reward" for our valiance in our previous existence.
     
    However, I do believe that our pre-mortal existence has some bearing on our station and opportunities in this life -- I'm just not sure how it all comes together. Clearly, the book of Abraham teaches that, among the noble and great ones in the pre-mortal life, some are chosen to become prophets and other leaders.
     
    My personal suspicion is that some of the "inequality" that we see in mortal life is not necessarily predicated on valiance or sloth in the pre-mortal existence. Rather, I sometimes wonder if it is much more personal and individual than that.
    "I need You, noble and great one, to be a prophet/apostle to this group to be a special witness for Christ."
    "You, noble and great one, have need of the trials and challenges of being born into poverty and spiritual darkness."
    "You, noble and great one, have little need for an extended mortal experience, but those who will be your earthly parents need the challenge of watching and caring for a child born with illnessX and passing before the age of 2."
     
    If there is any truth in my speculations, I suspect that these are the kind of things that we will not likely know in this life. Only sometime after passing through the veil will we be able to see each mortal life in its complete context and be able to see and understand why the inequalities of mortal life really existed and what their purpose was.
  13. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from Crypto in LDS.net Annual General Conference get-together   
    Come on guys, be adventurous and think outside the square. I've scoped out an excellent location for an October get together here in Australia.  
     

  14. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from Leah in Dating a misson bound girl   
    Think about where the call came from - her mission call is signed by the Prophet. Will you argue against the prophet and try to persuade someone to act contrary to the will of God as expressed through His prophet? That sounds like a poor foundation on which to start a marriage. Also think about how much better she will be as a wife once she has experienced the extraordinary growth in knowledge, faith, wisdom and commitment that comes from serving a full time mission. If you love her now, just think how much more you will love her once she has finished her mission.
     
    I first became attracted to the woman who is now my wife while she was serving a mission, but I made sure that she never had any idea how I felt about her until after she had finished her mission.  
  15. Like
    askandanswer reacted to spamlds in how can we tell good from evil   
    There was an anecdote shared by Sister Shari Dew where she related how she came to discern good from evil.  She was appointed by the Church to attend a UN conference on the family.  She expressed frustration that the meetings were dominated by feminists, progressives, homosexual activists, and others who seemed to be purposefully trying to redefine and undermine the traditional family.  She sought to connect with allies who would be supportive of the Church (and the Lord's) purposes.  She said she be became frustrated because it was difficult to tell who the good ones were and who were the evil ones.  She prayed hard for guidance and suddenly clarity came. The evil ones were the mean ones.
     
    She began to notice, after that prompting, that the people who were actively working against God's way were almost uniformly unpleasant, argumentative, scornful, derisive, and even hateful against those who were on the Lord's side of the issues.  They were animated by pride and had contempt for others.  With that understanding, she was more readily able to connect with people who wanted to do the right thing.
     
    Almost universally, those who are under the devil's influence will become angry when the following subjects emerge: Jesus Christ, his Church, priesthood keys, and the witnesses of the Book of Mormon, among others.  I have seen seemingly nice Christians turn flat out mean-spirited when those topics come up.  The reason?  Satan can't abide them.  If a person has yielded his heart in any way to the Adversary, he will show up to oppose those things.  They transform just like those "agents" in "The Matrix" in an instant.  It's a remarkable thing to see.  It happens frequently on the Internet.
     
    I was once visiting a Christian forum and they were having a debate about baptism.  I gave a solution from the scriptures that they found novel and satisfying--until they realized I was LDS.  Then the discussion turned in to an anti-Mormon bash.  Never mind that the LDS view settled their issue to their satisfaction.  When they learned it was derived from LDS doctrine, Satan's spirit took hold and all the bigotry and intolerance just spilled out.  One minute, they were nice, pleasant denominational Christians and the next they were raving, hatemongers.  What changed?  Priesthood authority emerged and Satan had to oppose it.  It happens all the time.
     
    So how do we figure out which ones are the evil ones?  We bear witness of the truth and stand by to see who rails against it.
  16. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from pam in LDS.net Annual General Conference get-together   
    Come on guys, be adventurous and think outside the square. I've scoped out an excellent location for an October get together here in Australia.  
     

  17. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from Sunday21 in My walk to work this morning   
    Isn't that a little too far? Couldn't you just move the kitchen table into the bedroom? 
  18. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from PolarVortex in Dating a misson bound girl   
    Think about where the call came from - her mission call is signed by the Prophet. Will you argue against the prophet and try to persuade someone to act contrary to the will of God as expressed through His prophet? That sounds like a poor foundation on which to start a marriage. Also think about how much better she will be as a wife once she has experienced the extraordinary growth in knowledge, faith, wisdom and commitment that comes from serving a full time mission. If you love her now, just think how much more you will love her once she has finished her mission.
     
    I first became attracted to the woman who is now my wife while she was serving a mission, but I made sure that she never had any idea how I felt about her until after she had finished her mission.  
  19. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from notquiteperfect in LDS.net Annual General Conference get-together   
    Come on guys, be adventurous and think outside the square. I've scoped out an excellent location for an October get together here in Australia.  
     

  20. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from Ratbag in Doctrines verses personal covenants   
    "True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior.

    The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel."

    Boyd K Packer, October 1986 General Conference
  21. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from notquiteperfect in My walk to work this morning   
    Isn't that a little too far? Couldn't you just move the kitchen table into the bedroom? 
  22. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from pam in My walk to work this morning   
    Isn't that a little too far? Couldn't you just move the kitchen table into the bedroom? 
  23. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from Litzy in My walk to work this morning   
    Isn't that a little too far? Couldn't you just move the kitchen table into the bedroom? 
  24. Like
    askandanswer got a reaction from Vort in My walk to work this morning   
    I've said it before and I'll say it again....
     
    I have lots of cousins....
     
    .... and they all need visas.
     
    Is this one of your cousins who needs a visa? :) 
  25. Like
    askandanswer reacted to Just_A_Guy in I feel called to the LDS Church...but I still don't know if it's true   
    If memory serves, it took 145 years for D&C 137 to make it into the canon.  When you're in a church that purports to be led by modern revelation, "never say never" is a fairly safe maxim to live by. 
     
     
     
    a)  If God could set one set of requirements for the salvation of Jews in 1000 BC and another for the salvation of non-Jews in AD 35, why can't He have one set of requirements for the salvation of blacks in 1848 and another set for the salvation of blacks in 1979? 
    b )  Let us assume that holding the priesthood and temple rites are, objectively speaking, required for the exaltation ALL people, regardless of when or where they lived.
     
    The LDS Church currently has a policy that it will not do proxy temple ordinances (including, for males, proxy priesthood ordinations) for Jewish victims of the Holocaust (unless a particular victim has a living descendant who authorizes the work).  Theologically, that policy makes it literally impossible for certain Jews to return to their Heavenly Father, or to be with their families forever.
     
    Now, the leadership of the Mormon Church--and the bulk of its members--have accepted the policy because i) it facilitates the Church's work in other arenas, and ii) I think most of us have the gut sense that the restriction is temporary and that, sooner or later, the work will be done.
     
    If it's OK to do that with dead Jews (who, per Mormon theology, are still conscious and presumably are very frustrated indeed at the delay in the work for their salvation), why is it unacceptable to do that with any other race if the net result is in the Church's best interest?
     
     
    I don't have the time to get into the scriptural details on such a discussion; but I would note in passing that my children's relationship with me in our nuclear family is not remotely threatened or diminished by the existence of my children's grandfather.  As far as my kids are concerned, I'm still "daddy"; and to them, that's all that matters.