believingisachoice

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  1. Like
    believingisachoice got a reaction from Sunday21 in Is it okay to marry a foreign man?   
    Staistically speaking if you marry someone from another culture your chances for a successful marriage are not as good. But spiritual confirmation trumps stats any day. Good luck.
  2. Like
    believingisachoice got a reaction from MrShorty in Is it okay to marry a foreign man?   
    Staistically speaking if you marry someone from another culture your chances for a successful marriage are not as good. But spiritual confirmation trumps stats any day. Good luck.
  3. Like
    believingisachoice got a reaction from David13 in Fiance cheated   
    I was thinking to myself why any woman would try to work our a relationship with an ex fiancee who cheated? Must live in Utah were the gender ratio is 1:3. Honey, read the writing on the wall. If you end up with this guy, any and all really stupid infidelity decisions he may make shouldn't be a surprise.
  4. Like
    believingisachoice got a reaction from Blackmarch in Is it okay to marry a foreign man?   
    Staistically speaking if you marry someone from another culture your chances for a successful marriage are not as good. But spiritual confirmation trumps stats any day. Good luck.
  5. Like
    believingisachoice got a reaction from RuthiesMom in Devastated and Lost   
    I remember my experience finding out the hat, rock, tresure hunting, etc. but I didn't throw in the towel. However I did have the thought that this all may indeed be a lie. However I kept studying and used FairLDS for some help on some questions. My testimony came out stronger afterwards, but it took a year of independant study to secure my concerns.
     
    I believe that is why the church recently put out those "Gospel topics", which is a good first step. Hang in there there are anwsers to your questions.
  6. Like
    believingisachoice got a reaction from NightSG in My wife has decided to leave the church.   
    First I'm sorry this is happening to you. Second, your wife is questioning everything when her parents get a divorce. Divorce is detrimental even to adult children. I.e. "Mom, how can you tell me what is good or bad seeing that you married the wrong man, and were making major life mistakes into your 30's or 40's?"
     
    Hang in there, many times there type of situations take years of independent study by the individual to sort out. It is okay for her to do that. Just try and keep the marriage and family together. God will work a miracle.
  7. Like
    believingisachoice got a reaction from Blackmarch in Devastated and Lost   
    I remember my experience finding out the hat, rock, tresure hunting, etc. but I didn't throw in the towel. However I did have the thought that this all may indeed be a lie. However I kept studying and used FairLDS for some help on some questions. My testimony came out stronger afterwards, but it took a year of independant study to secure my concerns.
     
    I believe that is why the church recently put out those "Gospel topics", which is a good first step. Hang in there there are anwsers to your questions.
  8. Like
    believingisachoice reacted to Litzy in Devastated and Lost   
    When I joined the Church after high school, I ran into many of these very things and others. I had the advantage of not growing up in the Church with whatever expectations of history I would have. Honestly speaking, I found the idea of the stones charming.
     
    Researching these findings is good, but as others have said please stick to the truth of your testimony.
     
    These discoveries are just things and details. Who are we to put qualifications on truth?
     
    We can't say "I will accept Truth as long as the prophet has a red beard, enjoys checkers, and isn't allergic to dogs." (I know your discoveries aren't nearly so trite, but I do feel strongly it's about the same thing. "I will  accept Truth as long as the history includes a 5 pilgrimages, neither 4 nor 6, and has a scripture precisely 738 pages long in Times New Roman font."
     
    And, possibly what you are looking for, "I will accept Truth as long as it is politically correct by the standards of 2015, not 1827, not 1989, and not subject to any change in politically correct standards for the next ten years."
     
    History is what it is. Are magic stones of revelation any crazier than Deity appearing to a boy?
  9. Like
    believingisachoice reacted to Charlyc in Disfellowship - How It Works   
    What is given after baptism ie the gift of the holy ghost, is withdrawn and one is like any other non member, who can feel the spirit but not as a constant companion. Some people who I saw excommunicated would comment later that they then knew what it meant to have the holy ghost now that they had lost its companionship.
    Re Carl62,
    Because of the process. General comments are that about 7 out of 10 excommunicated never return (although the church doesn't admit or publish this) and the process can be exhausting; the person needs to spend at least a year in church without taking the sacrament, then be re interviewed by Bishop and convince him that you have repented fully, if its an elder he also has to convince the SP first that he is fully repented, then have a new disciplinary council and have that go well, then be rebaptized formally; oh and the records would have been canceled and sometimes there's a messup getting the records back from HQ, then if endowed you have to wait another year after baptism before applying to first presidency for a 'restoration of blessings' and then if approved (can take 2 months to 12 months for the paperwork to return) be interviewed by a general authority, who sometimes is a apostle, and convince him that you've fully repented....well, its obvious that it's better not to sin in the first place.
  10. Like
    believingisachoice reacted to PebbleInAPond in Disfellowship - How It Works   
    It's interesting how the Church's official position is the murder and adultery (next to denying the Holy Ghost) are the two most serious sins a person can commit. In reality, murder harms a persons body, while domestic violence harms a person's soul. I have seen atrocities committed that are way worse than murder or adultery/fornication.
    I disagree with the point that more people should be disfellowshipped/excommunicated to help them repent. The vast majority of those who enter the Church's disfellowshipped/excommunication process never, ever emerge as healthy members again. As a business person you can't continue using a process with such a high failure rate. Too often the disciplinary process looks to correct behavior and not treat the root of the problem. This is the reason that so many who do come back from DF/ExComm end up back in the process again....only to ultimately fail again.
    The DF/ExComm process is slow, lonely, provide very little if any real guidance, has poor communication, and more often than not, provides very little hope. More people need to be left in fellowship and in active association and participation with the general body of the church. Remove them from a calling? Sure! Limit temple attendance? Yes for a while! But process that drag on for years is not right. The current process actually forces more people to fear the repentance process and keeps them from clearing things up and serving in positions of leadership and trust when they shouldn't and live a life overshadowed by guilt.
    By some estimations, roughly 80% of male LDS members have problems with pornography. Out of fear of the repentance process most will never come forward to get help. These tendencies and habits will destroy a marriage and a family (again an act way worse than murder). Bishops and SP and HC's need better training, the process needs to be better structured and more consistently applied, and members need to be less scared of the process and less judgemental of those who are in them.
  11. Like
    believingisachoice got a reaction from Lilac in I honestly do not know what to do any more....   
    "He chose poorly"...that was the exact thought that came to my mind after reading your situation Eli. By the way, that line is from Indiana Jones when the guy drinks out of the gold cup and melts away...but I digress.
     
    You should have picked up on the signs that your wife had deep emotional and anxiety issues in your courtship and marriage. Your wife is Exhibit A on someone that has little self knowledge and big confidence issues. Why did you marry her?!?!?! Is it because you are a white knight? I think it may be... Mormon men are notoriuos for "white-knighting".
     
    A "white-knighting" is when healthy men save women from a poor situation. This often is perpetuated from the example of your father, but I won't get in to all that.
     
    Eli, let me perhaps give you some advice that no one else may give you. IN MY OPIONION, if I were you....you're in your first year of marriage, I would just say you either change your behavior and we get counseling and I'm out. She is not the person you thought she would be huh? And honestly she sounds crazy, and that's a strong word to use but I feel it's justified with some of her claims. If any women--let alone it be my wife--accussed me of incest or incestual thoughts with my mother or my cousins I was be let's just say...upset. Such comments could land you prision, and they are very serious if heard by someone else and it become reported.
     
    DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS WOMAN!! Again, do not...have a child...with...her. Do you want to go to family court for 30 years and have to pay alimony to support her lifestyle. She will want you to have a child with her because she then has power over you basically the rest of your life. Maybe it never occurred to Eli but there are a lot of deceptive, dangerous and nasty women in this world. Now that may not be her, but as I mentioned because with the incest comments...err that's cray.
     
    Honestly you have no kids, she needs years of help, she shows signs of an abuser (i.e. seperating and isolating you from others; family etc.) I would leave her. "Hey this isn't work for me and you simply need more self knowledge if you want to have children, which I'm not prepared to give you." Boom. She makes immediate changes and restitution or walk.
     
    Look Eli you sound like a great guy. There are tons of women single, divorced, widowed even--that would love to have a guy like you. I've never been divorced, but I know people can find joy in life after divorce. Plus think about your first next date with a nice well grounded girl and explaining on your first date, "Yeah she accused me of incest with my Mom." --"Whoa she was crazy" is how she would respond.
     
    Review:
    1.] Don't whiteknight.
    2.] Under no circumstances have children with her unless she changes and you have spiritual confirmation.
    3.] Do let her accuss and speak to you like that. (Don't be doormat like a lot of 'nice mormon boys')
    4.] Open yourself emotionally that his marriage may end or continue but either way you will not go through life with anyone you treats poorly and tries to manipulate you.
     
    Good luck...
  12. Like
    believingisachoice reacted to NeuroTypical in Facing divorce. Give in and give up or push forward?   
    Statistically, children who grow up in the aftermath of a divorce, are more likely to get divorced themselves, more likely to be convicted of a crime and imprisoned, less likely to start or finish college, and more likely to live under the poverty line.
     
    Not saying that any of that stuff would happen to your kids, but if he cares about them, you'd think he'd want to tilt the odds in their favor instead of stacking the deck against them.
  13. Like
    believingisachoice got a reaction from Janadele in Is it okay to marry a foreign man?   
    Staistically speaking if you marry someone from another culture your chances for a successful marriage are not as good. But spiritual confirmation trumps stats any day. Good luck.
  14. Like
    believingisachoice got a reaction from Bini in Is it okay to marry a foreign man?   
    Staistically speaking if you marry someone from another culture your chances for a successful marriage are not as good. But spiritual confirmation trumps stats any day. Good luck.
  15. Like
    believingisachoice got a reaction from mrmarklin in Am I Justified to Leave for Lack of Love?   
    The simple question is if I do not have my sexual needs fulfilled after a sustained period in my marriage then am I justified to leave my wife? This is of course after trying theraphy, "doing more around the house" and such.
     
    Esspecially since after a while of no romantic contact you start having bad thoughts to divert attention to someone outside your spouse.
  16. Like
    believingisachoice got a reaction from Backroads in Forgiving when action keeps occuring   
    Why did you marry an abusive man? You said it's been happening your entire marriage which is troubling esspecially because you then new he was abuse and had two subsequent children with him? Did your therapist ask you why you had two children with an abusive individual?
     
    From how you've described your husband he sounds like a very shallow person. He also disrepects garments and that is a spiritual red flag.
     
    Advice--pack your bags and start the transition to divorce endless he changes behavior. A toxic relationship like that will only hurt your children as well. He needs theraphy and has a lot of unprocessed trauma. Good luck.
  17. Like
    believingisachoice got a reaction from NightSG in hesitant to be sealed to husband   
    What's wrong with you is that the needed healing has not occurred within you. You do not have a problem. He drank and cheated not you.
     
    Deep down you feel that he could easily revert back to his old ways. You need what every person in your situation needs--spiritual confirmation. Good luck.