carrotsails

Members
  • Posts

    5
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by carrotsails

  1. I put this in response to the article, but I also want to put it here. The first and biggest problem with this article is misunderstanding of the true definition of Self-Esteem. And, as to the TED Talk, he never defines it either. He discusses our need to rid of it, but never actually defines what it is. From how he described each point, it’s evident he isn’t any more aware of the true definition as is the author of this article. Then, in the video he uses an example of a healthy way his own self-esteem was promoted in being told regularly that he was loved, thereby contradicting his own argument. If the definition of building one’s self-esteem is to be repeatedly told how wonderful and perfect we are, then I would agree with both this article and video. If our self-esteem was dependent upon our being bigger and better at everything than the next person, then I would believe with this article and the video. These behaviors are detrimental to a self-esteem and in fact do create narcissistic and entitled individuals continually dependent on the praise of other people. However, thankfully so, these are not the definition of self-esteem. Nathaniel Branden, author of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem explains, “Sometimes self-esteem is confused with boasting or bragging or arrogance; but such traits reflect not too much self-esteem, but too little; they reflect a lack of self-esteem. Persons of high self-esteem are not driven to make themselves superior to others; they do not seek to prove their value by measuring themselves against a comparative standard. Their joy is in being who they are, not in being better than someone else.” Yes, it’s nice to have what we already know validated by another, but a person with a healthy level of self-esteem doesn’t allow someone else who challenges what we know about ourselves to drive our self-esteem. Nathan goes on to define self-esteem with two components: “One is a sense of basic confidence in the face of life’s challenges: self-efficacy. The other is a sense of being worthy of happiness: self-respect….Self-efficacy means confidence in the functioning of my mind, in my ability to think, understand, learn, choose, and make decisions; confidence in my ability to understand the facts of reality that fall within the sphere of my interests and needs; self-trust; self-reliance”. That is not narcissism, it’s a personal assurance that you are okay in the world, can function within it and provide to its functionality. The man in the video discusses how he handled his daughters concern for being a capable soccor player. He was correct in how he handled it. He actually served her self-esteem while believing he wasn’t holding to it. Nathaniel explains, ““When our illusion of self-esteem rests on the fragile support of never being challenged, when our insecurity finds evidence of rejection where no rejection exists, then it is only a matter of time until our inner bomb explodes. The form of the explosion is self-destructive behavior—and the fact that one may have an extraordinary intelligence is no protection. Brilliant people with low self-esteem act against their interests every day” One of the best examples of how to build self-esteem I’ve heard is to allow them to determine their worth on their own from the words not spoken. If I tell little Johnny, “You are so wonderful f” after he cleans up the book shelf by placing the books in order!” That doesn’t build self-esteem. The only thing Johnny gets from it is that he somehow wonderful. To what extend is he wonderful? Why is he wonderful? But, if you say to Johnny, “Thank you, Johnny, for cleaning up the bookshelf and placing the books in order. Because of this, we will be able to find what we need more easily.” Then, Johnny is able to deduce on his own that he did a good thing, he helped out, he fits into this world, he is safe in this world, and he made a beneficial contribution to his fellow classmates. That tells him so much more than a hallow wonderful. Nathaniel explains the difference between the destruction of a poor self-esteem and the benefits to a healthy one, ““Poor self-esteem correlates with irrationality, blindness to reality, rigidity, fear of the new and unfamiliar, inappropriate conformity or inappropriate rebelliousness, defensiveness, over-compliant or over-controlling behavior, and fear of or hostility toward others.” “High self-esteem seeks the challenge and stimulation of worthwhile and demanding goals. Reaching such goals nurtures good self-esteem. Low self-esteem seeks the safety of the familiar and undemanding. Confining oneself to the familiar and undemanding serves to weaken self-esteem…. Research shows that high-self-esteem subjects will persist at a task significantly longer than low-self-esteem subjects…. The higher our self-esteem, the more disposed we are…. The healthier our self-esteem, the more inclined we are to treat others with respect, benevolence, goodwill, and fairness—since we do not tend to perceive them as a threat, and since self-respect is the foundation of respect for others. With healthy self-esteem, we are not quick to interpret relationships in malevolent, adversarial terms. We do not approach encounters with automatic expectations of rejection, humiliation, treachery, or betrayal…. Research shows that a well-developed sense of personal value and autonomy correlates significantly with kindness, generosity, social cooperation, and a spirit of mutual aid” To say that we don’t need to be emotionally independent, emotionally intelligent and strong as an individual but can only rely on other people to do it for use, because they’re going to be there anyway, is like saying we don’t need two arms or two legs – we can simply use the one. But, who is to say the right arm is up to doing the work of both the right and the left arm? Who is to say it should have the responsibility for the functions of both arms? And, who is to say the right and left arm have the same functionality? They don’t. They are mirrored. They have their own strength. Yes, the right arm could be strengthened with the extra use in the absence of the left arm. But, the right arm could never entirely replace the function required of and in the same perfection that could be carried out by the left arm. They are interdependent. So is our function in this life. We are interdependent. We require a level of independence and dependence. My emotional and mental well-being is just as important as my physical, mental, and spiritual health. You wouldn’t suggest to me any of those are any less necessary than required of me to live a functional, healthy, and productive life so why suggest I don’t need a healthy, well-balanced self-esteem to guide myself through life. The five prepared of the Ten Virgins couldn’t share their oil with the other unprepared five because otherwise they wouldn’t have enough for themselves. We need to put our own oxygen masks on before we help others. Taking time to take care of ourselves allows us to have the strength necessary to help other people efficiently. Knowing where our boundaries of healthy sacrifice allow us to sustain our service to humanity long term. How happy Heavenly Father must feel when he knows we have those positive attributes and still become like a child, are obedient and faithful because now we know we are independent enough while know we are still dependent on Him, we still turn to Him. We are interdependent with Him. We do all we can and have He’ll meet us in the middle. We act instead of being acted upon. If there is anything Satan doesn’t want us to have is a healthy self-esteem; a healthy sense of self, a health sense of self-respect, competence, confidence, inner and outward strength, and the like. So, what does he do? He confuses the definition of such so some who are well-meaning can suggest we need to do away with it.
  2. I am wanting to learn to meditate because I've recently learned of health benefits regarding it's practice. It's good to know it's in keeping with gospel standards, too.
  3. You need to simply wait. For one, you cannot know a person long distance like that. Each time you are together you are on your best behavior. So, you're not really learning each other's guinuine person. Right now you both just like the 'idea' of would could be and what you think you see in one another. (Believe me, I've been there so I know you're thinking - "but, you don't know how much we've learned about each other each time we're together!" The truth is, you don't and the fact that you're thinking about another girl shows doubt). So, don't rush into anything. In fact, with both of you still in high school, you shouldn't be dating exclusively. It's robbing you of the opportunity to meet a variety of people, learn about different personalities, and so on. Again, don't rush into anything. If it's real, it'll stay put long enough for you to feel confident about the person and your relationship with her. The fact that you are torn right now shows you do not have that confidence yet.
  4. I believe I am both liberal and conservative depending on the topic and even the argument within a topic. The question posed doesn't give enough information. Simply being liberal is very vague. Furthermore, what evidence is there that these people fell away as a result of their being liberal? Their explanation for falling away seems to be assumed that it was because they were liberal when in fact it could have been something completely unrelated. What I have found, regardless of political offiliation, liberal vs conservative stance, or religious belief, that there seems to be a problem in accepting people for who they are and for our differences of opinion. We seem to forget that people have their free agency, and that is included in an opinion opposite of our own. That challenge in and of itself is enough to build barriers and push people away.
  5. Hi, I'm brand new here. I am LDS and am hoping to meet new people, make new friends and answer gospel questions. I'm open minded and try not to judge. About myself, I have two beautiful girls and am a convert to the church since 1997. I am a graphic designer who works as an Illustrator for a large company. I love music and play the piano and organ and am learning the guitar. Though, I am not a great singer. I love digital scrapbooking and spray paint art. Soon I will start an Etsy shop to sell my artwork. I am learning sign-language so I can interpret for a woman at church. I can solve a regular rubik cube as well as a 12-sided one. I look forward to getting to know people here in this forum. :)