Wonderkid

I'm sorry for posting this and never replying, I've been reflecting since I made this post. First and foremost, I would like to thank you all for your input. The thing I confessed was not pornography, or a drug addiction. All things considered, when it comes to the commandments, I am okay. The problem is psychological. I have a strong urge to do something, that isn't safe, or legal. The reason i confessed this was because my urges have gotten stronger as of late, and if I were to marry this women, I needed her to know what goes on in my mind. As for relying on her to make me happy. One thing I want to make clear, my wife's happiness has always been a priority for me. I do everything in my power to make her happy. I don't do anything to get things back in return. In all honesty, I've done so many things in my past (I am in no way denying the power of the atonement) that still loom over my thoughts. I know this is ridiculous to say, but I honestly, don't deserve happiness. I've come to realize that the reasons I feel upset with her is because of the betrayal I feel when things go wrong. I married young (21 years old) and there are things that I do that are a little on the childish side (I read comic books, still play Pokemon,...okay and i still watch cartoons) but I try my best to be the man that can support, and love his family. Honestly, my drive is her. I want the best for her, and I would do anything for her. I've come to accept who my wife is. Yes, she has a tendency to want things done her way, and that's fine as long as I feel that it is reasonable. Some questioned why i married her after I saw who she was, and the reason is simple. I love her. I feel stupid considering divorce. That is not the solution. My wife loves me, and I am not going to let little fights get in the way of our happiness. I may not be the man i want to be yet, but I know with time, I will be that man and more, because i am willing to love unconditionally. Plus, my wife likes watching Invader Zim with me, and well, that's all I'll need. :)

I've recently gotten married to the women I love, and since we got married I noticed she isn't the woman I thought her to be. I am in no way saying I am perfect, I am far from it. I know I got my faults, I know that I am immature, and hard to talk to but I try. I try for her. When we were engaged, we had a small argument concerning trust, where I told her something personal, a struggle I was going through, and she used that struggle as a weapon and pretty much made me feel like something was wrong with me because of that struggle. After that instance, she lost my trust and I let her know it. Well she couldn't marry a man who didn't trust her, she threw the ring at me and left. I of course chased after her, scared that I would lose her for being honest. I caught up to her, and she changed into this nasty person who isn't my Love. She yelled at me, threatened me to change or she would go. I know I have problems, and I am sincerely trying to change them, but threatening to leave me after we announce our engagement to our friends and family...I have this feeling she planned this from the start to force me to be someone I am not. Fast forward a month, and we are married. We live together, and the magic was back. The trust was there again. But again, tonight, she shuts down on me, and I realize that I am not happy. I realize that I will never be happy with her. I married her because she made me feel special, she made me feel like it was alright to be a man of faults. I felt safe and secured, and was absolutely sure that this women would have my children, and we will be together for all eternity. But now, now it feels like she never cared for me. She just does her own thing, and I have to move aside to let her do what she wants. It's all about her, and I am not exaggerating. We do everything she wants. Its her way, or the highway. I love her, but I know deep down, she won't make me happy - which I know sounds ridiculous but its how i feel. I don't ask for much, I just want a women to be by my side, who will be there whenever I need her, and I obviously would do the same, but the marriage I'm in now, It's all one sided. I have no one to lean on, while she me and my entire family at her disposal. I'm scared of getting a divorce because I know deep down, if I leave her, I will lose all faith in finding love again. How can I trust again, when the women i love betrayed me? This relationship has also caused me to question my faith. I know its dumb to base the strength of your faith off of life but it's hard to not connect the two when your prayers where answered in the form of this individual. I just don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I was meant to be alone, or possibly, nothing at all to begin with.