Kayvex

Plot twist- In the end, what we think doesnt matter. Only God can judge. Love and understanding is our job, no matter what

I honestly don't have a clue what this article is talking about. "Less demanding"? Physically maybe, but some games demand a lot of thought, planning, strategy, tactics, and focus. And I socialized more before I quit Mass Multiplayer Games with teams and guilds (whom you talk with almost constantly, plan missions and raids with, and discuss personal lives and interests together) than I currently do in college studying alone in my room and at work where I am the only programmer on the team. This article seems incredibly biased. That's just my opinion. I agree porn certainly makes a mess of peoples expectations for relationships and sex, but I don't believe video games alter or deny reality. Most of the socially inept people I have met took up video games to find a way to communicate and escape the issues they already had in society (I took up video games because I was viciously bullied in middle school, and it often made me want to turn to violence or depression). It opens a world of opportunity for people with autism and asbergers. Games often tell interesting and complex stories, develop creative worlds, and allow the player to make decisions and consider concepts they never would have been exposed to. Sounds kinda familiar Like books Like reading books No one ever said reading books destroys manliness.... And the fact that this article tries to make a definition of what a "man" is is disgusting and non-scientific. My fiance has been a gamer his whole life. He is intelligent, observant, artistic (best painter I know), and understands social interaction more than I do. He may think sports are a plague on mankind, but does that make him unmanly? Does the fact that he'd rather be indoors reading or enjoying a videogame rather than outside on a field make him less masculine? Didn't even bother studying the tragedies of pornography. Most game studies show that video games have more positive influences than negative, and if the RULES are followed (Rated M is for ADULTS people, stop giving your developing 5 year old Grand Theft Auto and wondering why they think driving high speed chases sounds like fun and blaming video games) do no harm to kids or to the establishments of families. Heck, bonding time between my dad and I alternates between working in the garden to shooting Nazi Zombies on Call of Duty.

Gotta love Joan de Arc, either she was a saint of the Lord or she was just an incredible warwoman. You know she was 13 when she led her first unit? Incredible. She's been my hero forever. That being said. Yeah, counseling sounds good....

I love to let a forum fester for a little, I come back with a lot of interesting stuff to read! Capitalist_Oinker, thank you What you posted is really what I needed to hear, witness. I'm very evidence based and based on your evidence, I feel more confident about the statements and facts given on this topic. One could say, my testimony is strengthened on the matter. And thank you all for your comments and input. It's very fascinating to see the different opinions that all share a very similiar base in the Lord's word. There are so many details we will not have completely defined for us for a long time.... But we still try to learn don't we?

No big deal. My friends and I have "tea" all the time, as one of them is british and one of them is romanian. We just call it tea, but usually it's say, a late lunch or a get together. The second you start ripping too deep into things is when situations can get dangerous and "judgy". Just live! You aren't breaking the word of wisdom by putting a bit of orange juice in a teacup, and it's a good, enriching activity to gather in a calm and social setting. Worrying "oh it's called a tea party that could look bad", just makes it look bad, no?

To be honest, if she's getting mad that you dated people when you were younger..... something ain't right

Book of Eli. All my favorite things rolled into a movie. The apocalypse, and following the direct order of God. Great twist at the end.

As an avid gamer, I can personally say I have never played a perfectly clean game. Such a thing does not exist. It's media, just like movies. Even the Lion King has violence. That being said, stick to Nintendo and Disney based games if you are trying to keep safe, especially sexually. I didn't start playing videogames until I aged in for the ratings I was playing, and that is a suggestion I hold very strongly for everyone, not just for Mormons. And most games I played when I was younger I played with my father, who knew when to stop things. Epic Mickey, Viva Pinata, some old games like Blinx the Time Sweeper and Ty the Tasmanian Tiger, Zoo Tycoon (and any of the tycoon games such as Roller Coaster Tycoon, etc) are the most innocent games I've played. Rayman has some question content in some of it's editions, but it is an excellent game if you don't play too wildly in the bonus content in the menu. Always remember, these things are often what you make them. If Legend of Zelda gives you bad thoughts, I can honestly insist it is not the game... If very delicate and appropriate things are stimuli for you, seek professional help. Trust me, I know. Once you let your mind on that track, anything can affect it. Finding a way to get off of it is the key. Me, I don't mind the violent or scary games. To me they are just games, and I respect anyone who believes otherwise! I've just been so avid for so long, I don't like to miss out on all the good and positivity games give me. That being said, games i suggest to avoid... Grand Theft Auto, Saints Row For reasons

Ponies

I thought this post was about World of Warcraft.... I'll be going now

I've been lurking here for a bit now, and realized I never introduced myself! I'm Kayvax! I also go by several other names, but Kay and Vaxy work around these parts. I am a 19 year old true-blue born and bred member of the LDS church. I was born in Utah, moved to New Mexico when I was 2, and have lived in Georgia since I turned 10. I love a lot of things. I am a major food-nut, and can basically eat my own tiny weight in delicious foods. Burritos are especially a favorite. I also enjoy all cultural foods I've ever tried (and my asian friends always gave me an accurate taste of what they could make). I also love steak, curry, boba smoothies (no tea of course), noodles, honey, and lamb shanks. I'm currently in school studying Computer Science, with a focus in Computer Hacking. I have done a lot of hacking in my days, sketchy and not, but nothing illegal. I plan on becoming an ethical hacker for businesses to help consult them involving security and protecting their data and the data of their customers. It's a pretty good field these days! For now though, I am a zoo keeper at a small zoo here in Georgia. I manage the reptile house! Snakes are a passion of mine, and I breed Hognose snakes as a hobby (cute little buggers!). I also work at a small robotics company as a programmer and assistant. It's a living! Hobby-wise, I recently took up Warhammer 40k, and love the chaos of it all. I am also an avid gamer, playing everything I can find, but my genres are RPG's, free-roaming games, and survival horror! I also love cartoons, anime, and crime shows. I draw anthropomorphic animals for fun, and represent the people I know as animals (because I could never catch on drawing people!) I'm marrying my wonderful fiance in December, and look forward to an awesome eternity with an incredible and patient man.

I have never seen this movie, but now I feel like I need to. Words of mighty wisdom. Swimming through the poop? Never a good thing

I am really enjoying your guyses inputs and ideas on the matter. And it does seem to be changing with time. Many of the stories I heard were from people years and years ago. Perhaps that's why I've never met an excommunicated member, being young and in the young single adult ward. Vort, your post was exactly the specificity I needed. And Palerider, perhaps you are right, and the people aren't telling the whole story or there are outlying consequences and circumstances.

I like that Folk Prophet. Excommunication just doesnt seem like something that "frees" someone from responsibility for the covenants that they made. One of the reasons I came here for other opinions. I know for a fact theres a good number of people who tell lies about the church, or take things they misunderstood or didnt like and tell it in a perspective that just doesn't hit all the bases. But there are many stories of people who overcame great trials, and sometimes I wonder why they did. Why is my favorite word!

And that's kind of the vibe I had, that it was meant for the rebellious and people who had committed legal crimes that could cause serious trouble for them and the church. But there's so many examples of outliers, I'm just trying to understand it. Many of the people whose stories I read worked to come back the moment they were excommunicated, and fought to be redeemed. If that is the case, then why excommunicate them when the effort is so pure? Of course, I am NO priesthood authority nor do I know much on this subject to begin with, so I can't be waving my opinions around. I guess I'm more just curious. I'm very much a "Why?" person. I want to understand genuinely

1. I suppose. But if someone suddenly gets pulled from all callings and no longer preforms "normal" LDS tasks, close friends are sure to wonder. It isn't right of them to, but curiosity is a natural state of being. 2. BEYOND serious 3. And of course! The church is not trying to hurt anyone or their feelings, or put anyone through something they can't handle and use to grow. But what is a release from covenants exactly? And what does it do to the people who weren't really in the know that excommunication was something that could happen to them? A few of the stories I read, the people felt scared and blindsided, not really understanding that what they had done was so bad to warrant excommunication. For many, the fear and shame caused them to push the spirit away. While that is of course their choice, sometimes I wonder if we're taught enough about how truly severe consequences can be for serious sins. I know the excommunication is showing them how serious it is... but maybe if they knew beforehand, they wouldn't have gotten to such a dark point Heck, until I was 18 I didnt know people got excommunicated.... 18 years in the church and I had no clue. I'd been through some disciplinary processes in the church before even by that age, and to be honest... They were terrifying. I thought I was a terrible, undeserving person, and for a good chunk of time was tempted to seek peace elsewhere. It wasn't until a lucky day when the Bishop caught something I said and understood that my sin wasn't a sin, but sexual abuse, and managed to get me a good councilor guided by the spirit that I was finally able to be free from that sickness. If he had been just a moment later, I may have left the church or worse. Thank the Lord he had been listening to the promptings of the spirit! But it's so delicate. Excommunication just seems so much more delicate. I want to understand it's dynamics and the people who have to pray and ponder and worry over such things.

My dad has a friend who has a coffee problem, has for years. Still serves the church loyally. Don't know what permissions he isn't allowed but even though the church is well aware he drinks coffee they certainly don't prevent him from lending a hand in the ward and with activities. And he is a very good man. Maybe it means alcoholism or severe drug abuse

Oh no I agree it's a major sin. But excommunicating someone for it, especially if they come to the bishop about it honestly, seems so harsh. And I agree MormonGator, harsh is the word I'd use! I don't comprehend how someone who slipped up could earn the same punishment as someone who committed a crime such as child abuse or attempted rape. The list on the link estralding gave says "Disciplinary councils may also be convened to consider a member’s standing in the Church following serious transgression such as abortion, transsexual operation, attempted murder, rape, forcible sexual abuse, intentionally inflicting serious physical injuries on others, adultery, fornication, homosexual relations, child abuse (sexual or physical), spouse abuse, deliberate abandonment of family responsibilities, robbery, burglary, embezzlement, theft, sale of illegal drugs, fraud, perjury, or false swearing." That's quite the list, and a lot of it justified through the fact that law is involved, etc. I've read tales of both. The ones where people lied or flat out stated it wasn't a sin to the face of church leaders I understand the punishment for. But people who had gone to confession and gotten excommunicated for being honest, it was kinda heart wrenching. A lot of people stated being scared of confessing in fear of such punishments, and several people ran from the church after being excommunicated because the shame was so great. I feel theres a lot of culture things that aren't stated. I see how excommunication and disfellowship are used by our leaders reverently and properly, but it's so hard to guarantee that a person's spiritual development won't be stunted by members who quickly judge or otherwise harass. I don't know how common these things are, and it's a bit confusing! When I was little I didnt even really know the LDS church had excommunication (born in the church but it just doesn't come up that much). It seemed like such an alien concept.

So I was just researching willy-nilly the other day as I tend to do. I've always been a studier of doctrine, and recently saw a blogger got excommunicated. I don't have any clue who this guy is, but I understand that excommunication is a touchy subject and didn't want to think much of it. But I couldn't help it. I started digging with a desire to find what causes excommunication, what it means to be excommunicated on a spiritual scale, and understanding how and if one rebounds from such a blow. And frankly, I was shocked a bit. A good handful of people were waddling around the woodwork of my studies, telling their own tales of excommunication and disfellowship. I was surprised at how little some had done to experience such a punishment! But you can't trust everything you read on the internet! So I tried to search church documents. But I found so little on the matter that I can't combat everything else I've read. So tell me folks. What do you know about excommunication? As civil and unbiased as possible if you could. I don't know... What I've studied has just seemed a bit... off... People who had come to their bishop in repentance, excommunicated for all assortments of things. Crimes I understand, major sins I do too. But one that really struck me was that many couples had been ex-communicated for fornicating with their fiances before marriage! As an engaged woman, such an idea is kinda terrifying! (not saying that's in my plan-book, but the work to prevent temptation is a hard ride, and I can imagine it being easy to slip up if you were less prepared) Anyone know anyone who has been excommunicated? Has anyone been excommunicated themselves? I truly just want to understand this part of our faith and culture. I've never met anyone in that kind of situation, or even in the situations that causes excommunications (or at least, anyone who had been public about it).

It sounds as though she may be having a crisis of faith, rather than being certain of the untrueness of the mormon gospel. I admit, there are a few things about the church and it's culture that confuse and concern me, and many people with these concerns may turn to disbelief of crisis. She may just be coping with things that she finds annoying or incorrect in the way she can. Just love her. She has her own agency to do what she will, including the sacrament, if she feels it to be right. Keep praying, go to the temple on your own, and love her despite the annoyances. There may be secret thoughts that you aren't seeing.

Eli, you aren't as crazy as you feel. Sudden change, even for the good, is crazy to deal with! But this is a good thing! That means she really does want this, and really does love you. She may very well be VERY genuine. Give it some time. If it remains this way, her intentions are pure

Eli your posts are, in my opinion, inspirational. You are very mature, and as a youngling myelf I have a lot of respect for you. Perfect or not, you are obviously using this situation to grow and you will grow for the better. I hope your wife can manage to do the same, for both your sakes. Patience is a virtue, the strongest there is, but also the hardest one in my opinion. You have made your decision, and when you do something like that, the Lord lets you know that it is right. If you feel it in your bones that this is a fight worth fighting, then by heck go all-antlers in. Don't let your patience falter. When she starts to get bad, you stand your ground. No yelling, just firm, solid eyes staring riiiiiight into her soul. (Trust me, it's the only thing my fiance can do to get me to stop eating his macaroni) That being said.... If she throws a fit anywhere near that last one.... ESPECIALLY after counseling.... ESPECIALLY dragging her family into it... Boy, it ain't gonna be pretty.... My first boyfriend was very abusive. I didn't really realize it because I was just a kid, and didnt really know what normal was. It caused quite a few issues with who I was able to trust later on, and stalled a good bit of my personal growth. Literal years spent repairing what was broke. Don't let that be you. Help her, fight for her, but please by all means don't let her destroy you. Prayer, hope, and luck to you sir. You're fighting the good fight. Just fight it for the right reasons.

I met my fiance at a Games Workshop table-top gaming store. I went in to start getting into the model-building strategy-gaming help-my-nerdiness-has-maxed-out stream to try and find something good and positive to fill my time. I don't look it but I am a major gaming type, and grew up on good ole' monster movies and fantasy and sci-fi (being a computer major influences that as well!) I already had a friend there who'd known him for a couple years. At the time I was trying to date mormon guys exclusively, as I'd never really dated "my own species" and all my relationships had been... no so great (nothing too serious, just not very fulfilling and felt like chores). So, here I was, hanging out with my future husband never even knowing it, trying to catch mormon guys. Sadly, I have "bro-complex", I go straight to the "bro-zone", which is great and I love being able to make friends whom with I can share advice and hobbies and opinions. But it definitely made it hard in singles ward. I don't strike as a typical mormon girl, never have. I was always eccentric. After one particular man I really had the eyes for ended up going for my friend, I decided it was time to take a break for a while. After all, I had plenty of school work to do, two jobs, and hobbies. I was busy anyway I supposed. And then he struck. See, my fiance knew the moment he met me that he wanted to have me forever. It was love at first sight for him. Despite him being my favorite human at the game shop (don't tell any of my other friends!) I didn't think I'd have romantic feelings for him. He came across as a bit surly, he was older, a diabetic, and wasn't in the best life situation. But boy was I wrong! He asked me how I felt about dating older guys. It's about a 10 year difference between us, which considering is really not that severe. Plus, most of the males I'd be pursuing at church were also older (I'm a bit older in my mind, and tend to click better with the generation before mine). I told him it was fine, but that I was a "relationship sea cucumber" as I was saving myself for either an eternal companion or dying alone with 30 cats. He said he was fine with that, and we could keep it casual. He just wanted to get to know me more personally than the game-store allowed. The first day we saw each other after that, he brought me a single red rose. I'm no cheesy 19 year old girl, but I certainly felt like one. No one had ever in my life given me a flower before (besides dad, but dads don't count). I'd gotten so used to being the "son my father never had" and "the brother" amongst my friends I never really expected anyone could address me romantically. And the romance continued. We were still great friends, joking and sharing interests and having conversations, but every day he made the effort to make me feel loved. He told me many stories about his bad situations growing up, and he promised that he'd never let negativity stop him from making sure the women he cared for in his life felt cared for and protected. I was smitten. On our second month anniversary, we were playing some games online with some friends, and he started talking to me in the private chat. He asked me if I'd ever thought of making us a permanent ordeal. It broke my heart, but I told him that I wanted to be married in the Mormon temple, and that if he couldn't provide that, we couldn't be a permanent pair. We'd discussed religion a lot in the year we'd known each other, amongst our friends as well. He'd always been very inquisitive, and often defended my views when our friends got a little out of hand with the teasing. He believed in God, and that there was a reason he made it through everything he'd dealt with in his life. He explained to me, while I quietly whimpered to myself, that he believed God dragged him through the mud for a reason, and dragged me through the mud too (as I've dealt with a trial here and there, who hasn't). He said maybe this was the reason, and demanded I get him on the track. We set up with the missionaries, and he hasn't missed a sunday of church since (even when I haven't been there). He's inquisitive, and curious about everything. He got baptized in December, and it was a wonderful ceremony. At first I was a bit skeptical of him (and who could blame me? It seemed too perfect) but I know through several temple trips and prayer that his heart is truly in the right place. We're getting married this year, and it's been such an adventure. We're kinda unique in how we bounce off each other. We're a very comical pair, and many people (my parents and sister included) think we are very, very weird. But it's a perfect kind of weird. A weird I think God put together. Every mistake I've ever made fits perfectly into his. My friendships have made me understanding, and my experience with having a sick mother has made his diabetic fits an easy thing to handle. And he takes very good care of me as well. Never underestimate what God can do, or try to limit the spectrum of whats possible. I'm not saying run out and "flirt to convert", but never be afraid to share what you have. I was always a "don't push your religion on others" type, happily living in my own little bubble around my friends who all respectfully did the same. Now somehow, I have this incredible and faithful man, and every moment is a blessing. It's so wonderful to watch him discover the gospel one page at a time, and to be by his side with it. It's incredible to talk about the future, and how we're going to overcome trials and be the best people we can be. What a world

This, this this this. My fiance and I met table-top gaming, and lots of the things we have in common are our love for games and cartoons and "immature" things. But what makes him a man is his patience and willingness to solve problems that we may face (we've yet to face any problems with each other, but they will happen, and we have solved many issues with other people and things together as a team). You need to sit down and talk to her. Communicate. It isn't a fight, and you aren't trying to dominate. But you need to let her understand how you feel, or nothing will get better. She can't read your mind. Not only that, but you guys JUST got married. If I understand the things I've been told correctly, marriage is a tidal wave of new emotions, feelings, confusions, and battles to be overcome. Take time, think for a minute. Remember the good you have with this woman who is now your eternal companion. Approach her calmly, and explain how you feel and your worries. As a couple you are meant to work together. Maybe couples counseling could be good later on if the issues dont get resolved. Remember you are a husband. The only childish thought process is thinking of you and your wife as separate entities. Guess what? You are two very different individuals who are now one. The merger isn't meant to be simple. But you know, someone had to be willing to try putting peanut butter and jelly together before they could know how good it tastes! (But if it turns out that even with full effort you and her and more peanut butter and ketchup... that does happen)

This is truly incredible. I'm so sorry you have to have these concerns so early in your marriage. I don't know her story, but it sounds like she trapped you up in her issues that maybe she didn't even realize she had. You need to assert, now. You need to sit her down and inform her how hurtful and unfair these accusations are. You need to be stern. Not aggravated or aggressive, but stern. Express your love for her, but inform her that she can't define you by some very disturbing terms for being a normal human being. My guess is that because of what she experienced when she was young, she has a harder time being considerate to a husband. If you dated her a while and she never displayed this behavior, she might be in great fear for your marriage.You need to stop this thought process of hers, now. You need to tell her she needs to see a councilor, and together see a marriage councilor. You need to tell her she needs to trust you, as you trust her, and it's important to your marriage and that union is worth fighting for and adjusting to. I'm sure that she does truly love you, you seem like a very rational guy and able to put a lot of effort forward. That's a great trait to have! Be ready for a battle, but not in the literal sense. There doesn't have to be a fight against each other, just against the negativity and fear you both have. You guys need to find a way to work together, not her as a dominant or vice versa. There can still be good here, but if she isn't willing to work with you and grow as a couple, then is it really worth the time? Can't be a one sided effort