eli.will

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I admit. I find myself thinking this every time im told I am hated as well. But every time. I feel so wrong even thinking it. How can I claim I love somebody so much to bind myself to her for eternity. Think consider separating from her. You know?

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One thing to keep in mind, granted, I dont have much experience in such things. But I know when I am frustrated with my wife, or her with me, we both say things without thinking. Your husband may be stressed and has ill-thoughts during those times because of that. This may just be a stupid question, but have you asked him about this subject when you were both in good moods?

The advice given prviously is very wise. Since she has her call I would just sit back and "wait" and see what happens in 18 months. You may find a different woman during that time and thats just fine. If you wanted to marry her you should have said so (with a ring) BEFORE she got her call. And if you met her after the call...you may not have be with her long enough to really decide marriage is what you really want with her. So either way. Letting her go and waiting patiently to see if you really want to be with her seems like the best options. Then again. I am a man. The Lord is your best choice to go to with this question.

In the Alaska Mission as well. You know how many Air-Planes I had to ride in? Alone? Very. Very. Many. Just yesterday my wife asked for my phone so she could check it. When it happened I thought of ther OP and all that has been said here, and how I felt. I was hurt, I felt that my work to make her confidant in my fidelity to her was in question. By the time she was done and she again found nothing that would compromise my marital standing. I felt a like I had just been slapped in the face. Now - this experience is not new to me. I am ok with it and we can process through it all. There is a lot here going on behind the scenes. However, if I could tell any woman anything is - do not do this. It not only creates questions in your mind. But his as well. He starts to wonder if you really are confidant in him. There are many times where is passes through my mind "She thinks I am a horrible man doesnt she?" How can you help your husband? Trust him. Until he proves he cannot be trusted.

This is exactly what I need to do. She is beginning to be frustrated with me and losing her desire. :/ She thinks I dont want to stay married. I just dont know how to react to something so different from that used to happen every single day. Thank you for the advice.

lol expound?

This. This this this! I dont mind my wife looking through my things. But it does not help build us. She does this constantly.

I am a newlywed, so my opinion may not weigh much. But I do have quite a bit of experience in what is going on here. From the reverse side. I am the type of guy who will go into a room and survey everything. I look at all the peoples, see who is in the room, male or female. I will look at everybody. If a girl speaks in class, I look at her, same with a guy. And if a person walks behind me or I see something out of the corner of my eye, I look to see what is going on. At first, my wife was fine with these types of things. But after we got married her worries started to take the better of her. It got to the point where I would look up from our shopping cart at wal-mart, and the next thing I knew I was being accused of looking at some girl that I didnt even know was in my line of site. In fact, last night I was looking at soup cans, and I found myself being accused of looking at something (24 hours later I still have no idea what I was supposed to be looking at). I also have been accused to wanting sexual things when I HAVE looked at a girl and admitted it. Allow me to explain what I mean - At wal-mart. I was looking at popcorn, a woman about my age comes and says excuse me, I turn and look at her to make sure I step aside to let her pass. The next thing I know I am being told I wanted this woman. - Then at a restaurant this girl - again my age - was cleaning around my table, I kept looking to make sure my chair was not in her way, and again, because I looked multiple times, I had to deal with a bit of anger from my wife. However, I do the same thing with men my age or not. And older women. And my wife pays no mind. My wife IS DOING much better these days. Her anger is not as big as it was a few weeks ago. She is working very hard to change how worried she gets about things. Building trust in me as her husband. However, the reason why I point out these examples, is because the worry was not helping. In fact things got so bad that divorce became a very real option. I know you will probably never go as far as my wife has in the past. But accusations and worry really build nothing. Wondering and worry and being safe is fine.Even healthy at times. We are born with ability to protect oursleves from emotional and physical harm. But when you worry so much it starts eating you - and it starts to eat the relationship. Dont let this consume you, it wont help. However, if it is something that bothers you so deeply. A great place to open up is in the celestial room, pray about this, but you can also talk to your husband about things there. It helped my wife and I in recent weeks. The biggest thing to build though - is trust. The biggest problems in my infant marriage has been caused because trust issues between my wife and I. I believe trust is something you have to continue building as well. It can be lost or built constantly.

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There may be some truth to this, however, me being in Utah, I just used the site to expand in the ways I could date. I would set up dates from work, school, and church. But the site just added another avenue. It just so happened that the woman that I felt fit me best came from TN. Not Utah. But again. I think it just needs sifting through. No matter where you are looking or how you are looking.

I know many couples that met on LDSingles. I met my own wife there. I also went on many dates both enjoyable and terrifying. But it does work for some. It all depends on how you go about it and what you honestly look for. I read a comment above that mentioned most people are looking for a "playboy type replacement" from a previous relationship. This is true. On both sides. I went on many dates where the girl was expecting NOT temple worthy things to happen by the end of the date. And many girls I was able to talk to complained of too many guys wanting the same thing. So it becomes a case of just sorting through things and being careful. But again, it does work.

Consider this: 1. The bishop has been given the blessing to recieve revelation for people in his assighned area. He is NOT blessed to recieve revelation on your behalf, but he most likely has some experience in these kinds of things and could help the future from this point go a little more smooth. 2. Everything you tell the bishop if kept between you and the bishop. If you ask him to keep it with him - he will. However, he can also coordinate some future help for you. 3. You are not required to tell the bishop. But in this case, the lack of priesthood in your home needs to have a little bit of help. I am NOT saying a mother cannot handle herself. But I am saying priesthood when worthily held can provide a particular type of help and guiadance. Namely in the form of blessings. I advise recieving a blessing. It would help you through this time.

If watching Cartoons or reading comics or such things is a sign of a little boy. Then my Father (48) and myself (24) must truly be rediculously immature. I mean, I am the FIRST to call myself immature. But I think cartoons have NOTHING to do with this guys marriage problems. If they do, then this guy has other problems.

This may work in your relationships, however, I feel of every set of people ALWAYS let their spouse be right, they would end up in situations similar to my own. Granted, they may not have mental difficulties to deal with. But if you tell a person they are right all the time they get petulent. If they are 4 or 45 it does not matter.

@Lds24 Thankyou for your words. They are very potent for me. They both give me hope and worry me at the same time. On one hand standing up to her feels right when I do it, and the course for going to counseling feels right as well, I hope she can overcome her issues. However, my greatest fear is not being able to be close to my children - I dont have any yet. But the fear of my wife doing what your mother did and somehow keeping me from spending time with them, is very real in my mind. I also thankyou for the encouragement. Staying strong is the one thing that will make this work, I just have to be up to the task and allow the Lord to support me.

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I am apt to agree with the "stay with her" camp. Although. I do see the dangers on if this behavior continues or even gets worse. If it does that is when I will consider things. But at this point. There are many things I still need to try. BEFORE we have children. I wont being children into the current situation.

Well the good thing is, is she recognizes that she needs some major help. Now. After all of it. My little sister has bordeline personality Disorder. So the only thing I am nervous about is the apologies and "I know I am wrong and need help"`s are just temporory. Just like my sister. If they are. Then bigger changes than just therapy is in order. I have told her so.

I agree with you as well. As I stated previously. I am not perfect in this. I get angry. Sure. I need therapy as much as she does, just in different ways for different reasons. What my concerns were, was how serious these issues were. Many times my wife and I have passed our fights off as "normal for newlyweds" or her worries as "just something she needs to get over" I wondered if things like this were normal in the overall lds populace. I got my answer - its not and we need help.

@sxfritz One thing I will say is honestly - I do not know what I wanted to hear. All my life divorce has been a no option thing for me. Ofcourse. That - in my immaturity - was probably more a dream than anything. When the thoughts of divorce entered my mind I was somewhat terrified and lost. I truly did want to know what my peers in my faith would do, or think of the situation. I have not talked to anybody about all of this until here. I will stick it out. Scripture like "Forgive 70 x 7" and ideas like "God will never give you more than you can handle" as I continue to ponder on the issues and the advice given here. But be comforted, I am not going to just disapear after having my thoughts blasted onto the internet. I will stick around and comment on other situations. Especially as I go through therapy. Some advice there may be useful.

I think there is where I can most markedly improve. Standing up for myself has been a thing I historically would hesitate to do. Thankyou for you advice. Continuing to fight this out. Me and her vs. the problem. Is the best choice. I dont see anything wrong with what you said. I appreciate your opinion over-all.

I agree with you fully. I am immature, that is why I have gone on here to gain just a little advice from people who are more mature than me in many ways, so that I can make a better decision as far as certain things go. We do need professional help. I agree, that is why I am doing so. What I did not kow about yesterdays altercation, was if it was truly as bad as I felt it to be. Also, I feel confused, and hurt. I felt I needed some quick advise from those outside the situation. I know a therapist is best, however, I do not have that access currently. So, people that are of my faith, who dont know me, who are outside the situation, who I can keep myself and my wife anonymouse from. Seems like a good source to turn to when I honestly cannot make sense of my own mind.

Yes, I have prayed much. I am fasting currently. And when my wife goes to Tennessee for the week starting on wednesday. I am going to spend a lot of time in the celestial room. Part of my issue is when I pray all I feel is fear. I am afraid of getting a divorce. I am also scared of staying married. Yesterday was a little....traumatizing.