Emsters85

Thanks for the advice, everyone! I was straight and to the point, and offered to help out until he could find someone to cover my teaching jobs. He took it very well. I've left jobs in the past, but this one seemed like a different situation, since my boss owns the teaching company, and they just moved to our area to start it up. I was one of the first to be hired, and we'd been planning the schedule out for awhile, so it seemed like a more challenging way to quit. But, it worked out. Luckily there are enough teachers to fill my spots. Again, thanks for helping with the nerves!

Hi, all. My husband and I moved out of state a few months ago. We have a 16 month old son. I was a stay-at-home parent (worked full time before he was born), and decided to pick up a part time teaching job, which I received only a month after moving out of state. Well, I was hired in June. I'm teaching instrumental music, but I'm already ready to leave. The goal of the job is to travel from school to school during their after-school enrichment programs, set up, and teach for an hour. However, I'm doing more commuting some days than actual teaching. I'm also doing a couple of private lessons per week in a student's home. I have to be there early, set up, then stay later taking everything back down (I take the instruments with me). Issue #1: childcare. We're having a hard time relying on sitters. My husband has had to come home a couple of times to watch our son because a sitter couldn't show up, or something had come up. The sitters we really like are in school. I've only been able to set up a swap with one mom in the ward. See, if I'm late to my job, I get docked a lot of money, considering the parents have already paid for the program. If I have to cancel a class, I get docked even more. Basically I can't be late or miss. This is just too much for me. Let's not forget the cost of childcare. The teaching pays pretty well, but because of adding on the commute time, which I'm not paid for, it's not balancing as well as I had planned. I've looked into daycare programs, but many won't take him until he's 18 months old, and if I'm working more hours. It just doesn't make sense to have him in daycare for 3-4 hours, when I only teach for an hour. Issue #2: We just recently discovered we're expecting #2. I have been very sick with this pregnancy, and I really am having a hard time coordinating sitters, traveling, and teaching. Concluding, I realized I took on more than I can handle. I also want to mention I'm starting school full-time in October (mostly online). I feel bad telling my boss I could do this, but it's become more of a burden than I expected. I also didn't expect to get pregnant either. Anyway, I'm trying to find the right way to approach him and quit. Any advice?

Don't expect her to change. Really, don't. She might be playing along for a moment- heck, maybe she really IS trying to be different, but it will always go back to square one unless she get some serious counseling. I also have to agree you may be suffering from co-dependency. I was engaged to a man who didn't treat me well, but I made excuses for him because "I loved him", and hoped he would change overtime, thinking that maybe I needed to fix myself- that maybe I was the one causing him to be that way. It was when my best friend sat down with me and talked to me about co-dependency my eyes opened up and I was able to leave. Thankfully we were not married. The way she treats you is absolutely unacceptable. She is abusing you. You are NOT the reason why she is doing this. This is her own problem she needs to work through. Sure, a marriage isn't perfect, and you will always have your flaws, but there is NO excuse for her behavior. I know my husband would have flown out that door from the start had I treated him the way she treats you. I understand she's your wife. You love her. You cling onto hope. You envision the future to be bright with her changed and being a good mom. You see yourselves past all of this and thinking it was just a phase. But I promise you, it will NOT go away on its own. I also recommend she get a hormone panel (it's just a simple blood test). I too had emotional outbursts (not quite as severe as your wife), only to find out later my hormones were way off. As soon as I started getting treated for them to get back on track, things changed for me. How is she taking care of herself? Does she have weight issues? Does she exercise? Eat well? Anyway, stop blaming yourself. Her behavior is not okay. One more piece of advice: Do not demand respect. Don't point your finger at her, don't raise your voice at her, and don't get superior with her when she talks down to you. You're not "bigger" than her. Remain calm, or walk away if you are unable to do so. Go for a drive if she follows you around. Tell her you don't appreciate the way you're being talked to, and you'll be willing to talk when you've both cooled off. If she throws a tantrum, so be it. If she breaks your items, go somewhere else for the night- or the next few days. Don't tolerate that behavior, and don't give in if she apologizes and begs for forgiveness. Stand your ground. Also, instead of saying, "You NEED to do this", or "You SHOULD do this", say, "It would mean a lot to me if you (insert request)." Telling her what she needs and should do will only get her on defense. I really, really, want to say leave this marriage soon. Especially, and I mean especially before children. Having a child is no easy feat and it will only further harm a suffering marriage. But I see you want to work this out, so I urge you to pray together as a couple. Really pray. Seek advice from your bishop, and get into counseling soon. I'm sorry this has been so hard for both of you.

Thanks for this information. This gives me a lot to think about. I'm sorry your wife has had such a hard time with this- I've never heard of aspirating like that at night- quite scary! I'm glad she's being taken care of. Honestly, yes, more than once I have recorded it and played it back. He half-listens, then shrugs it off and apologizes. I wish it was easier to wake him up in the night. Not enough punches and kicks will get him to even budge. If I get lucky, I can get the right spot to tickle him and he'll flinch. Otherwise, I have to get my voice loud enough to get him to hear me. He's a very deep sleeper. Lately our son has been sleeping with us, so I'm careful not to be too loud. I'm not sure how he's sleeping with the snoring, but he's doing better in our bed than his crib as of late (I've always been pretty obsessed about sleep training, and here I am, giving in to letting him into our bed at night when he cries- can't win every battle). I will bring up sleep apnea, however, and let him know I'm completely serious about getting checked for that. Maybe I'll toss in a little guilt about being worried when it comes to having a father for our son. Just a little . Thanks, everyone. Because I also told him I'm dead serious about having my own room someday. I just don't know if that will impact our son at all, know what I mean? Anyway.

Um, holy snaps. Thanks for your dependability, phone Internet.

We have discussed getting one of those Sleep Number beds where he can incline. See if that does something. Otherwise, he'll snore back and side.

LOL, Vort. Ah, if only it were that easy. I could have Special Ops custom made earplugs and I'd still hear him. Besides, my ears also listen for the baby at night. Unless of course I could mold enough of those to create a mask to place over his mouth- or at least a device to soften/absorb the sound as it makes its way out.

I'm sure this topic has been brought up before, but I'm curious as to how many of you currently (or know somebody who currently), sleeps separately from their spouse. Have you ever heard an alarm clock go off, whether it be on a television show or over the radio, and you instinctively cringe, saying "Ahh, make it stop!!" as it reminds you of being ripped out of heavenly sleep? This is currently my life when it comes to snoring. The sound of it by now makes me want to rip my ears off. My husband and I have been married over 8 years, and he has always been a chronic snorer. We've tried everything over-the-counter, including decongestants, Vicks, essential oils, and witchcraft (okay, not quite, but might as well). I have urged him for years to see a specialist, but he shrugs it off and blames allergies. I've always believed it to be more, like a deviated septum, but telling him to see a medical specialist is like trying to break down a brick wall with a wooden spoon. We've had the discussions, I've sat down with him over this, but- it just ain't happening. I don't know if he simply doesn't care, or doesn't believe anything will be found. I still bug him every now and then about it, but alas. I can't exactly do this for him, either. HE needs to contact his doctor and get a referral. FYI- his weight is fine, though I realized when he's on a workout binge and exercises regularly, it lessens. If anyone were to ask me about my fantasies in life, sleeping in my own room and bed would be in the top 5. Peace! Space! SLEEP! Typically I would just deal with the snoring, but now, with a 9 month old who recently decided sleeping through the night is for wimps, I'm exhausted. Really, really exhausted. The couch and I have become BFFs. Last night HE finally took the couch when I was plotting smothering him with a pillow out loud. Anyway, I'm just simply curious if anyone successfully sleeps in a different room than their spouse. Or, if you have a magical remedy for this snoring disaster.

Thank you for your responses. It has given me a lot to think about. I think that overtime, I have become used to my brother's lifesyle- even almost numb to it. He had been thinking about taking his own life for days because he felt it would be easier than telling his family he was gay. I was the first one he told, and he broke down when I told him I still loved him. Eventually it came out, and now it's very public. We have become friends with his boyfriends, and are good friends with his current one. So, naturally I instantly said I would be there when he came forward about getting married. I didn't really think about the rest of it. I figured since he already knows I'm active in the church and knows my stance on marriage, it wouldn't be a big deal. However, there have been very valid arguments here and my eyes have been opened to understand all sides. I had to ask myself if he REALLY knows my true stance on marriage- or if I even know myself. Of course, I do believe marriage should be between a man and woman, but seeing what my brother has gone through over the years, including bullying (in which one situation was severe and included sexual assault), constant anxiety, and depression, I've "softened" up a lot. Seeing how my brother chooses to live his life does sadden me. I know he never chose to be gay, but removing his records from the church and living an open homosexual lifestyle was a choice. I know he's never been truly "happy" because of it. I guess my instant reasoning I said yes was to show I still love him, and he's still not alone. I can't imagine how lonely this journey must be for him. Anyway, this leaves me with one obvious option: prayer. I'll leave this in the Lord's hands, and I will contemplate everything I've been exposed to here. Thank you for your open thoughts.

Thank you for your responses. I am certain I want to be there (and told him so when he first brought it up), but he was hesitant about asking other members of the family. I just wanted to see if there was any specific doctrine on this matter- something that might get thrown in if he decides to send out those invites. I told him to be prepared ahead of time for those who might not want to attend. I believe he's mostly nervous about talking to my dad about it, wondering if he'll just scoff about the whole thing or mumble about it.

I'm a new mom myself. If she plans to breastfeed, I highly recommend you both learn as much as possible. It was much more challenging than I expected, and it had nothing to do with latch, but supply. I thought I'd have this abundant amount and he would eat away- I didn't know it was all about supply and demand. Kellymom.com is an excellent source. Only less than 2 percent of women actually have low supply issues. Also check out troublesometots.com for baby sleep advice. Guilt, as well as constant fear and worrying, will be new in your life. My advice would be to not be so hard on yourselves. Letting the baby cry for a few minutes will not damage her for life. Not giving her your constant attention 24/7 does not make you a bad parent. If the baby gets formula, she will still be perfect and healthy. Let the small things go, and enjoy every part of being a parent. Have a close relationship with God and pray often. Those baby blues are hard on a new, exhausted mamma. She needs to sleep whenever she can, and don't be afraid to ask for help. Call someone to come help if you feel too tired. Just know you will do a great job. Follow your instincts and uplift one another. Realize each of you may have different methods when it comes to taking care of her, so it's important to trust each other. Congratulations! You will experience a kind of love so incredible, it won't even make sense. It is truly a blessing. Being a parent is the most amazing gift from Heavenly Father.

What is the church's stance? My brother is openly gay and has been since college. He and his boyfriend are wanting to get married, but he is nervous about inviting LDS family members, which includes most of our immediate family. He has a positive relationship with our parents and the rest of us.