Sannie

Yes I see what you're saying and you're right. Part of my phrasing is just a habit I picked up to sugar coat or avoid discussing things that are personal, embarrassing or just hard to talk about (an ASD coping mechanism). The sillier they sound when phrased in a ridiculous or dramatic way, the less I let myself get too serious and introspective in the company of other people. While dedicating the house wasn't "fun" and was borne from a true desire to feel less anxious about something I've been known to scoff at, I do not really believe prayer actually does much when I look at it rationally. I have a strong testimony of the gospel as a whole and I can begrudgingly accept the randomness and sorrow that comes from a mortal life, but I have always had a difficult time with prayer in all its forms. Blessings, etc. I've seen very little evidence in my own life to really grab hold of that piece of gospel. Yet I continue to pray in my head because I want it to work and I don't want to risk losing the positive influence God has in my life, even for a moment. I've never found my keys and in my loneliness a neighbor has never showed up on my doorstep with bread, despite my faith being strong (I'm alluding to the cliche stories of prayers answered I hear every testimony meeting). Patience is not a virtue I have, which also contributes to my lack of faith in prayer, so I know where my weaknesses lie. If left to my own devices I might be a cynical curmudgeon, but the gospel gives me a glimpse of hope that life matters, I matter, so I can find joy and happiness in following the gospel principles the best I can. When I'm afraid I feel like I'm being enveloped in sorrow and darkness and I absolutely hate feeling that way, So whether my fears are based in auditory processing issues or bad juju ultimately doesn't matter. Praying and dedicating won't do anything to help unless I have truly have the faith to back it up. This devolved into a very different discussion than originally intended. Thanks for discussing it with me, I don't often get the opportunity to be completely open about these things. I'll work on this, get some earplugs and call it a win.

Thanks again for the suggestions! I have not tried earplugs, I will certainly do that! And for clarification, no I'm not at all suggesting I actually believe my house is haunted! The knock on the door was just kids. I guess what I was trying to say is that I feel a little more fearful and negative than usual (though it's been a regular occurrence throughout my life) and there is no specific cause that I can identify. I spent 2 hours reading conference talks last night to ease my anxiety and nothing helped. So my usual methods of calming myself aren't working and I've thought maybe I should revisit or look into what our theology says about bad spirits, or whatever energy that may or may not be contributing to my excessive fear. I'm a cynic for sure but a family member recently shared a very very frightening experience that made me consider the possibility that I may be wrong about my personal beliefs about the "veil" and perhaps I shouldn't be so willing to laugh off negative spiritual experiences as total baloney (I do have faith in positive ones though!). So when I re-frame my experiences with fear at night in this way it makes me wonder at least if I should go down that road to protect myself and my family or keep acting as if I am not at all affected by bad spirits, assuming they exist in a form that could even do anything to me. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. Anyway, for fun we decided to dedicate my house this morning. No immediate feelings of peace, which probably means my house has always been fine, I'm being a crazy person and I should just get some earplugs. it's nice to bounce ideas off of people of my faith who may have better insight aside from "it's probably in your head." So thanks for not making fun!

Thanks for your reply! No we haven't dedicated our home. I think my last one was and I didn't have this issue as often. My parents always dedicated homes but I've never really thought it was necessary because I don't believe in ghosts. I wouldn't even know how to go about dedicating my home, seems kind of pointless since prayer in general has proved itself pointless thus far. But maybe it's worth a try so I can sleep? An interesting note though: I was talking to my husband today about the feelings I was getting last night and he of course thinks I'm being weird (the brain is pretty powerful) but also jokingly mentioned when we had a loud knock on our door a couple months ago and no one was there. I figured it was kids and he said maybe it was an evil spirit. Of course neither of us believes that, it was a joke, but it made me realize that I've felt really frightened at night way more intensely and more often lately. It might be stress though. And my house used to be a church so there would be no reason bad spirits would reside here. And if they did I would feel creeped out during the day, not just at night! My husband says the house does have a weird vibe but believes it has more to do with the layout and the unusually quiet neighborhood we live in. Maybe it's just my wackadoo brain, but I feel like something else might be happening here. Not ghosts, but...I don't know. I maybe need to pray more, haha.

So I'm a grown woman (30) who is scared of the dark. Not in the typical way like a little kid would be. I think it has a lot to do with Aspergers anxiety (I have ASD, nobody can really tell I hope), weird ways of processing tiny house noises other people can filter out, and a dislike of sleeping in my bed alone. So no, I'm not actually afraid of the dark, I have been known to wander about in it on occasion, but darkness makes me feel very vulnerable to bad feelings and generalized magnified worry and fear of...everything, I suppose. Part of it has to do with lingering memories from 22 straight years of almost daily night terrors. Some of them were truly awful. Only one was religious in nature and I was do scared I woke my parents then refused to get blessing when my dad asked. I freaked out so bad he actually forced me to sit down so he could bless me and I immediately calmed down afterward. I was 16 or 17, which is far too old to wake parents in the night over a bad dream. On a side note, my night terrors disappeared literally the DAY I went through the temple for the first time when I got married. Anyway, I'm wondering if anyone has advice. I'm seeking advice on two fronts: 1. People with ASD/high-functioning who also get a bit nervous at night and 2. Anyone who has advice of a more spiritual nature, because even though I'm hardcore logical and I'm usually pretty cynical about the presence of bad spirits, thin veils and all that (still unsure what exactly I believe on the topic), I have a sneaking feeling that when I'm up so late like tonight that my fear might actually be a sensitivity to some bad energy or spirits trying to bring me down? It's a bit hippy-dippy to talk energies and spirits, especially because I'm so cynical about it, but the auditory processing issues just don't explain how I'm feeling right now and how many times I've felt this way in my life for no reason. Thoughts?

I'll admit, I'm not well-read on evil spirits as they pertain to doctrine. I am interested in paranormal to a degree but have found I am either unaffected by ghosts and the stereotypical occult "beings" or they don't exist. I don't believe in ghosts/human shaped spirits or what have you (no criticism toward those who do!). I do believe in that feeling of good or evil, you know? I've been in "haunted" places and felt nothing but in others I really could feel that it wasn't a good place, somewhere I shouldn't be. That is very real, so I suppose those are the evil spirits mentioned. But again, what do I know? Common sense tells me that I should avoid feelings that feel bad, evil, wrong, sick, etc. So dwelling on those thoughts and feelings is an invitation, yes? So I don't. if I have a mental illness do I get an exorcism? No, I seriously doubt that would work. No, I seek counseling, spiritual support and healthy lifestyle choices. Meds maybe. So if these things don't fix the problem completely does that mean I am possessed? Doubtful. I do think sometimes we humans attribute a bit too much to spirituality. Temporal and spiritual work together and and we need to strike a balance between them. And sometimes an illness is just an illness. Not the adversary trying to destroy us. Just my opinion, not doctrine.

This is rough. Really good advice on here so far. I have very little of value to add except this: My mother has BPD. She was abused by multiple people, which certainly played a part in her crazy. Being raised by her was difficult and I carry some serious long term issues as a result, which do negatively affect my marriage, my health, my self-esteem and my ability to make close friends. My parents had many rough years, permanent damage has been done to all the kids witnessing the worst of it (such as breaking dishes, furniture and abuse- physical, emotional and verbal). But MANY years of work, dedication by BOTH my mom and my dad to heal, as well as shared faith helped them figure some things out. My mom has worked through lots of her issues. Not all, but it's an amazing improvement. She's like a different person now. Both of my parents are, my dad is certainly is not without fault. They needed each other (and the gospel) to become the people they are now. They are a story of success! I guess what I'm saying is this: If you want to protect your kids and be the father you want to be I would say work this out now or start a family with someone else. However, if she is willing to work through this with you as an equal partner she may learn how to trust you and some of these really scary issues might go away. I'm not saying mental illness is a good reason to abandon marriage (I have PTSD and I'm glad my husband didn't leave me), but sometimes it is the best solution. No one should have to fight for marriage alone. No one should have to suffer abuse. If she is unwilling to help herself and help her marriage then I vote for finding someone who will. Please don't bring kids into this mess until you make some headway. Seek counseling, spiritual and psychological. If she needs solo counseling I know there are social workers who charge on a sliding scale for better affordability. I'm not officially advocating for or against divorce because I'm in no place to do so. Only you can know which path is the right one. But I agree with everyone else, no kids. You haven't tried everything yet so all is not lost! Good luck.