nrakimom

Thank you for responding! My husband DOES have a sex addiction that we've been working through for a number of years. As long as he keeps trying, it's worth it for me to keep trying.

I don't think everyone that has responded has read the original post. I was originally asking my question, because my hubby has brought up HIS past. He is comparing it to issues I have now, and saying that we're basically even. The hurt I felt was in him actually thinking that his infidelity was comparable to PMS that I suffer monthly. I DON'T suffer from extreme PMS, and this is where I got confused with his comparison. My thoughts were similar to Eowyn's, in that I feel that every woman suffers from PMS to some degree, but I know that not every husband cheats on his wife. I don't bring up his past--to him, and maybe I shouldn't have brought it up here. I only thought it was ok, because he was the one who originally brought it up. I guess I just wanted some ladies on the board to empathize with, and relate to, as I know that I am not alone in PMS. Right?

Wow-- So many responses, and I'm grateful for all the info and suggestions :) I didn't know we were so screwed up!! I figured "if it ain't broke, don't fix it". Notquiteperfect: Our kids have chores, but they are so busy during the week with homework, and after school activities, that they do their chores on Saturday. It may be rare, but I enjoy doing housework--three weeks of the month!! It's just during that one week of PMS that I feel overwhelmed by it. My husband didn't grow up with any sisters, and his mother would actually lock herself in a dark room for a week during her PMS--she had/has migraines that were brought on by her PMS. I guess in typing that all out, and thinking about it--maybe he has major trauma associated with PMS? Because of his mom? I don't think withholding affection/intimacy, to get my way, is a good idea. We are only less intimate during that one week every month, but I try to make it up to him the other 3 weeks.

Exactly!! This is why I'm wondering why he's comparing his PAST to our current life. I don't make him grovel...EVER. Never have, never will. We were separated for a number of months--when I first found out what he was doing. Before I ever decided to get back together with him, I promised him and myself that I would not bring up the past, and make him "pay" for it. So why is it ok for him to bring it up, and use it against me in a hurtful way?

Therapy...we've had LOADS of it. Without therapy, I don't think I could have stayed with him. Like I said in the original post, we get along really well, BUT---then little things like this slip out of his mouth, and it gets me wondering... **also-- I need to add that it's very hard for me to be intimate when I'm feeling PMS(y). So he goes without intimacy for about a week. I know this is hard for men, but it's just not something I can do when I'm feeling grouchy.

I asked for clarification right after he said it, because I was so surprised he would feel that way. He basically justified it by saying, " You only had to deal with my issues for 5 years, but I have to deal with yours forever." Even though he's not being unfaithful to me anymore, I still feel like I deal with "it". I feel like I'll be dealing with it till the day I die. (It's not an easy thing to get over.)

Hi All, I'm new to this forum, but have been having some bad feelings toward my hubby, and wanted to get some advice/help. We have been married for 20 years, and for the most part we are HAPPY!!! I love my husband very much, but every once in awhile he says some things that really hurt my feelings, and leave me wondering if he's in this for "the long haul". I have been suffering with PMS for YEARS!! It's NOT extreme-- ie-throwing dishes, yelling, screaming, etc. but I definitely feel more "on edge" during that week. I'll ask my husband to help out more around the house, and get irritated when I have to clean up after him. Usually his messes don't bother me at all, and I just clean up after him--I'm a stay at home mom, and I feel like it's MY JOB to keep the home neat and tidy. I know that it probably bothers him when I ask for help during PMS week, but I just feel like i REALLY need it. Sorry---so much rambling, but now to the point... The other day my husband said, " I am willing to put up with your "issues", because you put up with mine." This REALLY hurt me, as I feel like his issues were HUGE compared to mine (His issues--being unfaithful to me with prostitutes for 5 years of our marriage) Can the two really be compared?!? I guess if I really "let him have it" during my PMS days, I could see a comparison, but I don't think I'm exceptionally unruly during that week. My question is, what is considered "normal PMS"? Am I just fooling myself when I think that I'm not the only woman that feels irritated during this week? Why am I still reeling from my husband's comment? Help!!