amandat

I find myself in a very awkward situation. Not just awkward, but a personal and heartbreaking situation. The reason for my post is to anonymously post my situation and get peoples feedback and opinions. So yeah. Once again, awkward and heartbreaking situation. I find myself facing divorce. My husband and I have been best friends and known each other for 10 years, married for 5 of those. And we have two amazing children. Last year our relationship and my husband went threw an incredible difficult year. My husband didn't know if he made the right choice marring so young, if he still wanted marriage or his freedom, and was struggling with anxiety and depression. Because of these personal conflicts our relationship suffered greatly. The out come was my husband turning to drugs and alcohol as an escape and ended up having both an emotional and sexual affair. We separated after he finally confessed to what I had suspected all along and he mocked me for thinking such things....but they turned out to be true. After the separation my husband received some clarity and realized what a huge mistake he had made and how much he missed and loved me, couldn't live without me. So I agreed to try again, because I loved him, and I would feel stupid for not giving us a real chance of fixing this. So he promised to never contact her again, never do drugs again, get medicine to help with the anxiety and depression, and go to counseling. On top of that he said he would try to gain back the testimony he lost. So we were happy, bought a house together and were making real progress. months later he confesses he had a relapse with the drugs (three months earlier cause he thought he wouldn't need to tell me cause it was just a slip up) well in this slip up he had sex with her again.....and got her pregnant... He didn't want to have sex with her, I know that, and he told her that, he just wanted drugs....well she wanted more, and gave him a little more drug then he wanted and..well you know what happened. So it was a mistake that led to dire consequences. And I was originally willing to work with him on his problems. but im not so sure this is something we can work past anymore. We will have a living breathing reminder, forever. And yes he promises to be better and more aware of himself, but he is also afraid of himself, he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me more. And he is self aware and knows right now it might be easy to give up drugs but worries that he might change his mind in the future, worries he might WANT an affair in the future. And if he cant trust himself to not repeat these major offences how can I? After him already breaking my heart and trust twice!? We love each other and want to be together, we ultimately are perfect for each other, but with the choices he made I don't know if we can go forward. For the first time I don't know if love is enough. And if it does happen again there will be so much pain, anger and hate. I don't see myself being so forgiving a third time. So for us and our kids we think its better to end things now, on good terms, without risking making things worse. Is this the right choice? Should we press forward and not fear the "what if"? Is love enough? Is this a cowards choice? Or is this a healthy choice, smart and logical? What would you do?

Im just not sure where to start. So i use to be very strict member. I never drank, did drugs, my family and i didn't watch rated R movies went to church every sunday. I was good, and tried to have my family be good too. And it felt good. But i started having problems in my marriage, the out come was finding out my husband was cheating on me, doing drugs, and drinking. All that i had suspected but he lied to my face about till he decided to come clean. He was last in the church for a while but i encouraged him always to go. After all this my husband and i separated for a month total. Then got back together. It might sound dumb but its not really a situation you can judge unless you're in that situation. Anyway my husband when completely inactive, kept doing pot (not anymore even tho he wants to) drinking and stopped wearing his garments. I was good and tried to keep going to church. But i have two kids. 1 not old enough for nursery and i was so depressed despret for answers and comfort. answers and comfort i didn't receive roaming the halls or church for 3 hours. i felt unwelcome, i prayed desperately for someone to notice me, to be inspired and reach out....but no one did. so i slowly fell away from activity, stopped saying my prayers and going to church. And i started drinking. Now as it stands i still wear my garments, and my husband and i are working things out, we started saying family prayers again. and are buying a new house and plan on returning to church. The thing is I have never stopped believing the church i doubt it for a second. So i did things that were wrong knowing that they were wrong. And the drinking i seem to be having a hard time giving up. I want to feel the way it did before... good, loved. a worthy member of the church. I don't feel that way and I'm scared i never will again. I don't know what to do be be that person, to have my kids love the gosspile the way i know they should. I'm just scared and don't know what to do......