Ophelia1488

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About Ophelia1488

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  1. My wedding day is in a week and I am freaking out. I feel so lost and confused. I feel hopeless. Last year during this time I was dating a boy who I was absolutely crazy about. I thought he was the one. I thought he was the answers to my prayers. But things went sour and he broke up with me because I didn't serve a mission. I was completely crushed. My confidence was gone. So I went home for the summer to heal. I remember praying to Heavenly Father that he would send me someone to marry. A week later I met Kyle. Kyle wasn't necessarily my type. But I ended up going out with him anyways. I honestly thought he would just be a summer fling. But as the time went on, and summer ended I still liked him. It took me about a month to decide to whether I wanted to date him exclusively. I had a hard time letting go of my "type." But I decided I had nothing to lose so I went for it. A few weeks later I was diagnosis with a horrible illness. During this time I was devastated. But Kyle was completely there for me. He treated me like I was god's gift to this earth. I have never felt so whole. Fast forward a few months.. we started talking about marriage. At first I was really excited. But soon after my feelings changed to nerves. I had no reason to be nervous. He had no signs of red flags.I'm just a constant thinker. I over analyze everything. I kept thinking, "well what if there's someone else out there for me? Someone more my 'type'?" At this point I was praying and fasting and I felt like I received good impressions. Yet I was still hesitant and nervous. Anyways, one night out of the blue he asked me to marry him. I was completely shocked. I wasn't ready. But I said yes anyways because I felt like I received answers. Our engagement has been so difficult. Some days I feel confident in my choice, and other days I feel very scared. I have had several anxiety attacks. He has been uptight and insecure (because he knows that I've been so back and forth about marrying him.) I feel so stressed out. All the time. He keeps picking fights with me over the little things. Like what birth control to use. I am a very tender hearted person so these fights are making my nerves worst. I have called the wedding planning off two times. I honestly don't know what to think anymore. His temper frightens me. I went to conference asking Heavenly Father to give me reassurance that this was right. The first talk of the session was Bednar's talk on fear. I felt so at peace and I wrote in my journal that I marrying Kyle was the best choice I could make. A few weeks later we had another big fight. Afterwards I was having so many doubts. We went to the park and I told Kyle my concerns. He told me this was normal and asked a lady at the park about her engagement. She described a story almost identical to ours. I felt like that was Heavenly Father giving me reassurance again. The other day we got in another huge fight over something so small. He is very high strung. I feel so hopeless and terrified. After every fight he is very apologetic, and says he will try to do better. And I want to believe him. He is very spiritual. But I am just WORRIED. I can't keep doing this. I literally don't know what to do. The wedding is in a week. It is hard to feel excited when I feel so down. He tells me to follow the promoting I received in the beginning. I don't know what to think. Would Heavenly Father give me peace about our relationship if it wasn't right? Did his answer change? Is it just Satan? Will this go away after we get married? I feel paralyzed. Moving forward doesn't feel good. Breaking up doesn't feel good. I feel empty. Someone, anyone please help me.