justme73

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  1. Thanks, I appreciate your thoughts. I should probably expand some... I should also mention that our oldest is 13, ADHD, and very difficult. She has been in counseling and seeing a behavioral pediatrician for years. Both my husband and I have at times lost our patience with her. He, however, is usually downright hurtful to her. She apologizes for wrongdoing, and he says things like,"If you were sorry, you'd stop. Don't apologize unless you'll never do it again." Which, obviously, leads me to look at his behavior. He even told her once that if she didn't change (she's not into major issues, drinking drugs, sex...anything that severe) that he would have to leave. He is sometimes great with the kids, but often emotionally and verbally abusive. Due to the nature of some of the sites he visited, I thought he might be meeting other women. He assured me he wasn't, that I was always the only woman for him, and if I ever doubted, I should just look on out Find My iPhone app to see where he is. Tonight, for the second week in a row, when he is supposed to be at his ARP meeting, he is disconnected from the app.
  2. I was married in the temple 15 years ago. We have 3 children. We were very happy, when little by little, my husband's pornography problem subtly came to light. It began with "accidental" clicks here and there that I chose to let go. Right before our oldest turned 8, I found some videos downloaded that he confessed were his doing. He was unable to perform the baptism, went straight to the bishop, and seemed very repentant. He went to a few ARP meetings, but said it wasn't an addiction; that he just needed to stop, and he would. We counseled with our bishop, and things seemed resolved. Still, even after this, there were things that told me in my gut it was still a problem. I told him he needed to be honest and vigilant to fix this problem, because I couldn't bear the pain of this anymore. He assured me he was committed. In March, I found proof of his continued porn use. I kept it to myself until May. I have been to the temple alone, been in counseling for several months, and he's gone some, too. I go to the family ARP meetings; he goes to them addict ARP meetings, but only when I remind him. He hasn't even bothered talking to the bishop yet. I feel I really need the bishop's support, but if I go first, I'll feel like I'm telling on a grown man. He has become very affectionate, very helpful around the house, and more even tempered with the kids... But it feels like he's trying to appease me without really changing things. We have an agreement to wait until August and re-evaluate... But I am so tired of the hurting and the lies, I honestly would leave now if I had the financial ability to do so. I actually feel peace when I think and pray about divorce. But I know it will put the kids through hell and turn all our lives upside down. Am I horrible for just feeling like I'm done? Anyone in the same boat? I welcome any thoughts.