thoughts

I hope I would have the presence of mind to respond, "I am so sorry you are frustrated. Our meeting isn't until ____ tonight and I stopped by to pick up your daughter." I would have done that to model expressing sympathy, while standing ground. And I would meet with the class presidency about using the calendar function at lds.org to send emails to everyone, automatically. And training the class to check their emails AND the calendar itself each week. I am wondering why you are driving her daughter to YW's (and whether her anger was because she may not have gas money the next day because she did it). OTOH, I think I might decline to give her rides any more because of her mother's outburst. Anyone who lives within two minutes can walk or bicycle to church and be independent. (Maybe I'd help daughter get a bicycle.)

Whether it is less expensive or not, there have been various trampoline safety improvements over the years. I'd pick the new one to be sure I was taking advantage of all of them.

Quitting using porn is not the same thing as being in recovery of a porn addiction. When you get to the recovery part, you won't be white knuckling it all the time. If your gf is willing, in your shoes, I would get civilly married and work towards the sealing together. If she is already in it for the long haul, then you might do better being in it together. (Don't count on it helping your addiction though: research says that being married, with the perks, doesn't do that.) I don't see this as giving up. I see this as accepting yourself where you are at.

Those of us who remember the same kind of brouhaha when Jesse Ventura (a WWE wrestler ran for MN governor, see this as more of the same. People are voting for Trump for the same reason they didn't want "any of the above" political people then. And the sky didn't fall during his governorship, any more than it will during Trump's presidency. It is a shame that so many people feel like Trump is necessary to get the political classes attention on things that matter to the people, and to figuring out solutions that will work for all (though Trump fans do not appreciate that some of the dysfunction is not political class trying to stay in power, but very divergent views of what is good for American and Americans, which cannot be resolved by the extremes of positions).

Eliminating use of porn, does not equal recovery. His previous efforts were likely the former, rather than the latter. He will have to address and resolve all the things that create the craving. If you have not been tested for STD's do it now, and remain abstinent until that is completed. Get on an effective birth control: you need to be protected for that night when you want to be intimate, and are. (So long as you love him, it is going to happen at some point.) Separation can be very useful. Agree that you will honor the marriage vows, and maintain the current financial arrangements. Is there a room in the home of an empty nester couple that he might rent for six months (it is best not to go home to family, whose presence and involvement may interfere with what the separation is supposed to address).? Agree it is for a time certain. (I'd think at least 3 months in your case.) During this time he should come to your house three evenings a week and feed and put the kids to bed, and Saturdays get them up for breakfast and chores. (real life things, not play). You should do something outside teh home during the time he is there. Go on dates once a week, as well as couples counseling (could be before or after the date night or separate. (The point is that you each experience what divorce life is likely to be, as well as working with fresh eyes on the issues. He goes to an addiction 12 step program, and to individual counseling until the counselor says he no longer needs it). (One advantage of this kind of separation in your case is that you will not feel compelled ot always be checking up on him: he will either act like he wants to be married, or he won't.) At the end of the three months if he has lived up to his agreements with behavior and counseling and finances and visitation, he moves back in and you try to make your marriage work with the new skills and insight you have about each other and yourselves. Adultery is one of the acceptable reasons for divorce, and when serial adultery has happened can be inevitable. But OP will need to come to that decision herself. There are those who can work through everything, though that is much less likely when it has happened more than once. I am so very sorry you and yoru children (even your dh) have to live through this. You might find some help in He Did Deliver Me from Bondage, Colleen Harrison Clean Hands Pure Heart http://deseretbook.com/store/product?sku=4919796 https://www.lds.org/topics/pornography/audiences/individuals/sexual-addiction-reading-list?lang=eng http://rowboatandmarbles.org/

My thinking on this subject of embryo and sperm donation is that God has prescribed a certain way of having children, in cooperation with Him. Further, He has seen fit to preserve information about the miracles that can achieve the end of child birth, when it seemed physically impossible by any mortal means. If God means that two more children will be born to you, and must be born to you, then He is quite capable of making sure it happens (without outside intervention). If it doesn't happen naturally, He will not in any way be upset with you for not being able to do it: desire to do it, and trying to do it --- iow, your personal best--- is always good enough for Him. I think it is clear that we are each individually going to be held accountable for how we use our procreative powers. And I don't think trying to override what God does with others because someone wants a child badly but cannot have one even with extraordinary medical procedures is in keeping with submitting our will to His. Is the child born to someone else using our sperm and egg (specially if we have been sealed) ours eternally, no matter who gave physical birth? That is a real possibility. What if that child isn't appropriate taught the Gospel, or doesn't get to experience what s/he was supposed to learn or grow because they are not in our family: won't we also be responsible for that (the child clearly won't be responsible in any way, as s/he had no choice about their birth). What about the possible confusion or damage when they are grown and learn that you gave them (the eggs/sperm that made them) away to someone else? For me, the very human desire to have and raise children has overtaken God's plan and acting on that desire in the artificial ways that science now makes possible, doesn't change the fact that it is NOT how God set it up. I don't think God's plan prioritizes giving spirits bodies by any means possible over family (which includes the reproductive powers of any couple).

The question for any saint who wishes to live with God again is whether he or she can submit his own will fully to God. Returning to Him 10 percent is merely a way to practice that submission --there are times when He requires much more of us in time and even in resources. If we are unwilling to faithfully pay tithes, we are going to have real trouble giving our all to Him, as we are individually asked to do. The protection from burning by tithepaying at the last day isn't some external thing. It is the protection of committing ourselves to His kingdom, to His way of thinking (to the extent mortals can know that), and to being like Him. I don't consider my tithing as charity. I think as we can afford to do so, we should consider giving charitable donations in FO, humanitarian funds, and secular charities that are reputable and effective, of considerably more.

For one it may be a year, for another it may be twenty. If I were your dh, I would put in the letter the day of your wedding, and that you would like to do it in the temple, but will do it outside while waiting for the approval, if that is necessary. And then I'd just plan the date and get married that date, in the temple if you get the approval, or outside.

You've done things too that she is going to have to compare with others ---- that is an important reason that people choose to only do these things with the person they marry (including extensive kissing, for instance). You are just thinking that her experience is more, but if the issue is comparison, that matters little. You are smart to be concerned about who she is today, and by all means, wanting her repentance process to be complete is not unreasonable. It probably means that for you, dating people who have completed the entire process makes more sense (though it might not calm your comparison issues). Certainly it is hard to start a relationship until former relationships have been fully resolved, and that is hard to do with a sexual relationship without repentence if one believes what members of the church believe. But you need to know that there are reasons for a member to "go slow" with the process other than rebellion. It may not be faith rebellion. It is more likely fear that she cannot keep the commandments, or that she has done something too big to be forgiven for, or the pain of presenting herself to men (when it was a man who took advantage of her ) for judgment. Or something else.

One of the counselors has supervisory responsibility for all the lessons. If that is who is sending you the emails, she may be trying to help you understand how to teach the lessons. For instance, one of the guidelines in teaching in the church is to use only material from church publications. There is often lots of extra material that is useful and even exhilarating, but we still don't use it in church classes as we are supposed to be teaching what the Lord wants taught, and the direction helps keep the doctrine pure. So be sure to pray about the suggestions made and about what you teach instead of it. Also, please don't stop attending RS if you are released, or counseled. It might seem judgmental, but it doesn't mean you are a bad RS teacher or a bad person. It just means that it isn't working somehow. Members can seek the Lords inspiration and help to fix whatever the leader desires them to do differently, or sometimes members cannot make the change. But that shouldn't mean rejection of the whole program. Please do not let any conflict with other church members stop you from enjoying the blessings of being where Heavenly Father wants you to be, doing what He wants you to do.

IME, each person doesn't even hear the Spirit in the same way every time. The spirit presumably speaks as he needs to for us to listen and hear, and since we are all different, he has to do it differently.

I was interested in his latest decision (claimed by a 'conference", of course) to authorize his followers to use the temple ceremony words to marry his church members for eternity, while complying with civil authority for civil side.

Far more likely to be trust issues, than it is holding out hope to be with first husband, IMHO.

I can see how that would be very hard for you. But if I were you, I would just love her and be everything my Heavenly Father expected of me. At some point she may agree to be sealed to you. But if not, she may be sealed to you after both of you are dead (since they allow that for all legal marriages). I suspect she has a problem with trust and doesn't see the point because she is afraid you will divorce her too. She might feel differently if you make a good marriage for the next while.

The eternal blessings are not necessarily applicable to just this life. And I doubt they will use you are "now married for time and eternity" because they are not doing the actually legal marriage that require those words (if someone here is from a country that doesn't allow temple workers to conduct the civil marriage, they could probably say how it is different). But I would note two things --- one is that no matter what is the common or expected form, sealers sometimes mess it all up because they just do. The second is that you can speak to the sealer or the temple pres before your sealing and ask if they could do it the way you would like them to. Or ask why they have to do it the way you don't like. The fact that it is done uniformly has nothing whatever to do with not knowing you personally. If you let Him, He and your Heavenly Mother and Savior will be with you in comfort during the entire proceedings.

Or maybe they'd rather pay you more and therefore won't give through the gofundme page that takes a percentage?

If you write your will so that the family member who wants the more expensive funeral gets his inheritance reduced to pay for it (and send a copy to them while you are alive telling them you are doing that for the specific intention to discourage them from wasting any funds on anything except a green burial (lots of places now allow dead people to be wrapped in a shawl and buried in the dirt in a woodsy area, hauled in your own pickup, grave dug by survivors which costs slightly less than a cremation if you don't buy an urn), then your whole family will go along with it. It is also pretty inexpensive to be buried in a Vet's cemetary if you pick a cheap casket from sam's club or costco. I think it does families a lot of good for everyone to know what the dead person wanted. But the fact is that your next of kin generally will decide what happens, and typically anything in a will they won't know about when they are making the arrangements.

OP, you are not required to confess at a church disciplinary proceeding at all. And unless you give the bishop permission to disclose to the others what you told him in confession, that won't be used either. And disciplinary action must be taken only on the testimony of two witnesses. And, obviously the person recording the minutes can only record what you say. Yes, it is true that the council will likely see your refusal to confess in front of them as a form of unrepentant attitude, no matter why you are doing it. I'd suggest you figure out the category in the disciplinary code that you should be disciplined for. If it is sexual, all you need to say is that you violated the law of chastity ___ times, from [insert dates] because [describe any mitigating circumstances that apply: "I was trading sex for affection because I really wanted someone to love me. I'm here now because I want to be square with God even if I never get hugged again." or something else. You are not required to answer their questions, nor to be more explicit and you can ask them why they are asking you things, if it seems untoward. If you are asked who your partner is, then you can either give the name or decline to give the name. You could also say that you will pray on whether God wants you to give the name, but so far you don't think he does. If he is a member then you should consider the likelihood that he is also taking advantage of other women and reporting him might get it stopped (or might not since unrepentant people typically deny sins when called to account for them). In other words, go in having thought of possible responses and prayerfully deciding what you want to say. Remember that the disciplinary council is looking at where you are presently in the process and trying to decide with God thinks you need some form of disciplinary action. You'll want to be doing what you can to show them where you are spiritually and in the repentance process. But you really shouldn't feel you have to say things you are uncomfortable being in a written records. The details of your sin are generally not important except to establish how much of a problem it is, any reasons for it, and/or value to you of it, and whether it is all the way over. And what you've done to make it right. And your testimony of Jesus Christ.

DROP One reason that all the women you know past 30 are "cray cray" could be because of what you attract and/or how you handle relationships. It is always useful when you observe a pattern in your relationships to figure out what part you have to play in that negative pattern. Another thing is that people should have the courage to go out on three dates and then decide whether or not there is enough to proceed further. A mid-singles guy who dates the same person more than three times for companionship or sociality (and/or kisses the person), rather than for finding someone or becoming someone, gives a woman of that age the wrong impression of the relationship.

Parents are asked to take their nursery children to the potty and change their child's diapers. So just make sure they know where to find you. (Members try to do either between the meetings so no one needs to find them.) But if you are uneasy, you absolutely may stay in nursery with your child. Or you may take your child with you to your classes.

You can't cheat your body of the rest it needs, and expect it to work well for you all day.

Send them birthday cards. All my kids and their kids know my sister because every year they get this from her. Maybe send them a toy or an app you can play together. Set up a treasure hunt for them. Occasionally send pizza to the family. Join their FHE via skype. Write a chapter in a story and ask that they write the next chapter.

While you are waiting to get the marriage counseling set up, I suggest you get and read aloud together "Bonds that make us free" by C. Terry Warner. http://www.amazon.com/Bonds-That-Make-Free-Relationships/dp/1573459194 If you are not starting the day with prayer and ending it with prayer accounting for your day, then I suggest you do that. You might also consider whether you are each getting enough sleep and enough exercise (try having these discussions while you are jogging together?), both of which can have significant impact on the issues you raise. You might also try introducing uplifting and peaceful music into your home. Anger is usually a secondary emotion signaling pain, frustration or hurt. But anger in a relationship, that results in yelling and intimidation and demeaning is abuse. I'd suggest that you prepare a room in your home that has a lock with headphones and good music and something to keep you involved. Retreat there whenever you are afraid of your dh's immediate behavior, until he has gotten himself under control. If he hits you, or throws something directly at you report it immediately and have him arrested ---- the evidence is that helps an otherwise good person to never do it again (it may also help those with substance abuse issues, if they remain in jail long enough to detox). In some cases, parties need to separate for a time until the violent one(s) have individually learned enough skills and made enough changes so that both are safe. Don't wait to do something. But don't get discouraged either. What you describe is very fixable.

Debt is "the state of owing money" according to the dictionary. It is true you can have debt that is especially stupid by paying more than something is worth (and that tangible goods or going into debt for food fit into that stupid category). But we have been counseled by our leaders in GC not to go in to debt except for homes and education, both of which traditionally could be seen as investments (as would a business with a solid business plan). Even in those cases we've been counseled to buy smaller homes and chose our education wisely. It is GREED and ENVY that are the sins that often lead to debt. And THEFT, a sin, which occurs when you put yourself into debts you cannot pay (though most bankruptcies are from unexpected and non-elective expenses like medical debt). So my take is the the OP is simply wrong.

The people who tell you to stay home and quote scripture are butting in where not asked. Quitting a job is not going to fix the house cleanliness. I think you hire housecleaners to help you restore the home for the one time deep clean. It will probably cost $250, if it is as bad as you describe. (And you might also have the ducts cleaned which will help it stay clean, which will cost more). When things are so overwhelming you just shouldn't be ashamed of needing help. I would do this even if I had to sell plasma for a month to afford it. And then I think if you have your dh take the kids who are not old enough to help somewhere one day a month for you to work, that is not the end of the world. I'm thinking your dh is controlling you by using your "family" time or "date" time the way he chooses. Every partner should get 3-4 hours per week (and a certain amount of money) to indulge their own interests, away from family (or their family away from them). Most people really need this in order to be available to the family and their partner the rest of the time.