So my basic questions are, 1. Would you ever recommend marrying someone that has a porn addiction? 2. What is a reasonable amount of time to expect for him to achieve sexual sobriety (assuming he is enthusiastically working on recovery)? 3. What is a reasonable amount of time for him to be sober before considering engagement? Now for some background. I know that pornography is a HUGE problem that is mostly unspoken in the church. My parents went through a very, very messy divorce where the stem root of the problem was pornography (which led to other, serious things). Basically, my boyfriend and I are both fairly new to learning about REAL porn addiction recovery and neither of us is sure of what a realistic time line looks like (I recognize that recovery will take several years to a life time, but abstaining from pornography and treating triggers don't have to). We have both been doing research and learning a lot, but I would still like some additional advice. :) My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 9 months (we have been friends for almost a year and a half). We broke up for a time then got back together 2 months ago. We became much more serious when we got back together and I found out that he has a porn addiction (I asked him). He admits to looking at porn since he was a young teenager (11) when he found it by accident. Since then, we have been working together with this problem, but I feel like it is driving a wedge in our relationship. However, I feel like he has been very open and honest with me. Without me having to ask or prompt him, he has been meeting weekly with his bishop, going to a 12 step meeting each week, found a sponsor (he can't start a sponsor program until September for other reasons outside of his control), started journaling and working through the 12 step program, set up a filter on his computer and is accountable to me daily about whether he had problems with triggers, lust and/or pornography that day. Based on his accountability reports, he currently views porn about once a week. He has told me that he is willing to do whatever it takes to stop. We have frequent open, honest conversations with each other about progress and how we are both feeling about the subject. I by no means feel 'stuck' in this relationship or like he is trying to convince me to stay. He has told me that if I decide to break up because of his porn addiction that he understands and he won't hate me. He says that he will continue to work on recovery whether or not we keep dating. So basically, I am not the driving force behind his desire to change. I don't feel manipulated or controlled by him and he treats me respectfully and very well. It's very important to both of us to marry in the temple and we both agree that we wouldn't consider getting engaged until he has a full use temple recommend. We haven't crossed any boundaries physically (or even come close) and he doesn't try to push physical boundaries that we have set up. Overall, I think we have a great relationship. Without his pornography addiction, I would marry him. I know he wants to marry me. Any thoughts on this situation? Amy
