Roco19

Is there anyone reading that's been through something similar? Deep down, I know I need to talk to my bishop. It's easier said than done. I'm just really scared. And really embarrassed and ashamed. I hate what I've done. I wish so bad I could undo it. It was so not worth it. I wish I could tell anyone who was tempted like I was..don't even think about it! I rationalized that we loved each other and we're helping each other as good friends through tough spots in our marriages. Then things went to far and it was like, oh well, I already messed up, why stop now? Luckily I stopped short of "all the way". But, what I'm saying is, when I was in the thick of it, I was so messed up in my perspective. Not at all rational. Now that I'm getting some perspective I'm in shock about where I was.

Thank you pkstpaul. I saw your post after my last one. I hope what I've already told my husband is sufficient. I really don't want to hurt him more with details that could haunt him going forward. I so desperately want to leave it alone and never think of it again. I want to make things right with my husband. I don't want to burden him with what I did.

Thanks for the advice. I know what I've done is seriously wrong and I need to repent. I guess I'm just confused about the honesty part. Telling him would devestate him and if I've ended things with this other guy and have no intention of being unfaithful again (I know I didn't have the intention before but now my guard is really up) I don't see how telling him would be anything but destructive. I just want to put it behind me..if I tell him I don't know if that's possible. I guess I'm questioning if confession is always a good idea.

Yes, agreed, my husband's actions or my physical appearance are not an excuse. I don't know why I included that. But if I'm honest right now.. it could tear appart my marraige. I want to be over and done with it and keep my marraige.. I don't know if that's possible if I confess everything.

I have been a 'good' member my whole life. I use parenthesis because I know I'm not perfect, but have never committed any major sin prior to this. I've always tried to do the right thing, and always assumed I would never cross any major lines. Well, this past year I was tempted to the point..I caved in. I got involved with a guy that seemed to offer everything my marriage was lacking. We started out friends but quickly became more. He is not a member of the church. I am married, he is married. I feel awful and I'm sure anyone reading this must think I'm a rotten person. I think I'm a rotten person. But it happened to me, who thought myself spiritually indestructable . I'm your visiting teacher, your Relief Society teacher, your kids Sunday school teacher, the good Mormon woman no one would ever suspect in the least could be capable of what I've done. But I'm also lonely in my marraige. I'm vulnerable. I attracted the attention of another man who, in my weakness, did not say no to like I should have. While we never had sex, we did other things which I'm pretty sure constitute adultery. I've told my husband, but only that we kissed. Which isn't the whole truth. I told him because I wanted to come clean and I wanted the strenght to end things with this other guy. My marraige has been pretty shaky these past two years (a whole other story) and I really feel like telling him the whole truth would be the last straw that would pretty much guarantee a divorce. But all this has happened, and I know that I want more than anything to keep my marraige together. I truly love my husband, even though we've been through some bad stuff. If I confess this, I'm sure they'll make me tell him the whole truth.. and he might leave me. Not that I blame him, but I just feel like, if we could give it a few years and perspective, then possibly our marraige could handle the aftermath of what I tell him. But right now.. I'm pretty sure it couldn't. So.. what do I do?