NeedleinA

Just curious...
There are from time to time, TV shows/movies that portray things/stereotypes/inaccuracies about members of the church. How do you feel about the actors/producers/directors of such "negative" shows? Just doing their "acting" job? Indifferent? Do you see them as neutral parties? Is an actor considered less invested than the actual producer?
Admittedly I don't keep up on a lot of shows, but I was aware of a "Mormon Polygamy" show from a couple years ago. I just found out that one of the actors I liked was the Executive Producer of the show, Tom Hanks. Admittedly, right or wrong I no longer hold him in such high esteem. 
Your thoughts?

Lol.  Actually, you guys did help- NeedleInA directly, and the rest of you indirectly simply by creating an safe venue for me to come and talk (I don't really and real life LDS friends which will understand the whole sealing thing).

I was about to offer some sage advice (I mean, top-quality stuff that I should be charging money for) when I realized you could just go and do what Jane did and solve your problem yourself. And then where would I be? WHERE WOULD I BE?!!! Right where you are now.
I'm breaking the cycle for the good of this thread. I have no answers for you - no suggestions.
 
<sniff> Don't look at me like that. I have to be strong enough for the both of us right now.

One perspective is that artists (directors, authors, painters, etc) are merely telling a story or depicting something. With TV, their main goal is to entertain, to present something interesting, to cause you to feel something. And actors are just playing the roles that are written for them. The whole enterprise is value-neutral. It's just art.   However, I don't buy this. I strongly feel that artists must also always consider the consequence of their productions. Everyone is responsible for the consequences of their actions, even more so if the actions are intentional and not accidental actions. Artists do not get a "pass" because they are in some way special.   My frank opinion is that much of the media industry (movies, songs, books) is effectively the church of Satan. It preaches a worldview that is against the gospel. The Book of Mormon says there are two churches only, and that which does not lead to Christ is of the devil.   Tom Hanks - I've heard statements from him in the past against the church. I think in most cases, people who are against the church do it because they don't understand what the church and gospel are. They just read some headlines about gay marriage or something and come to false conclusions.   There are some people who love darkness more than light. They are enemies to God. But most people are not so much evil as wicked. There's a difference. We all have a percentage of good and evil in us. Wicked, however, means you are disobedient to God.   I can't judge Hank's soul, just pray that he chooses good over evil, and lives according to the degree of light he has rather than fight against it.

Meg - 
Very proud of you for jumping on the situation and actually taking action, great job!
If you take the "glass is half full" approach, 7 months of him being gone might be a blessing from Heavenly Father instead. That is 7 months of you learning, preparing, growing, communicating with Heavenly Father and being truly ready for his return. He might be very well surprised to return to a totally different woman, one who is now "firmly ready" to face him and has already prepared herself for multiple possible outcomes, even the bad ones. 
Hang in there, we are here to lend an ear!
Needle

Okay Meg,
With your husband away, perhaps now is a great time to seek out some help from others, even professionals. Good job in speaking with his father, even if it didn't appear to bare any fruit, you never know. You need help from others. Even if you mother is hurt/sad, it is good she knows. It is much harder for others to help you if they are kept in the dark and unaware. Yes, you should speak with your Bishop. When speaking with him, convey that you absolutely need home teachers that will "support" you, be specific, he will understand. 
Use this time to educate yourself. This education can come from several sources:
1. Most important of all, like @zil mentioned, do your daily part to invite the Spirit to come and teach you via your prayers & scripture study.
2. Speak with your Bishop
3. I personally would speak with a Marriage Counselor. This could be your chance to educate yourself on a variety of topics: How do I become strong for myself? How do I become strong for my kids? How do I deal with depression? How can I best ignore/address my husband in his anger? How do I stand up for myself and not feel the victim?  Etc. Etc. 
      a. The Church offers LDS Counseling in certain areas. This can be a free service to you, speak to your Bishop about this. 
      b. The Military offers free help as well: 
          " Every military couple experiences and handles stress differently. Not only are deployments themselves stressful, so is the time before and after them. You and your partner might feel sad, irritable, angry or frustrated. You might find yourself picking fights, avoiding difficult discussions or withdrawing altogether. 
Those feelings are totally normal for military couples throughout the deployment cycle. But that’s why counseling support can be invaluable – addressing concerns before they escalate can help alleviate that pressure and make your relationship better.
Military OneSource offers service members and their spouses and children free, non-medical counseling. After a short phone screening, a Military OneSource employee will refer a service member or eligible family member to a local, licensed professional counselor for free. The counseling can be done face-to-face, over the phone or online. It’s meant to be short term, and covers up to 12 free sessions per issue, per person. For more information call 800-342-9647 orvisit Military OneSource."
If your husband is not allowing you to work on your marriage currently, then step up and work on the one person you can change..."you". Strengthen yourself, prepare yourself, invite the Spirit to teach you things you didn't know or didn't think to do before. Again, hang in there!

Ivory_Tower,
I can empathize with you. I often feel like a fish out of water at church, because I am so different (apparently) from most Mormons in my wards.
The things I do personally to deal with this:
- Remember the church is not foremost a social organization. It's about helping you progress in discipleship, to endure to the end, and to provide opportunities to serve others.
- I try to get to know as many people as I'm comfortable with. I often find that even though they might be different form me, I can still have a meaningful connection to them. And often I'm surprised at how interesting other people are, and even sometimes that they aren't as different as I thought. Of course, it's nice to meet people who aren't like you are - less boring.
- Think of church as an opportunity to serve. That's what the gospel is in essence, learning to serve God and others.
Of course, also ignore annoying people who try to fix you up on unwanted dates. I think most of these people do it out of love, even if they don't know how to show it very well.
I would also say that it sounds like you have too much on your plate. Take time for yourself, to recreate, etc. Or you will probably get burned out.
I lived in Japan for a year, so I know how it can be. Everything is harder when you live abroad, especially in such a *very foreign* place. But it can be a great experience! It sounds like you are doing very interesting and worthwhile things.

Sorry?
It seems one serious pressure will go away in a few months. Your dissertation will be in the past, and you will have some time to yourself.
As to the rest, I'd give you the same advice I give harried mothers who have a similar complaint: simplify your life. Why three jobs? Must you live in a foreign country?
Benjamin gives us wise advice, "it is not requisite that a [woman] should run faster than [she] has strength. And again, it is expedient that [she] should be diligent, that thereby [she] might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order."
We sometimes focus on the first part of his statement to the point of ignoring the other two clauses. Yes, we should be stressed to the extent that we ought to be doing something. But that doesn't mean we can never have any time to rest.
You are an anomaly in that you are not married. But that is not a deal breaker. You may have a husband next year, or five years from now. Maybe not. But Father loves you. Mother loves you. Our Elder Brother loves you. Be comforted in that. This doesn't mean you should ignore opportunities to find a temple-worthy mate. Please don't recoil from well meaning efforts by others to help you achieve this goal.
Our Thomas Jefferson said, "Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst and cold." Don't let pride get in the way of your own happiness.
Lehi

Someone, perhaps lots of someones, once said (in relation to fiction) that there's no such thing as a new plot - they've all been written.  The best a writer can hope for is to create a few different details to make their telling of the same story engaging.  IMO, this is an accurate reflection of the feeling that no one else understands - there's no such thing as a new problem, but there are different details in any given "telling" of those problems.  NOTE: I am NOT trying to dismiss or diminish the reality of your feelings, but rather, I'm trying to point out that any two humans have more in common than they might believe, and that our problems are not as unique as we tend to think.  (I well remember feeling things like you describe; sometimes I'm tempted to feel them again.)
Even if no one in your immediate vicinity seems to understand, God and Christ understand.  They also know the best way to navigate through your problems, work, study, calling, etc.  They know how much time, and which time, to give to each of these.  They know who can help you and who cannot.  They know every language.  To find peace and strength, make sure you're willingly, gratefully putting the gospel first in your life - daily scripture study and prayer - so that you can have the Spirit guide you.  You will be better able to finish your pHD if you work on it after you've given a portion of your time to scripture study and prayer - remember, we are talking about the same God who made time stand still, and I have personal experience that God is willing and able to alter time and math so that our needs can be met, if we put Him first.  Trust that God gave you the talents and abilities you have, and He wants you to use them for good.  If you are striving to keep Him in your life, He will help you.  If He tells you to put it aside on Sunday, trust him and do it - you'll be blessed for it.
As for people trying to set you up on dates, do as you think best (after praying for guidance), and be polite about it.  Then forget it.  Other people's thoughts, words, and actions are beyond your control - let them worry about themselves.  (And keep in mind, you're not just dealing with a foreign language, but a foreign culture - offense may not be intended, so don't take it.)
Finally, ranting may work to relieve the immediate pressure, but it's not a long-term solution.  Turn to the Lord for the long term solution.  He knows what you need to do.

I spoke with my bishop today. It was not an easy thing to do. He said that he had been wondering for awhile...but since I am such a private person, he didn't want to pry. He was very supportive and gave me a blessing before I left.
I contacted military one source and got the ball rolling on counseling. 
I have thought long and hard about the fact he doesn't seem to have an interest in having myself or the children in his future. And as much as it pains me... if there isn't change on his part, I don't have a desire to be a part of it either. So, I have been coming up with a backup plan and preparing for a nasty battle if it comes down to it.
I do hate that I feel like I will be spending the next 7 months in limbo. Waiting to see how things are going to be when he returns. But I guess right now all I can do is focus on myself and the kids. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

@Jane_Doe Why not plan out how bad you are going to trash their "Just Married" car instead? I mean you could really do a super number on that thing. Then leave a note saying, "I wasn't allowed to help on anything else, so voila! Enjoy!"  I decorated my friends car after his wedding. Like an idiot I used white shoe polish on his car tires and did crazy designs. Apparently white shoe polish does not come off black tires, at least not for a couple of years anyways. Ooooops! My friend = 
When you say your sister "doesn't want me to...", does that mean she actually doesn't want your personal help, or rather someone else is doing it and therefore that assignment is already taken care of and your help is simply not needed?
If push comes to shove, plan an all expenses paid vacation for everyone in the Bahamas during the same time as her wedding. Show her who the boss is! Boom, in your face sistah!

The bride has 3 sisters, and the groom has 4(?) sisters and 1 sister in law, plus the bride wanted 3 of her friends to be bridesmaids too.   So myself and one of his sisters got cut out.   She and I don't have any bad feelings or anything... she just can live in her own little world and can be oblivious to people/things not right in her face.
I did actually pull myself out of my pity-party, (persistently) hunted my sister down until she answered the phone, and straight up asked: "What can I do for you to show my love and excitement for you and your upcoming wedding?"  Come to find out: she hasn't even thought of flowers or cake!  So, I am now in charge of those: we set up a Pinterest account to get ideas and research places, and arranged for me to come down in a few weeks and are going to pick them out.  Having an outlet to express my love to her.... I feel so much better now :).
Being honest and forthright with people really is the best policy.

Beth - I know this is hard.  But you need to rise up and defend your children.  Please, for their sake, get a lawyer and protect them.  Consider what poverty will do to them.  Consider what you having to grab more than one job to support them, will do to them.  As you go through this process with your husband, you'll only learn more and more about why your husband is doing what he's doing, and none of it will be healing blessings to your marriage or your soul.
I'm not saying you need to divorce him.  I'm saying you need to protect your children.
Have you talked to the bishop about this?  If you haven't, go call his executive secretary right now and make an appointment.  After you fill him in on what's happening, ask him about the wisdom of getting a lawyer. 

Megs - I'm so very very sorry you are going through this. 
I read your post yesterday afternoon and I've been thinking about it so very very often since then. I don't typically post on the board - I mostly just read - but your post is really just hurting my heart and I wanted to tell you someone cares.
My concern is, judging from what you wrote he is showing nothing but hatred towards you. Not one thing in your post showed the least bit of love, caring or compassion.  Just reading it hurt my heart!!!!  I can't imagine.  And to go 2 months without a call and then have him call in the middle of the night only to curse you, and be so hateful!?  My heart broke for you.
In addition to the wonderful advice already given and using the support the military gives spouses, I would also like to think you should make a 'back up plan' that involves caring for yourself and your children because it sounds like he not only is going to pursue a divorce but he doesn't sound like a nice guy and it will get ugly.  I'm glad you've reached out to his Dad and your Mom, and will be working with your Bishop and others...  it shows you are trying.  But when he comes back he's going to be dealing with some pretty heavy emotional, mental and maybe even physical issues that are even worse than before he left.  ( I do under the post traumatic stress syndrome as my brother served 3 tours in Afghanistan and Iraq and had things happen that still affect him even though he's been home for a while.)
It doesn't sound like he is including you or the children in his future...  you should be prepared for this.  I don't hear any love from him in your post at all.

@Jane_Doe Why not plan out how bad you are going to trash their "Just Married" car instead? I mean you could really do a super number on that thing. Then leave a note saying, "I wasn't allowed to help on anything else, so voila! Enjoy!"  I decorated my friends car after his wedding. Like an idiot I used white shoe polish on his car tires and did crazy designs. Apparently white shoe polish does not come off black tires, at least not for a couple of years anyways. Ooooops! My friend = 
When you say your sister "doesn't want me to...", does that mean she actually doesn't want your personal help, or rather someone else is doing it and therefore that assignment is already taken care of and your help is simply not needed?
If push comes to shove, plan an all expenses paid vacation for everyone in the Bahamas during the same time as her wedding. Show her who the boss is! Boom, in your face sistah!

@NeedleinA  Thank you.  That helped a lot and made me smile :). 

@Jane_Doe Why not plan out how bad you are going to trash their "Just Married" car instead? I mean you could really do a super number on that thing. Then leave a note saying, "I wasn't allowed to help on anything else, so voila! Enjoy!"  I decorated my friends car after his wedding. Like an idiot I used white shoe polish on his car tires and did crazy designs. Apparently white shoe polish does not come off black tires, at least not for a couple of years anyways. Ooooops! My friend = 
When you say your sister "doesn't want me to...", does that mean she actually doesn't want your personal help, or rather someone else is doing it and therefore that assignment is already taken care of and your help is simply not needed?
If push comes to shove, plan an all expenses paid vacation for everyone in the Bahamas during the same time as her wedding. Show her who the boss is! Boom, in your face sistah!

Bread w/sugar and nearly any sweet spice (cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, etc.) then topped with milk is called Poor Man's Pudding. My folks hail from South Dakota. Paternal Grandparents are immigrants from Norway, Maternal GGGGrandparents are from the British Isles, then their descendants are from Nebraska, Minnesota, North Dakota, South Dakota and southern Canada.
Store bought white bread is NOT to be used. It turns into the nastiest glob of glue. Home made white bread that is at least three days old is T.H.E. Best!!!
Same goes for cooked white rice. Place hot in a bowl, top with spice, sugar and top off with milk (fresh from the cow is really the best). This is the one of the ways my Mom would eat rice. That or with hamburger, tomatoes, onions, celery, and Italian spices, IF you are using canned and watery tomatoes, then add uncooked rice. Bake at 305 degrees F until dry around the edges.

Okay Meg,
With your husband away, perhaps now is a great time to seek out some help from others, even professionals. Good job in speaking with his father, even if it didn't appear to bare any fruit, you never know. You need help from others. Even if you mother is hurt/sad, it is good she knows. It is much harder for others to help you if they are kept in the dark and unaware. Yes, you should speak with your Bishop. When speaking with him, convey that you absolutely need home teachers that will "support" you, be specific, he will understand. 
Use this time to educate yourself. This education can come from several sources:
1. Most important of all, like @zil mentioned, do your daily part to invite the Spirit to come and teach you via your prayers & scripture study.
2. Speak with your Bishop
3. I personally would speak with a Marriage Counselor. This could be your chance to educate yourself on a variety of topics: How do I become strong for myself? How do I become strong for my kids? How do I deal with depression? How can I best ignore/address my husband in his anger? How do I stand up for myself and not feel the victim?  Etc. Etc. 
      a. The Church offers LDS Counseling in certain areas. This can be a free service to you, speak to your Bishop about this. 
      b. The Military offers free help as well: 
          " Every military couple experiences and handles stress differently. Not only are deployments themselves stressful, so is the time before and after them. You and your partner might feel sad, irritable, angry or frustrated. You might find yourself picking fights, avoiding difficult discussions or withdrawing altogether. 
Those feelings are totally normal for military couples throughout the deployment cycle. But that’s why counseling support can be invaluable – addressing concerns before they escalate can help alleviate that pressure and make your relationship better.
Military OneSource offers service members and their spouses and children free, non-medical counseling. After a short phone screening, a Military OneSource employee will refer a service member or eligible family member to a local, licensed professional counselor for free. The counseling can be done face-to-face, over the phone or online. It’s meant to be short term, and covers up to 12 free sessions per issue, per person. For more information call 800-342-9647 orvisit Military OneSource."
If your husband is not allowing you to work on your marriage currently, then step up and work on the one person you can change..."you". Strengthen yourself, prepare yourself, invite the Spirit to teach you things you didn't know or didn't think to do before. Again, hang in there!

Okay Meg,
With your husband away, perhaps now is a great time to seek out some help from others, even professionals. Good job in speaking with his father, even if it didn't appear to bare any fruit, you never know. You need help from others. Even if you mother is hurt/sad, it is good she knows. It is much harder for others to help you if they are kept in the dark and unaware. Yes, you should speak with your Bishop. When speaking with him, convey that you absolutely need home teachers that will "support" you, be specific, he will understand. 
Use this time to educate yourself. This education can come from several sources:
1. Most important of all, like @zil mentioned, do your daily part to invite the Spirit to come and teach you via your prayers & scripture study.
2. Speak with your Bishop
3. I personally would speak with a Marriage Counselor. This could be your chance to educate yourself on a variety of topics: How do I become strong for myself? How do I become strong for my kids? How do I deal with depression? How can I best ignore/address my husband in his anger? How do I stand up for myself and not feel the victim?  Etc. Etc. 
      a. The Church offers LDS Counseling in certain areas. This can be a free service to you, speak to your Bishop about this. 
      b. The Military offers free help as well: 
          " Every military couple experiences and handles stress differently. Not only are deployments themselves stressful, so is the time before and after them. You and your partner might feel sad, irritable, angry or frustrated. You might find yourself picking fights, avoiding difficult discussions or withdrawing altogether. 
Those feelings are totally normal for military couples throughout the deployment cycle. But that’s why counseling support can be invaluable – addressing concerns before they escalate can help alleviate that pressure and make your relationship better.
Military OneSource offers service members and their spouses and children free, non-medical counseling. After a short phone screening, a Military OneSource employee will refer a service member or eligible family member to a local, licensed professional counselor for free. The counseling can be done face-to-face, over the phone or online. It’s meant to be short term, and covers up to 12 free sessions per issue, per person. For more information call 800-342-9647 orvisit Military OneSource."
If your husband is not allowing you to work on your marriage currently, then step up and work on the one person you can change..."you". Strengthen yourself, prepare yourself, invite the Spirit to teach you things you didn't know or didn't think to do before. Again, hang in there!

Hello Megs,
I must say that my heart hurts for you and the situation that you and your children find yourselves in currently, I'm sorry.
I would like to share a couple of observations and past experiences in the hopes that it might help... a little. 
1. I grew up with a military Colonel for a father. Wonderful in many, many regards, and horrible in others. So speaking about my father, and not military personnel in general, here are some of the observations I realized: He was used to two things, either kissing the rear of higher ups, or having his rear kissed by subordinates. He did not function well when we as a family didn't "fall in line" instantly, obey orders or give instant respect all the time. In his mind, his Brothers at work, began to understand him better than his Brothers in the Gospel did.This was very hard for him to separate "military" life vs. "home" life. Many people can toggle this switch between the two, but many can not. 
2. Do you have other military personnel in your ward who are active/strong? You could specifically request military personnel as your family's Home Teachers, etc. This may give him a better role model upon returning state side. Express your concerns to your Bishop and request help. 
3. Military units are assigned Chaplains. You would be surprised how many of them are LDS. Regardless if they are or not, you can contact his unit Commander and request the Chaplain pay him a "random courtesy" visit to check up on him. This may give him someone "else" to talk to besides only soldiers.  
4. I worked in a Juvenile Prison for a couple of years. Being around hurt,pain,scum, swearing, etc. takes a toll on you no matter what anyone thinks or says. The worst part is that others around you see it happening to you, but you may not. @mirkwood might be able to share a story or two. I think you saw what I'm talking about when you said, "He quit working his civilian (police officer) job about a month and a half before he left. Things got a lot better." This is not a comment at all about law enforcement, it is comment that perhaps your husband doesn't have the personal skills to deal with this line of work AND balance it with a family successfully. Rather than work on these skills, it appears he his choosing to run from/distance himself instead. 
5. At first, while reading your post, I thought this was only an issue between you and your husband. That thought left once you stated, "I'm sad for my kids. He has had no contact with them in 4 months now.". This sounds like he is facing larger issues than simply "you". If he is ignoring the kids as well, I would suggest something bigger is looming with him. 
So, what do you do now?? If you have not already, I would start by pooling your resources together. Meaning, speak with your Parents, his parents and your Bishop. Start sharing your problems with those that are close to you and openly admit you need their help. It sounds like your personal skills are lacking now too as you ask "what can I do?". Start with those 3 groups. Even if they can't provide you with a silver bullet, it may be very helpful for you to have shoulder to cry on. It sounds like your marriage is bleeding out right now. Don't wait until it is dead to react, react now before it is dead. 
Heavenly Father loves you as his daughter and has not forgotten you. Pray to him harder than you ever have before and listen for the Spirit to prompt you through this hard time. 
Hang in there the best you can and love your kids extra hard.
Needle

Without getting too deep and writing a novel. Speaking as a son to my mother and husband to my wife, I always see the "heart" as the person that radiates the most selfless love, care, empathy, concern for their family, especially if there are children involved. 
1. Which parent do our kids want when it is time for bed? Mom. Dad simply puts them to bed. Mom gives endless hugs and sings songs to them.
2. Which parent do our kids want when they get hurt? Mom. Dad tells them to suck it up. Mom kisses the hurt spot, gets out the Neosporin and band-aids. Then hugs them and sings them a song
3. Which parent do you go to when you are trouble? Mom. Dad is going to give you your punishment. Mom is going to repeat all the steps from item #2.
I realize in many households, roles might be reversed, so this is simply a reflection of what I have seen growing up and now married to a super loving wife. 

Yes, solutions...ideas...and "peace"...

In addition to what @NeedleinA has said, I cannot recommend enough that you make sure living the gospel is central to your daily life - personal and family scripture study and prayer will do shocking amounts of good.  If you're already doing these things - don't let them slip.  If you're not doing them, please start.  If you're doing them on and off, do what you can to make it every day.  I know it may not seem like you have time, but taking time for these will bring solutions that will not otherwise come.

Hello Megs,
I must say that my heart hurts for you and the situation that you and your children find yourselves in currently, I'm sorry.
I would like to share a couple of observations and past experiences in the hopes that it might help... a little. 
1. I grew up with a military Colonel for a father. Wonderful in many, many regards, and horrible in others. So speaking about my father, and not military personnel in general, here are some of the observations I realized: He was used to two things, either kissing the rear of higher ups, or having his rear kissed by subordinates. He did not function well when we as a family didn't "fall in line" instantly, obey orders or give instant respect all the time. In his mind, his Brothers at work, began to understand him better than his Brothers in the Gospel did.This was very hard for him to separate "military" life vs. "home" life. Many people can toggle this switch between the two, but many can not. 
2. Do you have other military personnel in your ward who are active/strong? You could specifically request military personnel as your family's Home Teachers, etc. This may give him a better role model upon returning state side. Express your concerns to your Bishop and request help. 
3. Military units are assigned Chaplains. You would be surprised how many of them are LDS. Regardless if they are or not, you can contact his unit Commander and request the Chaplain pay him a "random courtesy" visit to check up on him. This may give him someone "else" to talk to besides only soldiers.  
4. I worked in a Juvenile Prison for a couple of years. Being around hurt,pain,scum, swearing, etc. takes a toll on you no matter what anyone thinks or says. The worst part is that others around you see it happening to you, but you may not. @mirkwood might be able to share a story or two. I think you saw what I'm talking about when you said, "He quit working his civilian (police officer) job about a month and a half before he left. Things got a lot better." This is not a comment at all about law enforcement, it is comment that perhaps your husband doesn't have the personal skills to deal with this line of work AND balance it with a family successfully. Rather than work on these skills, it appears he his choosing to run from/distance himself instead. 
5. At first, while reading your post, I thought this was only an issue between you and your husband. That thought left once you stated, "I'm sad for my kids. He has had no contact with them in 4 months now.". This sounds like he is facing larger issues than simply "you". If he is ignoring the kids as well, I would suggest something bigger is looming with him. 
So, what do you do now?? If you have not already, I would start by pooling your resources together. Meaning, speak with your Parents, his parents and your Bishop. Start sharing your problems with those that are close to you and openly admit you need their help. It sounds like your personal skills are lacking now too as you ask "what can I do?". Start with those 3 groups. Even if they can't provide you with a silver bullet, it may be very helpful for you to have shoulder to cry on. It sounds like your marriage is bleeding out right now. Don't wait until it is dead to react, react now before it is dead. 
Heavenly Father loves you as his daughter and has not forgotten you. Pray to him harder than you ever have before and listen for the Spirit to prompt you through this hard time. 
Hang in there the best you can and love your kids extra hard.
Needle