NeedleinA

BYU Studies did an article on this some time ago:
 
https://ojs.lib.byu.edu/spc/index.php/BYUStudies/article/viewFile/5506/5156_1

One thing a person can do to really get someone's attention when they want to tell them something is touch them.  Just a friendly hand on the shoulder or arm while you look them in the eye and say what you need to say. 

Ah, the rare triple negative.

Thanks. It may not have been much, but it was my best shot.

Vagabond80, you are only 16 posts into your experience here on LDS.net. Breathe...

Okay, I'm going to totally put myself out there... and I'm going to call your bluff. I am less inclined to think this thread is an issue "about" you, as much as it is an issue you have with the LDS Church. The nature of your repetitive questioning and highly specific concerns, which we have already answered in multiple ways, leads me to doubt your true intentions here. 

Vagabond80, you are only 16 posts into your experience here on LDS.net. Breathe...

Hi Kelli,
For many members the thought of confessing their sins can be overwhelming. The thought of having their sins some how attached to their permanent record can be even more overwhelming. Let me share a couple of thoughts with you to hopefully put your mind at ease and help you realize the true blessings that come from a Disciplinary Council. 
The quick version:
The Council: for the moment, we are going to alter the name "Disciplinary Council" and change it's name to "Council of Love". The Brethren that are on the Council, along with the Stake Presidency, are there for several purposes, but the main overriding purpose is to help "you". They are there to help set you on a course of correction to lead you back to full fellowship and ultimately become the best person you can be. They are there to see you as our Savior sees you, with eyes of love and compassion, not harsh judgement. Going to this council is a blessing and should be welcomed, because you are one step closer to becoming healed from whatever it is that brought you there in the first place.
Your Record: "If" you are disfellowshipped, it will be put on your permanent record, however, there is more to the story than that. Disfellowshipping is noted on your record, but only until you have been reinstated to full-fellowship again. Once you are reinstated, the notation is then removed from your record. So, why put it on your record then? This helps church leaders communicate about you incase you move elsewhere prior to coming back into full fellowship. 

About twenty years ago when I serve as a Ward Clerk that was pretty much exactly what I did.  I can't image that it has changed a whole lot

I hope that brings some clarification and comfort to the OP. As zil stated earlier, we are strangers to you but we want to help you as much as we can. We're all brothers and sisters through this gospel. We want to see you be happy and there are a lot of people here who have a deep faith and trust in the repentance process, so please know that these words shared by these strangers today are truth and out of love. 

Thank you!

Okay, a little clarification about what is written down during a DC so that this doesn't turn to further misunderstanding. 
 
1. When you speak with your Bishop, you may speak on a highly detailed level. (This is not recorded by anyone, NOR does the Bishop write it down anywhere).
2. No visit with a DC is audio recorded. It all comes from the notes of the Ward or Stake Clerk. The Clerk takes down "general" notes. He is not there to write a book or a love novel about an affair. Nor does he have the time to do so. His job is to write down a couple of key things:
a. General nature of the sin
b. What "in general" led to the sin
c. What church restrictions are in place, if any
d. Timeline for those restrictions
e. What counsel has been give to help the individual person avoid/repeat the same mistake (see item "b")
f.  What counsel has been given to help the individual heal/repent/feel the Savior's Love, etc. 
All of the items take up about 1 sheet of paper at best, and the smallest item usually is item "a", the item you are way too focused on.
While individuals in the room may hear "details", the clerk's job is to record in general terms. 
 

Okay, a little clarification about what is written down during a DC so that this doesn't turn to further misunderstanding. 
 
1. When you speak with your Bishop, you may speak on a highly detailed level. (This is not recorded by anyone, NOR does the Bishop write it down anywhere).
2. No visit with a DC is audio recorded. It all comes from the notes of the Ward or Stake Clerk. The Clerk takes down "general" notes. He is not there to write a book or a love novel about an affair. Nor does he have the time to do so. His job is to write down a couple of key things:
a. General nature of the sin
b. What "in general" led to the sin
c. What church restrictions are in place, if any
d. Timeline for those restrictions
e. What counsel has been give to help the individual person avoid/repeat the same mistake (see item "b")
f.  What counsel has been given to help the individual heal/repent/feel the Savior's Love, etc. 
All of the items take up about 1 sheet of paper at best, and the smallest item usually is item "a", the item you are way too focused on.
While individuals in the room may hear "details", the clerk's job is to record in general terms. 
 

The consequence of your action will follow you... confession is part of that consequence.  You are being judged, because once they judge you and your situation they can then prayerfully help you find your way out.   If you want to ask question of him then ask, you might not like/agree/understand his answers but ask anyways.
As for understanding... there are lots of things we don't understand.  That is what faith is about.  Faith is about acting without necessary having an understanding.  So while there is nothing wrong with trying to understand do not let that stop you from exercising faith and doing what the Lord would have you do even though you don't know why.
 
 

You do know, don't you, that one of the titles of a bishop is "judge in Israel".  His purpose is to judge, but it's not the bad kind of judging, it's the kind that leads to a correct determination of what to do next.
This is not the police you're dealing with.  No one wants to use this against you (except Satan).  But we cannot be helped if we're not honest.
Are you worried that intimate or explicit details will have to be revealed?  Because I'm pretty sure they won't be (someone correct me if I'm wrong).  I'm pretty sure questions will revolve around why, when did it start, when did it end, do you understand the doctrines that make the behavior a sin, is your repentance sincere, what efforts have you already made to remove yourself from the sin, avoid temptation, repent, repair, etc.

But there are people here who have clarified exactly what that process entails, including what is recorded, why it is recorded, whether or not it is pulled up for future reference, etc. 
There are also people who have offered a great word of advice: men are imperfect. Bring your questions to the Lord in prayer. He can offer you words of wisdom concerning this. The Savior's atonement is exactly meant for this type of fear and doubt. 

Vagabond80, you are only 16 posts into your experience here on LDS.net. Breathe...

Vagabond80, you are only 16 posts into your experience here on LDS.net. Breathe...

I can't tell you the technical details.  I can tell you, as others have, that Satan is trying to confuse and scare you.  I can also tell you that what NeedleInA is writing is what you should trust.  And finally, I can tell you that when you have finished the process, possibly even before you have finished it, you will not be ashamed to look those men from the council in the eye.  It won't bother you to converse with them, or see them at church.  Your guilt will be washed away, and any shame will go with it.
Trust that the Lord Jesus Christ will make this right, if you sincerely repent.

Kelli, this is Satan. As someone mentioned before, going through the repentance process fully is the last thing he wants you to do. He led you down the path of sin and isn't wanting you to find your way out. He's going to do EVERYTHING he can to make sure you don't fully repent (in this case, a disciplinary council). 
Do you believe your bishop, stake president, and other members who will sit on the disciplinary council are called of God?  Do you believe in the repentance process, including the process of the disciplinary council, is God's creation? You say you're willing to do this the Lord's way, so do it and stop letting Satan control how you feel about it. Trust Him and His course of action. 

This would be the case of a standard affair.
Either the person giving the "advice" is misinformed or Kelli is not understanding the difference. Your Bishop in 10, 20 years will not be able to see an "affair" on your record, nor should/would he care. If it doesn't appear on your record (you resolved it) he is more interested in calling you to RS President than he is in trying to dig up dirt and find excuses to not have you serve in that calling. 
This is false. It is common to be asked if there are any "unresolved" sins. Once you have gone through the repentance process, the answer to this question is, "No, there are not". 

A couple of more thoughts for you Kelli:
1. If you would like specific answers, then it is helpful for us to know the specific sin involved. No one knows who "Kelli" is and never will. I highly doubt there is anything you could possibly share that we all haven't already heard before: "adultery", "masturbation", "same sex relations" etc. You don't need to go into detail. One or two words is enough. Your choice, but if you would like a "specific" answer, some of us are more inclined to help rather than dance around in circles. 
2. Disciplinary Councils are "Councils of Love". Receiving disciplinary action does not negate the aspect of love involved, it is actually the opposite. If someone feels it was "only discipline" minus any love, then I would suggest the person was erroneously only listening for "gosh, what is my punishment" and missed all the wonderful counsel & love displayed during the Council to help the person correct their problem. Your attitude, your fear, your guilt will in part determine the "eyes" in which you view your council visit. 
3. I have sat on several Disciplinary Councils, both Ward & Stake, they are there for your benefit. Don't fool yourself into believing you are sitting in front of a group of "men" trying to tear you down or pass harsh judgement. I hope you realize that several of the "men" that sit in that Council will have been in your shoes previously. They understand, because they have been where you are and have had the same concerns you have. 
4. Lastly. It is clear through your comments, that the adversary is working double time on you. Creating fear, doubt, concern, "men",  and judging others/system as not being "Christlike". You are on the threshold of correcting whatever erroneous course he (the adversary) has helped set you down. This is his last final chance to scare you into changing your mind. I've never met anyone who has gone through the full repentance process who didn't see the marvelous beauty it is to work through the Atonement through proper priesthood authority. 
Hang in there, and just do it, stop looking for and clinging to  reasons of not doing it. 

A couple of more thoughts for you Kelli:
1. If you would like specific answers, then it is helpful for us to know the specific sin involved. No one knows who "Kelli" is and never will. I highly doubt there is anything you could possibly share that we all haven't already heard before: "adultery", "masturbation", "same sex relations" etc. You don't need to go into detail. One or two words is enough. Your choice, but if you would like a "specific" answer, some of us are more inclined to help rather than dance around in circles. 
2. Disciplinary Councils are "Councils of Love". Receiving disciplinary action does not negate the aspect of love involved, it is actually the opposite. If someone feels it was "only discipline" minus any love, then I would suggest the person was erroneously only listening for "gosh, what is my punishment" and missed all the wonderful counsel & love displayed during the Council to help the person correct their problem. Your attitude, your fear, your guilt will in part determine the "eyes" in which you view your council visit. 
3. I have sat on several Disciplinary Councils, both Ward & Stake, they are there for your benefit. Don't fool yourself into believing you are sitting in front of a group of "men" trying to tear you down or pass harsh judgement. I hope you realize that several of the "men" that sit in that Council will have been in your shoes previously. They understand, because they have been where you are and have had the same concerns you have. 
4. Lastly. It is clear through your comments, that the adversary is working double time on you. Creating fear, doubt, concern, "men",  and judging others/system as not being "Christlike". You are on the threshold of correcting whatever erroneous course he (the adversary) has helped set you down. This is his last final chance to scare you into changing your mind. I've never met anyone who has gone through the full repentance process who didn't see the marvelous beauty it is to work through the Atonement through proper priesthood authority. 
Hang in there, and just do it, stop looking for and clinging to  reasons of not doing it. 

It is understandable to have questions...   The question to return to is do you have Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ?  Do you have Faith that he knows what he is doing?  Do you have Faith that He called the Prophet and Apostles and gave them direction on how to organize His church? (Including disciplinary councils).  Do you have faith that your local leaders are called of God? (inspite of their personal imperfections and weakness).
 
If said no to any of those questions well then it is something you can work on...  If you said yes then it is time to exercise and act in Faith that your sins will be "remembered" for exactly as long as the Lord finds it wise.  And "remembered no more" when he finds that wise.
   

A couple of more thoughts for you Kelli:
1. If you would like specific answers, then it is helpful for us to know the specific sin involved. No one knows who "Kelli" is and never will. I highly doubt there is anything you could possibly share that we all haven't already heard before: "adultery", "masturbation", "same sex relations" etc. You don't need to go into detail. One or two words is enough. Your choice, but if you would like a "specific" answer, some of us are more inclined to help rather than dance around in circles. 
2. Disciplinary Councils are "Councils of Love". Receiving disciplinary action does not negate the aspect of love involved, it is actually the opposite. If someone feels it was "only discipline" minus any love, then I would suggest the person was erroneously only listening for "gosh, what is my punishment" and missed all the wonderful counsel & love displayed during the Council to help the person correct their problem. Your attitude, your fear, your guilt will in part determine the "eyes" in which you view your council visit. 
3. I have sat on several Disciplinary Councils, both Ward & Stake, they are there for your benefit. Don't fool yourself into believing you are sitting in front of a group of "men" trying to tear you down or pass harsh judgement. I hope you realize that several of the "men" that sit in that Council will have been in your shoes previously. They understand, because they have been where you are and have had the same concerns you have. 
4. Lastly. It is clear through your comments, that the adversary is working double time on you. Creating fear, doubt, concern, "men",  and judging others/system as not being "Christlike". You are on the threshold of correcting whatever erroneous course he (the adversary) has helped set you down. This is his last final chance to scare you into changing your mind. I've never met anyone who has gone through the full repentance process who didn't see the marvelous beauty it is to work through the Atonement through proper priesthood authority. 
Hang in there, and just do it, stop looking for and clinging to  reasons of not doing it.