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  1. Like
    NeedleinA got a reaction from Sunday21 in Do you think illness can be caused by Satan, as a way of keeping us from Heavenly Father?   
    Maybe it is low, h-o-w-e-v-e-r it is NOT gone. You are seeking advice and help from other LDS people for starters. Someone with their candle totally out might be off getting drunk to mask their problem instead. Don't give up on yourself! I don't agree with the whole idea that this is some form of punishment or bad timing on your part. I would suggest not connecting or letting others help you connect dots between events that are most likely nothing more than coincidence in timing.
    This concern has been brought up several times on the forum. Just like you are chatting remotely with us, you can do the same with a LDS therapist. The internet has made it so that "few and far between" are more like "several and close at hand". LDS therapist do offer video sessions remotely. 
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  4. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to Vort in Cremation / Casket Viewings   
    I helped dress Dad. I am very glad I did. It was as if I were doing a final service for him, even though it really wasn't a service for him. I also went, along with one of my brothers, to the funeral home for his cremation. That was really hard, but again, I'm glad I did.
    Don't know. I occasionally (rarely) dream about Dad. I dreamed about him a couple of weeks ago -- he's always young when I dream about him, with black hair -- but I felt uneasy and sad during the dream. When I awoke, I thought about it and realized that my unease had to do with mourning about the loss of his body. Strange, probably stupid, but there you go.
  5. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to zil in The Worship of God   
    No matter what else happens, God will always be our Father and God, never our peer / colleague.  We will always worship him.
  6. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to Maureen in Cremation / Casket Viewings   
    IMO, viewing the deceased person is a way to bring closure and acceptance that their loved one has moved on. Most people when they view a family member, realize that the body is not really their loved one, but the vessel that once housed their loved one. To me, the viewing of the body and the funeral in general are for the living family members - a way to say good-bye.
  7. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to Iggy in Cremation / Casket Viewings   
    I have been to way too many funerals. The majority of which have been open casket. NOT one of the deceased looked anything but dead. UGH! My oldest sister passed in Nov of 2004. She was morbidly obese (nearly 700 pounds). The cost of a cemetery plot was beyond what the family could afford without mortgaging all of our homes, as well as a casket. No way could there be pall bearers either - at her request she was cremated. In Washington State the cremains do not have to be in a restricted vessel. Our next oldest sister found a beautiful locking jewelry box that once the parts that held rings, necklaces and earrings was removed worked wonderfully as her Urn.
    As for the Church's official stance on cremation - as their Stake President said, it is not really a "Thus Saith The Lord" stance. You have your own personal preference and the church pretty much will not interfere. As for burning the ceremonial clothes, letting them rot on the body in the ground is better??? There was no way my sister could be 'dressed' - her clothes were in the envelope and placed atop her body.
    Is the Church going to condemn someone who was killed in a fire and whose family just cannot afford a casket AND plot of land? We would have had to cremate my Dad and Mom if it had not been that Dad was a Veteran and the cemetery plot AND caskets were paid for by the US Government.
    My MIL knew of the church's views on cremation, yet that is what she told her boys and wrote to all of her blood kin that she wanted. She wanted a memorial too. A celebration of the life she had led, not a mourning of her passing. In Arizona we had to place her cremains in a flood/earthquake proof metal Urn AND when placed in the ground next to her husband in a flood/earthquake proof vault. The vault was made out of some kind of space age super strong plastics. The Urn cost just under $75.00 with the etching of the Mesa Temple and her name and stats engraved on it. The vault cost over $600.00!!
    Hubby and I will be cremated. I have to research what Oregon's law is regarding the disposition of the cremains. I want to encase the cremains in a cement bench and place the bench in the local cemetery rather than have them buried in the ground. The available plots are diminishing at the cemetery - BUT there is plenty of room for benches. They prefer cement over wood.Lasts a lot longer.
    Regarding MIL. With the help of my RS Pres. we dressed her. It was haphazard as MIL passed while she was in MO visiting her second son. MO laws are that all deceased must be autopsied. Because her funeral expenses were pre-paid and included the cost of shipping her from any state in the US to her residence in AZ, the funeral home in MO got a stipend ($65.00) compared to what they tried to charge us. ($6,000.00) thus they did a seriously bad job of it. They also delayed shipping her to AZ. She passed 11 Feb and she didn't arrive in AZ until 14 March. By law we couldn't actually remove the protective plastic the funeral home place on her, so we had to 'drape' everything. Not actually dress her. We also had to wear protective clothing provided by the funeral home: gloves, mask, covering over our clothes.
    I had never dressed anyone before. After the RS Pres explained that what we had just done was not the 'normal' dressing. About 4 months later she called and asked if I would assist her with the dressing of one of the sisters from the ward. This sister had no female relatives to do it. I was more than happy to assist. This sister had been one of MIL's best friends and in doing this I felt as though I was helping to get her ready to meet up with MIL.
    Before my RS Pres and I went in to dress MIL, her husband and the two ward councilors met us at the funeral home to offer a prayer before we went in. I was so afraid they would be in attendance too, MIL would have been mortified, she was so very modest. It was bad enough that the funeral director had to be in there, BUT he kept a respectful distance so he actually couldn't see in detail what we were doing, putting on her. ONE good thing, he too was an endowed member of the church.
  8. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to zil in Cremation / Casket Viewings   
    I dressed my mom with the help of my sister-in-law and some sisters from the RS in my mom's ward.  For me, there wasn't really any more pain there than simply from the fact that she was gone.  But I knew where she was and what she was doing, so handling the mortal necessities wasn't so difficult for me (though I wasn't sure how it would be until I was doing it).
    As for whether it's better for family or others to do it, I think it will vary from person to person - I'm sure some people just couldn't, and that's OK.  IMO, the only important thing is that it be someone worthy and who will approach it with an appropriate attitude.
  9. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to NeuroTypical in Batman vs.   
    13. Dieter Uchdorf in a theology cage match
    14. Young Joseph Smith in a stickpull
    15. Pam (don't dis the admin) 
  10. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to classylady in Cremation / Casket Viewings   
    I'm with Vort on this. I kind of like the culture of the viewing and the funeral. It seems to bring closure to family and friends. I know it does help me.
    When we had the funeral/viewing for my daughter it was closed casket (no choice because of damage to her face from the car accident), I had several people tell me years later that they never had closure because they didn't see her body in the casket. That may seem rather gruesome to some out there, but it seems to bring closure to some family and friends.
    As to the funeral itself, I feel this is a time for people to come together and grieve over the loss of a loved one. I don't understand why someone wouldn't want friends and family to come together and celebrate the life of their loved one and mourn with one another. I feel it shows respect for the life of their loved one. And, make no mistake, there is intense grieving over the loss. It seems to help when we grieve together. It brings comfort to those of us left behind.
  11. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to The Folk Prophet in Batman vs.   
    Vikings are supernatural?
  12. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to zil in Cremation / Casket Viewings   
    Were it not for the fact that to me Handbook 2 seems to discourage it (and I'm not sure I like the idea of burning temple clothes, if that's even an option), I would opt for cremation - cheap(er), relatively fast, and simple.  But given those two things, I've already opted not to do this.
    Not only do I not plan to be viewed, I don't want to be embalmed (or the other very nasty stuff they do to a body), and I don't want a funeral.  If someone wants to show up at the graveside, fine - a graveside service seems like enough for me.  If they want to have a party (for whatever reason), fine.  If they want it to look like a funeral, fine, but not with my body there in a coffin.  As soon as I'm gone (or discovered, which seems more likely), toss me in a (cheap) box and bury us (me and my box).
    I don't have any qualms about dead bodies, I just don't like the funeral industry and don't want to contribute to them.  I also don't feel terribly attached to the trappings and ceremonies of mortality.  (That I don't have children and I'm not likely to have another husband before I die makes things simpler.)
    And after some of the obituaries I've indexed, I plan to write my own obituary, with blanks for filling in the date (in the proper format).  Not that I expect anyone to pay a newspaper to print my obituary, but just in case they do, I want it done right.  I might even publish it ahead of time, on my website, just to avoid the rush.
    As for how people remember you - of all the people I've seen in caskets (not that many), I don't remember them like that.  I remember events in their lives that I shared with them.  I have to think about it to remember them in their casket, and I can't remember all of them that way, even if I try.  So I suspect people's memories of you will vary from person to person.
  13. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to Backroads in Cremation / Casket Viewings   
    I personally have no problem with cremation other than the handbook discouragement, which I figure is worth some respect. I understand in many countries cremation is just the way to go, and I doubt the Church will fuss much in that regard. Personally, if it weren't for the assumption my family would probably like to follow the handbook's wishes, I'd go for a cremation and have my ashes scattered somewhere and join the cycle of organic matter... It just seems cheaper and more practical and, in its way, quite lovely.
    In most regards... I figure I'm dead, what do I care, and will let my family do what they want.
    My mother, who probably has quite a few decades' left in her, is already planning her funeral and has been doing so for years. (She's not morbid or anything, she just likes things just so.)
  14. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to Vort in Cremation / Casket Viewings   
    My dad was cremated. Still kind of bothers me, but whatever. Not my choice. My mother will also be cremated, at her own request.
    Viewings are a strange custom, but it's a custom I'm used to and rather like as a way to say a final good-bye and reinforce the reality of the death.
  15. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to Latter-Day Marriage in Fight for Your Marriage   
    I hope you all don't mind me posting about my blog, but a few months ago some comments made by a reader got me thinking about the conversations my wife and I had in the process of finding our way to a marriage where intimacy was a source of joy for us both rather than hurt and stress, and several conversations I had with a friend who was in a similar but worse situation in his marriage.  It occurred to me that all these conversations and nearly all my blog posts fit neatly under the heading of 'Fight for your marriage'. 
    I decided to pull it all together in a two part post, but it wound up being a 4 part series.  Now it is done and I'm rather proud of it.  If I were to write a book on marriage, it would probably be based on what is there.  I know for some of you this isn't the information you marriage needs but it hope it is helpful to at least some people.  I would certainly appreciate your reading it, commenting on it there (including constructive criticisms), and sharing it with anybody you feel could benefit from it.  Most of my hits on my blog actually come from non-LDS marriage sites for some reason and I'd really rather like to reach a more LDS audience.
    The link for part one is
  16. Like
    NeedleinA got a reaction from zil in LDS A or An LDS   
    nunca (never) for me. "She is LDS" but never "She's an LDS".
  17. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to thoughts in Too much anger   
    While you are waiting to get the marriage counseling set up, I suggest you get and read aloud together "Bonds that make us free" by C. Terry Warner.    If you are not starting the day with prayer and ending it with prayer accounting for your day, then I suggest you do that.   You might also consider whether you are each getting enough sleep and enough exercise (try having these discussions while you are jogging together?), both of which can have significant impact on the issues you raise.
    You might also try introducing uplifting and peaceful music into your home.
    Anger is usually a secondary emotion signaling pain, frustration or hurt.   But anger in a relationship, that results in yelling and intimidation and demeaning is abuse.   I'd suggest that you prepare a room in your home that has a lock with headphones and good music and something to keep you involved.  Retreat there whenever you are afraid of your dh's immediate behavior, until he has gotten himself under control.   If he hits you, or throws something directly at you report it immediately and have him arrested ---- the evidence is that helps an otherwise good person to never do it again (it may also help those with substance abuse issues, if they remain in jail long enough to detox).     In some cases, parties need to separate for a time until the violent one(s) have individually learned enough skills and made enough changes so that both are safe.  
    Don't wait to do something.   But don't get discouraged either.  What you describe is very fixable.
  18. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to Latter-Day Marriage in Too much anger   
    You need to learn how to communicate with each other.  We expect others to take things the way we would understand them but it rarely works out that way.  You need some real heart to heart conversations without letting the emotions take over in a bad way.  Using email rather than face to face conversations can help with that but I think it may be good to see a marriage counselor before things get worse.  An impartial referee who can keep things from getting out of hand.  You say your marriage will last, but the direction you describe it heading it suggests that in the long time that may not be the case unless you change course, and its easier to do that now then later.
    Both of you love each other, both of you are hurting, it's time to work together toward a common goal of a happy marriage.  You are not his enemy and he is not yours, but together your marriage does have an enemy.
  19. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to Jane_Doe in How to serve my husband, or, my house is a mess   
    Great to hear things are getting better!  Thank you for the check in!
  20. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to Kara in How to serve my husband, or, my house is a mess   
    Back for a check-in.
    It's been quite the ride these past few weeks.
    Nutshell version: We found out my husband is dealing with some depression (specific diagnosis to come) and is the root cause of some of his behavior (the clinginess, the refusal to do things).
    So a new challenge in and of itself but I like knowing what's going on. I'm relieved.
    We were able to do a big housecleaning weekend with some family members and I feel so much better. We're setting up a chore chart.
  21. Like
    NeedleinA reacted to Vort in LDS A or An LDS   
    We considered doing our kitchen counters in mormonite, but we settled on corian.
  22. Like
    NeedleinA got a reaction from zil in LDS A or An LDS   
    nunca (never) for me. "She is LDS" but never "She's an LDS".
  23. Like
    NeedleinA got a reaction from zil in LDS A or An LDS   
    nunca (never) for me. "She is LDS" but never "She's an LDS".
  24. Like
    NeedleinA got a reaction from Vort in Temple Open House and Recommend   
    I drove a shuttle (from overflow parking to the actual temple) one year after my mission. I got to wear an ear plug and radio like I was the in the LDS Secret Service. Yah, it was cool like that Enjoy!!
  25. Like
    NeedleinA got a reaction from unixknight in Radioactive Material Missing   
    I've got Jack Bauer on speed dial, no worries, we got this one covered!