John

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  1. I found that standing up to my wife, by clearly restating her falsehoods and refusing to be manipulated (when I could see it, anyway) has not only eliminated my co-dependency, but it has also helped us avoid some of the more horrible things that BPDs do to their husbands. Kind of like punching the nose of the shark. I also want to point out to those that aren't familiar with BPD, that contracts, such as temple covenants and other agreements, are meaningless to most of them. Everything they said in the temple when you were sealed was just part of a fun ceremony where they were the centre of attention. That makes it tough to build a marriage relationship. They are aware of the impact of their decisions, and know right from wrong, but they only care about themselves. I read that the reason why husbands of BPDs in long term relationships (30 years for me) are typically co-dependent is because the others leave before the second year ends. Co-dependent people are willing to ignore a lot of bad behaviour if they think they can help. Of course, once we truly understand how powerless we are to help a BPD...