copic_crack

Could you talk to her about it before hand? Perhaps along the lines of:
"Hey MIL, we're excited to have you over for Christmas and wanted to talk about a few details with you beforehand. On Christmas, we are planning to go to our ward as a family. You are more than welcome to join, but if you prefer I've e-mailed you a list of churches in the area you can choose from. We want you to feel comfortable and happy when visiting us, no matter our religious differences. Love you!" 
Make sure to get an answer from her beforehand, so expectations are set beforehand. If she asks you to go to her church, just politely say that while you appreciate the invitation, you'd be more comfortable going to your ward. Stress that she is more than welcome to join you, but be firm that you aren't going to bend to her will.
Both of you are adults and can do what you want over the holidays. She can't force you to do anything. Hopefully if you get the fuming out of the way in advance, she'll have accepted her fate once the holidays are here.
Good luck!

Could you talk to her about it before hand? Perhaps along the lines of:
"Hey MIL, we're excited to have you over for Christmas and wanted to talk about a few details with you beforehand. On Christmas, we are planning to go to our ward as a family. You are more than welcome to join, but if you prefer I've e-mailed you a list of churches in the area you can choose from. We want you to feel comfortable and happy when visiting us, no matter our religious differences. Love you!" 
Make sure to get an answer from her beforehand, so expectations are set beforehand. If she asks you to go to her church, just politely say that while you appreciate the invitation, you'd be more comfortable going to your ward. Stress that she is more than welcome to join you, but be firm that you aren't going to bend to her will.
Both of you are adults and can do what you want over the holidays. She can't force you to do anything. Hopefully if you get the fuming out of the way in advance, she'll have accepted her fate once the holidays are here.
Good luck!

Thanks everyone for the support and suggestions!
I've decided to go for it and see what happens. I've cut out alcohol and cannabis cold turkey, while giving myself a week to wean off of coffee. Luckily, it's "tea" season and there are a bunch of herbal/fruit blends that are LDS friendly that I'm excited to replace coffee with.
I've also added prayer and fasting to my plan, probably fasting every other week rather than once a month. Praying for God to open my eyes to his will. 
I'll try to update at around 30 days and tell you what happened!

Thanks everyone for the support and suggestions!
I've decided to go for it and see what happens. I've cut out alcohol and cannabis cold turkey, while giving myself a week to wean off of coffee. Luckily, it's "tea" season and there are a bunch of herbal/fruit blends that are LDS friendly that I'm excited to replace coffee with.
I've also added prayer and fasting to my plan, probably fasting every other week rather than once a month. Praying for God to open my eyes to his will. 
I'll try to update at around 30 days and tell you what happened!

Thanks everyone for the support and suggestions!
I've decided to go for it and see what happens. I've cut out alcohol and cannabis cold turkey, while giving myself a week to wean off of coffee. Luckily, it's "tea" season and there are a bunch of herbal/fruit blends that are LDS friendly that I'm excited to replace coffee with.
I've also added prayer and fasting to my plan, probably fasting every other week rather than once a month. Praying for God to open my eyes to his will. 
I'll try to update at around 30 days and tell you what happened!

Yeah, definitely. If the 30 days goes well, I'll probably extend it to 60 days, then 90. Bite-sized chunks work best for me and I think a month is a good amount f time to see how I feel emotionally afterword. As @Jane_Doe mentioned, I think taking back control of my life might be the most important lesson in the first 30 days.

Yeah, definitely. If the 30 days goes well, I'll probably extend it to 60 days, then 90. Bite-sized chunks work best for me and I think a month is a good amount f time to see how I feel emotionally afterword. As @Jane_Doe mentioned, I think taking back control of my life might be the most important lesson in the first 30 days.

Overseas, I'd love to live in Florence and study art.

No. You do not bring children into an abusive situation. If you willingly bring them into your current home life, know they WILL be messed up psychologically by your wife for the rest of their lives. I have an emotionally abusive parent and I eventually had to cut them out of my life and am still dealing with the real emotional and physical consequences of that relationship. DON'T. DO. IT. If you do so while allowing the status quo, you are enabling child abuse.
From your list, it doesn't sound like you like this woman at all. Actually, it sounds like you hold a lot of resentment toward her. I would feel the same if I was in your shoes. You both should be seeking therapy separately on a regular basis. She needs to see a psychiatrist, doctor and therapist. Counseling  alone is not going to cut it. On a spiritual level, working with both God and your Bishop about this would be great. It at least sounds like she is emotionally abusive and should be working through her sin and seeking healing from Christ and medical professionals. If she will not agree to seek help...I don't think anyone should be in a relationship with an abuser, but that is up to you. 
Sorry if I'm a bit passionate. Coming from a broken home, it gets me riled up when adults bring children into that sort of situation.

I use Airbnb often, and they'll have houses and apartments with 2+ bedrooms. 
If money for 2 hotel rooms might be difficult, I often find airbnb to be quite affordable and would give you both an appropriate amount of space. 
But what you do depends on where you feel called by the spirit.

What this woman wants most is to be acknowledged as a viable, intelligent human being. I am NOT invisible. I DO have feelings. I AM intelligent. Actually I am extremely good at solving problematic situations.
See Me. I am a human being. I have intelligence. I can use that intelligence to see the outcome of actions, thus selecting the correct *road* to take.

1. Bring your own candy or drink into the movie theater?
Yep! I used to work in a theater and never cared if people brought in snacks as long as they were smart about it. Entire Pizzas and beers are another story entirely. 
2. Share you online digital movie/tv service account password with others so they can view it from their own house too OR use someone else's? For example Netflix / VUDU
I use my fiance's Netflix. He doesn't seem to mind. I pay for our hulu account.
3. Invite a handicap/elderly person with you to an event so you can use their handicap parking tag?
Hahaha, no.
4. Use the other gender's single occupancy bathroom when you are out because your own gender stall is occupied, ex. gas station, restaurant, etc.?
I'll do this if there's a single occupancy restroom and no line for the men's. I've also gone into the mens room to look at art that decorated the bathroom...I'm a professional artist so...
5. Avoid a call at home/work by having someone else say you are not there, when you really are?
Nope, but I'll ignore the heck out of you and not answer.
6. Leave one movie and walk into another at the theater when finished without paying? (My 65+ year old single mother does this. She says, "oh the theater doesn't care as long as you buy some popcorn every so often". She has done this for years and will watch 2-3 movies per visit)
Even though I cheat the system for most theaters when it comes to snacks, this is something I don't feel comfortable doing. Also, who wants to sit in the dark for that long? Not this girl.
7. You are at a no saving seats event/meeting, but you still toss your coat, bag,etc across several seats to save them?
If I'm saving a seat for a BFF or SO.