jayfaye

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  1. jayfaye

    Husband doesn't want more kids

    Hey guys. Again, thank you for all the support and advice. Yjacket, we actually do not submit 100% of our time and energy to our kids. My husband and my children are of equal priority to me, and to him I am the priority. The issue with our children is HOW energetic and demanding they are. And I have had many an experienced parent, caregiver and even professional remark upon how demanding, smart and energetic they are. Just a challenge that comes with intelligent, affectionate kids! And yes, Yjacket, even proper parenting can be exhausting, if only because ones' kids are always on their mind. Let's please refrain from passing judgement on others, everyone's situation is different. Anyways. By the end of the evening I was able to re-strengthen my resolve to help my husband get the help and healing HE needs. I was able to tell him just how badly this has affected me. I realized a big part of what was upsetting me was that he didn't truly understand what it meant to me. His own words were "I didn't realize this was something it could take your whole life to get over". (he's very logical and pragmatic. not at all an emotional person.) He understood once I likened it to grieving over a lost loved one. So, for now at least... We will be focusing on getting him sorted out. If nothing else, proper healing will better allow us BOTH to enjoy the two kids we have. Who knows if anything will change. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, I don't deal well with disappointment. But I do know this: Love is a choice. And I will choose to love my husband and be by his side as his eternal companion. <3
  2. jayfaye

    Husband doesn't want more kids

    Thank you btw, everyone, for your kind words. It helps to talk about it.
  3. jayfaye

    Husband doesn't want more kids

    He does get time to himself. More than I do actually, which I'm okay with, cuz I get mine when I need it. I know he needs time. I'm trying to give him that, and praying for peace in my heart. I do love him, and don't want to push him. I know it will only cause more heartache... What I'm feeling right now is hopelessness. I don't see him coming around, and I believe that I have to resign myself to how things are... Like I said before, I feel like my heart has broken. I can only wait and pray,, and there's no assurance that anything will get better.
  4. jayfaye

    Husband doesn't want more kids

  5. jayfaye

    Husband doesn't want more kids

    My daughter is 4, my son is 2. Depression is certainly a factor. He also seems to struggle with anxiety and possibly PTSD (he had some traumatic experiences on his mission). He has sought help a few times, but nothing long term consistent yet (which I am encouraging him to do). He once said to me, when he was in an upswing, that he felt more open to the idea as his issues got better. Which of course gave me hope, which of course has now been crushed...
  6. jayfaye

    Husband doesn't want more kids

    It's the workload. The demands. The energy needed. He feels unable to give more than what he's giving right now. And he can't bear the thought of more sleepless nights and the demands of a newborn. He feels spent with life. (Bear in mind, he's only 27 and I'm only 28)
  7. jayfaye

    Husband doesn't want more kids

    Thank you for sharing that. My husband is experiencing many of the same things you did: tired, needing more time to himself, suffering depression. He and I HAVE talked at length about his feelings on more children and his reasons, so I do feel I understand where he's coming from. We've always been very open with each other on that front; communication is definitely not one of the things we struggle with! Still, he is set. He does not enjoy small children. Parenting does not come naturally to him. He hates that he can't reason with them, that their emotions and actions are outside of anything we can control. Other factors in his life (which I won't get into now) have left him drained, struggling to find enjoyment in life. He sees more children as more energy-drain, more time consumed, and more giving of himself that he simply does not feel he has the capacity to give. Like I said, the thought of not having more is a relief to him.
  8. jayfaye

    Husband doesn't want more kids

    Hi all, first time ever on here. Just ... needing some LDS-based support on this one, as our views on family have just become so different from the worlds'... Here's the thing: my husband and I have 2 beautiful children, a boy and a girl. They are little handfuls; full of life, crazy energy, smart little boogers. I know I should be grateful for what I have, and I am. But I know I'm not done. I have always, always wanted more than two. Ideally, 4 seems perfect to me, and I have always said this. And more than that, our family simply does not feel complete. But my husband? He has absolutely no desire to have more. We've discussed it a few times already, but for some reason this weekend it's really hitting home: We will not have any more. I spent all list night crying about it, and even now I cannot stop the tears. But he is unmoving. Just this morning he said to me "I know the thought of not having more makes you feel sad, but for me.. I just feel relieved." He doesn't feel capable of having more and is just not open to it. As much as he genuinely loves our son and daughter, he does not enjoy small children. He cringes at the though of more babies. And while I have joy in the two already here, I still find myself heartbroken and grieving. And it's only getting worse with time. I will continue to pray for comfort, for a way to cope and find happiness. I will do my best to have faith that all will be well. And I will try my best not to goad him, harass him about it, or coerce him into having children he doesn't want. But how can I have any hope when my husband feels this way? If this is how things are now, what's the point in hoping for anything different in the next life? How can I cope with the possibility of my eternal family being limited to what it is now? I just... need to talk about it I guess. Is anyone else facing this, or has faced it? Please, share your experiences, thoughts and feelings with me.