EllieBelle2015

I’m in my senior year at Brigham Young University-Idaho and I’ve recently been dating a young man who is also a senior. We’re both starting to worry that if we don’t find a spouse now, we’ll never find a spouse. Because of this, there’s a lot of pressure to commit. I enjoy spending time with him, but we’ve had some trouble communicating our expectations and needs, and it’s resulted in us breaking up once already. We both recognized that we needed to spend more time getting to know one another and less time cuddling, etc. We ended up getting together last night, just to communicate and connect on a personal level. The evening ended in the pushing of the boundaries of the Law of Chastity. We talked about it this morning and both agreed that it can’t happen again. I like this young man, but I don’t feel an emotional connection with him. I’m attracted to him physically, but not emotionally. I don’t know if I need to break this relationship off completely. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t know that I’ll ever love him, because I’m not emotionally available due to being hung up on a past love. If I stay with him, I’m afraid it would be purely physical and pushing the boundaries would lead to us eventually breaking the Law of Chastity completely. What do I do?

Too right. That is a legitimate concern that I've had! ?

Thank you all so much! You have all dished out a lot of brilliant advice. I'm not so anxious now as I was before, and that's all thanks to the wonderful people who have contributed their thoughts, ideas, and opinions to this thread. I've got the beginnings of a game plan, and I'm going to work hard for the next few weeks and weeks following to be more confident in myself and to not use the media's standards to measure my worth. It was unfair of me to assume that he expects perfection simply because he was blessed with dashing good looks. I know that he isn't superficial or vain. I realized today that we became close in the first place because each of us was being our real selves. So that's how I'm going about this. I'm going to be who I've always been. (Except probably a little more mature, because I was 17 when we met and college changes a person.) If things go the way I hope they will, great. If not, things may change once he's settled back into his life. If they never do, it's not like there aren't thousands of single men who go to school with me. I'll get over it after a while. :)

So, I'm 19 and I've never really dated before but I really like this guy and I am completely clueless on how to initiate anything. I've been on one date in my life (as a favor to a friend), and it was a nightmare. I was semi-comfortable in that situation because I didn't actually have to do any flirting.(Because I wasn't interested and he freaked out when I tried to hug him, even though we've known each other for years.) ANYWAY, I met this other guy in September of 2014 and we hit it off. He was serving in my ward and we became good friends during the 6 months he was in my hometown. We never knowingly flirted, though the entire ward seems to think we're destined to be together. (They've got too much faith in me.) Once I left for college in Idaho, we emailed back and forth. It was never anything flirty, just friendly. But he is going home to Utah in roughly two weeks and I go back to Idaho three days later. I haven't seen him since July 2015, but we're meeting up for lunch in SLC in three weeks with some other guys who served in my ward at the same time. (My mom set it up.) I've never felt the way I feel about him about anyone. There are just a few problems/questions that I have... 1. He's WAY out of my league. (Sure, he put on a few pounds since I last saw him, but he's always handsome to me. I'M the problem. I'm not heinous or anything, I'm just a bit plain and not built like the Utah Barbie dolls that he's used to. This guy is seriously gorgeous, and I just could never compare to what he deserves.) 2. Is it really okay for a girl to ask a guy out? (People are always saying that it's totally okay, but I'm always worried that it would freak a guy out. Does it make a guy feel emasculated at all? I've read that guys don't necessarily like it when a girl makes them feel less manly.) 3. I don't know how to flirt. (All the flirting how-to websites I've seen tell you to say things to guys that I don't think I could or would ever say to him or any other guy. How do I flirt subtly? I don't want to come off as a floozy, but I also don't want to seem uninterested.) Any help or advice you guys could offer me is MUCH appreciated. I'm kinda freaking out.