Mcmkk

Update: so it's been 6 months. Still haven't seen a MFT. I think we need to. No slip ups or going backward. I feel strong spiritually. Our Marriage feels like it's just barely hanging on. We fight all the time. My wife is very short with me most of the time. For the first 4 months I put up with it. Now I'm over it. She will be so rude to me and then ask for help or tell me to do something. Tonight I got home from a hunting trip. I was gone all day. She had a rough 24 hours and I was aware of it. I volunteered to watch our sick baby when I got home. She's been going to sleep very late. I was 100% ok helping out but I got home and my wife was very short and rude to me and rubbing it in that she wasn't going to do anything else tonight. She was being really negative and rude and stressing out and I just asked her to stop because I didn't want to get stressed out and overwhelmed myself. She got really upset and said all we ever do is argue. I asked her to stop being negative and she said that she has the right to be stressed out and negative and rude because I was hunting all day while she had it super rough. I absolutely cannot stand the thought of being that husband who will let his wife bark orders at him and he just submissively rolls over to her every rude request. I get compliments from friends and family about how helpfull I met with the baby all the time. I am very very hands on and I enjoy helping out. I always try to fulfill everything she wants me to do and she tells me how little I help out. I change lots of diapers. I put her to bed and bathe her every night. I play with her every day. I chase her around he house. I always sit in the back seat anytime we go anywhere and get her in her car seat and keep her happy anytime we're out. She constantly tells me that I never help and she can never count on me. I look at my friends with kids and I do way more than any of my guy friends do to help their wives out. That's the main argument is how little I help out but I am constantly trying to go the extra mile. Tonight she barked at me and I just left her with the baby upstairs because I told her that I will not be barked at and treated rude and help out me that would never ever fly with me in our marriages She says I'm using my baby as a pawn. I Would walk through walks if she were kind and asks but she is rude and short and expects. I cannot feel happy and good about myself letting myself be treated this way and not standing up for myself.She will not apologize anymore now that we have gone through this. It makes it so hard because of how rude and short she is. I pray daily for strength to get through this trial. Am I in the wrong here? I feel like I red to draw a fine line right now and make it clear that it's not ok to treat me like this. thoughts/advice?

Well she says that if I go to anyone for support she'll leave me. Just tried that so I don't really know what to do. What do I do?

I absolutely want my baby to grow up in a happy healthy home. I need to go see a counselor by myself and read those books. I feel awful about myself right now and I don't feel like I have any control I. My life. Tonight my wife told me she feels very tempted to start drinking again and she also told me a few months ago that she was tempted to go on dating websites to meet other men. I just feel like I can't handle another month of this. I have been patient but I can't come home and be treated this way and be a happy person. Today was her birthday. I booked a massage for her. We went shopping and went to a nice dinner. The whole day was great and then I came home and she is mad that I want to go to bed at midnight because I have to get up at 4:30. She lost it at me and called me selfish and said that I'm just thinking of myself on her day. I feel so manipulated. I don't necessarily need a response but I need to vent. Currently we're not on speaking terms with my family because they don't like her and mistreat her. She won't let me talk to any of my friends because she says all this is personal. Do I lie to her and go behind her back?

Just an update. I'm sorry I post so much on this thread. I'm just having such a hard time. She still is struggling so badly. I don't feel like she's trying at all. She's not willing to meet with a counselor. Only the bishop. I come home after a long day and she is super mean to me. I got mad the other day because I'm tired of being treated like such a piece of scum and she said she still can't see herself with me in the future and doesn't even want to entertain the thought. She said she doesn't want to heal right now. I can't understand why she wants to stay hurt. She doesn't do anything to help our marriage. She says she has no obligation to try anymore and that she is trying just By being here. Not even chores around the house. It feels like she has given up but is staying with me going through the motions. I don't think she'll leave me. But she isn't trying to get past this at all. She is just "stuck". What do I do? She has become extremely controlling and I'm having a hard time as my job requires me to be gone a lot. She expects me to do all the chores and watch the baby 100% of the time while I'm home. She won't let me have social media, won't let me watch any videos. Gets upset if I'm gone too long during the day. Won't let me go to the gym. All because she says she can't trust me to not look at other women. She flips out at me for random things all the time and constantly thinks I'm trying to look st other women. I am doing so great personally with god and I truly have forsaken the sin. She doesn't believe I've changed and thinks I'm just lying to her and making up my repentance. I'm struggling so much to be patient and bear this trial. Help! Advice?

I would absolutely will stand by her. She's the love of my life.

It's been 3 months. My wife cannot get out of this "how could you do this" mindset. I understand why she feels that way. I betrayed her in a huge way at an important time in our lives. We ride this up and down roller coaster (mostly down). We just got back from a short vacation to be with her family. Her family knows of the situation and encourages her to forgive me. Her dad did something similar to a much smaller degree in his marriage and grew up addicted to porn. I have had no relapses. I have no desire to look around. I don't feel tempted. I feel clean and pure and I feel the spirit again. I feel forgiven. It's so hard that my wife acts like she doesn't love me or want to be with me. She acts likE im the most disgusting thing she's ever seen. We just got back and the whole time we were there it was like things used to be and she was so happy and sweet again as if she had forgiven me and moved on. Within an hour of returning home things are back to how they were. She goes silent. Gives me the silent treatment. Says she doesn't know if she can be with me. Flies off the handle for the smallest thing I do to upset her. Gets mad that I ask if we can start to move past this. She is just so negative about it all. This is so hard. Is this normal? I want to be with her forever. Am I being too impatient? I feel that things should be improving and they are at a sort of plateau . She feels justified because what I did she considers cheating. She isn't making a decision to stay with me or to leave me. So she stays at this center point of indecision and no movement. I don't feel like she is seeking help or the lord. She hasn't gone to the temple on her own. She hasn't even read her patriarchal blessing. I just don't know what to do. This is so hard.

I forgive them but I just can't expose my wife to such a hostile environment. I love them. Luckily we live 1500 miles away but it's just sad. A simple "I'm sorry I messed up. I'll do my best to change" would fix this. I've said it multiple times that an apology and some recognition would fix this but they will not budge.

My parents won't budge or apologize.

Parakeet and latter day marriage and Sunday and doctor lemon thank you so much for your support. These last few posts have helped me a lot. Yes I am still meeting regularly with bishop as is my wife. We will continue to shop around. My wife is struggling that I am getting my recommend back but can admit that it shouldn't be on her timeline. Things are still up and down. Tonight she is very distant and says we need some time apart. (Like wants to go stay with her family for a week or two). I don't know if that is good or bad. I don't think she will go unless I agree. Should I let her have some space? I el like that may hurt us but I'm not sure. Maybe it will help. The last few days have given me a lot of hope though and I think/hope that eventually the good day's will out number the bad ones. I love her with all my heart and I'm trying to make her fall in love with me again and doing my best to be humble and patient. I take all your advice very seriously. I'm not just complaining and looking for people to tell me I am right and she is wrong. I sincerely need help and have no one else to turn to. You have been an answer to my prayers. I was led to this forum by the spirit.

Are you attending the temple? These sacred funds go towards temples. You should be regularly attending. You being sealed in the temple is a direct blessing of tithing. If no one paid tithing you may have had to travel thousands of miles. Tithing makes you more aware of your finances as well. You may be more careless and wasteful with your money if you had a little more. Even though you're on a tight budget it sounds like you have everything you could possibly need and then some since you're able to save every month. Isn't that a blessing? The lord promises to open the windows of heaven and poor out blessings in such abundance that there will not be enough room to receive them. It sounds like you have a beautiful life. Happy family. Have money to pay the bills and then some. In the church we tend to compare ourselves to the "Jones" family who has A little bit nicer car or house or vacation. I think the cure for this is gratitude for what we do have and not the coveting for what we lack. The happiest people I've ever met in my life didn't have fancy vacations. They worked hard. They loved their family. And they immersed themselves in the gospel.

So my mom since the day she met my wife has been very cold toward her. My wife tried very hard the first year she knew my family but my mom and dad began to speak very poorly about my wife to people very close to me in my hometown. After the first year she hasn't tried as hard (I don't blame her). My wife Comes from a strong LDS family as do I. Her parents are worth millions in assets, I come from a more humble background. My parents hint that I married my wife because of the money and that I like her family more because of their money. We have become very close to my in laws. The reason for that has nothing to do with money. They just treat me kindly while my family is hostile towards my wife. My mom is still very cold towards my wife. My parents have said awful things to me about my wife and my in laws in front of my wife. They have spread all of these nasty rumors around my hometown that my wife is very rude and that all I care about is money and I have changed and am no longer a nice person but entirely focused on money. we have heard back from extended family and from friends and from my younger siblings who talk so terribly about my wife that we have both decided to cut ties with them for a while for the sake of our own happiness. My parents deny saying these things but it's obvious they have because how would anyone else know about these issues. I ant to get back on speaking terms with my parents but they will not admit fault for the things they have done and they will not apologize. my younger unmarried siblings now hate me as well. I don't understand why my parents have drug so many people into this. They have pushed us so far away it feels impossible to have them in my life again but I love them and want them back. Any advice?

Just an update. Things have been going better the last few days. There are huge ups and and huge downs. I got my temple recommend back today and we will be going back this week as a couple. Can the trust in our marriage ever be completely restored? She says she will never trust me like she did before. Even when we're very old. I find that hard to believe given she has only known about this issue for 2 months and it's still very fresh. I also worry because now she says she doesn't want anymore kids because of this and I do. Will these issues slowly melt away with time and trust slowly built up? We saw an MFT and he was nuts. He basically tried to hypnotize my wife for an hour. The ironic/good thing is that we left there laughing because it was such a weird experience. I want a happy marriage an I want us to completely heal. Thank you for all being a great support system. I have no one else besides my bishop right now.

Her feelings don't seem like they'll change. I don't want to be in a marriage with someone that hates me. I also don't want a divorce. What I really want is to be happily married again. It's discouraging seeing no progress in nearly 2 months. I'm trying to help around the house and take our daughter so she can relax and rest and I'm bringing her flowers 3 times a week and leaving her notes around the house. I won't ever give up because I love her so much. I feel like she has given Up on me. Tonight she said that all she "can see in me is a man locked in a room looking at porn. A loser" she also told me that she didn't have to try as hard as me to fix this. Which I partially agree with. I just don't feel like she is even trying at all. I feel like it's just an easy out to divorce me and try another marriage out. I just know what this has done to my marriage and I will NEVER do this again. I feel awful and disgusting. I worry if she leaves that she would find a man and he would mess up and she would hate herself for leaving me because I really am repenting and forsaking the sin. How do I deal with this? How do I fix this? How do I change those feelings? I haven't slipped up at all. I just want to get back to the temple. I just want an eternal family. I came forward because I knew if I didn't that I wouldn't be sealed to my wife and daughter. I am confused at God that this is happening when I did the right thing and came forward. I could have hid it for 20 years and kept my family but I chose to stop now and now I may lose them. I served a faithful mission. I provide very well. I have a burning testimony inside me. I love my wife. I am a good father. I made a series of huge mistakes though that may cost me my marriage. I just pray it doesn't. Any of you that read this please pray for me and my family.

I would do anything. I love her so much.

We have both gone to the bishop and she has expressed her concerns and he told her that it was up to her what to do and he couldn't advise her to leave me or to stay with me. I was kind of shocked he said that. He said the fight would be worth it if she was willing to fight and agreed with her that staying with me is a risk. He really didn't tell her what to do. That made her feel like it is ok to leave me. He also said that she gets to decide when I get my temple recommend back which I thought was strange. I don't know how long it should be before I get to go back but she says I'm nowhere near ready for that and I feel that temple attendance is the most important thing we could be doing to save our marriage and it's been 6 weeks that I have been clean. Shouldn't the bishop decide this and not my wife?