Fether

I have a very specific definition for the word “know” and I choose not to use that word because I find a lot of value in acknowledging my faith and where my knowledge falls short. Mark 9:23-24 is one of my favorite scriptures. That being said, everyone who says “I know X…” is likely internally defining what that means.

From what I have found, a good majority of what Charity is is empathy, if one can feel what the other person is feeling, they can more fully Koran with and comfort. I’ve been seeking to have empathy more and more in my life and it’s been pretty incredible and has helped me with my charity. I have a sister-in-law that had a very difficult life, much of which is self inflicted. When I first entered the family, I had a lot of empathy for her and was always excited to talk to her and help her grow. Fast forward to 4 years later and the same problems she had when I met her have compounded. She continues to make the same mistake and her sorrow and anger just get bigger and bigger. Having empathy for her has become extremely exhausting. My wife and I have avoided being around her because we can’t take the complaining and the hollow “self help” conversations she wants to have. So for the question. How does someone maintain. Charity in a situation where is is exhausting and stressful to do so, and there doesn’t seem to be an end to it? Is the answer to continue just more empathy and patience?

Haha perhaps. Right now we have the number 5 in mind. But I love kids so much and I think having a big family would be absolutely wonderful

Generally speaking, we would call them the same, but the book makes the distinction between the two. Goals: - Have a 6-pack - Make $100,000 - Run a marathon - lose 50 lbs - Read 25 books Systems: - set an alarm every morning for 6am and exercise - call 15 potential clients every day before I can have lunch to try and sell them my product - Run 1 mile every night right when I get home from work - meal prep every Saturday - listen to audible while I run and exercise.

Ya! Atomic Habit is kind of a spiritual sequel to this book. I’ve read them both but Atomic Habit seemed far more digestible and applicable than the power of habit.

This is entirely me. And I bet most people are like this too. I remember in my mission I found it so hard to buy in to my own goals. I always was consistently annoyed with my mission leadership’s attempt to get explain, training, and sell us on some abstract concept of the importance of goals. What I did find extremely helpful, and I didn’t have a word for it till a year or so ago, was I had systems in place for what I would do when I saw someone on the street. I knew how many people I would talk to each day, I knew my routine in the morning, and I knew how I would act in various situations. Those systems helped me become who I am today. I still set goals, but my relationship with them and how I use them today is very different then years past. I also find that having a vision of who I want to be is extremely helpful. Part of my morning routines is to imagine excellent versions of myself that align with who I want to be. For example, when I imagine myself as being called as the Prophet, I all of a sudden get an excitement to start memorizing scripture, develop Christlike attributes, and be an incredible husband and father.

Read Atomic Habits. It talks about this. There is another book called “Willpower Doesn’t Work”. Simply put, will power is an unreliable source and that it should never play a role in our decision making not should we expect it to be of any assistance. It’s nice when it is there, but it is like that really cool uncle that never shows up when he says he will.

Probably my all time favorite books is James Clear’s Atomic Habits. It was even the topic of a talk in the most recent general conference. There are some incredible lines in that book, but one line in particular says “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your system”. A large portion of the book is about not worrying about where you are, but rather creating systems in your life that will take you where you want. It’s about finding joy in the process. After it’s not about what your weight is, how much money you have, if you can dunk a basketball, or what your current job or calling is. It’s about the kind of person you are So instead of making New Years goals, make New Years systems that will turn you into the kind of person you want to be. some more quotes from the book: ”Goals are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress.” ”When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you don’t have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running.” “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.“ “Be the designer of your world and not merely the consumer of it.” “The purpose of setting goals is to win the game. The purpose of building systems is to continue playing the game. True long-term thinking is goal-less thinking. It’s not about any single accomplishment. It is about the cycle of endless refinement and continuous improvement. Ultimately, it is your commitment to the process that will determine your progress.”

The type of twin doesn’t really concern us. We have considered Irish twins and will likely go for that

It is nothing we are seriously considering. Just something I thought of during conversation. We joked about it because it would be cool to have twins / triplets and it would fast Track is the number of kids we want

We have two sets of friends who struggle to to get pregnant. Both went through a somewhat expensive process to getting pregnant that involved doctors deliberately fertilizing the wife’s eggs with the husband’s sperm. I don’t know the exact process or what it is called, but one thing they told us was that it increases you likelihood of twins and triplets. One of our friends are actually having twins from this. My wife and I are extremely fertile. Like, I kiss her and she gets pregnant. But This got my wife and I thinking. There is a certain number of kids we think we want before we are done, so we jokingly played with the idea of going and paying a doctor to do the same treatment, but with the goal of having twins or triplets. That way we can get closer to that number of kids we want that way we can have all the kids out of the house 4-6ish years earlier than they otherwise would be. The likelihood of us doing this is pretty much 0. But I wanted to ask everyone what they think the morality of paying a doctor to force us to have triplets would be.

Yes… but what is stopping them from living together as if they are married. Nothing I assume?

It’s lines like this that are problematic. Is this some sort of “your stuck on the desert island for eternity” thing?

“Families can be together forever” is somewhat problematic in this conversation. Eternal families is not really about being with your family forever, it seems to be more akin to eternal increase with your spouse.

I would also add that I don’t know that brothers and sisters are sealed together, but rather just to their parents. I may be wrong on that though.

Perhaps… but I would say it’s more of a jabbing point for people who leave the church or are wanting to find problems with the doctrine. They decry “so I won’t be with my family if someone doesn’t go to the celestial kingdom!?” I heard this a lot in high school and on forum posts by members who left the church. I have also heard it many times in interviews with people who left the church. It is easy to see where this idea comes from, but hard to back it. Im mostly just curious about the phrase “eternal families” why do we use that wording? It seems to augers we can’t be with our family forever outside of the celestial kingdom… which then suggests we will be barred from them somehow.

“Eternal Families” “Families can be together forever” “family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave.” What does all this mean? What does this actually look like? Do we have any sources that qualify this a little more beyond those phrases? What do we know and not know? I have met MANY members (current and former alike) that understand it all to mean that if you don’t go to the celestial kingdom, you will be barred from seeing your family, but you can still hangout with everyone else in your respected kingdom. I have always taken the approach that we don’t really know what eternal family means beyond those few lines. I’ll sometimes point the Doctrine and Covenants 19 where it explains that the word “Eternal” simply means “belonging to God”, so “eternal family” is just “God’s family” that that not being an eternal family does not mean that God is going to bar you from those you were raised by, but rather, eternal family means to eternally live in an ever growing family setting…however, as nice as that sounds, the context of what is said and the feeling of the wording doesn’t always support that, but rather seems to support the cultural understanding many members have. Does anyone have any insights on this? Any references to words of the prophets or scripture?

Keeping a standard rule of “dont tell anyone before sustaining” seems to be the most simple approach and easiest way to avoid problems.

One reason might be to avoid complaints prior to sustaining. I have seen a couple times where someone was called as bishop who the congregation was not a fan of. Had word gotten out before sustaining, there would likely have been complaints. It could become political fast if everyone knew who was going to be called to a specific calling Another reason may be to avoid people seeking the future bishops judgement on something prior to them having authority.

I always pictured you as Jack Black. I dont want that image to be ruined.

I was endowed two days after HS graduation. A week later I was in the MTC. Prior to flying to my mission, I had gone through the temple only 3 or 4 times. A year and a half later I was serving near a temple and was able to attend. While there, I had a question. I think I was trying to remember whether I was supposed to wear my socks or shoes. I asked a temple worker and answered my questions and finished with “Common elder… you know better” It was a very annoying situation. But it did help me vow to never be condescending like that to anyone.

Are they asking? Or was someone asking them what they wanted? I think that is an important distinguisher. In the judgement of morality. Im sure there are plenty of entitled people out there. I just get annoyed when I see others and catch myself making unfruitful judgements without all the info.

Deserve? I don’t think anyone deserves anything. The giving tree is about charity, which takes out the whole purpose of asking who “deserves” what. Are we not all beggars of at least salvation, of which we fall extremely short of… yet it is offered freely. Now I do not mean to compare a $200-1000 gaming system to Salvation, but if we get irritated about a child asking for a gaming system… is that not at least a little hypocritical? I understand not buying it because you can’t afford it, but let’s not complain or judge the poor kid. Im reminded of the parable of the unrighteous servant in Matt 18

If someone has the ability to offer it and wishes to, is there a problem? I mentioned this earlier, but in my situation, we were approached by the bishop for a list of things our kids want. we didn’t go to the bishop. If you ask a kid “what do you want”, be ready for an honest answer.

I’m fine with essentials and non-essentials together in the gift pile. It seems, however, some are asserting that families that are destitute should only receive the essentials.