ALostSoul

I am pretty interested in learning different languages and would learn at least the basics of the language wherever I go, but was looking at more english plenty countries. I am not supper picky about what living situations are like. But it is a big thing for the church having a presence there.

Hey all, so I have been considering going to college and studying abroad in Europe. I was wondering if there were any countries that had a strong church presence, especially eastern Europe or Scandinavia. I am pretty open as far as where for the culture or living conditions, but I was just seeing where may be best. Also, I wanted to see if there was anywhere with more sisters in the area Overall, just looking for suggestions

I haven't recieved a formal full diagnosis. Amd somewhat at least socially, but mostly not that bad. Ive always had friends and did good in school. I think it goes back to me wanting things, such as dating or maybe being around my own peers in church, but at the cost of other things I dont really know how to give up, like moving away. Plus, i couldnt financially support going away

Well, I know that it does make things seem worse, but the thing is, Im not really able to try to go out of my comfort zone very much, but the few times I have have ended pretty badly at least in part. Two times were when I was trying to date a girl. One passive aggressively just stopped talking to me and the other and I are still friends, but she isnt really the dating type. Most of my issues with this is that I see no real alternative. I havent seen anything else out there for me, dating or otherwise. And in the meantime I feel like im just expected to get over it

I think it honestly has something to do with this medication. I have only been taking it for a month and it is actually for bipolar disorder. The psychiatrist thought there was a chance that I could have a slight case of bipolar based on the waves of depression I am feeling. Before, I would go a week or more being generally ok, but others it would be everyother day where I would have a breakdown. It has a lot to do with what is going on (lack of sleep from school, this girl I was talking to, etc). I will probably ask him to change it to every week, but honestly, hes not a member, and I don't really think that talking about the situation will help because I have spent alot of time already working every angle of what is going on and my choices. And nothing really brings me any sense of peace.

And yeah, thought about getting one. Spoke to a psychiatrist once and am again next Tuesday.

I take meds and see a therapist twice a month. I have heard that it is the depression talking, and i understand it probably does make things seem worse, but at the same time I haven't seen any difference in the way I think as opossed to when I wasn't struggling with depression. Even when things seem more peaceful, generally it is only because of something happening in my life that helps me feel better

Yes I am seeing a counselor. I think he focusses too much on finding a hobby or something to keep my attention when I can't focus on small things when I know there are greater things looming over me. That's kind of left me to find ways somewhat on my own in an attempt to be happy, but everything I have tried has blown up in my face.

Yeah I do have depression. I am trying a new medication that I am not convinced is working. The thing is though, once I do find medication that will help and even if I do eventually get better, I still believe I will be empty. I think there is more to it than just the chemical imbalances. I think it also has to do with my own situation and perhaps my own stubbornness. I understand life is not going to be a picnic, but I don't really know how to get to a point where I can both dedicate myself to better the lives of others and fulfill my own emotional and educational goals. But I feel I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. At least as far as how I should plan my future.

It's not so much as what I am comfortable with as much as what is possible/reasonable. I understand it is up to me in the end to find my own happiness, but I honestly have no idea on how to reach that. Everything I listed where just a few ideas, but so far I haven't received any answer as too what I should actually do. I highly doubt it is up to me based on what I want, but even if it were I doubt any path that I can think will lead to more happiness. I have thought that perhaps I am just supposed to suck it up for now, but honestly, if that is the case I would almost rather die young, rather than put up with what I know is likely ahead of me. I can put up with a lot as long as I have something to go off of, something to really care about and focus on. But over this last year the gospel hasn't been enough to keep me going.

So, as I have been living this past year as a college student and trying to discover what to do in the upcoming future, I have come to realize that I don't have as a fulfilling of a life as i once thought. I have thought about things to do, but honestly I find my options very bleak. I currently am unable to go on a mission because of mental health. I live in a state where the church is very small, so very few people my age that are members and an even smaller dating pool. I have a hard time coping with new environments and don't really think I could handle moving to a new place permanently. I am not very satisfied with my current situation, yet the few things I know and love are where I am at. I don't want to sound ungrateful: I know that I have been blessed with so much, but I find even being active in the church and trying to find joy in others doesn't help me. Even when I get strong confirmation from the spirit to take comfort, I feel very empty. I think much of this has to do with a few mental issues I struggle with, but at the same time I have found it very frustrating and am losing patience in my self and quite frankly, in Heavenly Father. I know I am probably making things harder for myself, but I honestly can't help but feel this way. It is almost as if I lack the same love, compassion, and hope that I once had. So i guess I am asking, what do you do when you feel that the gospel isn't enough?

I understand faith is a major part in being healed and that we should all look towards the spirit when things seem unbearable, but I also understand that sometimes its hard to even get to the point to be able to rely wholly on faith. I know personally that I tried for a while to not take any medication and only try speech therapy to overcome my issues, but it definitely was not enough. I feel bad saying it, but looking back, there were several times where I could not feel anything, including any empathy or desire to do more in the gospel. I understand that it is a part of what I am going through that makes it more difficult to feel the spirit and rely on God; even when I was reminded of the wonderful blessings promised in the life to come if we remain faithful members of the church, I could not even feel relieved because all I see now are the pains I go through. I don't think we should blindly follow any advice given without confirmation of the spirit, but part of being on the Earth at this time is that we are blessed to have knowledge far surpassing that even decades ago, where priesthood blessings had a different but equally important role in healing the sick. I understand not wanting to follow every bit of advice when it comes to certain things, like medication with side effects. But I know that even those are essential for some of us right now. I am still trying to get the right medication down. I am fairly certain that the medication I have been receiving is not the right kind and that I likely don't have bipolar disorder. I am trying to remain patient, even though it is very hard and I continually have boughts of depression, anger, impatience and despair. I will try my best to hang in there and not be so forgetful and little in faith.

Thank you for your support both of you, but I guess it was a little foggy what I meant. I am trying to get along, but honestly I'm suffering majorly spiritually. It's hard to cling to anything at this time that brings any comfort, even spiritual connections. I find it hard even when I am living worthily and am doing the best I can to find hope or look forward to anything. I keep trying to think of something to do and ask my parents what to do, but generally just get a response to hang on and wait for things to get better, even though that just makes things worse. There's a lot I am trying to work through and make sense of when everything is so confusing, but I no longer have the hope or faith that things will be ok. Very little gives me comfort any more, and thinking about the things I have to go through in the future and the thought of living several decades longer is almost unbearable at times.

So, a little update and perhaps a few questions. I saw a psychiatrist and in the diagnosis I found I might have a small case of bipolar disorder. Ive been on bipolar meds now for a little over a week. I was a bit shocked to find out I might have it, but there's still a possibility I have other things. I'm hoping I will be able to function a bit better with this medicine especially now that school is in full swing. The biggest issue is the problem that I have faced for most of this hard time, which is finding a purpose and resolving the issues I dont believe will be gone just by seeking medical help. Trying to keep an open spiritual mind and be as in tune with the spirit as I can, but it's hard to find the hope and motivation to keep on a good path. Still trying to understand what to do during this time and what I should be focused on.

Even online, there aren't enough people honestly to make a dating pool. Most members here are either too old, too young or are already married. That leaves a handful of singles between 18 and 24 spread around, active in the church or otherwise, that mostly are too far away to have any prospects. Thought about moving, but I'm both financially and socially tied down to where I am, being in school with a job and family, but not making enough to live on my own, go to school and make the change. Kind of stuck in thinking about what to do honestly. Trying to get along the best I can and figure out how to make the best of the situation, but it's pretty hard.

First, sorry it took so long to comment on this,as I've been preoccupied. I really loved some of the things mentioned here. Thank you Literate, I am grateful for your support and empathy. To answer a few of your questions, the depression isn't from abuse but is clinical, mostly because it runs in my family. I have been talking with my therapist about different ways to outlet my feelings in a healthy way, like exercising, and I am trying that as well as a few other things. I heave been thinking of ways to keep my mind off my issues that are most prevalent, but as you're likely aware, my thoughts often get in my way. I believe the most important thing to do is to find something to base my mind around besides the gospel, at least in the day-to-day sense. I am glad that I am not alone in having these feelings and have even considered doing group therapy. Thank you again, I am grateful for your prayers and wish you peace as well.

I definitely view marriage as a hugely important step in my life, but the issue is with the size of the church out here. Even in YSA wards in the biggest cities, i give it a max of 100, 150 people on a good day. Most youth move to idaho or utah for college because dating is easier, but I have a hard time making that move and am tide down here by other stuuf, like school, finances and family.

Ive considered moving and trying to see where the grass may be greener, but at the moment I'm still tethered to school for scholarships and am struggling with a few issues personally anyways. Its hard to move away from home where everything Ive ever known is. Plus I can't financially support that decision unless I found a job that paid well.

I've been wanting to date and have been looking around my area for people to date, but haven't had a lot of luck. The church is kind of small where I live, so the few YSA wards are too far away and I go to community college, which does not have as many options as I thought. Any suggestions?

@zilThank you for the encouraging words. I will try to keep all of this in mind. I know that my family and others love and care about me and I care about them. I just need to figure out how to find purpose and hope in this life to counteract the bad. Thank you also for your prayers.

I am an 18 year old member of the church who has struggled with depression for some time. Even though I have had small bouts and shown slight signs of depression in the past, may biggest issues started last year around October when stress from deciding what I would do after high school triggered something that brought major episodes of depression. Since then, it has been a roller coaster with trying to deal with what I am facing. I told my parents and eventually sought a therapist. I recently made an appointment with a psychiatrist and starting in late January, I will be on antidepressants. Throughout all of this, i am going to school and trying to live life as normally as I can. I originally planned to go on a mission, but I decided I would not be able to until I got this under control and now, I honestly don't even want to go on a mission anymore. This whole experience has left me seriously pessimistic and hopeless about the future. I know that the church is true and everything that I have been going through has been a trial I am meant to bare in order to test my faith, but I find the idea of going on like this immensely bleak. I honestly can find no reason for going on in my life and find nothing to bring me joy any more. I even try to date and find things that keep my mind off of my doubts, but nothing has worked. Dating is hard, especially since there are not a lot of Mormon girls in my area. I have run out of ideas and I find myself with so little will to live, I fear that eventually I will wish to take my own life. Up until this point, I have rejected all thoughts about taking my life because I know the pain I would bring my family, but I am afraid that eventually all thought and feeling will give way to the temptation so heavily put upon my head. If anyone can give a word of advice or help me in the direction to finding a purpose, I would be very grateful.