Lostboy289

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  1. Like
    Lostboy289 reacted to anatess2 in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    First sentence is superb.
     
    That's a problem right there... if this was Quora it would suck.  Try Disqus if you have a question.
     
    The leftists finally managed to make Reddit a safe space?  Didn't know that... they've been trying to suppress r/The_Donald for over a year now and they still can't... so, I highly doubt the trolling has stopped on the subs.
     
    How long have you been lurking on mormonhub?  "Most of you" is pretty judgmental yes?  Even on this thread.  This is actually one of the non-contentious ones.  Differences in opinion doesn't equal contention.  And if you spend even just a week here you will get to know the online personalities of people here like @estradling75 (the CareBear) and @The Folk Prophet (the lightsaber) who are two of our tell-it-like-it-is people around here.  Great morally upright and upstanding guys they are.  They just have a different style of communication than... say @MormonGator and @LiterateParakeet who are the "people person" types.  We can't all be sugar and spice and everything nice.  I suggest that before you pass judgment on these guys, you get to know them first.
     
    This here is the most simple and perfect example of unrighteous judgment.  You're not just making a judgment on their character, you're making a judgment on their place in Christ's Kingdom... all from one thread on social media.  Be careful lest the judgment falls upon you.
     
    Another superb sentence.
    Ruined by the finale.
    ------------------------------
    For @Lostboy289 (since you liked his post, I'm hoping you're still checking on this thread).  This is where you and the ones disagreeing with you have a gap in understanding.   @Rabindranath expressed the confusion in his statements here which is a misunderstanding of everyone's positions except yours:
    Okay, nobody in this thread - NOBODY - condoned or suggested that it is right to leave dishonestly or not have a care in the world for the repercussions.  Their holistic suggestion to the dilemma is not to commit to an engagement when one or both of them are not going to see each other for 2 years.  Especially when at that missionary age where one is still having a lot of maturing to do. 
    If one does make that mistake of committing to such a tenuous relationship and realizes the mistake, it is wise for the engagement to be honestly and compassionately ended as soon as possible instead of having to wait for the missionary to return.  The people on this thread, therefore, believe that a Dear John letter when a personal discussion is not an option due to the rules of the mission is a more honest and compassionate declaration to end the relationship rather than to string the missionary along for the remainder of the mission.  A text message sent when a personal discussion is an option is a cruel and cowardly way to declare an end to the relationship.  In this, there is zero hypocrisy expressed in the thread at all.
    The issue that was raised - of an engaged person cheating on another (whether it be emotional or physical cheating) while the other is away is an immoral thing to do.  Yes, they may not be under a marital covenant yet, but I still believe that an engagement has to be cleanly, honestly, and compassionately broken first before one of the parties decide to explore an emotional attachment to somebody else.  I do believe that an engaged person who is actively entertaining a relationship with somebody else is committing a sin.  No, it is not adultery as there is no covenant, but it is dishonesty.
    And that's all I have to say about that.
  2. Like
    Lostboy289 reacted to Jamie123 in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    It depends what you mean by "immoral". Is it immoral of me to:
    Take the last chocolate biscuit when I've already had five, and some people haven't had any? Remain seated on the train when there's an old lady right next to me standing? Not call my mother on her birthday (not because I've forgotten, but because I simply can't be bothered)? Leave toenail clippings on the bedroom carpet for my wife to clear up? Pull ugly faces and make rude gestures at BMW drivers, despite the fact that I know it gives my wife palpitations? Well yes and no. These aren't the sort of things you see on lists of "grave sins", but I still think they're still things Christians should at least try to avoid. (It's hard to imagine Jesus "flipping the bird" to a BMW driver, however obnoxious, and however badly he cut him up at the roundabout.)
    I do kind of agree though - getting engaged to someone you're not going to see for another 2 years is a recipe for disaster. (It's not even like the military where you get leave once in a while.) Anyone older than 25 would expect the "Dear John" sooner or later: but these are kids...they think their love-for-the-very-first-time will last for ever however long the separation. Experience, as Vort says, is a cruel teacher - but of course you learn.
    But bugs me most though is the way this couple flaunted their new relationship straight away. They didn't even leave a respectful few weeks gap. Was that immoral? Well again, yes and no. It certainly wasn't Christlike. And for the OP, who obviously cares about this young man, it had got to be distressing.
  3. Like
    Lostboy289 reacted to Rabindranath in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    I know LostBoy is gone, but I have to say I second much of what he has said. It behooves us all to respect our fellow man, and to do our best to be respectful to each other 
    Mormon Culture, let's remember, is not the Doctrine - and we would be better off if we cast Mormon Culture aside so we could live the Doctrine more fully. How ironic is it that so many of the contributors to this thread condone a significant other leaving dishonestly with not a care in the world for repercussions of the other party, and yet when that same thing happens to LostBoy over the course of the thread, they cry foul to the girl who left him! If they were being consistent, they would applaud her, would they not? They would applaud her for not being an "object" or whatever garbage philosophy some have mingled incorrectly with the true religion. If nothing else, this thread has exposed the hypocrisy of Mormon Culture.
    Which ideal do you people believe? That there is virtue in leaving a significant other at the slightest provocation? That as long as you are not hurt, you may hurt a thousand in your path if it may even lead to the small hope of an eternal marriage? Or do you believe that it in fact is very wrong to not discuss things like adults, and work out problems to their proper conclusion together - whether that be to the extension or termination of their romantic relationship? It surprises me that there is more harshness, rudeness, and callousness on this thread than on many other sites. If this was Quora, many of your would be facing BNBR (Be Nice Be Respectful) violations. Not even the majority of sub-reddits have this level of antagonism - the type of attacking on this thread against LostBoy is uncalled for, especially as he confessed he was already losing faith in the membership of the church, and their dismissiveness of the feelings of others - and here you all are, ready to confirm that for him that it's true: they don't. It was as if a part of your own being was threatened that you had to lash out against him, and find fault with every word he said, not understanding that he comes from a different place.
    He comes from a much higher moral ground than most of you. He, in principle, in cognizant of the feelings of those around him, and in principle, does not wish to cause anyone unnecessary pain. The same cannot be said of you - especially the user with a raspberry blowing CareBear for the profile image, or the lightsaber wielding avatar user - I can't be bothered to look up her/his name, jumping down his throat and immediately assuming the worst about the man. How you see the world is a reflection of yourself. You first saw LostBoy as an "evil" person, with malicious intent. I wonder: what does that say about you? Perhaps you project yourself upon him, and your antagonism proves this to be true: you are a malicious person, Miss CareBear Lady. You, Dark Jedi, are an inciter of conflict and a desirer of discord. The two of you are not espousing the Doctrine, but rather spouting off based on pure hubris and self aggrandization. You will have your reward in the end. Those like you will have no part in the millennium, for those who have even a modicum of hatred within them, where you have mounds of, and loads of judgment within you, cannot live in a perfect world. Go join Lucifer, for he craves those like you in his ranks, and perhaps you will be more at home there anyway.
     
    If there is nothing more poisonous to the True Religion, nothing more toxic to the Mormon Doctrine, it is the Mormon Culture that has so pervaded the church, and it must be stamped out and desecrated in order for the Mormon Doctrine to function uninhibited, for the Culture is propagated by evil people, and the Doctrine by the good. The evidence being in this thread, if you wish to read it.
  4. Like
    Lostboy289 reacted to estradling75 in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    It time you will see that there are people that keep their promises...  They are the ones that blend into the background and you never really notice, because they don't suddenly change direction.  If and when you notice them could be described by the words dependable reliable etc.  And you really only notice them when for whatever reason they are not their any more.
    Oh and now you know first hand that you should not be flattered by the thought that some one picked you over the Lord...  You should see it as the big red flag that it is.
     
  5. Like
    Lostboy289 reacted to Backroads in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    I think that lesson may be general enough to encompass everything in this thread.
  6. Like
    Lostboy289 reacted to yjacket in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    Fickle, fickle irresponsible immature women. My advice, try to ensure that the next woman you date is an actual grow-up not some child in an adult's body.
    And by the same token-be a grown-up yourself-otherwise she won't want to date you!
  7. Like
    Lostboy289 reacted to Backroads in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    I rather hate to answer this, considering I would rather invite you over for indulgent ice cream and chick flicks (but I don't think guys do that?)
    But that's a big promise. Wife-level type of promise. 
    On her end, she needed to be willing to pursue marriage before making that kind of promise. I know that doesn't help you...
  8. Like
    Lostboy289 reacted to NightSG in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    This.  By phone only if circumstances prevent a face to face meeting.  (LDR, mission, sudden move, bishop says don't be alone together, restraining order, etc.)  And preferably not in the context of showing up on their doorstep for that sole purpose.  At least show up with ice cream, and plan to say a bit more than "I don't like you anymore. Have a nice life."
  9. Like
    Lostboy289 got a reaction from Backroads in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    To be fair she didn't want to do it this way. I had just been feeling a bit overwhelmed by all that I had been going through (including this thread) and mentioned that I'm having a hard time "keeping up appearances" and being the strong YSA leader guy who has it all figured out that I ususally am. When she said it was ok to not always be confident and strong I asked her if she thought any less of me as a boyfriend and husband material. Then she admitted to me that she was going to tell me when I got back, but she wants to break up.
    I wouldn't have been so devastated by this if this weren't literally one week after I lost my military assignment, was feeling really down about all I've been through in the past 2 years, and she promised me that regardless of what happened with my job, she would stick by me and help me through this, and I wouldn't have to worry about losing her at all. I just don't get why big promises are ok to throw out like that so soon and with no preamble. What is the point of making promises at all?
  10. Like
    Lostboy289 got a reaction from NightSG in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    To be fair she didn't want to do it this way. I had just been feeling a bit overwhelmed by all that I had been going through (including this thread) and mentioned that I'm having a hard time "keeping up appearances" and being the strong YSA leader guy who has it all figured out that I ususally am. When she said it was ok to not always be confident and strong I asked her if she thought any less of me as a boyfriend and husband material. Then she admitted to me that she was going to tell me when I got back, but she wants to break up.
    I wouldn't have been so devastated by this if this weren't literally one week after I lost my military assignment, was feeling really down about all I've been through in the past 2 years, and she promised me that regardless of what happened with my job, she would stick by me and help me through this, and I wouldn't have to worry about losing her at all. I just don't get why big promises are ok to throw out like that so soon and with no preamble. What is the point of making promises at all?
  11. Like
    Lostboy289 reacted to Ffenix in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    Apologies to everyone whose responses I didn't read, I got to page 3(ish) and decided It was getting to tl;dr lengths.
    From what I can tell, The OP is questioning why we are willing to accept the idea of a Dear John so easily, despite the pain it may cause the receiver. Perfectly acceptable, it's not exactly something I can see as being easy to work through for the other. Possibly they might need some help and support from friends and family to work through it, depending on how invested they were. IMO support should be given to both sides if you have the ability to do so.
    Then I read some of the posts that were more condemning of the writer of the letter, whether for not keeping their word or for being so loose about their supposed SO's feelings. While I'm not sure of the OP and his SO's age (I think he said they were 27 and 25 respectively, but IDR) I think that Dear Johns while on a mission are accepted because those involved have not reached the age of accountability for these types of decisions. Perhaps that's the wrong term, but it's the one I have.
    As for cases involving older people, I really don't know enough about how people work etc. to come up with a viable opinion (as I see it) but the way I see it, by then you should be old enough to work through things like civilized people, even if it is by letter or other long-distance communication, rather than just saying "Oh hey, I'm getting married to somebody else next week" or whatever other sort of things get said. however, in the OP's case, I think she could have waited the week needed to tell him in person. it's one week, for goodness sake.
  12. Like
    Lostboy289 reacted to Vort in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    I'm very sorry to hear it. Through a text -- that's cold.
  13. Like
    Lostboy289 reacted to Latter-Day Marriage in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    Sorry for that.  I know the hurt that goes with something like that, but if that is the kind of person she is it may be a very good thing that you are now free to find somebody else.
  14. Like
    Lostboy289 reacted to zil in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    I'm so sorry, Lostboy289. Sometimes challenges just seem to come in buckets, don't they?  FWIW, I don't think anything you've said on this thread have been offensive.  We may disagree, but you have not been offensive at all in my opinion.  I'll pray for you to have the support you need through these trials.
  15. Like
    Lostboy289 reacted to yjacket in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    We have largely forgotten as a society that failure is the best teacher, the best giver of wisdom, the best refiners fire. Because after you "fail" a few times, you come to realize that there really isn't any such thing as failure.  It just becomes one deviation, one sidetrack on the road to success.  Success is a windy, curvy road-but the only time you ever truly fail is when you simply give up and quit.
    And if you never learn that lesson early in life with no frustrations with everything being handed on a platter-then when life knocks the socks off you and you go down one major deviation you really do end up being a failure b/c you simply quit.
  16. Like
    Lostboy289 got a reaction from NightSG in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    That's not the Lord's will. Just people seeing what they want to see.
    If the Lord tells you to go around your friends back and date that specific girl, you should probably reevaluate how you are interpreting the answer to your prayer. Il admit that the girl may get revelation that Guy A is not the guy for her, but he will never ever tell Guy B to destroy a friend to get what  he desires.
    Church leadership has spoken completely contrary to this practice. ANY worthy man and woman can form a union. There isn't just one person for us.
  17. Like
    Lostboy289 got a reaction from NightSG in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    Your post was all very reasonable and thought out except for this part. I disagree 100%. I refuse to believe that showing this amount of disrespect for a friend and his relationship is in any way less than morally wrong, and a sin in the most basic way. Honesty about our callousness does not justify it.
    Jesus told us to Love God and Love one Another, and to keep those commandments above all others. If we can't even put aside our own desires to show compassion towards our brothers, then why the hell are we even here? We edify ourselves through our love and sacrifice for others, not in attaining that which we covet, regardless of how righteous those ends may be.
  18. Like
    Lostboy289 got a reaction from NightSG in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    And see, that's all it is. Just a possibility. No possibility for your happiness is worth definitely hurting someone. Especially when there are millions of other good candidates.  This is madness, and you are correct. No rational comparison can be made.
  19. Like
    Lostboy289 got a reaction from NightSG in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    Its not that they belong to you. Its not really even about the girl. (or guy. I don't know why we keep using a girl as an example)
    Its more that these things are painful under the best circumstances, and you are showing respect for your friends feelings by not adding to his pain.
    This applies even more so if you are the reason the relationship ended. In that case you are deliberately causing suffering in another person who you call a friend just to get something you want.
  20. Like
    Lostboy289 got a reaction from Backroads in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    Its not that they belong to you. Its not really even about the girl. (or guy. I don't know why we keep using a girl as an example)
    Its more that these things are painful under the best circumstances, and you are showing respect for your friends feelings by not adding to his pain.
    This applies even more so if you are the reason the relationship ended. In that case you are deliberately causing suffering in another person who you call a friend just to get something you want.
  21. Like
    Lostboy289 got a reaction from Backroads in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    So just so I'm clear, when my girlfriend asked me to be her boyfriend and date me exclusively, what did I agree to?
    I guess is it too much to ask for the best of both worlds?
    An eternal marriage and all the benefits we talk about, started with a healthy relationship with a certain level of expected fidelity, trust, commitment, and stability that increases over time?
    I'm not saying that the non-Mormon dating culture is perfect, because it definitely isn't. Theres a lot of messed up things about it, sex included (though it isn't the hedonistic Calligua you'd think it to be). Though to its credit, it does show a lot more respect towards the fidelity and commitments that come in stages before marriage.
    Dating your friend's ex is a whole other kind of situation that varies from case to case.
    But if we are still talking about your friend's GF or Fiance, the question is never. Never ever. If you sense a budding attraction or flirtation, the general etiquette us to distance yourself from the situation.
  22. Like
    Lostboy289 got a reaction from Backroads in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    Its less of an object thing and more that you are showing not only a respect for your friends feelings (where more of an emphasis is placed on loyalty), but respect for the concept of their commitment, even if one of them doesn't want to honor it any more. You might say doing so even disrespects the concept of monogamous love and people's desire to believe in it. 
    I cannot stress enough (and I say this with 100% seriousness) how badly it would be taken if you broke up a friend's engagement.
    Honestly the complete lack of integrity that would be displayed to a non-Mormon that witnessed this would be considered a major black mark against your character.
    This isn't simply a "risk losing your hurt friend" type of deal. This is more of a "you will lose all of your friends, even the ones not involved, since no one wants to associate with someone like this" situation. You would have a hard time getting anyone to trust you ever again.
  23. Like
    Lostboy289 got a reaction from NightSG in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    That's a hard question. It really varies so much on why the relationship is ending and how committed it was.
    Id say that a few good ground rules are:
    1. No dating other people until your current relationship is over
    2. A certain expectation of respect for the other person's feelings is not out of line.
    3. If the relationship is deep enough where marriage was on the table, atleast some reasonable amount of thought and effort should probably be put into salvaging it. 
    4. If any promises were made, they should be honored if at all possible.
    5. No text message breakups or ghosting
  24. Like
    Lostboy289 got a reaction from NightSG in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    As far as most people are concerned if you are in a Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationship, if you are committed to another person, or if you are engaged, you are not single.
  25. Like
    Lostboy289 got a reaction from NightSG in Crisis of Faith - Dear John Letters   
    Wow, I can honestly say that I am incredibly, truly disturbed at hearing this.
    I figured this would have been an easy to establish common ground.
    I really cannot believe that no one sees absolutely nothing wrong with deciding you want a friends' girl or boyfriend, and then to try and get them to dump your friend and be with them.
    When even "The Bro Code" sets a higher standard for loyalty towards your friends than the Mormon Religion, something is horribly, terribly wrong.
     
    Also can you guys all please tone it the heck down. You are being very antagonistic and rude.