seashmore

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  1. Haha
    seashmore reacted to Traveler in We Are Responsible For Our Own Learning   
    interesting - as a child that had problems paying attention - I quickly learned that if a Church teacher asked me a question if I just gave the answer as "Jesus Christ" I would be right as often as those paying attention and studying (as you say).  I have also learned that if anyone asks where Jesus performed any particular miracle - If I answer - "Capernaum"  I would be correct more than 80% of the time.
     
    The Traveler
  2. Like
    seashmore got a reaction from lostinwater in When it ain't all smiles and sunshine   
    Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
     
    My mom's parents both passed when I was in high school, about two years apart.  My dad's parents have both passed in the last two years.  They both raised seven kids (and had 13 grandkids) with an 8th grade education and one salary.  It's been interesting to compare the similarities and differences between their stories, and I feel like I learned more about them after their death than I did while they were alive.  It's also been interesting to see what their children have done and said to those they love while they are/were grieving and struggling.  Thinking about it, I am often reminded of some lyrics from a song I'll post at the end: "You put on a happy face for everybody new, but the closest to your heart so rarely get the best of you."  It's about how those who know you best know the most painful ways to hurt you, and misery loves company.
    When my own parent's divorced, I remember my dad bearing the brunt of the blame because he had cheated on my mom.  As I've grown older, I've obtained insight as to how my mother was not entirely blameless in the situation.  Yes, his extramarital affair was the capstone, but her selfishness and stubbornness made home an unpleasant place for him.  Matters were not helped any by the fact that she insisted on working outside the home.  My dad worked nights because there was a pay differential, and my mom worked for a fast food restaurant, moving her way into management, so her hours were varied.  They were rarely home together, and we were rarely home together as a family.  Maybe once a week.  They worked so hard for all of this money, which was spent how?  On cable, babysitters, and mom's smoking habit.  If she had put half as much effort into being a good wife and mother as she put into being a good employee, they might have been able to make things work.  (Although I often joke it would always be a house divided, since my dad only drinks Coke products and my mom only drinks Pepsi.)  Do I excuse my dad's choices at that time?  No.  Have I forgiven him?  Absolutely.  (Having a wonderful sister come out of the mess certainly helped.)  Do I excuse my mom's lifelong choice to put work above all else (even her own health)?  No.  Have I forgiven her?  Lots of times.  Unfortunately, it's an offense that I have to continuously forgive because it's an offense that is continuously made.  Sometimes it takes longer than others.
     
  3. Like
    seashmore got a reaction from NeuroTypical in When it ain't all smiles and sunshine   
    Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
     
    My mom's parents both passed when I was in high school, about two years apart.  My dad's parents have both passed in the last two years.  They both raised seven kids (and had 13 grandkids) with an 8th grade education and one salary.  It's been interesting to compare the similarities and differences between their stories, and I feel like I learned more about them after their death than I did while they were alive.  It's also been interesting to see what their children have done and said to those they love while they are/were grieving and struggling.  Thinking about it, I am often reminded of some lyrics from a song I'll post at the end: "You put on a happy face for everybody new, but the closest to your heart so rarely get the best of you."  It's about how those who know you best know the most painful ways to hurt you, and misery loves company.
    When my own parent's divorced, I remember my dad bearing the brunt of the blame because he had cheated on my mom.  As I've grown older, I've obtained insight as to how my mother was not entirely blameless in the situation.  Yes, his extramarital affair was the capstone, but her selfishness and stubbornness made home an unpleasant place for him.  Matters were not helped any by the fact that she insisted on working outside the home.  My dad worked nights because there was a pay differential, and my mom worked for a fast food restaurant, moving her way into management, so her hours were varied.  They were rarely home together, and we were rarely home together as a family.  Maybe once a week.  They worked so hard for all of this money, which was spent how?  On cable, babysitters, and mom's smoking habit.  If she had put half as much effort into being a good wife and mother as she put into being a good employee, they might have been able to make things work.  (Although I often joke it would always be a house divided, since my dad only drinks Coke products and my mom only drinks Pepsi.)  Do I excuse my dad's choices at that time?  No.  Have I forgiven him?  Absolutely.  (Having a wonderful sister come out of the mess certainly helped.)  Do I excuse my mom's lifelong choice to put work above all else (even her own health)?  No.  Have I forgiven her?  Lots of times.  Unfortunately, it's an offense that I have to continuously forgive because it's an offense that is continuously made.  Sometimes it takes longer than others.
     
  4. Love
    seashmore reacted to NeuroTypical in When it ain't all smiles and sunshine   
    Thank you for adding your story to the list Unixknight!  It's a risky thing, putting personal stuff like this out there onto a public forum which invites response.  God bless you for sharing.  It gives me just enough guts to share - one of those stories in my opening post is my own.  I heard most everyone else's stories because I go to a weekly mens group full of guys trying to save their marriages.
    I'm reminded of last General Conference's talk by Jeffrey R. Holland, The Ministry of Reconciliation.   This church is HUGE on staying married, and striving through struggles, and forgiving hurts, and setting yourself aside to serve and love your spouse, especially when it's hard.  So it's good to hear Elder Holland, in a talk overwhelmingly about the blessings of reconciliation, spend a paragraph on the exceptions:
    That paragraph matches my experience.  Forgiveness is not optional.  If you can't forgive someone, you don't need to worry about seeing them in the celestial kingdom, because you won't be there.  But it's important to know what forgiveness means, and what it doesn't.
  5. Thanks
    seashmore reacted to unixknight in When it ain't all smiles and sunshine   
    I never, ever judge people who have found themselves in a toxic place in marriage and seek to escape it.  It's really easy to be on the outside looking in and say "Well, if these people were more devout/patient/mature/spending more time with the Bishop/etc then their lives would be better and marriages wouldn't end."  It's so easy to say that, but it's utter tripe.  Is that statement sometimes true?  Undoubtedly.  Am I wise or knowledgeable enough to tell the difference?  Certainly not.  
    A successful marriage, ideally, shouldn't be very hard.  When it is, it takes both parties to make whatever changes are necessary to remedy the trouble.  Sometimes both will and the marriage is saved.  Sometimes neither will and the marriage collapses, hopefully rapidly.  The rest of the time...
    The rest of the time is when one party is willing to be humble and make changes, and the other is not.  Then you have an imbalance that is a living hell to the one who's trying, because every day that they spend trying to improve things while the spouse does not feels like another day of being rejected.  It's another day of being told, not in to many words by your spouse, that no, this marriage isn't important enough, or you aren't worth it, for them to make the effort.  Those are the marriages that linger, dying in a horrible agony for everyone concerned (especially the kids) because dragging the giant band-aid slowly across hairy skin somehow feels more noble and righteous than ending things when it's clear they cannot be salvaged.  It's self-flagellation in the name of a sort of faux righteousness.
    I speak as the child of such a divorce.  It was obvious to me early on that my parents no longer loved each other.  The open contempt with which my mother spoke about my father was not  lost on my child ears, and the fact that my father generally withdrew to his workshop to watch TV or repair electronics (a side gig he had to earn extra money) meant they only saw each other when they were eating dinner or arguing.  (The dinner table was usually where that started.)  My dad and mom were both at fault, and yet both victims, of a clash of cultures and damage from their own personal experiences and backgrounds that would have meant that yes, the marriage was salvageable but ONLY if they both humbled themselves and made an effort to curb their own toxic behavior toward each other.  At no time that I'm aware of did either of them make such an effort, nor did they seek any marriage counselling.  
    By the time we moved into a new house the marriage was in a state of open collapse and I do not have one single pleasant memory involving both of my parents together in that house.  In fact, that's where I first witnessed the physical violence.  
    The final divorce came a year or so after that but it had begin years prior.  When I saw the divorce decree I felt relief.  For the first time in my young life I was no longer worried about the arguing between my parents.  No more nights sitting up in the darkness, teeth chattering in fear while listening to the angry voices downstairs.  Of course, the drama was far from over, and I later learned what it's like to be a pawn on a chessboard created by divorce lawyers and resentful former spouses.  
    Statistics tell us that the children of divorce usually become divorcees themselves.  I am a supporting example of that statistic though my own experience was very different.  My wife suffered from Narcissistic Personality Disorder although it was several years before I knew that.  I'm not claiming to be completely in the right when it comes to the drama in our marriage.  I made more than my fair share of poor choices.  I will, however, claim honestly to be the one trying to be humble, open and willing to make changes to improve the relationship not only for our kids but for us.  I agreed to counselling not only as a couple but on my own.  I worked on my flaws and issues but progress was slow because I was truly going it alone.  Being a sufferer of NPD, my wife was unwilling to get her own counseling, and often used our join counselling sessions as a way to play the victim and insist that everything would be absolutely fine if  only *I* would stop being a bad husband.  At first, the counselor was neutral but gradually as I humbly admitted my flaws and my wife did not, began to get a picture of our marriage that gave her the impression that yes, I was in fact the cause of everything.  
    [But wait, Unixknight,] you say, [isn't it possible that you WERE the guy at fault for everything?  I mean, isn't that possible?]
    I actually did think so at the time.  I took all the blame, the criticism, the recrimination... even though I was confused.  When did I realize that this was unfair?  It was when my wife told the counselor that she wanted another baby and I was holding out.  When asked why, I answered:  "Because we live in her parents' basement.  We have very little space as it is, and I just don't think we have room for another child.  I'd like another, but I think we need to move out into a larger home first."  At which point this counselor, who was fully on my wife's side by this point, looked me straight in the eye and said "Why are you giving your wife an ultimatum like this?"
    At that point I realized there was no objectivity here.  I did still continue to see my own counselor but while it was helping me to grow and heal as a person, it was actually causing greater friction in the marriage, because it was becoming more and more clear to me that things were toxic and dysfunctional in that  marriage.  When I asked my wife to see a counselor on her own, as I was doing, she refused.  When I begged her, she refused.  When I asked her, in the name of saving our marriage, to go to a counselor, she refused.  It was also around that time that I managed to get her to admit that she was deliberately trying to push my rage button to the point where I would become  physically violent toward her. 
    [Hold on, Unixknight.  That's absurd.  Why would anybody WANT to be physically assaulted?]
    You see, she loved to be the victim and that would have been a magnificent way to get lots and lots of sympathy and attention, something NPD sufferers crave.  At that point I had a decision to make.  Do I remain in this toxic situation, and possibly eventually cross a line that I swore to myself I absolutely never would?  Which would happen first, the marriage improving, or my being arrested for domestic violence?  The divorce followed soon after that.  I know my flaws but I have never raised a hand to her or anyone else close to me in anger.  I would NOT allow her to turn me into that.  No way.  Living with her was turning me into the worst version of myself and I had to stop it before things got any worse.
    The instant I'd moved out, she and her parents took my kids and they all moved to another state because of better tax laws.  I didn't get a say.  I also was not in a position to battle for custody of the kids and so, remembering what it was like to be a chess piece, opted instead to focus on my relationship with the kids rather than make them feel like they were in a tug-of-war. 
    Today, all three of our kids from that marriage are adults, and are co ping with their own emotional damage from being raised by a person with NPD.  My daughter is even on antidepressants and her counselor has directly connected her emotional damage to her mother.  The boys are older and rather less affected, because they were able to understand better what was happening and were close enough to me that I could mitigate the damage somewhat by being there for them and reassuring them.  My daughter and I have that now as well, but she had to overcome years of brainwashing by her mother before she realized what the actual situation was.  She left my house on Christmas with an "I love you," and subsequently left her mother's with a "Merry %@#!&! Christmas." because of an argument where my ex started cussing at her for making the dog bark.  
    (No, really, that's what  happened.)
    So there are some who would say, and have said to me, that we should have saved the marriage but were too self-centered and immature, especially me since I was the one that pulled the trigger on the process.  Well, I just ignore that because it's ignorant.  When you're willing to make the effort to fix things but the other person is not, it's like being a prisoner.  It not only causes you massive emotional damage but it had a tendency to damage the children as well.  Severely.  Catastrophically, in some cases.  I recall a song written by Kenny Loggins to his daughter when he divorced her mom, and it is uncanny how well it could fit my daughter.  The refrain goes:
    "I did it for you, and the boys, because love should teach you joy and not the imitation that your momma and daddy tried to show you.
    I did it for you, and for me, because I still believe there's only one thing that you can never give up and never compromise on, and that's the real thing baby."
    So, badly damaged, emotionally wrecked and just plain broken, I met my current wife.    She too has issues but it seems her broken pieces fit my broken pieces like puzzle pieces pretty well.  We've sustained each other and healed each other, and have both grown.  Her relationship with my kids from the previous marriage is strong.  Just last night she and my daughter went out to a painting class together while my future son-in-law worked on building some playground stuff for my little ones in my backyard.  
    Do I regret my decisions?  Not even a little.  Not even the one to marry my first wife, because out of that marriage came three excellent people who I have the honor of being a father to.  And my current marriage?  Well, we've been together now for longer than my first marriage lasted (which was 12 years.)  We have 3 kids and will probably have one more soon.  The thought of ever divorcing my wife is unthinkable.  We've had our trials and drama but never even came close to splitting up.  Also, I happen to have a little letter in my filing cabinet from a certain group of 3 men from Salt Lake City telling me I'm all clear to get sealed to her.  So I take it that, whatever mistakes I've made in the past, the Lord approves of how I'm living now.
    Apologies for the wall of text.  I just felt like for any of my post to make sense the rest needed to be there.  
    Wisdom.  And I'd add to that, we have our own burdens and trouble to help remind us to be humble. 
  6. Love
    seashmore reacted to Jane_Doe in When it ain't all smiles and sunshine   
    Sometimes, a person needs the faith to be healed.  But sometimes it's the faith needed to *not* be healed that's harder-- to learn to say "thy will be done", even when it hurts so bad.  That is something that takes great faith and humility.   
    My husband and I deeply wanted another child.  After 2 years of trying, we finally conceived last spring.  At 11 weeks... the baby was lost, and my life nearly too.  It was many weeks of too many doctors appointments and pain.  Then, much to our surprise, convinced again very quickly-- too quickly for me.  I had major PTSD, fearing that terrible things would happen again.  And then it did: the baby was lost and I was carted off in an ambulance to save my life.  Throughout this time... there were a lot of lessons to be learned.  Learned a lot about friends, and not trying to fight every huge battle alone.  But at the same time, my best gal friend of 20 years betrayed me and that longtime pillar of trust was vaporized.  The next week I had three cars break down on me (impressive feat when you only own two).  My job was in a major crunch time-- a time where I should have been working 100 hr/week, but I could do none.  One of my work projects of 10 years literally caught fire and burnt to the ground.  
    Life was/is hard.  It's not always sunshine.  Sometimes life is just pain.  Pain is... we seemingly want to forget sometimes that knowing pain is inseparable from knowing joy.  That the persons in the world that most know pain-- that feel the most hurt and sadness-- are God.  That God is a person whom weeps, so much more than we can imagine.  He knows pain beyond our comprehension.  And that this is not a bad thing.  It hurts-- mind shatteringly so.  But... knowing pain is inseparable from knowing joy.  
  7. Like
    seashmore reacted to Vort in When it ain't all smiles and sunshine   
    Funny how much I can sympathize with the various struggles these guys experience. My life is wonderful, but it would be so much better if I were less of an idiot. And to be fair, my wife has her off moments, as well. Some seem to find their way through the crapstorm while others get engulfed by it. Not sure what to make of it all.
    It does make me think that our perspective on life and love is terribly short-sighted. My brother's first wife seemed like a walking nightmare. Her childhood included (it was whispered) molestation and outright sexual encounters with her father. I felt very sorry for her, but her actions were such that I have not harbored warm, fuzzy feelings toward her through the years. When interacting with my nieces (her daughters), I have been reminded of her mental disorders. How much differently our Father in heaven and our Savior see her. How much differently I would see her if I were a better man.
    I don't really want to lament or engage in public self-flagellation. Rather, in reading NT's stories, I recognize a thread of commonality in the human experience. Those people we admire most and whose lives seem so beautiful have also had to deal with these same basic issues. Somehow, they've just dealt with them better than others. (And I'm not talking about being raped by your father. I'm talking about the more mundane issues and "baggage" we all carry around and deal with.) Learning to effectively deal with such matters is surely one part of our purpose here.
  8. Like
    seashmore reacted to Grunt in When it ain't all smiles and sunshine   
    I married a woman who accepted me for all my flaws and her uncomplicated love made me a better man.  I try to be the best I can be to be deserving of her.  
     
    That's not a paragraph.
  9. Love
    seashmore reacted to NeuroTypical in When it ain't all smiles and sunshine   
    Here are some random stories from five guys I've come to know in real life, in the last few years.  People tend to put their best foot forward, but I've come to know the rest of the story of these struggling dudes.   
    Lane is divorced, and has primary custody of their special-needs teen daughter.  Lane and his wife fought for years, decided on a divorce, but called off the plan after their daughter reacted very badly to the notion.  Things got worse for several years, and they lawyered up and divorced.  Now, a few years after that, Lane tells me it would have been better for everyone involved if they had gone through the divorce the first time, rather than dragging it out.  He weathered Christmas ok, it was her turn to have the daughter, so he went and stayed with family.
    Bob is emotionally unhealthy.  At the time I met him, he was trying to follow a program for codependent husbands called "No more mister nice guy", about healthy ways to claim dignity and refuse to accept being treated badly by your wife.  As he goes through various programs and counseling, he is trying to work on his issues.  His wife has filed, and they are currently lawyered up and going through the process.  He is trying hard to draw healthy lines between his crap to fix, and his wife's crap she must fix.  To know the difference between what it looks to pursue his wife out of love, or pursue her out of a desperate clingy brokenness.  As she refuses to follow through on various agreements, he spends energy trying to find the motivation to do his part.  Last I heard, his wife was planning to file a motion to postpone the next step in the divorce, because apparently she was seeing a change in him.  Their kids are teens, seem to be adjusting ok to their parents' drama.
    James' wife, after soul searching and talking with counselors and the bishop and seeking answers in the temple, has filed for divorce.  Both James and his wife grew up with very bad role models on how husbands and wives should behave.  James is broken, and he knows it. He can't for the life of him figure out how to be emotionally healthy.  He tells of a time when his wife kicked him to the couch until she saw some positive change in him, any positive change.  After she had gone to bed, he stood in the bedroom doorway for like 20 minutes, unable to say anything, unable to either go in or go away, paralyzed by an emotion he still can't identify.  He sort of does stuff like that.  She has seen small bits of health from him, whenever his back is against the wall, but as soon as he's safe he goes back to his normal.  James figures his most likely option to win her back, is to go through with the divorce, and then show his (ex)wife he can be healthy even though there's no pressure on him.  They just made it through their first step of the legal divorce process.  They had a good talk for two hours afterwords, then went home and back to business as usual - distance and proceeding to separate.  No lawyers here.
    J.R. and his wife were both broken when they met, and got married for the wrong reasons.  As he tells the story, he spent 20 years believing she was the enemy, staying at a safe distance from her, blaming her for the distance, before he finally learned to deal with his traumatic childhood baggage.  He's heard stories about marriages where one spouse in an alcoholic, and the drunk gets sober, and the dynamic changes and the healthy spouse can't/won't heal, and the marriage just doesn't survive. He sees analogies in his life: she's now the one distant, rejecting, blaming, withholding.  In his words, he got them there, she's keeping them there.  His kids and wife are openly hostile to him, usually rejecting, sometimes cruel.  Quick to claim harm or hurt, glacially slow to see good.  J.R. wonders if he could have a more positive impact on his family if he were out of the house, and with every painful story he shares with someone, he's got one less bishohp/counselor/sponsor/spiritual confirmation urging him to stay married.  He tries to see Christmas in a good light - there was a 3-4 day break in the usual faultfinding and criticism and distance.
    Roy finds his wife is treating him unacceptably.  Yelling, blaming, accusing, etc.  Roy has filed for divorce twice because of this, cancelling his divorce plans when his wife capitulates and promises to do better.  He's now filed a third time.  He reports his wife reacted with anger and refusal to put up with this any more.  Roy strikes me as half the problem, he doesn't seem to have any empathy for his wife.  He considers himself 100% victim, her 100% at fault.  I have a hard time thinking of Roy in a positive light.
    It's interesting to see common threads running through their unique and different stories.  All of them have been to counseling, some of them years and years of it - both couples and individual.  Most are Christian of one stripe or another, some very devout.  
    Getting to know these guys makes me wonder about everyone else.  How many of us could write a paragraph about ourselves containing this much pain and trouble?  Is it all of us?  Just a few of us?  
    Anyway, just getting thoughtful at the end of 2018.  All that advice we get about being slow to judge because we never know the burdens another is bearing, is better advice every time I hear it.  
  10. Like
    seashmore reacted to Jane_Doe in Endowment   
    When we are first learning things, the answers we receive are very straight forward and the teacher just gives them to you.  
    However, as learners and disciples of Christ, we each need to eventually move beyond this basic given-to-me learning and learn to seek answers ourselves.  In the temple, the answers each of us receive are for each of us.  It's no longer about the teacher handing you an answer, or even there being one singular answer because we each have individual understanding.
    In my experience, that's the biggest transition with the temple that some people struggle with-- that they want there to be one singular answer and they are irritated that it's just not given to them.  Because it's not about a human teacher giving you a singular answer.  It's about you individually approaching Christ and having a conversation with Him.
  11. Like
    seashmore reacted to Midwest LDS in School shooting in Richmond Indiana   
    Thank you I appreciate that.
  12. Like
    seashmore reacted to Fether in (solved) issue with sister   
    I don’t care what belief you have on diety. If you know someone is cheating on their spouse, you should tell the other spouse. 
  13. Like
    seashmore reacted to milipedefantasies in (solved) issue with sister   
    I'm in the same boat, I think I'm going wait until the Holidays are over. 
  14. Like
    seashmore reacted to zil in Saying no to a calling.   
    Welcome, @Zhen!
    I think because of the instructions we've received to always accept a calling, we sometimes don't realize that it's OK to counsel with the person extending the calling - to explain to them details about our life that they may not know (schedule, availability, other commitments, personal fears or doubts, etc.).  It might be that after counseling about the calling, either they decide to pray about it further, or you realize it's not as bad as you thought.
  15. Like
    seashmore reacted to Anddenex in Age Change Announcement   
    One thing that is nice regarding this change is there will be no more questions specifying, "My daughter/son turns 14 in September can she/he go [fill in blank]"? As they are now considered in to be with the Mia Made class and Teachers quorum this question is nullified.
    Also, as with any ordination a person must be worthy and prepared. Up to the bishop's discretion and spirit within. This hasn't changed. This actually simplifies a whole lot within the Church, especially for bishops. Take the last quarter, look who will be attending what classes, and setup interviews.
  16. Like
    seashmore reacted to Grunt in Age Change Announcement   
    Are we forgetting that priesthood holders also have to be worthy of it?  One of my children, who just turned 8, has what I believe to be a better grasp of the priesthood than many teens.
  17. Like
    seashmore got a reaction from Midwest LDS in School shooting in Richmond Indiana   
    Sorry to hear of this.  I worked with a few people who knew a mass shooter ten years ago, and it's changed my perspective on such events.  I hope you and all who knew him feel peace and mercy at this time.
  18. Sad
    seashmore reacted to Midwest LDS in School shooting in Richmond Indiana   
    This story ended better than most. The shooter, a 14 year old boy, was stopped by police who had been alerted by his mother, and the school he had targeted was able to lock their doors, keeping him outside long enough for the police to get there. He committed suicide after he was cornered. But this one has been more difficult to deal with for me than others. He was one of my students. I teach at an online high school, so my other students and myself were never in any danger, but my heart is breaking for his mother. I don't know if she was a good or terrible parent, but having to report to the police that your kid is heading to a school and is armed, knowing he is probably going to be severly injured or killed or may kill other innocent kids, is a situation I would not wish on my worst enemy. Thank God she reported him, it prevented a tragedy, but I can't even begin to fathom her pain, and she is in my prayers. I posted because I just needed a place to process this.
  19. Haha
    seashmore reacted to dahlia in Pants for sister missionaries   
    Y'all are just freaking me out. First it's 'ministering,' then it's the 2-hour block, then it's let kids advance in Sunday school as a group, and now the sister missionaries can wear pants. Where is it going to end? If I wanted changes this fast, I'd  have converted to Unitarian. 
  20. Like
    seashmore reacted to JohnsonJones in Christmas Cards   
    I suppose I do not have any set thing to say.  I am actually right now in the process of writing cards up and sending out the gifts that I have collected all year.  Sometimes it probably is expressing my love for each of them and hoping they have a Merry Christmas.  I should work on it, but the first cards I write tend to have a lot more than the later cards. 
    My wife has always been the better one with correspondence in writing.  I find it a LOT easier to convey a lot of writing to those grandchildren that spend time with me than those that come to the house and then sit in front of the playstation or xbox or wii-u and ignore me for the most part.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE THEM ALL (tremendously), it is just easier to write a lot to those who spend time with me and discuss much of their life than it is with those that do not.  I find that I tend to write those grandchildren's cards who have spent a lot of time with me first, and the others later, so maybe that's part of my problem right there.
  21. Like
    seashmore reacted to unixknight in ThirdHour Success Stories of Conversions and Reactivations   
    There was a time when I was going to church more or less regularly, but I hated going.  I felt out of place, awkward and uncomfortable.  I tend to have a boisterous personality at times and I like jokes, I like to laugh and try to be serious only when absolutely necessary.  Meanwhile, at around that time, most of the other guys in the Elders' Quorum were utterly  unlike me in every conceivable way.  They were all quiet, reserved, chatted only about their families, gave me blank looks when I would make a Star Trek reference (usually because they didn't have a TV in their house) and in general didn't seem to know what to make of me.
    I was afraid that this would eventually lead me to go inactive and possibly even leave the Church.  I hate to admit it, but that's where it could have gone.  All the brothers in EQ were great guys and I liked them, it's just that they struck me as being terribly bland, boring people and I just couldn't see myself trying to force myself to be like them.  
    And that's about the time I met @MormonGator on here.  It wasn't him alone, but he was the first to make me realize that one really can  get away with being their own unique and weird (meant in a good way) person while still being 100% LDS.  Others showed me that too, and eventually I realized that it wasn't that I had to conform to the boring image I was getting in EQ.  It was that A. I didn't know these guys in EQ well enough.  Some of them are as oddball as can be, they just put on a mask in Church in order to seem to fit in, and B. Not all EQs are like that.  The ward I'm in now is much more lively.  
  22. Like
    seashmore reacted to Fether in ThirdHour Success Stories of Conversions and Reactivations   
    Better than every other forum. I can tell you that.
    i have never been inactive myself, but this forum keeps me aware of gospel topics and answers to various questions in a way Indont think would be possible otherwise
  23. Like
    seashmore reacted to clbent04 in ThirdHour Success Stories of Conversions and Reactivations   
    I'm curious how effective this forum is in terms of helping non-members convert to the gospel and helping inactive members become reactivated.  This forum helped me become reactivated simply by helping me rediscover my passion to discuss gospel themed topics.
    For the more senior members, or anyone really, how many success stories have you seen pass through this website?
  24. Like
    seashmore reacted to Vort in Jimmy Johns (men’s) Bathroom   
    Tasteless. But funny.
  25. Like
    seashmore got a reaction from EllieBelle2015 in BYU-I Don’t   
    My vote is to do both of your future selves a favor and break it off for good.  Save his number as "NO!" so you know not to pick up or reply.  Tell him exactly why you are ending the relationship and avoid saying anything about "maybe in the future if..."  Write him a letter if you have to.  It may hurt him now, but it will hurt both of you much worse if you continue down the path you're on right now.  I also recommend you work on doing what you need to do in order to feel emotionally available again.  (Said the pot to the kettle.)  Otherwise, you're keeping yourself open to entering this same situation again. Look for someone who helps you overcome temptations, not give in to them.