jewels8

Members
  • Posts

    314
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    1

Everything posted by jewels8

  1. P.S. I don't know if you have had any help in this regard before, but bishops can also cover costs for counseling to help with what you have gone through in your life, and even if its hard, you can get to a point where you can pray and I imagine not only he hears our prayers, but your Mother in Heaven is aware of your situation and loves you, and even if you go through the Father to communicate, she can be made aware. I heard once a spiritual experience. I don't remember all the details. But it is very sacred and I wouldn't always share, but it came to mind. This girl or teen was put in a situation where she was into prostittuion against her will, I think one of her parents may have instigated it, but i'm not sure of the details. I know it sounds horrible, and yet it happens, but one day the Savior will make all of this done away. And some people are trying to stop it. Our Heavenly Father weeps over how some of his daughters are treated. This girl had come home, I guess, after having to go through this, and she was crying. She was broken. She was hurt. And Heavenly Mother came to her, and gently bathed and helped her. I am crying for you and all the woman like you. I was abused to, but not more than a few moments, and not from a relative, but I know it happens. And sometimes I have not wanted to trust some men either. I have a sweet husband, etc, And I hope that you can feel good and whole and truly loved unconditionally by Him. I am so sorry you went through this. I know that one day, all this evil against women will be no more. Have hope, hold on, have faith. The light will come. There is support and help for you.
  2. I am so sorry to hear how you have been hurt by men. You are not alone. Unfortunately, too many women have been abused, etc by men. I can understand it would be hard to trust in the Savior and Heavenly Father. Your feelings are valid & justified. I think that they would understand that. Trust takes time. Healing takes time. Your Heavenly Parents love you in a appropriate, tender way. Have you ever had a man be nice to you, be a righteous example? I want you to know that it is possible. But maybe you may want to talk to the RS Pres or another woman you can trust first, and then maybe ease into seeing the bishop. If you can get another kind of a job or job skills to get a job that will help you heal, I think the bishop can help with that. He has resources for that. Not only can you repent, but you can find hope. Try cultivating the goodness that is around you or to see it better, in regards to your situation. Many women feel this way, there may even be a support group or a female friend who can help, as well. Bless you!
  3. I think garments should be worn during sports, and as often as possible, as it is a sacred thing we commit to wearing throughour our life. It may help us to remember to dress modestly at all times and they can be changed, as needed. I know no church doctrine that says to remove them for sports but I do know of doctrine that we should seek to wear them vs not.
  4. P.S. When I mentioned the book, and Dr. Harley, I meant that the class was LDS-based, not Dr. Harley's book. Sorry for any confusion.
  5. I tend to be very careful with this topic, since it is of a sensitive and delicate nature. I think in something like this,, the Spirit may be guiding more toward a total intimacy, in the marriage approach. Couples that have struggles or just simply may not always struggle, but have alot of other responsibilites to deal with, need to know that that doesn't lessen their love for one another. Like Adam & Eve, a married couple is a team. They are each other's help meet. The temple teaches us that. When we think of marital intimacy in the church, the words union and sacrament come to mind. That helps us put into our minds the kind of holy, intimate, associations that are part of being a husband & wife. In a class like this, I'm sure the importance of being prayerful and following the Spirit are essential, to help avoid any problems that could arise. Unfortunately, we live in a world where there is so much distortion. And I have been appalled, when even members of the church treat lightly, these sacred things. Surely, no one wants to offend the spirit. The world's ways of defining intimacy in marriage are not the proper, uplifting ways in which the Lord has defined it. If couples avoid the movies of the world, the music of the world, etc, they will find a sweeter, unselfish spirit come into their home & hearts, as they focus more on the Gospel, and His Christ-like teachings. How sacred is this gift, the Lord gave us. We have an obligation to truly be kind to each other. We have a responsibility to communicate and love as He does. May I add my opinion, that Dr. Harley's book, although it has some good advice, may come across in some parts as not being as sensitive to this topic. Since it is LDS-based, I suppose 'filtering" any material, will help bring the right perspective to class, so that class members can help keep it in the right spirit and lessen any kind of discomfort or inappropriateness. One other book, that may be helpful too (though I'm sure some of it won't need to be used, it deals with the LDS perspective and goes through physical detail, as well as resolving problems and how intimacy may change through the years, is Between Husband & Wife Gospel Perspective on Marital Intimacy by Stephen E. Lamb, M.D. and Douglas E. Brinley, Ph.D. I think that is good that there can be something to help couples. I think people nowadays may not have as much training & instruction to know how to approach such a delicate subject and are looking for answers and may not understand how the Lord intended these things to be taught. I agree that it is up to a couple to know how often, and what is appropriate should be within the bounds the Lord has set. I know that The First Presidency, I think fairly recently, came out with a statement about one thing that is not appropriate, and it saddened me to think that any LDS person would even think that. I think it is important to do what is natural, normal, and uplifting. Sex is supposed to help bring fulfillment and a couple to feel more love for one another.I do believe we will be held accountable for our actions, words and thoughts and that we should be careful in what we talk about and help others by a clean, pure example. I believe today, any discomfort can be simply from not being as sensitive, even during the day, in any comments or actions that are made, but as we seek the Spirit in all we do, we may find our love for our companion/eternal companion growing more and our children learning what pure, clean love is. As we let our home and ourselves be a temple, where the Spirit may reside, we will never even dream nor desire to do anything unsavory. We cannot find what is good, in something that is not. But there is much we can learn and find that will enrich this part of the relationship, if we seek it. I don't believe sex is a need, in the sense that food, water, and shelter are , but love is a need, and if we obey the Lord, we can enjoy a fulfilling marriage. And that can mean a different thing for each couple. As long as we do not tarnish it, we willl be blessed.
  6. That's great that you are reaching out for help & advice. Are the YW leaders aware of these situations with the girls in the ward? Are they doing anything about it? You could tell one or more leaders about it. Does your family know what's going on? What about the parents of these girls? Do they know how their children are behaving? Is the bishop aware of the situation? He is over the youth too. I don't know if you have opened up to any of these people or anyone else who could help, but if you haven't, may I suggest pray about them being prepared for this and opening up their hearts (and hopefully they will) You might be relieved to feel your not alone in this, and others are willing to help. And if things don't always go the way you imagine, you can still exercise your faith and strengthen your testimony and ask the Lord for strength to alleviate this as much as possible and guide you in what you should do. Pray for the leaders and the others mentioned, and they may be inspired to help and do something to and change. I know prayer and following the Spirit work. It can sometimes be hard, we have to feel the Lord with us and his angels about us, sometimes, to give us comfort and strength to do hard things and help make changes for the better. Every one has their free agency. We respect that. We can use our free agency, to create hope & faith that things can get better and follow the Spirit in how to go about that. He can help us feel strength, and comfort, so we don't have to worry so much about being judged by someone else. Its normal to be concerned about that, at times, but He can help to overcome those feelings, so we can feel our worth and do whatever it is that He wants us to do. Sometimes its just praying, sometimes we need to grow and do more, and in praying and/or doing other things, we can help others and ourselves more. I once was in a situation on my mission, where I had a companion that would not serve as she should. This went on for quite some time. I had a hard time because I wanted to serve, I needed to stay with my companion (mission rules) and she seemed to come across as , for lack of a better word, a bully, and I couldn't find a way to get out of it. Looking back, maybe I could have done more about it, but at the time, I did the best I could. and really, in that situation, it was very limited in what I could do because she watched me like a hawk. But I kept praying, and eventually, her heart changed. I know it must be hard. I went through an unspeakable low, as I struggled inside for 2 months. I couldn't even tell my mission pres, because one time when we had zone conference, he wasn't available to do our normal one on one interviews and I felt crushed and wondered why I had to go through this and why she came on a mission, when all she wanted to do was play. But prayer works. I hung on somehow, even when it was hard, and the Lord was with me, He knew how I felt. He knew I wanted to serve and choose the right. He knew I couldn't be an effective missionary with her being that way. She did feel bad about it , probably before she changed. And finally when I was in tears, she apologized to me and did a complete 180. We ended up having a wonderful companionship. She did everything she was suppossed to do with enthusiasm and zeal and continued to be that way for the rest of her mission, even after I got transferred. I'm not saying the outcome is the same for everyone. I remember having a friend go to church with me to primary and/or YW, and at least one of the girls was mean, and my friend stopped coming. I felt bad about it, and I admit, I didn't have alot of courage to do anything about it. But as I have gotten older, I have learned to sometimes do more about these kinds of situations. Good luck. sometimes people outgrow these bad behaviors, sometimes they need someone to intervene. Sometimes prayer softens hearts. Contacting leaders may be a good start. I will pray for the best in your situation.
  7. Okay, so my anniversary is coming up, my spouse and I have been married for over 2 decades now. There have been some unemployment issues, but now they seem to be resolving, as employment has been found. We have been able to keep afloat with help from savings and family, and now can probably do all right on our own. We have tons of student loans to pay. We never go out to eat, we never really go spend money as a family to have a good time, which is ok, we do fun things that are free too, but is it wrong to go out to lunch for our anniversary? My spouse is of a mind that it may not be a good idea. I think though, that this is a special occassion, and since we never do anything like this, that it should be ok. Its not a high end restaurant, and I think it helps a marriage to get out of the house occassionally and away from the wonderful children, who can be well taken care of for a brief hour and a half. Is it wrong to go out when you will probably have student loan debt for the rest of your life?
  8. I once read a book by LDS author, Jack Weyland, entitled, Charly. Charly was short for Charlene. It is a story of a man named Sam, like you, who had the same dilemma. He met a wonderful lady, who became a convert to the Church, but she had had a past. I think, even though being morally clean is so important, we need to be compassionate of those who have made mistakes. Not everyone is taught the same, not everyone has the same circumstances and support in their life. We need to be Christ-like. This man had a hard time but he chose to learn from it and they went on to have beautiful marriage. Charly, later contracted cancer (not from her past) and died and he dealt with the pain of loss from someone he had clearly learned to love. I know it must be hard, both my husband and I were virgins when we married each other, but purity is not the same thing as virginity. And a person has the same personality, the same strengths, the same goals, regardless of any past mistakes. People can change. I don't know if she was always a church member or what the situation was, and it is none of my business. She has probably told you enough and it would be innappropriate for you to ask her for every detail. If you two do or don't get married to each other, that is a choice that affects both of you, and should be guided by the Holy Ghost. If you do chose to marry this apparently wonderful woman of God, please do not use her past to beat her with. She has already suffered and come to her Savior. And please do not share her sins with anyone and with future children. She has the right to be respected, loved and valued. Even though I value chastity highly and know it is good to be a virgin before marriage, I also believe that sexual purity is tantamount to virginity, that they are equal in our Father in Heaven's sight. I believe that this lady you speak of is a very courageous, humble daughter of God and she deserves a man who will cherish her all the days of her life and far into the eternities. The question is, are you up to the task to be that man? She paid her price, are you willing to pay the price?
  9. I appreciate all the remarks in helping me. I am friends with her and our family is with their family. They are a good family, and try to be, just like me & my family try to be. Sometimes its just been hard, when you thought every one was over everything, and something gets 'digged up' again. But they have also helped our family in some ways and I guess its just that life is a big learning, growing experience as we do our best and try to work together with our "brothers" and "sisters" Looking back, there are times I could have handled things better, or maybe did the best I could with the circumstances, their were times I repented of thoughts I had during this process and my husband, prayer, fasting, scriptures and the temple have helped me. And I wish the best for their family too. Wouldn't it be nice if Satan just didn't get in the way?
  10. A few years ago, a married man in my ward started paying attention to me. I am friends with his wife. He would stare at me in the halls when no one was around. Not really necessarily creepy, he would look in my eyes. Sometimes I wondered if it was judgemental or just trying to figure out something about me. It was usually a look I couldn't fully comprehend. On rare instances, he would look admiringly at me. From the start I let my husband know. I also would walk away after a few seconds. I try to be nice and also at times have been stand offish. He occassionally would be that way too, but seemed to keep it up. After a while, he stopped. His wife has, at times, seemed jealous of me, although she won't admit it. I never told the bishop because I was afraid of him telling him and causing a problem between our families. I have tried to show I am nice and not that kind of a woman. My husband doesn't want to know what he was thinking, although we know he is decent. I have sometimes felt sorry for his wife, but I also think she believes its more my fault then her husband's. What would the consequences be , if I told? In some ways, it was nice, but not appropriate, and in some ways it concerned me. His wife recently anonymously sent me a letter from "Heavenly Father" ( a reliable source told me it was from their family) telling me that I should correct some flaws in my character and getting a little personal about my family.. I know she meant well, but it didn't seem necessary. People know me as a positive person.I love my family, Our family has some challenges theirs doesn't, but we are a righteous family who love the Lord and His Gospel. I know she is assuming things, even if that's not her intent. We have had differences of opinion but have been respectful how its handled. Other things, we do agree on. I don't need her misjudging me. Am I too concerned to think she is overly confident in thinking she knows things about me that aren't true? I am the kind of a person that doesn't have problems with others and does the right thing, often soft spoken. I guess I need to forgive again. I'm not perfect, but neither is she. I think she overstepped her bounds, for whatever reason, and I've seen in the past she has not always been honest, although she usually tries to be I guess no one is perfect, but it hurt. I have enough to do in my life without having to deal with this. She often questions me, when others don't. He tends to be a silent, peacemaker type and she tends to be more presumptuous, so I think it is from her. I can't see him doing that. What should I do?