jewels8

I wouldn't suggest saving this marriage. Though, the intentions are good, not every marriage should be saved. Just look at what she wrote. Bless her heart! Better to get out before kids come along, and you regain your self esteem and find a real man who will cherish you Whether the marriage can be annulled at this point or not, I say pray about it, tell your bishop, and remember, he can't decide for you. Bishops are counseled to But this lady needs to be free, This boy won't change for her anytime soon

Thank you, I appreciate the thoughtful responses, and found them very helpful in addressing these kinds of situations. I know they can help others too that encounter these circumstances.

I think alot in insensitivity comes up, and this is just my opinion and my experience and in seeing others, because of the differences in the way men and women think and are. Men and women;s chemistry, their brains are unique. Heavenly Father made us this way for a divine purpose. When the roles of men and women and their qualities are treated with respect, there can be a mutual completeness that God intended. They complement one another. But when one spouse cannot understand another because they are not like that and cannot see that , then it creates problems. When they expect the other to be like them instead of trying to understand where their spouse is coming from, then God's plan for them becomes frustrated and it is not The Plan of Happiness for them. But if they apply Gospel principles, and love one another, there eyes can be opened and they can grow in love and understanding together. Men who hold the priesthood are instructed to use it to bless and uplift. Husbands are counseled in the church to be sensitive to the tender feelings of their wives and children, which thing is pleasing unto the Lord. (Jacob in The Book of Mormon)

and other examples in relationships to combat and counteract insensitivity can come from prayer, scripture study, serving our fellow beings, temple attendance, understanding human psychology, and following good health practices. When you feel good, you can give so much more and be so much more to others.

On No. 1 in marriage, we should keep our eyes wide before marriage and half-shut after marriage. We shouldn't criticize each other, We should support and be each others help meets in this journey called life and partners in raising our family. The Proclamation on the Family as well as marriage books ,good therapists and other appropriate resources can help a marriage grow. Men and women are different and it is helpful for them to learn the principles they need to build a happy and effective union.

No. 1 is the marriage example. No. 2 is the multi level marketing,is that what its called. Things like Relive or Shaklee. My husband bought something for $4,000 which we couldn't afford, but later we gave it to someone else, "paid it off" in a sense. But his Dad was into Relive for a while and my husband was going to be a top supplier, but it didn't happen. Some people do make it big, but most people just lose a lot of money and it ends up causing problems in their families. My husband and I just don't buy into those things, as a general rule. You have to follow the Spirit as to what is best to do for your family. No.3 we should not be too quick to judge and not give families less power to raise their kids then what The Proclamation On The Family teaches

I mean, it is sensitive to just let it go, if everything is ok , and you don't know the whole story,

A third example, and you can label this one, No. 3, is concerning the law on how people can "call on others" if they think a child is being neglected or abused. What is your take on that? On one side, of course you want a child to be protected and safe. On the other side, how much power should we, as a community, give a total stranger or even someone we know, a say in calling the law on someone else? I know of people who have been called on, and I can see both sides of the coin. And I think sometimes people aren't always using their best judgement and being fair enough with that. Nor are they always thinking of what reprucussions that could have. The caller can be anonymous. That can be a good thing. But so many calls end up where the child is not neglected , nor abused. Of course, some are,and it is good that they are taken care of. But I know good parents who have been called on and the struggle they have gone through. We have been called on, and have not been neglectful, nor abusive, and we know what it is like. And it is important that the police or child protection services are told to go back to whoever called and let them know that everything is fine. (when that is the case) And I think, that if everything is fine, the family should be allowed to know who it is who called. It isn't fair to not know who you are dealing with. Think about being in the other person's shoes, and being Christ-like. We need to be careful not to judge. I think, even though the law is there, that unless you really see evidence, like a kid being beaten, you need to not assume. Hearing crying doesn't mean the child is in danger. Believe me, a child that wants something, can throw a mighty fine tantrum and sound awful. If someone is concerned, the best thing to do, is to maybe pray first before intervening. (is this really a problem, Heavenly Father?) If the answer, is , it is fine, leave them alone, its ok) then leave them alone. If your not sure, maybe go ask them if everything is ok. If they seem upset, it still doesn't mean its not ok, if they are dealing with a tantrum, they might not want someone knocking, so don't just assume the worst and don't expect them to be happy to see you, and if they tell you its fine, it might be, be nice, and don't be nosy, think of what to say and how to say it before you come, if you really feel you must. Also think, if I had kids, would I ever have a situation where it could be fine to hear crying? Just realize, it might be ok, and realize if its a special needs kid or someone else's kid, they may be different, and that might be ok. Don't judge too harshly. However, you want to make sure they are ok, but don't give the impression that you don't think the adult is incapable. Don't say demeaning things. If they explain a plausable answer and it seems ok, then don't linger, they are dealing with it, and leave them alone to handle it. Then forget about it. Bringing the law into it just usually makes it worse then it is. In most cases it just gives the family more to worry about then they need. Ofcourse there are situations where in extreme cases its warranted, but I think in most cases, we need to have enough charity to not involve the law. There are ways to help without having to make a parent worry about going to jail, face unemployment, kids possibly being taken from the home, even if it is temporary, having visitations and just more to worry about and do . Most people don't know what it can involve. Sometimes it involves non of those things, but you never know. And sometimes the law isn't always knowing the truth, the rules and some are nice, some don't let you talk, and not every family knows there rights. So it can be very insensitive when someone just calls because they see kids playing out in a yard without a parent or hear a child crying. I think we need to be very careful about being patient, long suffering, giving the benefit of the doubt, until seventy times seven, as the Savior taught. And remember that we should do unto others as we would want others to do unto us. And He will judge us as we have judged others. It is often insensitive to call on someone without talking to them and or just letting it go without knowing the real story.

Another example I have, and you can refer to this one as no. 2 and the one above as no. 1 if you want, for the sake of clarity, is what about people who think they know how to do something better and insist or push you into something you don't want to do? Be it a multi level scheme, buying an expensive product you can't afford, or trying to get your spouse to do something you know your family can't afford to do? What do you do if its a family member trying to involve them? My father in law once wanted my husband to do something like that. It was quite the learning experience. But "all things shall be for our good" And that was many years ago. However, I don't think we'll go through that again. Normally, his dad wouldn't do that.

There are many examples, but one example , in particular, that I can share that I heard of was of a couple's marriage. In this case, they had been married for several years. The husband was more practical and analytical in his responses, wheras his wife was more thoughtful and emotional based in her responses, as is often true in most marriage relationships. They found these differences at times, intriquing, but also at times, a challenge. He could be insensitive of her feelings, cutting her off, saying that it was not necessary for her to share them and that her opinion of certain things was wrong. She would sometimes get hurt and tell him that she felt he was being insensitive and rude. He would tell her he was not, that he was simply being practical and calling it as he saw it. That he was telling the truth and that the most important thing was to tell the truth. They did go to counseling for a time , but the problem was not resolved, as the values they both had were deeply rooted. It was possible to get some kinds of positive change through prayer, but communication was very difficult, as it seemed the husband was not willing to cooperate. The wife seemed more willing, in this case.

I am wondering how best to put this, and I apologize for my lack of being perfect.But how do you deal with insensitivity in yourhh relationships with otheres, be it friends, neigbors, school, work, church, marriage and family life? Or just in life in general? (it doesn't even have to be zeroed in on one thing, if your more comfortable with that) I mean we are taught to be selfless, to be long-suffering, patient, kind, benevolent, compassionate, Christ-like, etc. And I know I try hard to be all those things, and I know my family tries and I know others try, but it is challenging, and the same mistakes come up over and over again. And sometimes it is discouraging.Sometimes different people have different definitions of what kindness is. And some of them can be not what I would consider kindness.. It can be really hard when you feel that you are dealing with chronic insensitivity, and the other person can't see it as that. And then when you give it back to them, not meaning to, it just isn't a good thing. And you pray, fast, do things that the Church teaches, but the same habits keep returning. How do you deal with people in life that keep doing that? Isn't insensitivity considered a sin in some respects, if the person knows better? Not every one sees things the same, but the Lord gave the same set of commandments basically to everyone.

I really like the love Elder Richard G. Scott felt for his wife, Janene. I also liked the Spirit I felt from his talks he used to give at General Conference when he was alive. What a sweet man.

Polygamy on earth has been a disaster, for the most part. Statistics show higher rates of STDs, less men having wives and families, as more women are taken by richer and more "righteous" or better prospective husbands as wives, leaving more men to commit crimes, thus creating a higher crime rate and more crimes against women and in the community in general and some men being worse off. Children of polygamous marriages often suffer from less education, less time with dad, as he must work more to provide more, he spends more time away, as he is with his wives, his vocation, and maybe away at leisure time, trying to combat the added stress & strain, also there is more friction, jealousy and problems among the sister-wives, who have less quality time with the shared husband, and this can put a strain on the whole family. Also studies show that even the the Lord may have said polygamy was to increase seed, women in monogamous marriages had more babies than women in polygamous marriages. Maybe they just felt more comfortable having babies and having a relationship with their husband that was soley theirs alone. Makes sense, right? Monogamy is the Lord's standard. Jacob was teaching that and chastising the husbands who were desiring polygamy.and or becoming adulterous in their hearts or in their lives. Joseph Smith lived polygamy, but we have a very mixed record whether he even had any or few children from his polygamous marriages. So if it was to raise up seed, in his case, that didn't seem to be what happened. But we do know that it was a test. It definitely was a sore test for him and for Emma. And for many others. It doesn't mean though, that they have to continute to live it indefinitely, we really don't know.

Having the Spirit of the Lord is important, and I am not saying I am perfect, but I do know that speculating about it is not ok, and the seminary manual cautions not to do that. Monogamy is the Lord's standard. Perhaps some would like to sensationalize about polygamy, or they simply just wonder about it, but polygamy was a test, and to "raise up a righteous seed" as the Lord commanded. But in heaven there really isn't a point, from the same perspective as earth-life, to be tested, as I see it. Of course we don't know everything. But I think a woman should have a right to have a say in what her heaven is like. And woman who live in polygamous countries on the earth don't have much of a say now. I'm just saying that monogamy is a good thing. I don't think men should be discredited as being less righeous or that we should speculate that their will be less of them in heaven. There may be quotes, but that may be more opinion than church doctrine, on the subject. We really don't know. I think we should strive to work on monogamous marriages, where we care about one person, and their feelings, and the children, and those relationships. I think the Lord can test someone as to where their heart is. Are they willing to obey His commandments at the price of being callous to their wife's feelings? Or are they going to learn to respect the Lord, counsel with the Lord and care about their wife, and work something out? Didn't a prophet ask the Lord to spare the city of Sodom and Gommorrah if 8 righteous people could be found? He wasn't trying to defy God's commandment. God understood that. I think when Jacob taught the men in the Book of Mormon who sought wives and concubines, as David of old, that they were breaking the hearts of their wives and their children and that this displeased God, that he was on to something. Perhaps the test of polygamy is tied more into monogamy then some men think. And maybe too many are missing the point. Maybe too many are failing the test. Who knows how many will have their wives taken away? King David lost all his wives because he went after Bathseba and had her husband killed. Of course that is different, but his heart was not right. If a man can love all his wives, great, but seriously, who can have time for meaningful relationships with 900 women? And endless scores of children on this earth? In eternity, I guess its easier, but does anybody really need that many? I doubt it.Leave some for others

We really shouldn't say polygamy will be practiced on a large scale in heaven, we really don't know everything. We should be sensitive to a woman's feelings. Brigham Young said there would be couple's who would be monogomous in heaven and that the Lord would justify that. Perhaps it is a test if a man would be selfless enough to leave polygamy alone. What does a man value? More wives or the feelings of one wife? What does a man value? The "glory" of having more worlds populated faster by more childern or having patience and and learning to actually get to know his wife more, and his children more and growing and building an eternity together and valuing those relationships instead of just having more of something to look better and "keep up with the Joneses" or the "God next door"

Here are some quotes that may help. Wilford Woodruff made these quotes: " President Young said there would be men saved in the Celestial Kingdom of God with one wife..." There was also an explanation given about a quote Pres. Young had given about polygamy in heaven, he had been speaking to a group of men who had been commanded to be polygamous. That was the context of the quote. His words may have been different if he had been speaking to a group who had not been commanded to be polygamous, as we are taught in our day to be monogamous, which we have been taught is the Lord's standard. The Book of Mormon taught monogamy. " Pres. Young said a Man may Embrace the Law of Celestial Marriage in his heart and not take the Second wife and be justified before the Lord" And the Seminary Manual states: "We have no knowledge that plural marriage will be a requirement for exaltation" I hope that helps

I do not know why the abuse you suffered has led you to seek this as an outlet, if that is the case, as there are many outlets that could be sought, but I do know that it is not uncommon for this to be a problem considering your background, and I appreciate your honesty. It is also a common problem with some men. I do not understand it, not being a man, but I do know that Christ can help anyone overcome anything, if that individual turns to him. Being a woman, I am appalled, and I don't mean this the wrong way, but it concerns me, when I hear of men using pornography and masturbating. But I understand it is a hard world to live in and I know you are trying, and I can feel compassion and am glad you are trying. I may not be comfortable, as a woman, and as a mother, to have my kids around men that do that, but those that are trying to stop, I can feel some compassion with. I mean, I would probably me ok, in some instances. It would be the ones that didn't stop, or I wouldn't be comfortable being alone with someone. I was sexually abused when I was young, and if I could destroy pornography from the earth and every evil thought a man or boy could have, I would. I really wish people would just realize how harmful these things are to women and girls and to themselves and stay away from them. They drive away the spirit and affect lives more than you know. A minute of weakness or selfishness does not compensate. They can cost peace, life and eternal consequences. Is it really worth it? I don't understand why men and boys feel they need to do this. I am sorry, but it is disgusting, it is selfish. You take an innocent, daughter of God, and you make something vulgar out of the whole thing. You take your once innocent self, and you make something base of it. And for what? A physical appetite to be momentarily satisfied. That is commendable that you are seeking help. What I would give to destroy this disgusting mindset that some men (not you) have created on this telestial earth. This is not of God. Pornography is a destructive practice that Satan uses to ensnare his sons and to hurt his daughters. Many women and girls have been made to feel uncomfortable, raped, been subject to hear inappropriate jokes at, been seen as objects and even murdered because of the start of these kinds of addictions. Of course, I don't think your going to become a serial rapist, but please, brother, go see your bishop. Would he think less of you? Come on. Your in good company. Do you know how many men look at it? Do you know how many men masturbate? How many "good" men? Its ok, You have been struggling for years. Maybe its time? Please pray and fast about it. You can't kick this addiction by yourself. Continue the counseling, and please never be alone with a woman. Thank you!

I have never seen a need to use alcohol in cooking. I have no problem obeying the spirit, as well as the letter of the Word of Wisdom. To me, there are other ways of flavoring, and seasoning foods that are delicious, nutritious, and that I can feel at peace about. I am far from perfect, but I know that if that were the only thing I were accountable to the Lord for, I could look him straight in the eye, and not worry about it the least little bit. I took a gourmet cooking class once, and my teacher, a nonmember, was so into cooking with wine that it seemed almost an "obsession" with her. But one thing was nice. We made soups one night, and one group was making a French Onion soup, and it had wine in it. They knew I wouldn't taste it. (and I don't even like french onion soup anyway) But, they set aside some for me before putting the wine in. I thought that was sweet of them to think of me and respect my belief. And I ate some, since they didn't put it in mine. Contrast that with an LDS friend who concerned me, when in my singles ward, he told me he cooked with alcohol. That really bothered me. We had linger longers and Break the Fasts, and he would bring his dutch oven and now I knew not to eat his food. I told my best friend and we both never ate what he brought after that. With the testimony I have, I just could not, in good conscience, have eaten any of that. My husband is the same way. I am glad of that and we raise our kids that way, and we don't give our family meds with alcohol. I have seen that Nyquil can have as much alcohol as a "drink" Certainly getting a child or an adult drunk in the name of illness is not something the Lord would approve of. Not saying an adult may necessarily get drunk, but I do think society, tv, has really downplayed the effects of alcohol, making it seem funny and the way people joke about it. Anyways, Satan wants people to think loosely of this. I know this may not seem related, but I just recently was reading a religious book about a man who had died and came back to life, and he shared his experience. It really puts things into perspective, like why should people toy around with these things, when they think it may be insignificant, but they don't realize how the spirit can withdraw, even if its a little bit, and any way, it just made me think. I imagine when the end comes for each of us, and life flashes before our eyes, we may wonder why we thought some things were ok and would we have changed some things. Don't know, just a thought.

It also concerns me that it looks like the Church was supporting one of the bills with a caution , while opposing another bill. I feel that marijuana is harmful and will have devastating effects if legalized, much like alcohol does.

I really wish we didn't have to live in a day and age where we have to deal with some of the issues we have to deal with, but yet there are some complex issues that do need to be handled and of course, we need to be a voice to do what the Lord would want us to do and do what is best for people and society. One of those issues has to do with medical marijuana. Looking at some of the things that are written in the legistlation do show that it seems to be more of supporting recreational marijuana use. Of course, there are some that are wanting it for relieving the pain of cancer and other health issues. There is concern in Utah and other places, I imagine, as well, that opiod use is at an all time high, and the problems it causes are of grave concern. Marijuana use, of course, carries with it grave concerns, as well. Especially to children and teens, that are still growing, it causes irreparable damage. It also can cause hallucinogens and passing out and other things, when not used appropriately. I would think it has been a substance that would generally be against the Word of Wisdom. At least, for most people, if not all. Any medication that is used under a competent physician's care is another matter entirely, but I do get concerned when I see a formerly illegal substance being brought in as a medicine , when it has been known as an illegal drug. In some ways, this can be a sign of the times, as evil may appear good. I know the Church has made mention of this issue. I am concerned about the loose language in what I have read about it being allowed to be grown for medicinal purposes by people who get it cleared with their doctor and how they just need to carry a card. How landlords can not exclude someone from having it on their premises and how it is going to make it harder for law enforcement to enforce the law as to determine what is a legal and safe environment for kids, etc. It can be closer to schools and churches than before, if this passes. It will be on the Nov. ballot in Utah, is my understanding. Their are, I guess 2 bills? One , the church has been , someone showed, cautious about, and the other they were more against, if I remember correctly. But I just think there could be better ways to deal with chronic pain. Also, I was reading up about how they can determine "safe" levels of THC in a person who is driving, and its not the same as alcohol. Marijuana tends to go to the brain more and can stay there for days or more, and its just not the same as in the blood like alcohol. It can be in the blood, but its different and will likely only target only certain groups of users or people, and may not be an effective way to pinpoint who is safe to drive. In other words, they really don't seem to have a way to determine that yet. I just think that , it is sad that there is chronic pain, but I really don't know if it is really necessary to go this route to relieve this pain. It seems to go against what is morally right and there are so many other meds, non meds, therapies, and other ways to address pain , without giving recreational marijuana users more leeway, which I think may just be opening the door more for Satan and his minions. The more wicked this world gets, the worse off for families, society, etc. The devil is so cunning. We need to be able to feel the Holy Spirit. I just really am concerned about how worse off people will be if this passes. I'm afraid it will do more harm than good.

I don't know all the things about cloning. I do think that life is sacred . There may be a place for it, as a scientific miracle. But I know that hundreds of embryos die in an attempt to find one that works. And sometimes the one that starts to work, doesn't work perfectly. As in the case of trying to bring back an extinct animal back to life, the animal was born, and lived 7 minutes, and died. One of the professionals said about cloning humans, that that may be a very hard thing to do. Dolly the sheep, lived 6 years. The kind of breed she was could have lived 11 years. Of course she had to be living in a facility, and not as a regular sheep would. As of 2016, she had 4 clones that have been alive for 9 years, I don't know if they are alive now. Last year, I guess there were 2 monkeys cloned, using stem cells, the first primates, I guess. Anyways, I think there is so much money used for this and so many embryos die in this research. I don't know. In some ways, it can be beneficial. But it seems like a high cost. Also, there is the need to keep life sacred. There are so many different things to consider.

Goodness! I feel for you! Sounds like you really have been given an unjust turn. It reminds me of a situation many years ago my husband and I encountered regarding something entirely different, but the same kind of idea. It had to do with "raising children" Suffice it to say, someone was making a "mountain out of a molehile", so to speak, and we had to deal with it, even though we shouldn't have had to , at least not the the extent the other person was trying to make it out to be, but we found, that even though we knew we weren't in the wrong, and even though it took considerable more time and patience on our part then we really wanted to give, we had to be willing to show that patient, humble side of ourselves. Even if you know what to do, sometimes you have to act or become more humble or like you don't know anything, I guess, but anyways, I feel for you. Maybe if the lady texts again, just ignore the texts, so there isn't any misunderstandings, you probably don't even need to be told that. And of course, you would rather be at church, and if you could instead of work, and still provide , you willl. Maybe pray about finding some peace through this, even though the situation at home with your bishop/uncle is strained. Totally unfair for him to do that, but sooner or later, if not already, the still small voice has let him know or will let him know that what he did was wrong. Trying to be kind or stay out of his way, if your hurt, may help for now. Pray for strength to get through this trial. Pray that the Stake Pres will understand. You can help the Stake Pres understand the situation. Just try , of course, to not share anything that may come across as petty. Let him know that you honor bishops, in general, the priesthood, that you have a testimony. That you have a desire to be at church. You may want to share any ideas or times you do go to church or sacrifice to be at church, vs when you had to work those 3 weeks. You can share your concern that you hadn't expected , if this is the case, this woman to text you, and you were just being polite to answer, that you have no intention of answering anymore of her texts and that you are sorry it brought concern to her spouse and that your afraid her spouse may have thought it was more than it was and you meant nothing by it. You can share that , if there are any examples how you have been fair to sustain your bishop, how you have, but that he is your uncle and share those concerns you have and that your afraid that may have led to him taking your recommend away , even though , you could tell him, under normal circumstances, he probably woudn't do that. You might want to , in order to show you are really fair, say, you may not know his real reason, but you do live with him, and just see that he may have a , I don't know if bias is the right word, but it may be harder for him to be fair with then with someone else, but that you think probably with others, it wouldn't be a problem , if they came in for a similiar situation. Tell him, your not trying to undermine his inspiration or counsel of the Lord, but that you just feel you are innocent, if this is the case, and can't see the need for the removal of your recommend. That you are supposed to be getting married and you may want to tell him how you have been keeping yourself worthy of this blessing, even long before these things happened. Just go in prayerfully and fasting, if you don't have a medical condition or reason that prevents you from doing so, and you are likely to get a much fairer reception. He may need to look into the matter, but at least you will be showing him that you truly are worthy and he can see that the bishop, not you, is in error. Then you keep praying, until he resolves it, and either right then or as soon as possible, your reccommend will be restored and you and your sweetheart will be sealed in the temple for time and all eternity.

What temple was the previous work done at? Maybe call the temple, explain the situation, and put a "stop" on it, if possible.

I am not familiar with what happened, but I don't know why Starbucks is being given so much attention on an LDS site, since it is mainly about coffee, and LDS do not drink coffee. Even though they may offer hot cocoa, I don't feel it would be appropriate for a Latter-day Saint to enter a Star bucks. If they were striving to be vailant and temple worthy and avoid the appearance of evil. Giving business to a place like that just helps coffee sales. We want to eliminate those kinds of things, not support them. I think of course, every one should be treated right, there should be no racial bias, if this is the case, but we should be focusing more on those things that will build up the kingdom of God. For instance, and I don't mean for this to be taken the wrong way, but it would be I think better to support those causes that are supporting what God is doing. And give more attention to them. The spirit can not become stronger in our lives, in our children's lives, in this world and we cannot be prepared for the Savior's coming unless we are willing to be better at forsaking the things of this world and replacing them with the things of heaven. It reminds me of a comment a friend made once. He had served a mission, and of course, as a missionary, you are so much closer to the Spirit (but shouldn't we all be?) And he said one time he and his companion had to make a phone call. They found themselves in a circumstance where they hadn't I guess another option. I can't remember what the problem was. The only place nearby was a bar. They ofcourse didn't want to go in, but went in to just make the phone call. He said that he has never felt the Spirit leave so dramatically before. They made the call and promptly left. They felt the Spirit afterwards. I think sometimes we don't realize what we have and how much we need it. And how much the world needs it. We need to shine our light.

I guess that is true. Does the Lord ever hold it against you if you do not have a calling for a long time? Can it ever be considered a sin of omission? I do my ministering, but could I be considered slothful for not saying anything or does the Lord think that maybe I just have enough on my plate right now? Of course, I know others have plenty on their plate with callings too and sometimes I feel a little guilty. But then I do think its good I can have the opportunities I do and keep my stress level down. Not that that is a big deal though