This might be long, so bravo if you take the time read it. Hopefully it wont be too bad.
Im currently having mixed emotions about the church. I was baptized, my dad was lds but he is no longer an active member. I have always been a very faithful person, following th commandments and the word of wisdom, praying before bed and reading my scriptures.
But recently, when I think about church, I feel this overwhelming feeling of guilt. Becuse I know Ive done something wrong (that I cant share). I cannot bring myself to talk to the bishop, and I know i never will.
I have been told that this feeling is a good thing, but I am having some mixed emotions from it. I feel like I am not good enough for God. That I am not the perfect Molly Mormon everyone wants me to be. This sin I have commited has beeen told to be okay to by everyone outside the church. I really just want to start over. This feeling is giving me depression, and I feel like I am just pulling further and further away from the church.
And dont try to tell me I CAN go to my bishop, because I am telling you now that it is not going to happen.
Some doubt also comes from just that. I thought God could personally forgive us, so why make us suffer and talk to the bishop?
I know Satan has come over me. He is winning, and Im trying so hard to push through but I just cant anymore.
I feel like I will never fit in with the church and never belong since this sin.
So maybe I dont belong. Maybe I should just leave. Because I feel like now, celestial glory is not possible for me.