I met my wife in a singles ward and I married her in the church due to lack of worthiness. She was a young woman of nineteen when we started dating, and never lived the church lifestyle as an adult. From everything I heard she was gung ho in her teens.
I am seven years older. Now thirty three.
We have no kids, but last year she got a dog.
She said doggy would make her feel better, and that made me very sad because she didn't need the Holy Ghost but she needed a dog.
Her parents were abusive when she was a kid.
I met up with missionaries about three years ago and started to feel the spirit and go to church for about a month.
I felt more at peace in the faith than ever before. She said the whole bit made her uncomfortable, and one day she told me there was no way she could ever see herself becoming active again.
That was the worst day of my life.
I had a habit of drinking vodka and smoking a lot of grass for most of our marriage.
I was a jerk at times, but she could be pretty rough on me, too.
I still love her to death, and she always tells me I mean everything to her and she loves me. I don't think she knows how disappointed I feel. Even though I really love her, I drastically narrowed my dating pool to find a member to marry.
I just thought that eventually I would iron out my mental health and we would be in church and feeling the spirit together. I thought the spirit confirmed to me that even though we weren't married in the temple, I was doing the right thing.
Wondering if I imagined that.
Eventually she told me she took her name off of church rolls. That hurt but was more expected.
We have moved to a new community, and I am hoping to get into the ward, but I am very scared to roll up to the church without a job, and with a recent arrest for driving under the influence of marijuana and carrying a gun while intoxicated.
My license is about to be suspended for six months and although I am a respected songwriter, I have no job prospects or education. She is working a job in a bottling plant, and I feel pretty bad about everything. I may never make a cent off of music. And it just got harder to get hired.
I have a lot of social anxiety.
I want to rebaptize her, but my gut feeling is that it isn't likely to ever happen.
She wants to have kids with me.
Signed up for the forum just to get this off my chest. Thanks.