Hi all!
I've been married to my husband, and best friend, for 20+ years. The majority of these years he's been plagued by a pornography/sex addiction. In the beginning I tried to be supportive, I asked what I could do to help, etc., He said he'd get control of it himself. Little did I know, it was not something he could take care of himself. His addiction grew from viewing pornography occasionally, to viewing it daily, to eventually committing adultery with numerous women over the course of about 5 years. After I discovered this ( I honestly think he would have taken the secret to his grave) I became angry and separated from him. We have 4 kids, and I knew they needed their Dad, so I agreed to work on things, if he would get into intensive therapy. Well, he did! Yay! Things were looking up, and I was able to forgive and forget and we moved forward.
Fast forward 7 years....things are getting bad again. He's having "slips" more often, and instead of being transparent with me, he hides it. I'm terrified. I put so much into getting this marriage "back up and running" and I feel like he's throwing it all away. I'm starting to fall into a depression, knowing I will NEVER be enough for the man I love. I try so hard every day to make him feel like #1-- I text him "love messages" throughout the day, give him my undivided attention when we're together, we go on weekly date nights, I fulfill his needs in the bedroom, but it will never be enough. He tells me I'm beautiful, but I no longer believe him. I'm sad, and I don't know where to go from here. He could get into therapy again, but we paid hundreds/thousands of dollars for therapy over the course of 3-4 years, and if he won't use the tools they taught him, it's useless anyway.
Should I just end things?