Me too

I totally believe sex can have a HUGE effect on spirituality. Maybe not in every situation but generally I'd say yes

Mormonmom, Mormonmom, or any mom for that matter. If this advice was followed I can't tell you how happy your husband would be. This is exactly what my wish list is for my marriage.

Take the initiative and court him. While you are out having fun, tell him how much you miss it when he courted you. Tell him how it made you feel. I know for me, I don't feel comfortable calling the young women in my ward to babysit. This for me is one of the obstacles for me taking out my wife. Like it or not, your husband has feelings too and needs to be courted.

Totally agree with everything you've said. It's not in our culture but yes, men have feelings too and women should court their husbands too. Sorry I'm venting now.

And I bet she reciprocates...... Easy to love someone who loves you back. It gets real old when the other spouse makes you feel like you are being taken for granted. I'm going to read into this heart wall topic. Does anyone know a good counselor who specializes in this in Salt Lake City? The way I see this is, I'm only getting older and if it's not going to work then as painful as it is, I'd rather get the inevitable (divorce) done with and find happiness. Marriage issues are the worst, they effect, work, social life, etc. I literally just got asked to be the EQP in my ward (ironic right, they call the guy who is a hot mess), and I just can't handle everything coming at me right now.

You need to get out now. Your post above scares me. I feel for both of you.

Honest question #1. What are his concerns? Question #2. What are you doing to fix his concerns in the marriage. A marriage is not living with someone but for someone. Let's start here.

Wow, this site is awesome as this is the only place I feel comfortable opening up fully. I'm 11 yrs into my marriage and have 3 kids, and have had a lot of marriage problems. Curious, how do folks on hear solve their marriage issues. Do you talk weekly at a set time, nightly, some type of companionship inventory like the mission?

So I get what you are saying in that they can maybe make it work, but being the husband of a similar situation where my wife told me she didn't truely love me 2 month into our marriage, I can say I truely envy marriages that have it easier. I know what your thinking, but I believe COMPATIBILITY is a real thing (I feel like those that disagree probably have reasonably good compatibility with their spouse and just don't understand this).. We each come to our marriages with different principal beliefs/perferrances (outside of lds beliefs) , character traits etc. sometimes people come to a marriage and are in sync and have a lot of common ground. For many others (particularly in a culture when marrying young and quickly is often times encouraged/acceptable by many) you realize post alter that they aren't very compatible. Certainly you can tough it out and make it work but I wonder if sometimes finding a more compatible spouse is a better option. I'm married now 11 yrs and have 3 kids. Even if I wanted out (which I don't; I'm a tough it out kinda guy), I would be committing financial suicide with alimony and child support (not to mention the scars divorce would potentially cause on my precious kids and wife which I still love regardless - so I stick it out). The options aren't great for me I feel. I struggle daily with the reality of my situation everyday which is my wife still is undecided and uncommitted and doesn't truely love me. This issue trickles into our intimate life (non existent), parenting, ability to perform at work, etc. i yearn for equality in marriage where both sides are equally committed to make it work. I know she isn't happy and it saddens me to see that. I feel like both spouses deserve happiness and if it's not with me than I'll be crushed but at the same time know it's for the best. I often ask myself if marriages are really supposed to be this hard? When I'm out on weekends and see happy couples, I wonder what it would be really like in a marriage when both spouses are in love (truely magical). Intimacy would be amazing; don't even truely know what that feels like 11 yrs into a marriage (it's crazy). We have other problems like conflict resolution so I can't really bring up or talk through issues easily which complicates the problem more. To the gal that is in this situation, whatever you do, just DECIDE ONCE AND FOR ALL and move on one way or the other. I hope the right decision for you personally is to stay and you can be happy/committed and enjoy a lovely marriage (I believe God wants this especially with kids involved), but if the decision is to divorce ends up being the right one for you, do so swiftly and put the poor man out of his misery and best of luck in finding a more compatible mate(I know the grass isn't always greener; but maybe sometimes it is right??? ). I truely wish you the best, just hope this gives you perspective from the other side of alter so to speak.

You have a tough situation. I think the worst thing to do is linger in doubt. Don't think for even a second that your husband doesn't know this secrete your holding. He feels it and is probably hurting inside. I do commend you for trying to fix the problem. I do think we each can self master our thoughts. Our thoughts lead to feelings. Love is a choice. Strive to master your thoughts. I don't know if divorce or not is a good solution for you or not, but I wish you my sincere best.

Holy crap your experience is almost mine verbatim. I literally feel your pain. I feel so cheated In my marriage. Hard to express my emotions. This issue has drastically affected our intimate married life as well and things are spiraling for the worse slowly. It's tough to solve problems and get through issues when one side is uncommitted from the get go. I've read the advice from some on this thread but where I personally struggle is that a marriage shouldn't be this hard right? At what point do you start over? I hate that I have 3 boys now too, makes for minimal good choices. The advice was to try to make her love you but it just stinks that I'm married and have to worry about this (issues like this should have come out pre-alter). I fundamentally believe in more equality in a married and if one spouse is constantly trying to woo the other one over it really sucks the fun out of a marriage.

Redi2ride. I found your post about suppressing your sex drive very interesting. I too have had major issues with see in my marriage where my wife has no desire. Where I've struggled in my marriage is that I fundamentally feel that it is wrong for spouse (man/women) to withhold intimacy for periods just because they don't feel like it. I can get my head around the occasional I'm not feeling up to it but repeated withholding i feel is wrong. If that is a major concern, then that spouse owes it to the other to seek medical help. Good for you to suppress your drive and find a way to curb the tendencies but if you are having to do this because your wife simply doesn't want too, isn't that caving into a selfish spouse? I don't want to sound harsh or impatient but I struggle with this principally but also totally happy that it's working for you. Part of me struggles with this principally because I believe in more equality in marriage. Both spouses should learn that a marriage is not living with each other but living for each other. Imagine how beautiful a marriage would be if both lived for each other and we served and took care of each other's needs (this to me should be the end goal, right, not suppression). I just don't feel like cutting off all desire is fair. What I think many women don't understand from a mans perspective is that for many men, this is how they feel loved. A spouse with holding intamacy is effectively withholding love. Vise versa is true for a man not being patient, loving, and understanding, etc. My hope for my marriage is that my wife learns to love to serve me and fulfill my needs that I can't fulfill myself and that my love for serving her grows too. With all this said, God intended intimacy to be apart of marriage, and if a spouse wants to veer from this, they probably shouldn't have signed up for marriage in the first place or at least have expectations that they'll have a super fulfilling marriage because it probably won't be. Anything less leaves room for pornography, adultry, etc...