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Posts posted by KyleLD


    Background: I've been to many different Churches growing up and I have never wanted to make them a big part of my life. And that will probably never happen, probably. Who knows. However, I see nothing wrong with people who decide Church is for them.

    When I met my wife she hadn't been going to church for a few years and it didn't seem like she would go back. Before I got engaged to her, I asked her repeatedly if she wanted a temple/church wedding, and she'd say no. I'd ask her if she wanted to get sealed, she'd say no.  I'd ask her these repeatedly over the course of the next few months and it didn't seem like those were things she wanted. I wouldn't have been with her if she did because it wouldn't have been fair to me and it DEFINITELY wouldn't have been fair to her (for better or worse she knew that too).


    Fast forward about 2-3 years.

    Her brother dies in a car accident... and a week later she gives birth to our daughter, plus she's dealing with other temporary medical stuff. So a lot was and is going on... She started to see a counselor and she started to go back to Church, with my "blessing" (not that she needed it). It never even came to mind she would want to get sealed again. But a week ago (8months after her brother's death) she told me she wanted to get sealed and she had been thinking about it for 6 months or so. We had long talks about it. She wants to be with me and our daughter for all eternity. But I told her that if I went through with this and if I faked my way through it would be blasphemous. And I asked her (don't judge) but if God is real then how would they look upon or judge you knowing that you partook in something so blasphemous. Also, if I did fake it, I'd have to somehow convince everyone that I'm Mormon which would be very difficult since they know I question religion a lot (I don't judge it though). If you're asking if maybe I'll start believing if I go to church. Doubtful, I've been to Church(es). I know enough about the Mormon Church that makes me not want to be a part of it. Plus the God factor, I don't see how I can put faith in his existence unless God shows them self to me.

    During our conversations, she asked me if she should wait for me to possibly become a part of the church… I said no. We both know what that means, but neither of us will say it.


    Just FYI...

    Her stepmom has flight benefits for her and I'm in the military. So, in the last 8 months, she's been going back home a lot and I can't go with her. It's been hard, especially on Christmas and New Year's when she was gone for so long. But it's good for her to be with her family. It seems like it's helping anyway.



    I plan on going to church with her the next time she goes which will be the following Sunday and not tomorrow. Not to start actually going to Church but just to go with her and see how she is there (And I'm going to tell her that too). This doesn't mean we're going to stay together and we're probably going to get a divorce this year even though we both still love each other. She just wants something that her and I both know I can't give her.

    My military contract ends at the end of this year. I'm thinking we should stay together until my contract ends or at least close to it ending. This will give her time to use my medical benefits and not worry about money or getting a job until the end of the year. Plus it'll give me more time with my daughter (even though she travels with my wife). And I won't have to worry about moving twice within 1 year. There's just a lot of benefits for both of us to stay married until the end of the year, even if that means she's lives back in our home state for most of it.


    When should I talk to her about getting a divorce?
    When should we stop acting like a couple?
    When should we stop having sex?
    When should we stop sleeping in the same bed?
    Should she move back to our home state before I do?


    Whether you have anything good, bad or nothing to say, it's good to have gotten all this off my chest.


    Update 5/5/2018:

    Let me say this straight, outright. I DID NOT WANT A DIVORCE, I DID NOT ASK FOR A DIVORCE. Church is a good thing for her!! We talked in January about this whole sealing thing, I showed her this post, a lot of people in this post taught her something and she changed her mind and didn't want a divorce. In early March we went to my sister's wedding and my wife got drunk and REALLY cried over her brother (finally, it was long overdue). The next morning she said she didn't want to go to church anymore. I responded with "You need to go one last time to see if you really don't want to go anymore". The following Sunday she went and everything changed, she seemed more interested than before. Which was good, it seemed to help with her grieving. 

    Toward the end of March when we've been back at my duty station, she realized once again she wanted a divorce. Long story short, she's been in Arizona for a little over a month now and we're going to start the divorce process soon.