TheLizardofOZ

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  1. TheLizardofOZ

    Help with a proposal

    @Sunday21 It's in Fort Lauderdale
  2. Hi everyone, I was hoping to get some advice from you all here. Long story short, I’m heading back to the U.S. to propose to my girlfriend. I am trying to think of some proposal ideas that have a personal touch as well as being kind of extravagant. So, if anyone can help with suggestions that would be great. I’ll be leaving about the 20/3 and will hopefully have an answer within the week. There is a chance she may not accept; although I have been praying about it for months and I feel the Spirit pushing me to go. So here I go ? M
  3. TheLizardofOZ

    Going through an incredibly difficult trial.

    Hey mate, Thanks for that Yeah, I'm not making any decisions out of fear. I've had some really great advice from a lot of people both in and out of the church and I know what I have to do now. Your advice is exactly what I'm putting all of my effort into right now. I've got my move to Toronto to prepare for so I'm putting a lot of my focus into that and my spiritual studies. And as an added bit of info; the letter of apology from my ex arrived a few days ago. So now that I've sent a copy off to (T), I've done everything I can to clear my name. So at least that stress has gone. My Elder's Chorum President gave me some advice as well a few days ago, which was more direct than other advice? He said to re-read the Book of Mormon twice through, and then go and bare my testimony to her. To feel the Spirit and just show her that. Personally, I think that's some of the best advice I've received. It's something that I'm working towards. Thanks for the reply and hope you're all doing well. Kindest Regards, (M)
  4. TheLizardofOZ

    Going through an incredibly difficult trial.

    Hi mate, Really appreciate the advice. Just on the text note, I actually did ask: ".Hi (T) I hope you're having a great day/evening. I would love to call you this week on Valentine's Day. It's been a while since we last spoke and would love to hear from you. I hope you're doing well. Love (M)." That's what I wrote to her in the message. On the note of listening to advice; Obviously mum wants me to go on over and surprise her. Actually she wants me to go and propose to her. Put everything out there and do a really romantic sort of thing. Which is something I would personally love to do.
  5. TheLizardofOZ

    Going through an incredibly difficult trial.

    Hey there, Yes they were "serious". My ex (C) basically claimed I was still in a relationship with her. I've managed to get together enough proof and stuff proving otherwise, as well as a written letter of apology from my ex. I know it's a difficult situation but I didn't do anything wrong so it's been hard going through it. On the flip side; I've sent her a text message today, saying that I'd love to call her on Valentine's Day. Also I've been giving a lot of thought to the idea of heading back over for a weekend within the next week and taking her out on a date. My mother has lent her opinion and said I should just go and propose but I'm still trying to work out exactly how I feel about that. I know I'm ready for that, but that's not all there is to asking.
  6. TheLizardofOZ

    Going through an incredibly difficult trial.

    That's pretty crazy. Something I learned from this whole situation is that my girlfriend trusts me (her words) but it's still a difficult process for her. I just know that I haven't done anything wrong and I've done all I can to prove that ^^
  7. TheLizardofOZ

    Going through an incredibly difficult trial.

    Just to add, if anyone was interested and because I forgot earlier; here is the gift I made for her on Valentine's Day.
  8. TheLizardofOZ

    Going through an incredibly difficult trial.

    Hi, Thanks. I'll look at doing something like that. I appreciate the advice and time you've taken. Hi, Yeah sorry, my writing was a bit all over the place. The reason is because she hasn't been in a situation like this before and I was literally a day or two away from proposing. I guess it just created some doubt. Not to mention she had just moved halfway across the country and was still trying to adjust. Nothing that my ex claimed was true. And while I have cleared up my name (as much as possible) I'm still waiting on a "letter of apology" to be delivered to my lawyer from my ex. I have been assured it will arrive either this week or early next week at the latest. I'm not sure why she has taken so long with this healing process; but I know all of us are different and we process things differently. I personally wasn't in a good place when I visited so I don't believe that helped the situation. From a logical perspective, it doesn't make sense to me either. But I love her and trust her, and I want what's best for her. I'm sure that she has been doing everything she can to help get her thoughts clear. But yes. I agree, I don't understand why the words of a nutcase ex have caused this much impact.
  9. TheLizardofOZ

    Going through an incredibly difficult trial.

    Hey Mate, I personally think you are right. Most of the "holding back" thoughts are related to my logical side telling me that I shouldn't risk it. But when I pray and talk about my feelings and listen to the spirit, I keep feeling like I should be doing something more. I understand that this isn't a "black & white" breakup, so the advice from the websites is to be taken with a grain of salt; I just really don't want to come across as "clingy" because that's not who I am. Regarding my self healing, I'm honestly impressed with myself. I have completely turned myself around and have been more active in the church, new job, organised my visa to move to Canada and have a healthy savings pile again. At the very least, the self reliance that had been taken from me in the months leading up has been restored even better than what it was before. I'm going to call her, but I still want to wait for Valentine's day. I've organised her favorite flowers to be delivered to her work, along with balloons; as well as hand made a gift for her (See below). I know that I'm having a bit of anxiety about it and just want to call her right now, but do you think that it's best to wait until Valentine's Day like I've been thinking about? What's your opinion? The other opinion I've had from my mother/parents has been to just fly over for a weekend and propose to her. Do something super romantic like out of a romantic comedy. I'm not sure if that would be the best option, but I do like the idea of flying over and taking her out on a date? Just showing her that I'm willing to travel all the way from Australia to the US just to take her out on a date I feel would be a really nice thing. Thanks a lot, you've been giving me some great advice.
  10. TheLizardofOZ

    Going through an incredibly difficult trial.

    Hi mate, No I completely understand. The issue is that I know she took a big hit from all the terrible garbage that was dumped on us by my ex; and while I have that part of myself that is literally screaming at me to call her right now, I worry that if I contact her too quickly, that she might not have had enough time to heal so to speak. A lot of dating websites and people have said it's best to wait 3-4 weeks before directly contacting her. I have been sending her handwritten letters once a week, as well as a hand made Valentine's Day gift that I made for her which I sent the week just gone. On the flip side my mother (who isn't a member of the church) has suggested just going back there and proposing to her. In sort of a really far out romantic gesture. I personally like the idea, as I know my girlfriend is a sucker for those sorts of things. But before I commit to a plan of that nature, I want to at least have an idea of how she feels towards me. Before I left, she said that she wanted to be together, and that I should fight for her if that's what I wanted. I asked her the same question and she said that she wanted that as well. Basically, I want her to have time to heal; but I know she is the one for me, based on all of the prayer that I have committed myself to over the past year and a bit. I don't want to come on too strong and make her uncomfortable (like being clingy or something) but I personally believe that I should listen to my heart and the spirit; which is what my bishop, elder's chorum president and even the stake president have said to me. Thanks a lot, I appreciate the honesty. I prefer honest opinions over sugar coated ones. Kindest regards, M
  11. TheLizardofOZ

    Going through an incredibly difficult trial.

    Thank you LiterateParakeet. That's a great help and comforting to hear. I am definitely being patient and want her to have the space & time she needs. I still would like to call her later this week and wish her well for Valentines Day; as I promised that I would fight for her and I want to show her that I still feel the same way. But as has been said, there will be no pressure. Thank you.
  12. TheLizardofOZ

    Going through an incredibly difficult trial.

    I know she honestly saw me at my best and worst on more than one occasion and it was always supportive. Haha thanks I don't expect a magical answer, just some guidance I guess? I've never once had any doubts about her and still don't. I'm just trying my best to fight for her because to me, she's worth all the effort in the world. Hey mate, Funny thing is, I didn't tell her. My ex (C) tracked me down through Facebook (new/private account) and got all the contact information from there. Thank you for the advice. Obviously I would hate to put pressure on her, which is one of the reasons Ive been apprehensive about contacting her. I don't want to do nothing and wish I had but I also don't want to be overbearing. I want her to have the space she needs because her happiness is what's most important. My therapist that has been helping me says that I deserve to at least have my voice heard. Many in the church have said that I should continue to show her how much she means to me and grow spiritually. I personally agree with this. In any case. If I contact her, it will be this week. Thank you for your time and advice.
  13. TheLizardofOZ

    Going through an incredibly difficult trial.

    Thank you Jane Doe, In all honesty the distance never caused any problems. Everything was perfect until my ex (C) made her spiteful attack. I can easily say that during this time I've been continuing to get more involved in the church and activities. It has been helpful. The part I've been struggling with the most is the uncertainty. I want her to take the time for herself, but I'm unsure if I should make the first move to contact her. It has been about 3.5 weeks since I've had any correspondence from her. I made the effort and sent her a hand made gift to her for Valentines Day next week, and I want to call her and wish her well. I'm just unsure if I should or not. It's very difficult for me and despite the fact that I've been I've been attentive, devoted and hard-working over the past two years, I feel as if none of those actions are being valued during this period. Again, thank you for the advice.
  14. TheLizardofOZ

    Going through an incredibly difficult trial.

    Hi guys, Sorry maybe it was a little unclear, but the toxic person is not my current girlfriend but my ex from Australia. I did not join the church for her, that was a decision I made on my own. My current girlfriend is amazing, I just have been having difficulty processing the hard time I've been going through. Tldr: my ex girlfriend (C) caused the damage to me and my current girlfriend (T). And thank you Jane Doe. Any other advice?
  15. Hi, I'm new here but I thought that perhaps someone out there would be able to share some advice on a difficult trial I'm currently going through. It's a long story; It began when I first met my girlfriend who lived in Utah while I lived in Australia. I met her through the internet while looking for someone to help me with a project I was working on. Over the months of working together and I talking every day we confessed our feelings towards each other and we're together since. I wasn't a member at the time but I was investigating after she shared some information about the church with me. It got to the mid year and I decided to head over to Utah to meet her in person. It was even better than I hoped it could be. My trip was cut short due to a family medical emergency but I knew that I would be back. Sure enough, come the end of the year, I was back in Utah and stayed for a few months this time. It was the best Christmas I've had. I was baptised in the church and the happiest I had been in a long, long time. I knew after much prayer, reading and discussion, that she was the one I wanted to spend eternity with. During the course of 2017, I worked hard to set myself up in order to make that goal a reality. Unfortunately I lost my job a few weeks before my intended leaving date. Immediately following that I lost the majority of my savings. Despite these difficulties, I persevered and headed back to the US with the intention of asking her to marry me. During the course of the visit, I became depressed at my personal situation as it suddenly hit me that I had lost nearly all of the finances I had. This affected my attitude and I was often quiet and spaced out. It put a great deal of pressure on my girlfriend and I was not fully aware of it. It gets worse though; come the new year, my ex-girlfriend contacted my girlfriend and her family and proceeded to spend the next few days slandering me with the full intention of causing me great pain. I won't go into the exact specifics here, but suffice to say they were ridiculous lies and incredibly hurtful. What's happened now is my girlfriend is trying to work through this situation herself, giving herself space. I've returned to Australia to clear my name (which has been positive) and to organise myself. It's been incredibly hard for me emotionally for the past month. I've lost the most important person in my life and it is just killing me. She asked me to fight for her and be worthy of her. I know there's still a chance for us but I am just barely hanging on right now. If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. I'm happy to provide more detail if needed. Thank you for your time. Kindest regards, M.