[New-ish Member, Considering Marriage]

13 hours ago, DoctorLemon said:

Congratulations on the relationship!

I think talking marriage after six weeks is fine - that is the end goal of LDS dating, after all.  As far as actually getting engaged?  I would personally probably date a little longer before proposing.  Remember, this is a forever commitment!  It wouldn't hurt to get to know this woman a little better first! 

 

I think you mean "know this man.."  We're not actually getting engaged RIGHT NOW. We've set the timeline as probably in another 3-6 months. Although there are some who think we should bite the bullet and pop the question now. We have limited the engagement to 6 months purely because I have half my family on the other side of the world and we'd like to give them a chance to put money together to fly over.  

I like the idea of pre-marital counselling though and I think this will help certain friends and family feel better

I really appreciate your input and sharing yours and your wife's timeline

[New-ish Member, Considering Marriage]

13 hours ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Nothing, 25 is very young to get married. Have you graduated college? Do you have a real job?

I know that many on this board will tell you that those items are optional, but you should think about accomplishing some of life's goals before you pop the question.  If this is the girl for you I recommend dating for at least a year before getting married.

I always considered myself pretty old-fashioned when it comes to marriage. Previously was of the mind that you should date a couple years, engaged for a year before marriage, but my plan was always to marry between 25 and 30. I don't think it's young at all. I think 18, 19, 20 is very young to marry, but not 25. Clearly my ideas around marriage have changed though.

I have nearly finished my degree. I work a job that requires qualifications. I've travelled to multiple countries, even moving to the other side of the world. I've even lived comfortably with 2 dependents while attending uni. We've agreed not to have kids straight away and instead want to do some travelling together, finish my degree and kickstart our careers. What's so wrong doing that together? 

What's ok about marrying at 26 and not 25? It is in fact just a number and I think if we've had all the right conversations and experiences, then 25 is just fine. 

For the record, I'm the woman.  And I appreciate your input. I realise my response may come across as an attack or defense, but it's not intended that way

[New-ish Member, Considering Marriage]

13 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

Don't rush.  Spend your time getting to know other and your families.  Make sure you discuss and understand each other deeply in terms of beliefs, lifestyle, cleanliness, money management, chore management, work-life balance, raising kids, number of kids, education etc.  Pre-martial counseling is a fantastic thing.  

Showing your family and friends how you've looked into things, done counseling, etc.  That will naturally alleviate their concerns that you are rushing things.  

I don't think we're rushing persay. We are spending lots of time with each others family and even arranging times for him to chat with my dad and brother overseas. We have discussed many of the topics you mentioned and regularly bring them back up to talk about them more. I'm definitely going to be insisting on pre-marital counselling. A couple others suggested as much, and I think it's a great idea.

[New-ish Member, Considering Marriage]

14 hours ago, Carborendum said:

Just make sure that it is based on shared values and goals.  Just because you're both LDS, does not guarantee that.  Just the disagreements we have on this board alone would testify to that....It doesn't matter what the answers are.  But your answers and his answers should line up.  If they do, then bless you both.  If not, then you might want to consider alternatives.

 

So very true! We started a practice early on of asking "Random Questions" in our texts and regular conversation. They can be anything from "What's your favourite food?" to "How many children do you want?" etc. So we've covered a lot of the topics you mentioned and we do align on most of the big stuff and a lot of the small stuff, and what we don't align on, so far, we've been very good about listening to the other perspective and taking it on board. However, I'm very grateful for new "Random Questions" to ask him.

[New-ish Member, Considering Marriage]

14 hours ago, zil said:

That seems like the best thing.

Perhaps another good thing would be to demonstrate maturity and responsibility (and benefit you and the person you're considering marrying) via one of those pre-marriage classes / counseling sessions / tools / whatevers which help you discuss things that too many don't think to discuss before marriage

Thank you! This sounds like great advice and I'll definitely follow it up

[New-ish Member, Considering Marriage]

So I'm 25 and joined the Church just over a year ago. I'm the first of my family, so a lot of my personal battles are getting these two worlds to mesh. 6 weeks ago I started dating another member and we've really struck it off. We're already talking about getting married to each other. Once upon a time, I would have run screaming from such a relationship, but now I'm not scared. Now it feels right. I know it's relatively common in the church for people to meet, date, and propose in 6 months or less (which I swore wasn't going to be me but well here we are...) but it's not common outside the Church. I'm already having nonmembers express their concern for me. What have you done in similar situations? What can I say to assuage their concerns?