Am7

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  1. Interesting concept. I like the idea of having to keep moving I think it's important. There is a book entitled "Satan: Prince of This World" by William Guy Carr. The author was a WWII commander and spent decades researching an answer to the questions, "why can't human beings live in peace?" and "why does God let bad things happen?" The answers he discovered were shocking. He reveals historical links to Luciferianism throughout the world over the centuries. He describes in detail the religion of those on Earth who worship Lucifer and do his bidding - our society has been structured by these people, and they plan to enslave the human race. I think the book should be required reading for all Christians, not just Mormons. You can find it online, I think the site was ThreeWorldWars.com, or you can buy it on Amazon. Or you can message me and I'll send you a copy via encrypted email. This book is only about 90 pages long and can be read by anyone in a short amount of time. If you're more studious, a book called "The Genisis Six Conspiracy: How Secret Societies and the Descendants of Giants Plant to Enslave Humankind" by Gary Wayne is another enlightening read on the subject. It's about how some of the angels that fell from heaven mated with the daughters of Cain and created an abominable race of giants. Just had to mention this because I saw this thread right away and felt I had to.
  2. Am7

    Arousal Addiction

    Thanks, but I have already been doing this for many months now. There's an online tool called Fortify Program that has a tracking thingy allowing you to do exactly this kind of thing. You mark your abstinent days as "victories", and other times as "setbacks", with the setbacks you note where it happened, what time, what device, what you were feeling, etc. Yeah, I agree that for the law of chastity to require total celibacy is kinda crazy, why not call it the law of celibacy if that's the case? I know it does teach against porn, and that is very wise. The pamphlets the missionaries gave me ("Law of Chastity" and "Strength of Youth") both have some truth on the subject, saying its a poison and ruins your sense of self-worth. No doubt about it, and there's lots of new science to validate what the church teaches on this, it's also part of that Fortify thing, in the video courses. Porn creates brain changes like that of a cocaine addict and worse. Maybe you're right about the stress trigger, I don't know. But considering there's not a whole lot of stress in my life immediately, I feel there could be something more to this equation. It's crazy, I'm reading a book called "Unshackled", by a woman who was raised in a satanic cult and endured decades of horrific ritual abuse and extreme torture. While I never had anything so bad in my life, so many of the recovery things she talks about after she had to deal with these things sound so familiar and relatable to me. She had amnesia about her traumas for years, and I wonder if there's something I can't see right now either. But I know that either way I have to deal with it just the same. I have been trying point A for years to no avail. I've tried B before and never last more than a few days, maybe a week. And like I said I've been doing C for a while too, it's helpful to see some victories. About the junk science about masturbation, good to know, I wasn't aware of all that. The threads I read in the chastity board didn't seem to mention that, everyone seems to be convinced that 100% celibacy is the only way to go. I have trouble believing parts of the gospel, as much as I hate to admit. I know that it's true overall and that the Savior lives and heavenly father is real but I just really have a hard time continuing to accept certain things, I don't know that I'll ever really be a completely faithful Mormon.
  3. Am7

    Arousal Addiction

    I've experienced this, too. I have a lot of nightmares and sometimes I'm being chased or consumed by demons. When I remember to cry out for Christ it all goes away. I can make the choice for a few days, sometimes longer. But eventually it becomes overwhelming. It consumes every thought of every second with no end. I can't do anything else. This might be the most worthless and insensitive piece of advice anyone has ever spoken. Anyone who has suffered trauma would never even think that's a normal thing to say. Sorry, Bednar. I never said that. I'm never getting married, so... Don't take it wrong, but you are clueless. Did I let myself get abused by a neighbor when I was under 10 years old? Or let myself be born into a dysfunctional family where I learned it wasn't okay to have feelings or speak up? Did I let myself suffer other things out of my control and not my fault that broke my mind that I won't mention? Not making excuses to avoid, just explaining. It's not always as simple as making a choice - some drug addicts use until they die even after spending years in rehab or prison or both. Some rape victims never trust again or never stop being promiscuous. I never said I thought He demands I be perfect. Thanks. Low self-esteem is a symptom of porn use, not a cause. I don't know what my trigger is, either, this is hard. I've been trying to figure it out for a long time, monitoring my setbacks for many months now, and out of all the options of feelings, 95% of the time it's just "other". Every now and then it comes from anger or stress, but nineteen times out of twenty I don't have any feelings I can notice at all. This might be because growing up I was taught not to have feelings and that my wants/needs don't matter. Supposedly therapy can help with this but I've done a lot of it both groups and one on one. This sounds good and is probably the best option, but it only helps for a time. I have goals. The biggest goal for the past X amount of years has been to get my own place again. I've made lots of progress but it always seems just out of reach. I have prayed every night for years for two things: 1) get my own place and 2) overcome this addiction. I have to admit I've seen some blessings, small amounts of progress here and there. But at the end of the day (or year) everything stays the same. And the majority of my time/energy is spent on these two things. I can't figure out exactly why I'm like this and have this problem, and I've never encountered a therapist who could help (and I've seen a few). I'm going to look for a new therapist soon, though. Not giving up, just trying to make things clear. Thanks for the replies, everyone. I was celibate all day yesterday but not today.
  4. Hi everyone, There are already some other threads on this topic but I thought I should create my own. I'm going to give as much background as I can in as few words as possible. I've been addicted to using porn as a sexual outlet for about 15 years now. I'm under the age of 30. I'm a convert, was baptized several years ago. I have gone through many resources that are supposed to help people with this - it's called sex/love/porn addiction, it takes various forms but it's not about the thing or even the sex as much as it's about the feeling of being aroused or excited and how this masks some other unwanted emotion. Here are some of the resources I've tried: Books like "The Porn Trap", written by two therapists. It includes a lot of helpful info. Attending SAA meetings when I lived close to a place there were meetings (now the nearest one is over 50 miles away from what I can tell, meaning I have to do these "online text" chat room meetings, which don't seem to help a lot) Attending regular one-on-one therapy with a Licensed Clinical Social Worker or Ph.D psychologist. My current therapist is a male Ph.D psychologist. I went through two female therapists, after telling them about this problem, they never looked at me the same and things just got too weird it wasn't helpful. Fortifyprogram.org. Fortify is a 12-week long online course with info and tools to help overcome porn addiction. It also includes a "battle tracker" that lets you record you setbacks and victories, a really helpful tool. Using parental controls on computers I use. For a long time, I had my parents make a password that I wouldn't know. This didn't even help because I found ways around it that wouldn't trigger the controls. What I do for work now requires unrestricted access and I work from home most of the time. Telling people - therapists and family, to be specific. Huge mistake. They only judge and humiliate you. It's like a big joke. Trying to "fill the void" with healthy activities - musical instrument, video games, exercise, etc. It helps for a while but then the urge always comes back. Reading the scriptures, praying, doing everything that any online LDS resource I could find said to do. Also read through a "strength of youth" pamphlet I got when I was investigating. I haven't told my bishop and I never will. I can't tell anyone who hasn't struggled with this themselves or anyone I have to see on a regular basis because they will never look at you the same and will always treat you differently. Don't tell me my bishop is special and won't do that. None of this has worked. I've never been celibate for more than a few days or weeks at a time since I was about 8 years old. I was abused as a child (not sexually, at least not to my memory), bullied relentlessly from elementary school all the way through high school and college. There's no church support group in my stake, I went to it and no one was there. Support groups don't help a lot because I never know what to say - same thing with individual therapy. I didn't realize the law of chastity commands total celibacy (i.e., no masturbation at all) until recently. I'm pretty sure I don't have the capacity to endure that, not in this lifetime. I'll get into law of chastity discussions in other threads. For now, I'm just curious about how people seek help with this. Twice in my life I "hit rock bottom", in this context meaning that my body gave out and lost its libido for months, leading to temporary insanity and mental/spiritual crisis. The second time, I learned how real Satan really is. It manifested itself unto me in various ways and was terrifying, maybe I'll get into that in another thread sometime too. This addiction has ruined a lot of my life, I have little self-esteem and that creates so many problems. It also contributes to depression, I'm diagnosed Bi-Polar, see a psychiatrist who happens to be LDS. I haven't told him directly although I've hinted at it, but my guess is he will just tell me to tell my bishop. Not sure what I'm looking for in responses here. I know there's nothing that can help me, I've tried so hard for so long. I know something bad happens if I die in this current state, I can't explain how, but it's worse than what the gospel describes as Telestial. This has already gotten to be a huge post so I'm gonna end it here. Thanks for reading.