Vin

I've typed out many replies to this, I'm just going to say that you should be more aware of the impact of your words and leave it there.

It actually saddens me that there seems to be a "standard". I'm a convert, I'm probably overweight, I'm 30+, I live with my parents and I'm in education - all of those things probably go against me, especially in the Mormon community which is odd when what they should be concerned with is my righteousness, morals and kindness. It just affirms what I think... when I made the decision to become Mormon, I basically decided that there is a 99% chance I'll never get married because even if I'm good enough spiritually, there are so many other standards I will never be able to reach.

I gave my first ever talk in sacrament meeting last Sunday. I've been a member for just over 3 months. I was terrified but I agreed. I felt so inadequate - never spoke in any church before, nothing from primary or youth to draw upon, I was scared I would say something wrong like someones title in the church or misinterpret some foundation belief or something. My talk was basically about me going to the temple for the first time and it took me ages to think about what to include. I prayed about it. Even then I felt what I had to say didn't hold much worth - 99% of the people in the room had more experience of the temple than me. Ultimately maybe it was boring to a lot of people who have been to the temple a million times. I hate public speaking - on the whole I'm not good at it. Having anxiety does not help. So I had to do a whole lot of praying about that also. I thought about jumping ship before sacrament meeting. I only had one point of reference from a conference talk to include so structurally.... not good. But I did it anyway. I spoke clearly, didn't go off track, didn't fumble over my words, I said everything and I didn't forget to say "in the name of Jesus Christ amen". Was it a masterpiece... probably not. But a few people told me afterwards they felt the spirit and they loved it.... maybe they have to say that because I'm new? lol My point is, we're all different... I had missionaries, a members of the bisphoric on hand if I needed any help or had any questions. They helped, gave me a few pointers... but I'm still just a normal member giving her first talk. Sometimes the battle and meaning is for the speaker more than the people listening. Honestly, if someone had come up to me afterwards and said "You did this wrong" or "that wrong".... I probably wouldn't want to speak again. So any coaching needs to be done carefully and considerately. Many people know the basics to giving a decent talk, but that doesn't mean they can apply them when standing in front of people.

I don't necessary have a success story to share but I do have mental illnesses myself. It's important to note that you can see and feel the difference in yourself but this isn't something you can easily pass on to someone else - especially perhaps someone you have hurt. It takes time. Mental illnesses are difficult enough to understand and come to terms with when your the one experiencing it so to be completely outside of one, I can only imagine its more difficult to grasp - but not impossible. Resources will be your friend - booklets, leaflets, websites, doctors for your wife gain information from. Let her ask questions and answer them honestly. Being married in the temple does not make your marriage immune to struggles - if one or both people do not make the effort (consciously or unconsciously) in the marriage then it will undoubtedly struggle. Pray, communicate your struggles with heavenly father, ask for his help and guidance. Listen. Read scriptures. Pray that your wife will understand and that you can help her do so. Take every little thing in this to the Lord.

I'm 32, single, woman. I live with my parents. I'm a geek too. Let me turn that question back to you... is there something wrong with me being this way? There is nothing wrong with your hobbies. If they don't interfere with your faith and you keeping the commandments, there is no problem. Everyone has different interests. To me the most important this no matter the hobbies is that if I say "I need help or I need you" that person is there. That is what I need to know. I don't need someone to entirely give up their hobbies for me, that's just selfish. However I do accept that over time in a relationship one might spend more time making memories with said person, leading to a natural reduction in time spent on their own specific hobbies. There is nothing wrong with collecting female characters... again faith and commandments. Be yourself. No-one can love you fully, if you are not fully yourself with them. I would like to address the "living with parents" issue that everyone and their own mother seems to have a negative opinion about. Like you I live with my parents, is it a turn off for guys? Probably some of them yes. But for those guys it's unlikely they have taken the time to get to know me properly and understand why I live with my parents. The short answer is that it is not practical for me to live on my own. Renting or buying a place is expensive for one person to do by themselves... sure I'd be maybe more appealing to more guys, but I'd be working more than than I actually lived there and just barely making ends meet... all for those guys who can't be bothered to get to know me in the first place based on the fact that I live with my parents. I pay my own bills, I'm not in debt, I'm in education, I make my own decisions... all of the things... but no-one will know that until they get to know me anyway. Even if I had my own place... for all they knew my parents could pay the rent, I could be in debt, I may not have anything in order in my life. By all means improve your life. I don't plan on living with my parents forever but a guy will just have to meet me where I'm at that time. Simple as that.

I think wanting your old life back and wanting to go on a mission.... starts with talking to your bishop, repenting and ending the relationship that you are in. Honestly, you won't be the same again and yes it is because you have sinned but also remember that in going through the repentance process properly.... you will change again, not back to how you were before but hopefully stronger, wiser and closer to God.

thank you @Sunday21

Please do share it. I don't know how practical doing any of those things are for me at the moment but I would like the extra information so I can at least consider it.

This is an interesting discussion for me as a convert. I'm too old to serve a mission (I think?) but I was always under the impression that if keeping covenants and having a testimony I could serve a mission regardless of my past. First off repentance, baptism and sacrament make us clean again and repentance also requires change and continuous effort. To rule out someone who has truly repented is harsh. The only other reason as I understand (I'm new so bare with!) is the worry that they need to be completely committed to being "clean" to enable them to follow the spirits guidance and speaking to people.

I think the simplest answer is to speak to the bishop to rule out any over sight, human error and just let them know your ready and willing. Then wait on the lord and ask him.

I tend to think pretty much the same - if you can't wait or that is sole reason your hurrying up to the married... something is wrong. However more than that, I personally would be worried about the fact that the two people in the relationship are not helping each other to hold up their commitments to heavenly father and instead are more being an encouragement to each other to abandon them. This is the person you are going to spend your life with and if you're going to keep on that narrow path, you need to support each other.

In terms of DNA (I've never seen the show you're talking about), I guess I would find it interesting but not interesting enough to go that much into it. I imagine if I met them, yes I would probably have a conversation maybe, a hand shake or a hug but to actually feel something I have to know someone. I can see however how someone looking in on a situation of me meeting someone and hugging them could conceive it as having a lot of emotion about it. I'm a new convert so in terms of family history - as far as I know thus far there is just me (might be others as I branch out more). The deceased family members that I actually know something about, even if I didn't get to meet them (e.g. my mum's parents died before I was born), I more easily get feelings for because even though its second hand knowledge, I know things about them, enough to know their character somewhat and also that means I have some idea about how they might take me being baptized in their place for them. The further I go back though, I find it harder. I can maybe find what job they did, if they lost any of their kids or if they were baptized but that's not much to go on. I don't know how far you are with your family history, but there's a guy in my ward he grew up mormon so finding names is probably more work. He was helping explain family history to me once and the importance of it, one of the things he is doing as part of family history is writing things down for his kids, about himself, family members, etc. So there is more connection and his own writings there for his kids to have rather than just documents. Perhaps this is something you could work on?

I plan on sticking around. There just might be gaps in me posting as I'm swamped with university work at the moment.

Well that escalated quickly whilst I was away! To clarify: I'm NOT Vin Diesel. Sorry if anyone is disappointed. I'm not in the slightest offended by someone suggesting a Vin Diesel avatar. I am female. Wine... how appropriate? Hmmm didn't even like or drink wine when I wasn't Mormon... so um... I am prone to being annoying when necessary.... (see avatar)

I think this often happens with sins in which you do not see the consequences of straight away or they are really in need of tuning into the holy spirit more. Unfortunately human's learn quicker by short term consequences, when people do not see these they find it difficult to see how something is bad for them. This is where trusting God comes in. We trust God often about good things coming but we also should trust about bad things coming as consequences to our behaviour. I've learnt it is so very important to have that trust and relationship with God to give commandments the fullness of their meaning/intent. Loving the Gospel and living the Gospel are two very different things that we strive every day to bring together.

I don't have any resources for you (I'm a new convert), but God sent us to earth to learn and have the free will to choose him for ourselves. In order to learn, we would face challenges and God knew we would mess up - each of us differently. He explained all this to us and we agreed to come to earth (well most of us). I have a testimony that God really does care - therefore he worried... a lot, even though he knew these steps were necessary for us to grow. He knew we would mess up, get hurt, make bad choices that would lead to consequences. Then Jesus stood up and said "I'll take all the sin, every single time they mess up, I will take it. I will also take every consequence, every tear, every bad emotion." Jesus had free will, just like the rest of us. But he chose to save us. Even when he was on earth when he could have chosen a different path, because it's not like he wasn't scared or concerned. I'm sorry that I don't have scriptures to quote you but try to keep in mind that it was his choice to do that for you, not just a destiny that he had no choice over at all.

I agree with what has already been said, but I also feel the question needs to be asked.... Do you trust him? Think about this, you do not need to answer here but do be honest with yourself. If the answer is no or even yes BUT... then its that trust that you need resolve. I don't know either of you but one of two things.... 1. He is not trust worthy or 2. You don't know him well enough to trust him (and he is trust worthy). People have given great advice above but I did want to point this out so you can address this issue.

Praying for you!

This isn't what you want to hear and I know that, however.... keep talking to professionals... both in the church and in the mental health sector until someone listens and someone takes you seriously! You KNOW that this is a real problem and you deserve real help. Perhaps finding a therapist or asking around (maybe someone on here will know?) for a recommended therapist specifically for this issue, that way you have more of a safety net. I don't think we can expect Bishops to understand completely everyone's issues as everyone is so different, however he should be compassionate, considerate, kind and if he does not have the capacity to help you himself then he should have resources to guide you towards. Furthermore this is a private matter and therefore should remain so. I know its hard when people seem to look at you differently, but put yourself first. Those people have their own sins that they are ashamed of I guarantee you that. I would also like to add how impressed I am at how many different things you have tried, you obviously really want to repent and leave this behind.

Thank you so much for the welcome!

I agree with what others have said. However I also think it's important to assure people that that RSP and the Bishop or indeed other members are the church are there to support them. Regarding depression (as a fellow sufferer), I would also like to add that confidentiality is appreciated however it's important to take note if a person seems to deteriorate and spot the signs. Enquire of their weekly activities - are they seeing anyone other than yourself every week? The small things will help you to decide when it is a good idea to inform others of the situation.

Hi everyone. I found this site a few days ago, I'm a fairly new convert so having another source of information to add to my belt is great!