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Posts posted by dddd

  1. 1 hour ago, anatess2 said:

    It's not even about whether it's your business or not, that's beside the point.  You should not get in the way of a person attending Sacrament Meeting regardless of the reason unless she's going to shoot up the ward or she's intending to disrupt Sacrament Meeting.  If going to Sacrament Meeting to meet guys is the reason she gets to attend Sacrament Meeting, then that's one way you can get someone to be in a position to be inspired by the Holy Ghost.  Trust the guys to know how to protect themselves from a cougar.

    It's not that she's inactive, she's an active member of the church. I wasn't suggesting she is not attending of her own free will. And it's not the guys I'm worried about, it's her. She already has tried dating someone and been pretty crushed when things went badly.

  2. Before you assume I'm horrible from the title, hear me out. Recently I was out with a friend and we ran into a friend of hers, who I guess used to be her nail tech. We invited her to sit and eat with us, and while we were and chatting I learned she is a convert to the church of a few years, divorcee of a few years, single mom, and looking to date men who are members. We started talking about dating as we are all single and I teased my friend that she never comes to the Young Single Adult Ward despite being in her 20's. This acquaintance says that she had never heard of singles wards before, and what a fun idea it is. I mention that they should come together sometime with me. The next week my friend puts all of us in a group chat and says we should go to church together. We carpool and this acquaintance really enjoys it, and says she is going to talk to her Bishop about transferring records. 

    However, here is the kicker. I knew she must be a little older as she has grade school aged children, and she mentioned she married young, but she has one of those faces that you can't really tell how old she is. But come to find out she is at least 42, and has a son who is 23! She told us that she does not have an interest in dating men her age, and wants to date guys who are like 25, and not really older. She has come to this singles ward several times, and each time she leaves her grade school age kids home to play video games without taking them to church. She also asked me to take her to FHE and young adult activities. I told her the singles wards are typically for people no older than 30, but she says she doesn't know where else to meet young guys. She says the YSA Bishop told her it would be fine to transfer her records, but I'm imagining he is assuming she is actually YSA age.

    My friend who has known her a lot longer, says she thinks she is definitely trying to reclaim her youth that she spent married to her former husband. But it's weird. She really is a sweet lady, and as someone who has gotten to know her the past couple weeks I can tell she has good intentions, but I definitely think someone telling her that she would be better off in a family ward should come from someone she knows instead of a stranger in the ward, or be offended. Is it even any of my business? She keeps contacting me to see if I'm going to church or if we can go to activities together. How would you handle this?

  3. 19 hours ago, MormonGator said:

    Agree, that was way off base. 

    Yes, maybe that was off base to paint a small canvas with a broad stroke, but obviously I don't think every single person on an online site is a creep, otherwise I wouldn't be on there or keep my profile up. But it is true that online dating facilitates hiding creepy status. Seems like I really touched a nerve with this one...

  4. 4 hours ago, carlimac said:

    the government“solution “ is to rip families apart.

    If this is someone's true thought, then logically they should also be opposed to letting migrants come here with children/spouses/other dependants in other countries. It disgusts me when people from any country leave their children or spouses, even if it is to get financial footing. My mission comp's dad moved to Canada to "better provide child support" and never came back. He was a recommend holder at the time. I also think if the church is going to question people about being a law abiding citizen before baptism, they should also question them in terms of how well they are fulfilling thier familial role. You can't fill your familial role if you choose to revoke vertain rsponsibilities in order to live in another country, or times even another state.

  5. 19 hours ago, Texan said:

    No, that's quite incorrect, and quite frankly I find it appalling that anyone could dismiss whole classes of people as failures or creeps, some of whom are honorable, lonely people who simply want human companionship.  Certainly the world of online dating is filled with strange and unsavory characters, but confusing the attributes of the part with the attributes of the whole is a terrible error in logic.

    I belong to a huge church and know hundreds of people.  Of all the people my age (late middle age) who have married or remarried in the last few years, I'd say half met their spouses online at Christian dating sites.  There's gold in them thar hills if you pan for it diligently.

    May I suggest that you change your bio to, "Online dating is for people who can't get dates in the real world, or can't conceal how much of a creep they are in the real world"?  If you're going to dismiss people with such a brutally wide brush, at least be honest about it.

    Ok, knowing 'hundreds' of people who have liked online dating doesn't discount the hundreds of experiences I have had Personally with online dating. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, bud. And yes, I was generalizing. Do I really think every single person online is a creep who can't get a date? No, and in fact I did even not say that! But it's true that online dating makes it easier to conceal creepiness, hence why creeps flock there. It sounds like you have no done much online dating, and are therefore unqualified to lecture me about the flaws in my perception of dating in the modern world.

  6. 5 hours ago, KScience said:


    Are there that many LDS dating sites that customers have a choice and can chose a rival with a better reputation?

    As a single sister I feel I should be more in the know.... I am obviously limiting my dating opportunities ;) 

    Honestly, I'm starting to realize that online dating is for people who can't get dates in the real world, or can't conceal how much of a creep they are in the real world. I'm having a much better dating experience not on online sites. I keep my profile active, but have just set my bio to say, "not on here much, if you see me in person dont be shy and say hi!" it's worked 🙂

  7. On 8/1/2019 at 9:22 AM, NightSG said:

    Well, after a few requests that folks not flood an ongoing breaking news post (with updates happening in the comments) on FB with posts of "prayers" (and worse: some actually type out their entire prayers in the posts) I finally gave up and posted the above Scripture, and now I'm being accused of "twisting the words of Christ to suit my preferences."

    Now I don't claim to have always been innocent of that, but this particular passage seems exceptionally clear to me: keep your prayers between you and God through Christ, and don't announce them to everyone. Am I missing some other interpretation?

    Honestly, it is about intention. If you do it to be seen of men, then YOU go ahead and stop. But you can't magically mind-read another's intentions from an internet post, bub. The thought I had about others saying that was it is to generate hope and foster a feeling of unity and support in otherwise powerless situations. And for me it achieves that. Remember Alma 34:17. When you shoot down others for praying and sending thoughts because you're being judgmental, you're no better than someone like AOC who condemns it because she hates religion/thinking.

  8. 22 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

    Most states have no-fault, I think.  When I use “uncontested”, I mean “there’s nothing the parties are fighting over”—they agree as to property distribution, alimony, child custody, etc.

    Frankly, I didn’t know any state still requires the parties to appear in person on an uncontested case.  Utah certainly doesn’t . . . But I probably spoke rashly in my previous post.

    Well you are actually right. I know for a fact this man is still having custody disputes. He told a separate friend of mine that it would be about the end of the year before his divorce would be final, and also told her his bishop gave him the ok to date. She actually arranged a visit with both of them and his Bishop to clear this up and this Bishop said no...he should not be dating. Big surprise there, this guy is BSing. I want to smack down hard but don't wnt to be the reason this guy leaves the church or whatever, like BS-ers are prone to do

  9. 18 hours ago, Just_A_Guy said:

    Be brutal.  Examples:

    ”In thirty words or less—what does ‘THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY” mean to you?”

    ”In thirty words or less—what does “I’M NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL” mean to you?”

    ”Do you actually wait until you’re bored with your wife before you start cheating; or do you commit adultery even when you think your marriage is going well?”

    This just happened to me today. A guy says his last court date is next week. What would be an appropriate way to respond to this?

  10. 5 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

    This is so true! Both on dating sites and in person! However, it does give you a lot of practice in saying, ‘No’. Church ladies need lots of practice in saying this golden word which becomes absolutely vital with each step that you take into the relationship. Get a copy of ‘For the strength of youth’ and keep it in your purse. You will probably have to hit someone over the head with it at some point! Maybe they should issue a heavier copy? 

    I guarantee you that you will be saying ‘No’ ‘No’ ‘No’ throughout the whole dating process. Actually ‘No, not till you are divorced’. Is the easiest ‘No’. The ‘But just come in for a moment while I find this very interesting Ensign article’ moments are trickier.

    Keep a journal! I promise that you will have enough material for a hysterical blog in at least six months. Let us know how it goes!

    By the way, some of the octopuses that I encountered went on to hold high positions in the stake. It is only by the grace of God, that I have avoided serving under bros who assured me that the LOC did not apply to them! Try to find it funny! We live in a small world and you will likely end up being friends with their wives and children.  



    I loved your sense of humor in this post, and do agree that they need to make a heavier strength of youth pamphlet! I carry around the mini ones and apparently that is not eno

  11. I have found, and I know girl friends of mine have found as well, that there are more married men of the church on church targeted online dating sites (or hitting on single girls on Facebook or instagram) than there should be. I am not really big into the online dating scene and already I have come across a handful. Some of them are "separated but just not finished with the divorce preceedings," some have not even started them. Some have been forthcoming. Some have not. The excuses would blow you away. I guess I was lucky I was raised to know that if you go through a divorce you don't date until after it's final. Guess not everyone was raised that way. What's a good way to let these men know that in unacceptable?

  12. On 5/10/2019 at 8:24 PM, Latter-Day Marriage said:


    That being said, someday you will be engaged to somebody, and you should tell them about it before the wedding.  For one reason, he needs to make the choice to marry you knowing your past.  Second, you need to know that he loves you warts and all.  You don't want to start a marriage on a lie of ommission and always wonder what will happen when he finds out.  Someday he will find out and it is better you tell him up front before the wedding then make him feel like you tricked him into marrying you.  Yes, he might leave you when you tell him like that other guy did, but that is better than a divorce, especially if kids are involved.

    Yep, that's how I got dumped a few days after he asked my parents for their permission to ask my hand in marriage. 

    So for that reason it's been really hard for me to warm up to people.

  13. 1 hour ago, Just_A_Guy said:

    Maybe, but you also marry the plans that person has made to satisfy the debt.  If one expectancy can change

    And if she deliberately shirks her responsibility*, why should he step up to his?

    Then you would communicate this expectation, no? A spouse would say, "Hey sweetie, I know you want to stay with the kids, but I think a wiser financial plan would be to keep working until we are clear of debt." or "This home seems like a gerat purchase, but just to be clear, you should probably keep working until it is paid off." or etc. 

    And the tit-for-tat thing, I just don't view that working in a marriage. It's 100-100 not 50-50 :\

  14. On 11/19/2018 at 2:49 PM, Just_A_Guy said:

    legal educations are horrendously expensive and I would venture to guess a) you have a boatload of student debt, b) you incurred it during the marriage, and c) you (or at least, HE) anticipated  that those loans would be repaid with *your* income.

    When you marry someone, you marry their debt too. He is just as responsible for it as she is.

  15. I'm a single young adult woman in the Church. I've been going through the repentance process for a while now, and recently made some choices that have hindered my progress. Because of this, my Bishop told me not to go to the temple for a while. Although these sins are not related to breaking the law of chastity or my interactions with men, he implied that I should not be dating. He said that if a man were in my position and brought a sister he was dating to meet him, he would tell her that he is "bad news." I'd been dating a guy I really like, and I feel we have a really healthy relationship. He asked me to be his girlfriend a while back and I said we should keep on getting to know each other, which we've been doing. But now with this counsel, I feel I need to be clear with what's going on. How can I say this to him? I don't feel like it's his business to know, and I don't have this level of trust established with him yet, especially since my ex boyfriend broke up with me when I confided it to him (even though he had a porn addiction, but whatever.) I still would like to make it known that I want to see if it would work out in the future.

  16. On 6/25/2018 at 7:45 AM, Sunday21 said:

    I hate to admit this but...my thoughts as well. 

    Ok first off Sunday, the REAL solution is not polygamy, but for the men to get their act up and get it together and BE ACTIVE AGAIN. Maybe, as active members, instead of ministering to lonely old women whose primary needs are simply social, we should minister to young men whose needs are 100% spiritual. So as to prevent these old maids from becoming old...and maids. And @FunkyTown that's kind of where my questions stems from. Better that a righteous woman find someone who will marry her where she can raise a righteous future generation than grow old only to be put on someone's rather pointless ministering list.