I have been a member of the Church for a year. I have a boyfriend, and sexual immorality has led to a lack of commitment, and I haven't attended church for weeks. But I still feel the Spirit, I still pray every day, and it guides me in making decisions, like it know when I'd feel comfortable, and gives me so much strength, and obviously I know that I have done wrong. But things are going really well, my boyfriend and I are happy, I got into the postgraduate program I wanted, and I got a scholarship (I don't know if that was because I've always paid my tithing).
A lot of members have asked me why I don't get endowed, but I would never do that in my situation. I am a Family History Consultant, and go to the temple a lot to do baptisms for the dead, I would take out a 6-week period before each temple visit, where I would have no unclean thoughts, focus on family history, prayers and reading my scriptures, and preparing for the temple, but that feels a bit arbitrary.
I don't feel like I can go my bishop, as if I get excommunicated I won't be able to do the work for my ancestors, and it is not their fault that I messed up. The thing is, if I had to choose between the Church and my boyfriend, I would choose my boyfriend, but I'd rather not have to choose. I really like the Church, and most things about it makes so much sense to me, gives me a warm feeling, and just feels right.
