Manners Matter

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Manners Matter last won the day on June 7 2021

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    The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

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  1. Just wanted to chime in and say that I'm sorry things are challenging right now. {hugs}
  2. Pass along the info and hope for expect the best outcome. (go into it with a positive mindset) If they don't take you seriously, that's on them and you did what you felt to do. If they try to boss you around, just set boundaries and ask that they be respected. Oh - also allow them the space to have changed/learned some things from the previous experience.
  3. What a breath of fresh air this was to read! Thank you for sharing. If only every ward/stake gave such consideration.
  4. Glad it has helped. More that has come to mind: have had that calling so many times/years, just not up to it again/another week (ie organ), had a bad experience with it in the past (ie yw pres), some people are very difficult to work with (things may look fine on the outside but the inner circle knows differently), dealing with a friend's unruly kids could ruin the friendship (nursery/primary/activity days/ym/yw) Sometimes there are valid reasons, other times excuses are at play but they feel justified because everyone's a volunteer. It might help to see how the 'no's' help you appreciate the 'yes's'/stayers a lot more and expressing it always and often can make a difference for all involved. Side note: How releases are handled matters. I know someone who felt they were 'fired' because they couldn't do as much as the previous person (different life circumstance, etc). I also know someone (convert) who went inactive because of how the release was handled. She loved her calling and was great at it (prim pres) and not only was she not ready to be released but it was handled very poorly. Also, it's not fair (for lack of a better word) when some get to stay in a preferred calling long past anyone else. It's also not cool when someone is left in year after year even though mistakes/disfunction abounds. I know timing can be overlooked with all the things that need juggling but others do notice. Anyway, just some things to keep in mind. All the best!
  5. Well, this puts a different spin on it. As to why someone would turn down a calling/ask to be released - moving (and may not be letting the cat out of the bag yet), health reasons they want to keep private, depression and/or anxiety (again - keeping quiet about it), struggling with infertility so nursery/primary not a good fit, dealing with spouse issues and never know when another shoe will drop (again - things people aren't aware of). A couple other examples - lack of confidence (ie primary music leader) and lack of support from the ward (choir director and no one shows up). Another reason I've heard - the outgoing person was so A+/loved, they can't possibly fill those shoes. That's all that's coming to mind right now but hope it helps a bit. Just thought of another one - not worthy but not ready to see the bishop (ie some callings would lead to being asked to give priesthood blessings more often, teaching a lesson on things you're struggling with would just feel off, etc). Also - spouse not happy with the time spent on the calling but they don't want to throw them under the bus or reveal they're not able to find balance/scale back to resolve the issue. Don't feel like they're doing a good enough job. Just remembered another reason I was told by someone I visit taught years ago - an older gentleman was told by his dr (non-member) that he should 'retire' from the stress (or something along those lines) so he did. He still went to church every week but that's it.
  6. I've served in various capacities over the years and have never felt over my head. As far as turning down callings - not technically. There have been a couple times they would 'feel me out' and I was honest so the official ask never happened (sometimes people assumed I'd be perfect for the spot because of my natural leadership and organizing skills and tenacity but a calling needs more than that). Looking back, I see where I made mistakes here and there but hopefully I've learned and won't repeat them and instead of being down on myself for the mistakes, I remind myself I did my best and my intentions were good. As far as advice, ask others who may have had the calling you've got? Also, part of the job of Stake leaders is to help where needed so utilize them. Also remember that callings do come to an end (this is especially for the ones you like less than others).
  7. Sometimes 'tough love' is charity.
  8. To abate the entitled attitude, etc - how about this: The more that is asked for/the higher the price - the fewer/less costly the gifts. The less they ask for/the more humble the request - the nicer the Christmas they're given.
  9. Well, for me - one year I opened a training bra. Another year a slip for under my skirts. (I'm younger than 50 btw) Kids should be given opportunities to learn to be gracious and thankful for what they receive even if it's not something fun or exciting.
  10. Not speaking for Traveler - but what came to my mind with his post is a request I saw on the tree a year or two ago was for a gaming system for an older teenager. At that age, they need to be working not getting addicted to video games so that gift request would actually be a bad thing and not a gift at all.
  11. The giving/angel tree used to be something I was happy to be a part of but some of the requests I've seen over the years (with various organizations) has soured my attitude. If there were guidelines, though, it would definitely help. My take: ~ I don't think it's a bad thing to teach kids that "competing with the Jones'" is not the goal - even at Christmas. ~ What harm is there in helping kids understand that they have it pretty good already and be grateful for it? (leading up to Christmas, read stories of those in South Africa who's toy is a push car they made out of wire from the dumpster or how the girls use their imaginations and 'play house' for their fun, or the kid in South America who is thrilled with a piece of string or the 'little house on the prairie' scenarios where they were thrilled with an orange and a few pieces of candy). The point being, first teach gratitude and perspective not encourage an entitled attitude. ~ Kids need to be taught the difference between needs and wants and that the first comes before the latter. ~ I like the idea of kids only receiving 3 gifts and that follows the read, need, want, wear idea (some of these should be coming from grandparents so only 1 gift is needed for them on the tree) ~ No request should exceed $5 per year of age. ~ If they want more expensive things, they can earn and save the money themselves. That's the best way for them to learn the value of a dollar and help them appreciate what they receive from others.
  12. My family hasn't done these but some ideas off the top of my head - before eating, everyone share something they're thankful for; someone read a quote/short story about gratitude; have a table set up with pens and thank you notes for people to use to write and mail/deliver to someone that has impacted them; everyone decorate a gratitude journal to take home; have a computer handy so people can check relative finder to see if there's any relation to the pilgrims; have everyone bring a can/box of food to be donated to the local food bank.
  13. This reminds me of something that occurred to me a couple years ago that I've never heard mentioned. The guidance to store 1 years supply for everyone in the house (and update it regularly) means that when a couple marries, each set of parents goes to the basement and gives a one year portion to the newlyweds. The new couple then has a year's supply of necessities that they only need to stash wherever they can find room. It may be a pain to tote around each time you move but it's better to have it then not. Has anyone ever heard of parents passing on part of what they've been storing as each kid leaves the nest?
  14. That is for the family to do, not the Church. As someone else stated, time for a family meeting.
  15. Write down whatever questions or concerns you have and be ready to write down the impressions you have about them while you listen.