Manners Matter

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About Manners Matter

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    The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

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  1. Oh, one other thing to keep in mind is that 'silence indicates acceptance'.
  2. If someone leaves the Church because you stood for what's right, that's totally on them so I'd call out every single one of 'em. It could be that other women are thinking the same thing but not speaking up but will once someone else does. If this happens enough, maybe these guys creeps will get the message. Furthermore, other decent guys might appreciate your guts/candor and might be interested because of it. With that said - some options for responses: - Let Church leaders do the talking for you. Find some quotes about dating before things are final and post them as needed. - You could say something along the lines of: Not only am I not interested in being a rebound girl, we obviously have very different standards as I don't believe in cheating. If you want a decent woman, you need to be a decent man so I suggest you delete your profile asap and come back here only after the ink has been dry for at least 6 months AND you've made a comprehensive list of what *you* did/didn't do that led to your failed marriage AND have started making changes to prevent it from happening again. Bye!
  3. Manners Matter

    I am not sure what to do

    Chiming in again because a couple more things came to mind (and your response confirms the need to share this). - You need to adjust your expectations. He's shown you what his strengths are (and what they're not) so expecting something else will only lead to frustration and disappointment. - Gratitude! Think it and share it - this will help shift your focus. - Happiness is a *choice*.
  4. Manners Matter

    I am not sure what to do

    "What you feed, grows". If you keep focusing on your discontent, guess what will happen? Aside from reading the book suggested above (check your library), also read "It's Just My Nature" by Carol Tuttle. You may also want to consider: - for gifts, set up an amazon cart or something and he can choose from that - sit down with him and come up with dates you would enjoy, then you make it happen (it's time to throw out 'the guy should set it up' idea - it's not working in your relationship) - google 'get to know you questions' and fill them out so he can know you better (focus on the solution - not everything needs to be complicated or his job - make it easy for him) That's it for now but I'll chime back in if more comes to mind. Hope this helps and welcome to the forum.
  5. Manners Matter

    Different Revelation

    I'm sorry you're going through this but am glad you're doing better. To me, the 'revelation' he's getting is the mental illness speaking. To help with the mental illness, I've seen an ad on LDS Living for something that has helped people. (can't remember what it's called right now - maybe someone else here knows) At any rate, look into all the options to help with the mental illness. That's it for now but will chime back in if more comes to mind. Hang in there and have faith. {hugs}
  6. Manners Matter

    please i need advice

    To me, the real concern is not your relationship - it's her internalizing this AT ALL. So for every mean thing you've said, I suggest 20+ things to counter it (ie genuine compliments - spread out, not all in one day/week) and NEVER repeat this mistake with her or anyone else.
  7. First, welcome! What comes to my mind: - delegate! Who else can help with the remodel? Wedding plans? Moving preps? - ask your ministering sisters to help - it could be a fun project for them - simplify! - to help with deciding what to pack/discard - check your library for "Spark Joy" or "Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up" both by Marie Kondo (they're quick reads) - take one day at a time - focus on what you want, not what you don't (post reminders on your mirror: "I've got this", "I'm a great step-mom", "I'll always have the money I need", "I enjoy eating what's best for my body"...) Congrats on the wedding! Wishing you all the best!
  8. Manners Matter

    Strained Sibling Relationship

    First, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. The fact that you are reaching out is a good sign. Aside from the above suggestions, my random thoughts - Post the following on your mirrors and repeat them to yourself as often as needed: - let bygones be bygones - take the high road - act above it (there are more, but you get the idea) Other things to consider: - I wonder if there's some jealousy on her part (this doesn't excuse anything but may explain something) - Is it possible that she has misinterpreted/misunderstood something and is harboring grudges, etc (even from years ago). Think back and set aside your feelings and apologize if you now see where you may have been in the wrong - Have you tried seeing things from her perspective? Solutions: - serve her!!! (even anonymously at first if needed) - try to understand her (what's her love language? - find out and start speaking it!!) - find common ground and stay away from triggers - words matter so stop with the "difficult relationship" "she's bossy", etc and focus on what you want, not what you don't (ie what you feed, grows) That's what has come to mind but I'll pop in again if I think of something else but I hope this helps. This can turn around!!!
  9. - This guy obviously doesn't know about/understand *personal revelation*. I know of people who had their older kid/s vaccinated and saw the result so then prayed about whether or not to vaccinate their younger kid/s and got the answer not to. - If people decide that anyone living in a house with a gun is a danger to society and if you have one (or more), you have to turn it in before your kid/s can go to school, what would you say about that? (don't have to answer, just putting it out there) - How important is liberty? "Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives" Alma 56:47
  10. Manners Matter

    I hate my husband's calling (Bishop)

    One more thing to consider - When my husband was being asked to accept a bishopric calling, it was stressed that I was a sounding board of sorts. Meaning, if you think the ward needs more fellowship, unity, etc - suggest ward activities. He needs your perspective and ideas and others in the ward may be hoping that your talents and insights will be an influence. (I hope I explained this ok - I'm not suggesting the wife helps run the ward but they can provide balance and information). To illustrate, at one point, I was the Prim Pres vt and she shared some frustration/information with me about a counsellor since I had served in Primary over the years. Later on, when I was losing my partner in a calling and would need another one, because of the situation I knew this same person might be a possibility but not a good fit. My husband took that info back to the bishopric meeting and a problem was avoided (no confidences were broken - I'm just not going to give a play by play).
  11. Manners Matter

    I hate my husband's calling (Bishop)

    First, welcome to the forum! I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Two thoughts: - Can you talk to the wife of the previous bishop and/or are there people in your family (out of the area) that have been the wives of bishops? That could help you not feel so alone. - Remember that "what you feed, grows" so focus on the people who don't avoid you, etc as well as what's going right and the blessings you see from your husband's service. - Oh, and gratitude shifts your mindset, too (ie callings don't last forever - tape it on your mirror!) {hugs}
  12. Manners Matter

    Help! Clearing my own bias

    I don't think this needs to be an 'either/or' situation. Tell him the bishopric has fasted and prayed about it and the EQ is where he's needed right now but let him know that you're happy to hear of his interest in supporting the youth. Remind him that an official calling isn't required to be a friend or example so suggest he do xyz. This way he's engaged, you can watch to see how it goes and it leaves the new leadership in place.
  13. Maybe say something like "I really like you and appreciate the time we've spent together but I'm addressing some personal issues right now and need to take a break to get my stuff together. I hope it won't take too long but I hope you'll support me and still be interested in continuing to date in a few months after I'm more of the person I want to be."
  14. Manners Matter


    My experience - Those I'm assigned to haven't changed and I'm still doing what I did before (letters to inactives). But as far as who ministers to me, I think the current person (changed in Feb) is at a loss of what to do. She did introduce herself to me (she's fairly new to the ward) and we had a bit of a conversation. She also asked what I needed but beyond prayers, I didn't know what to suggest and still don't. We don't cross paths at church but she did send a quick email recently. Some suggestions - invite them over for game night (a good way to get to know people but in a more casual way) email/fb a funny joke/short story/meme (everyone appreciates/needs a little laugh) email/fb a link to an inspiring song/article recommend a good book/movie/restaurant offer to watch the kids so mom & dad can go out support them in their callings! let them know you're praying for them offer to help them get their food storage/emergency supplies in order find out their birthdays and send them cards (old-fashioned mail is a nice surprise) take them a favorite treat/something from your garden if you know they'll be out of town, offer to check on the house/keep the lawn mowed, etc let them know what yard tools you have that they could borrow when needed offer to share your talents/knowledge (help Joey with his trigonometry, etc) Basically, do a variety of things unless/until you know what their love language is (gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, touch, service) and what floats their boat.
  15. Manners Matter

    So um... I have an announcement.

    That's Fantastic!! So happy for you and glad you shared the news.