Manners Matter

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About Manners Matter

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    The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

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  1. Manners Matter

    Charity: Feeling jaded on charity

    "Sometimes we may feel that we are being generous in giving them much without their giving any service in return, that maybe we are generous and that we are kind; but we are really unkind. It works the other way. We are unkind if we teach people to take without giving, without doing what they can do within reason" (Spencer W. Kimball) "It is a law of heaven, and one we haven’t learned fully here on earth, that you cannot help people permanently by doing for them what they can do, and should do, for themselves." (Ezra Taft Benson)
  2. Manners Matter

    Need Rec for Online Group/s

    Does anyone know of some good facebook groups (or similar) to suggest to a single, 50-something lady living in the South? She's not of our faith but could use a group of supportive friends and a community of welcoming Saints would hopefully be a positive experience for her. Thanks for any ideas!
  3. Manners Matter

    Primary Activities

    You totally missed my point. <shrug>
  4. Manners Matter

    Primary Activities

    I think parent involvement has been a problem too often and it seems Salt Lake is trying to change that. If I were a leader, I wouldn't want to hinder the shift so I would try the following options: ~ Email the parents (cc the prim counselor) explaining how you want to support the home-centered program and ask they respond with the goals their child/ren have decided on so you can make plans. If they don't respond to the email, stop them in the hall at church and be enthusiastic about helping them (enthusiasm goes over better than impatience, for lack of a better term). ~ First activity in January is a parent night (invite prim and bishopric counselors). Set up different seating stations and have copies of the guidebook. When they're done with their chat, they give you a copy of their goals and enjoy refreshments while they wait for the others to finish. Once everyone is done, the bishopric counselor then emphasizes the importance of the change and how it will only be successful with the parents. You can then share your excitement for this calling and also lay the ground rules (ie parents of those that misbehave will be expected to attend until the behavior improves, etc). Then end with a fun game. If attendance is low, repeat later when you need more goals to support with activities.
  5. Manners Matter

    Primary Activities

    Chiming in again - I think it's going to be important for parents/leaders to teach/encourage a 'growth mindset' with all this (google it). Sometimes a person doesn't reach their goal and/or things don't go the way you hope and resilience, perseverance are important things to learn. Seeing mistakes as effort and not failure can make a big difference as well as understanding the idea of 'progress not perfection'. A leader can help Sam understand that winning the race isn't important but finishing is.
  6. Manners Matter

    Primary Activities

    Remember the point is for it to be 'home-centered, church supported'. So - parents sit down with their kid/s and come up with goals in the various categories. You then ask the parents what those goals are and come up with activities and then inform them what you're doing when so they can see how you (the church) is supporting their family/kids objectives. A leader designing things with the kids sounds like the parents are getting bypassed when they should be front and center. For example - Sam sits down with mom and dad and decides he'd like to run a 5k. Great! So mom & dad let you know that and you tell them you'll plan an activity that will help increase his fitness/stamina. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, mom & dad are encouraging their son to put down the video games and run some laps because the race is coming up. They're still the ones to make sure he's ready and shows up but you planned and did something to be supportive and help Sam reach his worthy goal.
  7. Manners Matter

    Activity Days - Out of Control

    You/your wife: ~ Make sure you're planning activities with variety in mind (out of their seats part of the time; games, etc) ~ Have wiggle activities before starting (ie hokey pokey, dance routine things on youtube, etc) ~ If you have treats, only have them at the end and for those who acted appropriately ~ Work with their different natures and needs as best you can (ie some are social, some need connection, some need physical outlets, some need intellectual stimulation) The kids: ~ If there's a ring leader, take them aside and get them to be part of your team. If they have a 'special assignment' it might do the trick to turn things around. ~ You might need to have a chat with all of them. Reminding them that: - they wouldn't get away with this behavior at school so why doesn't church/the Lord's house get the same (or better) respect - these activities are a privilege, not a right - they are wanted here but if they can't behave/disrupt things for the others/choose not to participate, they will be given chores (ie scrub the crayon marks off tables and chairs - have a stack in the room and some cleaner and towels so they know you're serious) The leaders/parents: ~ Need to be aware of what's going on ~ May need to take turns attending ~ Need to be told to make sure their kids are climbing trees/running around *outside* for at least 30 minutes every day, especially before activities ~ Need to be told to limit sugar and screen time ~ Need to be reminded that you/your wife are volunteers! Hope some of this helps and that things improve soon.
  8. Manners Matter

    Christmas Party

    Leave Santa at the mall.
  9. Didn't read all the comments so this may have been mentioned. I see this as an age issue, not a religious one. To me, once a child is married (or of age to have graduated college), they're on their own* so I wouldn't feel guilty about helping the 18 year old and not the older set. You can still support your daughter … with letters and watching over the house (if that's feasible). Regarding concern over treating them differently, you can solve that by having things even with an inheritance. *in case anyone thinks this is cold/harsh: - you have to cut the apron strings at some point and as long as everyone understands when that will be, there shouldn't be an issue - I know someone that still pays for some things for her adult and married daughter as if it's a way to have some control/say in her life - not healthy for any of them
  10. I'm sorry for your struggles. - Try online dating (but ask lots of questions). - Stop … oh what's the word … creating scenarios in your head that may not even be true or happen. - Put your thoughts and energy toward what you WANT not what you don't ('what you feed, grows'). Find some positive affirmations to repeat if that helps. - Make sure you're in the right frame of mind and the type of person you want to meet before getting serious with anyone. - Check your library for 'It's Just My Nature' by Carol Tuttle. Trust me on this one. I'll pop back in if anything else comes to mind but hope this helps. {hugs}
  11. Manners Matter

    Would you list a mission on a resume?

    My husband included his mission on his resume - at the end along with Eagle Scout. It shows commitment (among other things) and indicates a clean lifestyle (which is a plus for government jobs or so I've heard). Oh - and he was applying outside the 'Mormon Corridor'
  12. Manners Matter

    Family and the new firearm prohibition

    Sorry you're faced with this. My thoughts in no particular order: - the odds are slim - obedience brings blessings (study scriptures, talks that reiterate this) - get a copy of "The Cokeville Miracle" and watch it - if Samuel the Lamanite can be protected from arrows aimed right at him, your family can be protected, too - read Holland's talk about angels (Oct 08 conference) - "let your faith be bigger than your fear" (post this in your home) - maybe this is just another way leaders are asking the members to increase their faith - for all we know, leaders will quietly ask certain (trained) individuals to carry but this is a more organized approach of handling things in these last days - if a person's mission in life isn't done yet, you'll be spared - if something does happen and your family is affected, there's important work being done on the other side of the veil - stop watching/reading the news (having faith and peace is easier this way) - if the above doesn't help, I'd rather ignore policy than commandments (take sacrament regularly) {hugs}
  13. Manners Matter

    A question about temple marriage

    First, welcome to the forum. You need to come clean about everything. The sooner, the better. It's the right thing to do. Oh, and find a way to get yourself and your son to church and make it a habit.
  14. Manners Matter

    Why doesn't the LDS church run any parenting courses ?

    Scroll down to 'family life' - As an aside - check your library for "The Child Whisperer" by Carol Tuttle. There's also a blog and podcasts (
  15. Manners Matter

    Topics for Ministering Letters?

    I send letters to inactive sisters and have run out of topic ideas for a spiritual message. I have no idea why they don't come, what their situations are, how long they've been members or how long they've been inactive. So what topics/themes would you suggest or have received and appreciated? Thanks!